There is no “War on terror”. It’s all a ruse; a cheesy slogan Bush made up to line the pockets of his Big Bumper Sticker buddies. Are John Edwards and I the only ones who have noticed how much the price of bumper stickers has skyrocketed since 9/11? Apparently so, for the sheep-like consumerist hordes keep right on buying them up, as if slapping a patriotic sticker or a yellow ribbon on their SUV’s will somehow assuage their feeling of guilt over the 3,000 fellow Americans they murdered by putting Bush into office. So desperate they are to wash the blood off their hands, they are now sending their own tots overseas to steal Iraq’s bumper stickers.
Perhaps if John Edwards would use his psychic powers to wipe the memory of 9/11 from the minds of the American people as he has erased it from his own, they'd be able focus their limited attention spans on his political campaign or, more importantly, his fantastic hair.
Ha ha!
Nah...Edwards is WAY too busy studying the relationship between poverty and captial markets in his $480K/year part-time job at Fortress. Everybody knows that if you want to learn about poverty, you need to go work for a hedge fund!
Plus, he's sort of busy trying to explain why he wants to outlaw offshoring when $16 million of his $30 million fortune is invested in Fortress. Fortress is incorporated in a tax haven otherwise known as the Cayman Islands.
Posted by: Methinks | May 24, 2007 at 06:49 PM
John Edwards do a brain dump? Does he even have one? Yeah, I know, hair and brains can't grow together.
I agree. No blood for bumper stickers. I am tired of seeing SUVs, acting on their own, running down
KKKonservatives who are trying to date their sisters. Can't we all just get along?
Posted by: lotsgoinon | May 24, 2007 at 07:09 PM
OOooh...offshore assets? Wonder how that happened...not. A forensic accountant who specializes in asset protection and recovery? Hm..
Posted by: lotsgoinon | May 24, 2007 at 07:10 PM
What are vinyl bumper stickers made from? OIL, so it is blood for bumper stickers.
unless of course those stickers are PETA, Peace Symbols, dead head, free tibet, no W, Kerry Edwards, Hillary 2008, union, bush lied, hemp, Che, or carbon offset stickers, those are all okay and we know it.
Posted by: DoubleU | May 24, 2007 at 07:51 PM
Such pretty hair.
Posted by: Fist of Etiquette | May 24, 2007 at 08:06 PM
Oh. My. Goodness.
Somebody go rescue Larry from underneath the sink! He's channeling Rosie O'Dumbell again.
Posted by: JannyMae | May 24, 2007 at 08:36 PM
Lib-Larry:
Hola, pendejo Chom-Steen!
I'm starting a line of Spanish-language bumper-stickers for sale in the US market.
The stickers are imported from China.
You want in on this racket, mi vato?
Posted by: Bilgeman | May 24, 2007 at 09:30 PM
DAMN THAT CHOMSTEIN!
If I hadn't had to look so far for the gayest possible picture of Edwards, you'd have never beat me to the punch....
OPENLY GAY PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE DECLARES "WAR ON TERROR" A BUMPER STICKER
Paul Mitchell, Vidal Sassoon, Gianni Versace, Little Richard and the list of other so-called “men” who’ve made hairstyles or their own hair famous goes on. But on the list of pretty men with pretty hair only one is running for President.
Presidential candidate John Edwards famously stated, “There are two America’s”. He was right. One America has hair that blows in the wind, gets dirty over time and doesn’t always fall right into place. The other America is a country that few people outside the gay community or Hollywood will ever know and that is John Edwards’ America.
It doesn’t matter if he drops the top of his convertible Bentley at 91mph with a state trooper at the wheel, dives into one of his Olympic-sized private swimming pools, or has a roll in the hay with Liberace. John Edwards’ hair will not falter, will not fail and will not surrender to the vestiges of the day. This is a message that radical Islam doesn’t take lightly and President Edwards knows this.
John Edwards and his beautiful hair will strike terror in the hearts and souls of terrorists. His primping and prepping for the camera is exactly what radical Islam has been afraid of since his mansion was completed.
A bumper sticker with meaningless slogans such as “War On Terror” never stopped a suicide-bomber from killing innocent women and children. Perhaps now is the time to show these ruthless killers we really mean business. Only John Edwards and his beautiful hair can send the kind of serious message only a hairdresser can know for sure. And that’s the kind of message that will transcend meaningless bumper stickers.
Posted by: The Exorcist | May 24, 2007 at 10:57 PM
Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country!
Affix John Edwards to the bumper of your car!
Posted by: T1 | May 24, 2007 at 11:21 PM
Has The Bu$Hitler KKKrime Family come up with a catchy bumpersticker celebrating the birth of the son of Mary Cheney, the daughter of The Evil That Lives Forever, DicKKK Cheney, and who is a Lesbian who likes other Lesbians?
Posted by: Bush4Ever | May 25, 2007 at 02:46 AM
Such pretty, pretty hair.
Posted by: Fist of Etiquette | May 25, 2007 at 04:13 AM
I think you all must be homophobes and therefore closet homos, just because Mr. Edwards takes part in the joys of same sex interaction doesn't mean he is gay, it means he is enlightened and wants a better understanding of the people he serves.
And if he can make a few thousand dollars doing it so what?
Posted by: Jas | May 25, 2007 at 04:25 AM
Does this mean I lose my bumper sticker that informs the neandrethal Konsyrvatives " My aborted children speak thru John Edward and you should too!"?
Posted by: Libby Gone™ | May 25, 2007 at 04:55 AM
So you're reduced to deleting comments to protect yourself and your little clique of friends, Larry??? For shame! I thought you were a courageous American, running a courageous website!?
NOT.
Posted by: | May 25, 2007 at 07:37 AM
irish is officially delusional folks. He is associating lyberal progressyves with "courageous Americans"...
Posted by: Arbiter | May 25, 2007 at 07:57 AM
Folks, irish is officially delusional. He's equating lyberal progressyves with "courageous Americans."
Posted by: Arbiter | May 25, 2007 at 07:59 AM
And damn you to hell Bush for making me double post!
Posted by: Arbiter | May 25, 2007 at 08:02 AM
18th.....!!!!!!
Speaking of Rosie.. I know it would only take Eleventy-leven bumper stickers to cover the vastness of her nethermouth..but seriously, does anyone have a guess as to how many it would take to cover the globally configured, square light yearage
sized butt she uses to inhale entire rest areas with ??
Posted by: csason | May 25, 2007 at 08:29 AM
John Edwards reminds me of Juliet Prowse.
Posted by: csason | May 25, 2007 at 08:31 AM
Every real American (i.e. Marxist progressive) knows that – heLLO! - a war on terror is just MURDER on the crowning glory and manicure! A pretty little hillbilly sistah like Johnny would know about that. Clear-my-own-brush-at-the-ranch KKKonservatives just can’t relate to the American metrosexual. When silky (mmmm…silky) Johnny rises to power the only war we’ll have is the one on values and wealth, which is like a warm deep protein conditioner for the soul.
Praise gaia and pass the bong, Larry!
Posted by: Methinks | May 25, 2007 at 08:58 AM
Every real American (i.e. Marxist progressive) knows that – heLLO! - a war on terror is just MURDER on the crowning glory and manicure! A pretty little hillbilly sistah like Johnny would know about that. Clear-my-own-brush-at-the-ranch KKKonservatives just can’t relate to the American metrosexual. When silky (mmmm…silky) Johnny rises to power the only war we’ll have is the one on values and wealth, which is like a warm deep protein conditioner for the soul.
Praise gaia and pass the bong, Larry!
Posted by: Methinks | May 25, 2007 at 09:06 AM
*moonbat mode off*
Transcript of an incident from John Edward's high school days:
As John is walking down the hall of the school,Books held across his chest in a feminine way, he's cornered by two jocks....
Jock #1: "Hey John, you going to run for prom queen?"
John Edwards: "No, why would I do that? that's a contest for the girls!"
Jock#2: "You should. You are as cute as a button and have such pretty hair..You are a shoe-in!"
While sad music plays in the background,the jocks high-five and walk off. John smiles and turns away, wiping a single tear from his soft,naturally high cheek.
*moonbat mode on*
Posted by: Dave | May 25, 2007 at 09:16 AM
So, LARRY, first you steal my idea to bring John Edwards’ sexual orientation into question, something that probably didn't occur to anymore than 40 or 50 million people in the past 10 years. Now you're not letting foreign dickbrains like Lucky McStupid post his enlightening pearls of anti-American wisdom, huh?
Sure, as long as everybody on your little clique agrees with you, it's all about tolerance and free speech. But the moment someone comes along from a 4th-world country with a dissenting view, you strip them of their 1st Amendment guarantee of free speech for micks.
There's a name for people like you who only tolerate those who agree with them 100% of the time, LARRY. It's called "LIBERAL" and I, for one, couldn't be prouder of you.
Posted by: The Exorcist | May 25, 2007 at 09:51 AM
*moonbat mode off*
Transcript of an incident from John Edward's high school days:
As John is walking down the hall of the school,Books held across his chest in a feminine way, he's cornered by two jocks....
Jock #1: "Hey John, you going to run for prom queen?"
John Edwards: "No, why would I do that? that's a contest for the girls!"
Jock#2: "You should. You are as cute as a button and have such pretty hair..You are a shoe-in!"
While sad music plays in the background,the jocks high-five and walk off. John smiles and turns away, wiping a single tear from his soft,naturally high cheek.
*moonbat mode on*
Posted by: dave | May 25, 2007 at 09:52 AM
You can no more win a war
Than you can win an...
Aiiieeee!!!!!
Damn the Shrub. I'm out of money.
Posted by: Princess Leia in a Cheese Danish Bikini | May 25, 2007 at 11:15 AM