When it comes to global warming, one of the most idiotic talking points in the right-wing's arsenal is if the ice caps are melting on Mars, Earth's warming trend couldn't possibly be caused by humans. As with anything cons say, the exact opposite is true. The bfacts is that the bizarre weather conditions seen on Mars and other planets are undeniable proof that the ecological destruction Bush has wrought on our own world is spreading like a virus to others in our solar system.
If Earth truly has a fever as the prophet Al Gore says, then Mars has a severe runny nose. Neptune has a persistent cough. Mercury has the clap - probably something it picked up from that slut, Venus. Jupiter has herpes. Saturn has ringworm. Pluto isn't considered a planet any more and is probably just feeling a little depressed. Uranus, of course, has cysts.
Al Gore has been deeply troubled about Uranus for some time, but he's never been able to put his finger on it. Frankly, there are some in Congress who would prefer he keep his nose out of Uranus completely. But if Uranus has cysts, you don't bicker over ointments. You take it to the doctor, and the first name that comes up in any discussion about Uranus is Al Gore. In fact, Al Gore quite possibly knows more about Uranus than your anus knows about Uranus or, for that matter, what Uranus knows about you. He's certainly more of an authority on Uranus than Rush Limbaugh, who weaseled out of the illegal and immoral war in Vietnam for reasons that I would rather not delve into.
So there's really no point in debating it.
woo-hooo!!
Posted by: stoorat | March 22, 2007 at 05:14 PM
er...I mean, "first."
All this talk of sphincters and whatnot has really inspired me to spend some time in the library. Where awful, pro-slavery books have been banned, but I can easily find (and make use of) anatomically correct cpr dolls.
You can join in at your local library, just make sure to bring your own wet-wipes.
Posted by: stoorat | March 22, 2007 at 05:17 PM
Bravo, Larry. More "genius".
Posted by: passerbyjan | March 22, 2007 at 05:22 PM
I'm pretty sure that all those "Mars probes" The Bu$Hitler KKKrime Family has been launching to Mars since the early 1900s have been SUVs.
Posted by: Bush4Ever | March 22, 2007 at 05:34 PM
Damn! It's a real pain in the ass coming up with a joke that isn't a pun of Uranus.
Posted by: Che | March 22, 2007 at 05:44 PM
I'm the man.
I got everyone talking about Rush's but.
Gone, but not forgotten... dude...
Posted by: Dude | March 22, 2007 at 05:56 PM
So Venus and Jupiter hook up in a bar. On thir way back to Jupiter's pad Venus says she isn't ready to have any little moons.
"No problem," says Jupiter. "I'm going to..."
Nope. Pun. Sorry.
Posted by: Che | March 22, 2007 at 05:57 PM
Look, like man... none of it is real... life is like the matrix man.... we are all just floating around in the fake world making energy for rich neocons.
Posted by: DoubleU | March 22, 2007 at 06:14 PM
Do you know what happens when you ride a bicycle on a different planet? I was hoping you'd know because I saw some skid marks around...
Dammit...the Curse Of Che strikes again.
Posted by: stoorat | March 22, 2007 at 06:27 PM
So Barney Frank, John F. Kerry and Kerry's hamster went on the space shuttle...
No, we can all see where this one's going.
Posted by: Che | March 22, 2007 at 06:50 PM
When RUSH dodged the draft, he was acting DISHONORABLY because we hadn't yet shown just how DISHONORABLE the war was! Only when it had been shown to be an illegal and immoral war was it right and 'honorable' to dodge the draft.
The military exists ONLY for the event of a Canadian or Mexican invasion, which has been shown to not be a real threat anyway! So today, there really is NO SUCH THING as an HONORABLE service, since EACH and EVERY WAR is ILLEGAL and IMMORAL... UNLESS you are willing to sit in a border patrol's office and do their paperwork for them, while they help untangle poor AMERICAN immigrants from the illegal barb wire!
My son Casey just happened to find the ONLY other HONORABLE job worth having as a Chaplain's assistant, TOO BAD it was IMMORAL TOO, although still 'honorable', seeing as how the CHRISTIAN FAITH is morally bankrupt! It SHOULD be ILLEGAL!!!
And what about MARS!!?? Do you NEOCONvictS really think that what you do here on Earth wouldn't affect Mars as well!!?? COME ON! GET REAL!!!
Posted by: SHEEHAG | March 22, 2007 at 07:03 PM
HAG,
Why are you ranting about Rush on this post? It's not about Rush! This isn't about YOU or HIM, or your son CASEY!!
Posted by: unSHEEHAG | March 22, 2007 at 07:07 PM
UNSHEEHAG,
OH, SO YOUR THE AUTHORITY NOW!? YOUR ANUS HAS CYSTS!!!
Posted by: SHEEHAG | March 22, 2007 at 07:09 PM
"The bfacts is that the bizarre weather conditions...."--Lib Lar
So, Lar sweet thang--what are....I mean what is the afacts and cfacts??
(Go ahead, call me a FASCIST..I love it when you talk dirty, Myster Chomstein.)
[*psssst! Hey everybody!!!...wanna see SHEHAG get all excited...watch a pro at work here...*]
*raises voice*..Uhm...yeah, that Venus™ slut helped me shave my legs today. She didn't stay long. Had to get out the lawn mower eventually.
Oh Lookie over there SHEHAG!!... that shiney thing. I think it might be some feverish sweat caused by Gorebal Worming! Or maybe it's all the profit you made off of your book. Is that one of those new nickels?
And in other news------
Doesn't Uranus regularly get hit by a Rush of assteroids?
Posted by: Rocky Mtn. Lioness | March 22, 2007 at 07:45 PM
So, I was at a Star Trek convention the other day, sharing a frothy mug of blood wine with my good friend and fellow honorable warrior, Katl'lthrk, when all of a sudden...
Curses...foiled again!
Posted by: stoorat | March 22, 2007 at 08:39 PM
Bring on the "global warming"! I wanna ride my Harley!!!
Posted by: camojack | March 22, 2007 at 09:37 PM
Oh yeah, real mature everybody.
Posted by: Fist of Etiquette | March 22, 2007 at 10:45 PM
Geez F.O.E.--
Who wet and warmed your Wheaties™? (~;)
Posted by: Rocky Mtn. Lioness | March 22, 2007 at 11:21 PM
Who made me pissy, RML? Bush, thanks to his
GlobalGalactic Warming.George Bush doesn't care about green people.
Posted by: Fist of Etiquette | March 23, 2007 at 12:09 AM
Yaaaaaaay, I've been waiting for you to take on those anal cysts of the Fat Lying Liar who lies...o, wait....that's Al Gore.
Well, anyway, at least you mentioned Limbaugh's anal cysts. I have developed somewhat of a fetish. I can't stop buying Preparation H. I think it started when the Repugnicans shoved the first Iraq Withdrawal Bill up Senator Harry Reid's boney little arse.
I'm really getting tired of my Democrat party not having the votes to withdraw immediately...buffoons!!! They really need to learn how to force us to run away in disgrace better.
Posted by: TJ's Anti-contrarian Blog | March 23, 2007 at 02:42 AM
"UNSHEEHAG,
OH, SO YOUR THE AUTHORITY NOW!? YOUR ANUS HAS CYSTS!!!"
Unsheehag is Rush Limbaugh?
Posted by: Bush4Ever | March 23, 2007 at 03:20 AM
Bush4Ever,
No, but SHEEHAG says my anus has cysts, whatever that means. I don't get any of his anymore.
Posted by: unSHEEHAG | March 23, 2007 at 04:45 AM
Bush4Ever,
No, but SHEEHAG says my anus has cysts, whatever that means. I don't get any of this anymore.
Posted by: unSHEEHAG | March 23, 2007 at 04:45 AM
*HICCUP*
Posted by: unSHEEHAG | March 23, 2007 at 04:46 AM
I got a fever, and the only prescription is ...
Posted by: Fist of Earthiquette | March 23, 2007 at 06:21 AM