Why Repugs Fear Media Fairness

The problem with conservatives is that they exist in a world of order, structure, and moral absolutes. Such primitive ideals preclude their tiny brains from comprehending the intellectual superiority of Liberal Talk Radio: a haven for moral relativism, logical fallacies, and hysterical hissy fits fueled by a thinly-veiled narcissistic loathing of the American people. As a result, the balance of political ideals among the dimwitted sheeple herd has lurched perilously to the right, and society is dangerously close to a return of the era of lynchings, cross burnings, and tax cuts for the wealthiest one percent of Americans.

Hate Radio proponents insist, of course, that it's all "market driven", and that the greedy broadcasting monopolies only air what people want to hear. That's exactly why it's all so damn UNFAIR. Given the choice between listening to John Kerry badmouth the troops or Sean Hannity badmouth John Kerry, the mouthbreathing, knuckledragging, radio-listening hordes will typically pick the latter. So while a Woman's Right to Choose is sacred, the right to choose what one listens to on the radio is far too important to be trusted to the American sheeple. To preserve our democracy and insure that Liberal ideas never fall victim to the whims of those that they are inflicted upon, we must reinstate the Doctrine of Fairness our Founding Fathers tacked onto the 1st Amendment.

How anyone could oppose something called a "Fairness Doctrine" is beyond me, but the anti-Fairness conservatives hate it almost as much as they hate blacks and gays. That's because deep down they know they can't compete on a Free & Open Market when it's content is controlled by a federal bureaucracy operated by liberals. But the tide is turning. Despite being constantly bombarded by right-wing lies, the imbecilic idgets overwhelmingly returned Congress to its rightful owners last year, and the White House is Hillary's for the taking. We approach the dawn of a A New Age of Fairness, my friends, where poisonous conservative opinions in the media are tempered with an equal portion of tasty liberal goodness.

For every minute Chickenhawk Hannity spends blubbering about how we should all "support the Troops", he will be required by the Rules of Fairness to spend an equal amount of time calling them babykillers and rapists. Every hour fatty pillpopper Rush devotes to attacking Hillary, he will be bound by law to spend another hour sweetly praising her, proudly endorsing her, and making nice comments about her hair.

The Fairness Doctrine would not be restricted to the realm of radio and TV media, either. For instance, high school commencement addresses that extolt the benefits of working hard and becoming financially independent must also encourage students to do lots of drugs, have lots of meaningless sex, and get Liberal Arts degrees. It's only fair.

To some, a Fairness Doctrine may seem like a vast government entity regulating the content of political speech is an infringement on our most basic civil liberties, but "Freedom of Speech" can only exist as long as the selfish pinhead masses are forced to listen to what progressives believe they need to hear, rather than what they want to hear.

Comments

[aha]

First! IWINIWINIWINIWIN!

[aha]

Does this mean that your blog will become obsolete? After bashing RethugliKKKans you will have to say something nice about them, because the Hillary junta is going to be watching, right? Or does fairness only apply in just saying nasty things about Rethug puppy kicking troop supporters and not showing them the OTHER side of the coin, like the rebuilding in Iraq?

And SECOND, TOO! IWINIWINIWINIWINIWINIWINIWIN AGAIN!

[The Den Mother]

Progressives are, by definition, fair already because they speak The Truth. No "opposing viewpoint" is valid and, therefore, none is required in order for progressive speech to be fair.

[Bush4Ever]

The RePugnantKKKans don't want The Fairness Doctrine because of all the work they'll have to do. For example, if The Beacon Of Lightness & Truth, Katie Whoric, is on the air SPEAKING TRUTH TO POWER for an hour, the RePugs will be forced to send one of their own on the airwaves to do an actual hour of work in response.

[Fist of Etiquette]

I don't know. Some good points are being raised here. I can definitely see this whole thing backfiring. Do we really want to have to endure two more FoxNews channels forced on us to "counter" CNN and MSNBC?

And, seriously, do we need CBS News doctoring up some fake memos suggesting John Kerry's time in Vietnam was little more than political scheming opportunism? Do we want NBC News spending a minute reporting on Diane Feinstein's voting millions in MILCON contracts to her husband's company for every minute they spend reporting on Haliburton? I think not.

[aha]

Well, call me a shameless gossip, but hearing about DiFi's foe paws is far meatier fare than wall to wall Paris Hilton coverage. But then, that means I would be influenced to vote DiFi out...

[brainsample]

I can see the rethugs pushing this concept too far. God forbid they try to apply a Fairness Doctrine to Academia, particularly to schools receiving federal funds.

[T1]

You are soooo progressyvely correct Larry!

In fact, the Fairness Indoctrination should sentence Rush back to high school where he will be forced to do lots of drugs, haves lots of meaningless sex, and get a Liberal Arts degree.

It’s only fair!

brainsample, academia is above such petty concerns. They have the Doctrine of Humanist Infallibility, you see. They can teach whatever they want because truth, tied to ethics, is fluid. It depends on what your definition of 'is' is.

[MMM'Billy]

Clearly the fault of the jews.

You see, jews secretly control the world through the use of magic spoon gnomes. A magical spoon gnome is a spawnling of the jew. It also closely resembles a household utensil. By replacing real spoons with these diabolical duplicates, the jews are able to use mind control to force the person holding the magical spoon gnome to listen to the hate radio. Only strong liberal minds can resist.

[camojack]

"...a haven for moral relativism, logical fallacies, and hysterical hissy fits fueled by a thinly-veiled narcissistic loathing of the American people."

That description could easily refer to any number of "mainstream" media outlets...

[La Femme Crikita]

"...a haven for moral relativism, logical fallacies, and hysterical hissy fits fueled by a thinly-veiled narcissistic loathing of the American people."

Or Academia...in their Inphallible Ivory Towers. I always knew that there was phallacious thinking out there.

[Semanticleo]

The 'fairness doctrine' will be dealt with in due time.

Take the 'Bong hits for Jesus' Scrotus (sic) decision;
That was a victory for free speech which is in contradistinction to 'fairness' because we know that what is fair should always be predicated on the marketplace, not some hoosiers desire to express his opinion. We must stamp out all expression which we disagree with in order for our opinions to be safe.
Thank god the Shrub has continued the 'packing' of
the El Supremos.

I do look forward to the DEA exploiting the 'Jesus' ruling in those states which flaunt my beloved Federal law. Those cancer patients should just make do with what Pharma gives them to deal with their problem.
Medical marijuana is just a crutch for all those Hodgkin's malingerers who want to 'feel good'.

Shit, I never feel good. Why should they?

I can't wait to see the wastrels hand-cuffed and
shuffling in their perp-walkers to the paddy wagon.
Let's see if they can get their chemo meds in the slammer. They'll be lucky to get some jell-o and succotash for dinner. Let's watch them eat that shit without the 'munchies'.

[La Femme Crickita]

Sorry, I detest federal law when it denies choice. But then, with the Demoncraps in charge, they will need those bong hits.

Oh...not only denies choice, but slams the tenth amendment. While I don't agree with medical marijuana, I disagree with the politics that have denied nutritional therapy versus chemicals. No, I am not irish.
I am La Femme Crickita.

[Rocky Mtn. Lioness]

OH NOOOOOO!!!
The brainwashed by Bush-bots..err....no...uhm.....I mean...uhm.....Bigotrous hatemongers Senate has seen to it that now NO ONE will (legally) be doing the jobs ordinary AmeriKKKans will do. The only Juans who will do those jobs risk being murdered by those BOrder guard thugs who make sport of shooting them in the back as they try to bring Larry's glaucoma medicine & other various pharmaceuticals over to the U.S. Don't these gringo neokkons get it? Our SOtB friends bring that stuff over here as a show of gratitude for us letting them live (82 per house) over here!! They would be much better of crossing the border to France. Bless their habaneros...err...hearts.

[Rocky Mtn. Lioness]

CoreKKKtions of above pot..err...post:

AmeriKKKans WON'T do!

much better OFF

*sigh* I might have overdone it on my own glaucoma medication upon hearing this devastating racist, bigotrous news.

[Dave]

There are two things that I don't want in my city.

1)for the police to really start to look into the disappearance of those 36 homeless people. The homeless are just victims of Bu$h corp's war on the poor... right?....They needed to shed their mortal coil and be free of the chains of capitalism that bind them... right? no need to dig around and find out who's doing it..... right?...I mean it's not like someone's spending their spare time torturing them in his basement......right?......

2)Hate speech. I'm forced to listen to right-wing hate speech 24/7 on am radio and TV.I turn on the radio and it's non-stop calling for the death of minorities and Undocumented Americans. I turn on the TV and there's faux news telling me how capitalism is a good thing, that we are fighting the people that caused 9/11,That global warming isn't going to cause the end of the world as we know it. You flip the station and some guy is preaching the "good news" of the gospel in tongues and handling snakes. It's got to stop!!!

Unbiased people like Bill Moyers, Amy Goodman, Keith Olbermann,Bill Maher, Tavis Smiley, and Al Franken should be on 24/7 telling us the truth. We progressives win when we get to get our message out to the people without all the rightwing hate speech like disagreement getting in the way.

We should bring back the fairness doctrine and stop looking into the death of certain homeless people!

[Rocky Mtn. Lioness]

"...God forbid they try to apply...."

In Dodgers behalf, Brainsample---STOP FORCING YOUR RELIGION ON ME/US.

Same with you semanticleo. Did you think you could sneak in your religous propaganda, brainwashing by using a lower case "g"..??

I'm no rocket surgeon, but--like most anyone with half a brainsample knows a progressyve when they smell one---I know a fascist when I see one, glaucoma or not.
*****************************

So the Fairness Doctrine would mean that right after James "focus on your own famn damily" Dobson's peerogram concludes, Rev's Jesse 'part of the problem" Jackshun and/or Revilend Al SharpTongue would have err time for rebootyial. OH wait...they're reverends...that wouldn't be fair, would it?

Rocky Mtn ;

In all fairness, please use caps on all your g's henceforth in tribute to your religion. Then walk
up to the top of the minaret and speak in tongues to
the assembled masses so that all languages may benefit from your oratory skills. Bless you, my child.

[Semanticleo]

Rocky Mtn ;

In all fairness, please use caps on all your g's henceforth in tribute to your religion. Then walk
up to the top of the minaret and speak in tongues to
the assembled masses so that all languages may benefit from your oratory skills. Bless you, my child.

[al-Bundy Martyr Brigades]

We Muslims have long advocated the Fairness Doctrine. Everyone in the ummah is free to praise Allah and Mohammed the way we require, and if they don't, we kill them. What could be fairer than that?

[Dick Steele]

Right on! I want my own radio program. For too long have we been subjected to the heterosexual ranters.
When we get some real fariness, you can listen to

Dick Steele's Throbbing Radio Program

(Every week day from 11:00 am to 11:07 am -- that's about the length of my stamina, but it will be energizing).

[Methinks]

Brilliant, Larry!

Your posts are usually extraordinary but this one NAILED it directly, squarely, perfectly on the head. Unparalled. It doesn't get any better than that.

[Che Gaiavera]

Damn you Criquette, you beat me to the 'logical phallus" joke.

I hope the Fairness inDoctrination also applies to books like You're All Going To Die Because You're Stoopid (But I Can Save You) and RuPaul being banned from Amazon.com.