The Dalai Lama: An Icon of Love and Compassion

His Holiness the Dalai Lama visited the Pacific Northwest this week to inseminate the Seattle community with his blessed Seeds of Compassion. What better way to honor his great gift than to attend the festivities with the girl of my dreams, the love of my life, my soulmate, Britnee "with Two E's" Bingham?

"I hate country music!" Britnee whined when I presented her with the idea.

"Not Dolly Parton, you stupid bitch," I patiently educated her. "The Dalai Lama! He's a symbol of peace and harmony throughout the world! Love gushes forth from his sacred chakras and splatters all those around him like vomit from a sick cat! He's a Holy Man, damn you! A HOLY MAN!"

"Holier than Obama?" she persisted.

"Possibly" I told her.

"What makes him so Holy?" she prodded me.

I thought about it for a moment and then answered, "Well, he's from Tibet...and he does that Jesus thing with his hands."

Britnee's face couldn't conceal her skepticism. "I'm not all that religious."

"Neither am I. But we need a spiritual leader if we're ever to lure the American Taliban out of their churches and teach them about love and compassion. The Dalai Lama is soft on abortion. He's fuzzy on sex outside of marriage. Totally iffy when it comes to sodomy. Who could ask for anything more from a progressive messiah? Come on, it'll be fun!"

When Britnee and I hooked up at a Hillary fundraising dinner and FurryCon a few weeks back, she assured me that she was spiritual, but not religious. But her ignorance concerning the Dalai Lama and her strange reluctance to put out have led me to question her spirituality. When we arrived at Qwest Field for the Dalai Lama-Rama last Saturday, my suspicions were confirmed by her stubborn refusal to wear the Official Dalai Lama Toga of Happiness, free with the purchase of His Holiness' autobiography, Grown' Up Dalai. I couldn't even get her to do that Jesus thing with her hands. I was beginning to wonder if perhaps her claims of spirituality were merely a bogus ploy to assume a position of moral superiority over others without actually having to adhere to any concrete set of morals. Damn, I hate that.  But I was eventually able to use my excellent powers of persuasion to convince her to come along.

"Where are the Llamas?" Britnee demanded as we made our way through the throngs of devoted followers to the football field where his Holiness would soon bless us with his divine words of truth. "You said there would be Llamas!"

"Shush! I think the Dalai Lama is about to speak!"

The excited crowd suddenly surged forward as the Lama's familiar, high-pitched voice came over the loudspeakers. There were too many dipshits in the way for me to actually see His Holiness, but his words of love for our fellow man filled me up like a peanut butter enema.

"People need to stop being mean to each other and stuff," he spoke. "People need to like, start being nice to each other and stuff, because we are all brothers and sisters in the Circle of Life. And we shouldn't make fun of the way people dress or knock people down at recess and sit on their heads until they say 'I'm a great big fag!', either. Oh, and we need to get rid of our nuclear weapons and stuff, too! And no more creamed corn in school lunches!!"

So profound! So eloquent! The Dalai's words were like manna for the ears of a progressive hungry for truth and wisdom in this age of right-wing lies.

Then sudeenly, there came a loud whistle of feedback as another voice broke in over the Dalai's oratory. "That was little Jimmy Wyler of Pinewood Elementary, winner of the Seattle P-I's Dalai for a Day Essay Contest! Everyone give it up for little Jimmy!"

Then, at last, the dude we stood we stood in line for 2 hours and sat through 45 minutes of Dave Matthews for, the co-winner of the Nobel Peace prize with Abu Nedal, a man loved by the whole world over except for maybe his former slaves and the people he oppressed  back in Tibet (but that's their Karmic payback for pissing him off in a previous life) the 14th Lama of the Lama Lama Ding Dongs, Dalai "formally known as Carl Lipowitcz" Lama sprang forth from a giant spinning yin-yang and out onto the stage in an eruption of applause and WWF pyrotechnics.

Britney and I watched in awe as a procession of celebrities and political figures made their way to the platform to lick the Holy Toe Jam from between the Dalai's divine digits. Richard Gere. Stevie Seagal. That actress with the big tits. All respected Dalai disciples who have proven their spirituality by giving the Lama large sums of cash in exchange for a membership in the exclusive Junior Lama Fun Club. Even our own Governor Christine Gregoire paid her respects, although she botched the Jesus hand thing and tried to pull off some sort of half-curtsey, half-Lotus Position manuever. The Lama was clearly unimpressed.

When all the Beautiful People were through kneeling at the feet of the Grand Poobah of Peace, the Guest of Honor himself stood up and made his way to the podium.

"I love you..." he assured us in his familiar broken English. "You love me. We all one happy family."

WOW! Words could not express the overwhelming feeling of peace and love I felt pouring through my chakras just being in the presence of this holiest of holy man! I felt cleansed! I felt as if all my sins had been forgiven, without ever having to even confess them, promise to repent, or even acknowledge that sin exists, because it doesn't!!

"Yahoo! Let's go home and screw!" I shouted.

But when I turned around, Britnee was gone.

So much for compassion.  Some people's hearts are just too filled with hate to know the true meaning of love.

Comments

[Friend of USA]

That actress with the big tits.

I am offended that you did not provide a photo.

[The Exorcist]

"It's the American voters who get the memo on democrats being terrorist enablers, and they're the ones who are going to put the hero and patriot into the white house."----The Exorcist

What a bloody childish answer. No wonder we find you guys pathetic.---The Exorcist's latest victim

I can't begin to tell you how concerned we are with what you pussies find pathetic. But I'm pretty sure it's your pathetic asses we'll save the next time around, just like the last time around.

[Dodger]

1st!

[FlowerOfPower]

You have found happiness at last. Peaceblossom has been purged like
the contents of a ginseng colonic. When you two going to get down and smoke a few hits?

[FlowerOfPower]

Oh wow man. I posted before I finished reading. Easy come easy go.
Sorry about that dude.

[mandible claw]

FoUSA - i was in attendance at this wondrous event, in charge of security detail for the dalai's stash. his mobile crop of glaucoma meds is almost a hectare in size and mounted on a specially designed flatbed truck powered by 300 prius motors and harnesses the power of richard gere's sense of selfrighteousness for an extra nitrous boost when going up hills or blazing neokkkons at the lights. 45 members of our commune were assigned to guard the crop, our duties consisting of harvesting the ripe buds at one end of the field to make glaucoma medication and selecting the best quality leaves to be used for production of all natural fibres. we then replant that section of the field, move into the middle, and repeat the process. by the time we reach the other end the first part has grown to ripeness once more, such is the regenerative power of basking in the dalai's righteous aura.

anyway long story short i managed to snap a couple pics of the big boobed actress and her twin which i present for your white male hegemonic pleasure:
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3042/488/1600/Babe-29.jpg

[mandible claw]

oops bush stole the link to my second pic:

http://bp3.blogger.com/_kKpJRdXfZuA/R-rnmssF23I/AAAAAAAACbo/hUgarql_mwg/s1600-h/twins.jpg

thar ya go

[T1]

Lar, unless Britnee is gay, transsexual, or at least had one sexual encounter with Sweet Hillary, I doubt you will get any sex from her.

You should have brought a midget from one of your classes or found happiness with the rear of a Llama - circle of love and all.

As with goats and Llamas you should wear an extra thick condom. Those rectum hairs can be quite prickly.

[Baldwin Is Bald]

Comrade

A month ago you would be okay to support the Dalai Lama, but times change. Then the western media would get scant coverage apart from some Hollywood fool waving a Free Tibet sticker. We could kill counter revolutionaries, close the monasteries and ethnically cleanse the area with ease. Now our modernisation is coming under threat. The ignorant peasants of Tibet are being tricked by feudalistic leaders like the Dalai Lama into assuming they know better than us philosopher kings. They claim to want autonomy but fail to understand that freedom isn't true freedom unless it is the freedom to parrot the party line. The Olympic flame is being attacked by opponents of workers freedom.

The Dalai Lama is a fascist running dog, who would challenge the glorious cadres in progressive Tibet. All progressives must oppose him.

[Che Gaiavera]

Dalai "formally known as Carl Lipowitcz" Lama

"Dalai Lama" I can do. "Carl Lipowitcz" not so much. It's a little too ethnic for my taste, if you know what I mean. I just have this overwhelming urge to blame him for all sorts of stuff. In the spirit of keeping an open mind, though, if he hates himself, I might consider listening to him.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Boy, you west-coasters sure do miss the big story.

Bush Welcomes Hitler Youth

[Friend of USA]

Mandible Claw,

both links say ; page not found...

[The Exorcist]

Bush is so corrupt he even has members from a mafia family singing along with the drum and fife band. And just what the hell did he mean by "all of life is sacred"?

Surely, he wasn't including Joooz in that equation, was he? I don't think Prezodint Jihady Khahtah or Farack Hussein Obombus would appreciate Joooz being held in the same regard as Baptists and Mooselimbs.

"With a blend of the religious and secular, a fife and drum band and a soprano singing the Lord's Prayer, President George W. Bush welcomed Pope Benedict XVI to the White House Wednesday morning, telling the pontiff that Americans "need your message that all of life is sacred."

[Friend of USA]

Any of you have watched the Hillary vs Obama "debate" on tv last evening?

I watched a little more than the first half and Obama look to be in deep trouble.

I was surprised that the two ABC guys asking the questions did not use a
" kid glove " approach with Obama.

When Obama lied -again- about never having heard Wright say the evil things he says regularly in church about white people and America,

Obama was reminded he asked Wright a few months ago not to participate in his campaign because Wright's sermons can get a little "rough"...

which means Obama knew
( anyway in 20 years how could he not know? )

He looked really nervous and even made a mistake and said, " I disowned him"
then almost stuttering said he meant he disowned the comments but did not disowned Wright.

I think Obama performed so bad last evening ( or should I say Obama was exposed for what he is so well? ) that his chances of ever becoming president are even smaller now.

Hillary's lie about dodging Sniper fire seemed to be no more than a little glitch compared to Obama's many lies about his associations with some known America haters.

I'd still prefer a Conservative but Hillary is a better candidate than Obama that is for sure.

[Fist of Etiquette]

This blog is still squarely in the Hillary camp, right? I mean, Chomstein has that "Sweet Hillary" photo prominently displayed in the left nav portion of his page. Let those a-holes over at DailyKos shill for Obama if they want, but until such time as he steals the nomination from Senator Clinton, I hope everyone here can all agree that Hillary is the rightful nominee.

Sidenote: Under "What I'm Reading", he still has Woodward's 9/11 book. How the crap long does it take to read that thing?

[Friend of USA]

Abortion as art? and repeatedly at that?

... ... ...

For senior, abortion a medium for art, political discourse

Martine Powers
Staff Reporter
Published Thursday, April 17, 2008

Art major Aliza Shvarts '08 wants to make a statement.

Beginning next Tuesday, Shvarts will be displaying her senior art project, a documentation of a nine-month process during which she artificially inseminated herself "as often as possible" while periodically taking abortifacient drugs to induce miscarriages.

Her exhibition will feature video recordings of these forced miscarriages as well as preserved collections of the blood from the process.

... ... ...

the whole story is at,

http://yaledailynews.com/storymin.html

[Bush4Ever]

""Yahoo! Let's go home and screw!" I shouted.

But when I turned around, Britnee was gone."

You did mention that Richard Gere was there?

[Cricket]

FoUSA,
She is unpseakable. I will not apologize for saying that. And I don't really give a damn if megapix and irish et al disagree with me. She is sick. Just when I think society has reached a new low in depraved sick disgusting thought and action, a new high in low is reached.

I hope she never ever has biological children of her own and I hope she never adopts or EVER gets anywhere near children. Yes, I am being judgmental. She doesn't deserve to be recognized; she deserves to be ignored.

[irish]

"And I don't really give a damn if megapix and irish et al disagree with me. She is sick. Just when I think society has reached a new low in depraved sick disgusting thought and action, a new high in low is reached."

What on earth makes you think we'd disagree with you?? Abortion is not even legal in Ireland. And we've had several referendums on the subject.

[cabwanmidell]

"I'm what the Spaniards call 'El Terrible'"

Like, what??

[Fist of Etiquette]

Shvarts is faking it. I can always tell.

[Cricket]

I assumed you would disagree with me based on the 'art' aspect of it, not the legality of abortion.
But to do this is just vile and beyond understandable by any twist of logic, reason or justification.

I am so deeply grateful to have been able to have five healthy children. I enjoy nurturing them, being with them and all the struggles that parenting involves.

I just can't understand a woman killing her own offspring for such a horrific display. Jesus can't return soon enough.

[Janny_banned_from_Nora's_site_Mae]

"Dalai Lama-Rama "

This one line got me laughing for a long while!

Thanks, Larry!

[mandible claw]

both links say ; page not found...

Posted by: Friend of USA | April 17, 2008 at 07:48 AM

well it can't be bushitler's fascist gestapo censoring me because we all know he wants to perpetuate teh heternormative white male hegemonic oppression by making us ogle hot women (i saw his plan revealed in cheney's sunglasses for gaia's sake)

let's try again then..

http://kurlander.blogspot.com/2008/04/wet.html
http://kurlander.blogspot.com/2008/04/double-your-pleasure.html

click through the pics to get full size, enjoy

[mandible claw]

oops