Tired of creating art that people would actually want to buy and hang on their wall, renowned artist Thomas Kincade has announced plans for a new series of paintings designed to provoke, inspire, and perhaps earn him a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts.
Thomas Kincade's Blood and Feces-Smeared World of Wonder Collection will feature some of his most famous idyllic scenes smeared with the artist's own blood and feces. For the centerpiece of the collection, Kincade plans to film himself fingerpainting a gingerbread house with blood from his own severed penis, which he will then dip into beer batter, deep fry, and have surgically reattached by a mentally challenged dwarf. Wild raccoons will then be encouraged to gnaw on Kincade's fried genitals while he recites the Lord's Prayer from a Bible smeared with his own blood and feces.
Kincade insists that his new artistic style isn't meant to shock or offend, but rather spark a serious and intelligent discussion into how totally shit-fucking nuts he is.
As long as no Qu'r'ans were harmed in the making of this masterpiece, et me be the first to approve.
Posted by: Che Gaiavera | April 17, 2008 at 05:25 PM
Why no one works in the medium of urine anymore is beyond me.
Posted by: Fist of Etiquette | April 17, 2008 at 05:43 PM
I do. Call me an old softy.
Posted by: Che Gaiavera | April 17, 2008 at 06:08 PM
Fist is right. If Kincade were a serious artist with real talent, he would read from that bible while gargling with the urine of the dwarf surgeon.
Posted by: The Den Mother | April 17, 2008 at 06:13 PM
Yeah, yeah, Che. But then spring came and melted your canvas.
Don't get me started on serious art, Den Ma. Not to brag, but in college I used to do amazing things with semen. Very avant-garde.
Posted by: Fist of Etiquette | April 17, 2008 at 06:30 PM
But now my lawn has my name written all over it.
Posted by: Che Gaiavera | April 17, 2008 at 06:53 PM
Where is Menstrual Rainbow on this? The fyrst womyn to have a true fetal expulsion protest and he/she is gone!
Posted by: FlowerOfPower | April 17, 2008 at 07:40 PM
"in college I used to do amazing things with semen. Very avant-garde"
I hope the hell it was your own semen, Fisty.
GAWD, WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THIS SITE?
Somehow, the democrat taking it up the ass from the horse seems to fit into this artistic discussion. It's not exactly a perfect fit, mind you. In fact, it might be stuffing a little more into the conversation than really needs to be there.
But could anyone be too surprised if it wasn't Kincade hymself on the receiving end of the Mr. Hands video? Come to think of it, he had all the ingredients for his canvas the very moment Mr. Ed pulled out.
Let's see.
1. Cock
2. Shit.
3. Blood
4. Semen
The only thing missing there is vomit and I'm pretty sure I'm on the verge of providing it any second now.
Posted by: The Exorcist | April 17, 2008 at 07:41 PM
Talking of modern "art"
there is one "artist" who will starve a dog to death in the name of art,
click here
Posted by: Friend of USA | April 17, 2008 at 08:08 PM
I hope the hell it was your own semen, Fisty.
What part of "avant-garde" didn't you understand? But these days, you don't get my DNA without a court order. Or some tequila.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Talking of modern "art" there is one "artist" who will starve a dog to death in the name of art...
Vargas is a day late and a dollar short. Michael Schiavo had already commissioned a grander piece three years ago.
Posted by: Fist of Etiquette | April 17, 2008 at 08:16 PM
how inspiring..
reminds me of the truthy anecdote of the old greek man showing tourists around a village..
"You see these houses? I built them, with my own hands. But they don't call me Zorba the builder..
You see these olive trees? I planted them, with my own hands. But they don't call me Zorba the planter, oh no they don't.
You see these boats? I crafted them, with my own hands. But they don't call me Zorba the craftsman, oh no.
You see these donkeys? I raised them myself.. But they don't call me Zorba the donkeykeeper, do they? I swear, you f*ck one donkey and whadda they call you for life..."
It is so apropos that Svarts' work is the highest form of art since controversial Cambodian realist Saloth Sar's golden era in the 1970s..
Yet one Iraqi baby may or may not have been have been harmed, with no evidence even anecdotal to support its death or any malintent from US troops, and we progressyves have all the ammunition we need to call Marines babykkkillers for the rest of eternity
How deliciously truthy. I think I just came in Exorcist's pants...
Posted by: mandible claw | April 18, 2008 at 12:25 AM
Gawd ... he's spouting shite all over the place again. You're a defense analyst? No wonder your job is boring.
Posted by: me24 | April 18, 2008 at 03:59 AM
How deliciously truthy. I think I just came in Exorcist's pants....
If he had a nickel for every time someone did that he'd know the governor of NY.
Posted by: Che Gaiavera | April 18, 2008 at 04:07 AM
I want to report to all my fellow progressyves that I had my artistic freedom, and Constitutional Right to sicken any reasonable normal person, ripped right out of my anus last night.
In response to Fisty's very valid question of "What part of "avant-garde" didn't you understand?", I responded with what I thought was a very valid, creative and avant-garde to the hilt answer.
This morning, after making bail, I check in to see that my post was censored by Chomstein and his Big Censor Buddies. But I'll be Gaiadamned if I will be silenced. Someone has to speak truth to power and expose the democrat community for its extreme demonstrations of artistry, avant-gardeness and debauchery, AND I'M THE ONE WHO IS GOING TO EXPOSE THAT!
Granted, I myself wasn't able to get 10 seconds into this without being sickened from my purple stole to that little white square thing on my collar - and when you spend your whole life chasing Pazuzu and exorcising the demons from demoncrats, you see some pretty sick fucking shit - butt, I'm counting on someone with extemely avant-garde tastes, like Fistful Of Hollers, to review this hole thing and report back to me. That is, IF, Chomstein doesn't yank my Artistic Rights right out of my ass again...
http://www.bmepainolympics2.com/
Posted by: The Exorcist | April 18, 2008 at 09:12 AM
If it weren't for Bu$Hitler's Illegal, Immoral & Fattening Blood War for Oil & Sunshine, the National Endowment for The Arts would have more money to give to artists who would make fun of the KKKonservative KKKHristians Imaginary Friend using bodily fluids.
9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB!!!
Posted by: Bush4Ever | April 18, 2008 at 11:54 AM
This is making the rounds on the internets so if you've already read it, please scroll on.
Pfizer Announcement
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
Posted by: Typical White Person | April 18, 2008 at 02:33 PM
That's an oldie. Saw it at least two years ago ... Got any new ones?
And where's the big fuck-off mandible gone all of a sudden? He got lock-jaw?
Posted by: me24 | April 18, 2008 at 02:53 PM
Some years ago, when former Prime Minister of Australia, John Howard, was at Buckingham Palace, he suggested to the Queen that Australia should become a kingdom.
"But Mr Howard," Her Majesty replied. "Orstralia can't be a kingdom, because you are not a king."
"Then maybe we should be an empire," Little Johnny replied.
"I'm sorry, for Orstralia to become an empire, first you'd have to be an emperor. Quite impossible."
"Then, a principality?"
"No, Mr Howard. Only if you were a prince. I think Australia must remain a country."
Posted by: me24 | April 18, 2008 at 02:55 PM
Congratulations, Ex-man. You got me with another one. (Although, I didn't watch the video, I just saw the picture. I guess you could say I'm in my "still life" appreciation phase.)
As President Bush would say, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice... the point is, don't mess with Texas!"
Posted by: Fist of Etiquette | April 18, 2008 at 04:54 PM
Or Australia.
Posted by: me24 | April 18, 2008 at 05:13 PM
They all have lock-jaw and it's contagious.
Posted by: me24 | April 18, 2008 at 05:18 PM
"Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form"
It's always been available in liquid. It's called female saliva.
Posted by: Bubba | April 18, 2008 at 05:31 PM
"Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form"
It's always been available in liquid. It's called female saliva.
---Bubba,
I wish Pfizer would create a little pill for women that would make them want to...ahem.. use their saliva more often!
Posted by: Friend of USA | April 19, 2008 at 04:48 AM
They all have lock-jaw and it's contagious.--opines megatwat's sockpuppet
She is speaking from personal experience, of course. Her lockjaw would explain her idiot postings of the past three years.
Posted by: feelthelove | April 20, 2008 at 05:20 AM
FTL is a last word freak.
Posted by: xxxxliberal | April 20, 2008 at 04:58 PM