BlameBush!

Bush Ruins Linda Ronstadt

As you know, I was raised in Las Vegas. My father worked at the Aladdin Hotel in the late 70's, back when Linda Ronstadt actually looked like the photo on her latest album. So when I heard that the lovely lady was booed off the stage and tossed off the premises, I thought, "My God, what'd she do? Compliment Strom Thurmond? Say Terrence McNabb is overrated?"

No, nothing that indisious. Apparently, all she did was express her opinion in a nation where it's becoming increasingly dangerous to do so.

The row between Ms. Ronstadt and the Alladin was a pot ready to boil over, but THEY threw the first punch when they publicized her appearance as a "Greatest Hits Tour". DON'T THEY KNOW THAT MS. RONSTADT NO LONGER PERFORMS HER GREATEST HITS? Those candy rock ditties were fine 30 years ago, but she's evolved and outgrown them, thank you very much. Now she only sings her worst hits - songs guaranteed to clear a concert hall in 10.5 seconds flat. Between numbers, she takes to berating what remains of the audience and lecturing them on political issues. That way, she can always be sure that only well-informed, politically-enlightened people who truly appreciate her work attend her performances.

Of course, many uncultured philistines don't appreciate her at all. I'm sure it's not easy for her to go on stage every night and start talking about how Bush is Hitler when there are drunken Christian Fundamentalists in the audience shouting, "Yo! Patty! Sing 'HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT!'" and "LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD!" at her. But she goes on anyway, because she's an artist. Nay, she's an ARTISTE, with a little doohickey over the 'e', and if Bushy or ANY OF YOU don't appreciate true talent when you see it, then YOU CAN ALL JUST GO TO HELL!!!

Oops, Bush Did it Again!

After condemning three innocent civilians to death by decapitation with his Immoral War for Oil, Shrub has now set is sights on pop idol Britney Spears. An outspoken supporter of Bush, Spears has nonetheless become the target of a vicious right-wing vendetta - an orchestrated campaign to destroy her character and drive her to the brink of a nervous breakdown.

But why?

We've seen it all before. The Dixie Chicks. Valerie Plame. Once world famous superstars at the height of their careers, they suddenly find themselves ruined and penniless. This is the price one pays for crossing a fascist administration that will not tolerate dissent and silences all opposition.

The source of Spears' woes, however, can be traced back to her whirlwind Las Vegas marriage to her childhood sweetheart, and her whirlwind Las Vegas divorce ten minutes later. Gay activists transformed the event into a clever weapon against Christian extremists who ignorantly claim that same-sex unions are a "disgrace to the sanctity of marriage."

Ellen Goodman of the Washington Post writes:

"As for the idea that same-sex marriage somehow disparages heterosexual marriage? We can put that to rest. Who needs gay couples when you have Britney and Jason?"

Rep. Han Scoggins-Waite, a Kansas Democrat concurred:

It is not right that Britney Spears can hop in and out of as many marriages as she wants, but my son, who is a tax-paying, talented, kind and charitable person, cannot get married.

Even Gay Conservative blogger Andrew "I'm Gay" Sullivan, who is gay, got into the act:

"We live a world in which Britney Spears just engaged in something 'sacred' (in the president's words)...and where a decades-long monogamous lesbian marriage is a threat to civilization as we know it. Did I mention I'm gay?"

So inadvertently, Spears has done more to destroy the archaic Christian institution of marriage in ONE NIGHT than gays could in over 600 years of trying. For a born-again bigot like Bush, this is unforgiveable. Britney's innocent, sisterly kiss with Aunt Esther was the icing on the cake, and the Fourth Reich simply had to bring her down.

Last week, Spears suffered a mysterious knee injury that has "George W. Gilooly" written all over it. She subsequently cancelled her tour at a loss of millions, and was just yesterday seen wandering aimlessly around a Santa Monica parking lot, hair in disarray, crying hysterically and mumbling something about puppies.

One more bright, twinkling star snuffed out in her prime by Der Fuhrer Dumbya - and it looks like he already has another victim all lined up.