You can "support the troops", but not the war. And if in the process of "supporting the troops" you succeed in encouraging those they are fighting against, well then that's their own damn problem. So it was in that spirit that thousands of peace activists converged on the nation’s capitol last weekend in what future poets will one day describe as an "overflowing septic tank of love". In contrast, about three counter-protesters showed up to antagonize the crowd by making disparaging remarks about the beautiful and talented Jane Fonda. One of those freeper brownshirts was none other than our old friend Josh “Can’t Take a Joke” Sparling, a wounded war criminal and brainwashed propagandist for the Bush Junta.
While the American Hero Ehren Watada will likely spend the rest of his life at Gitmo for having the courage to abandon his fellow soldiers on the field of battle, Sparling has become a jingoist poster boy for the military-industrial complex. A glutton for media attention, he's been selling his bull on every morning talk show for the past week, taking valuable air time away from Mother Cindy and the Joisey Grrlz. He obviously has no shame. Yet when a peace activist hocked a wad of soul-cleansing loogie in his general direction, Sparling actually returned fire.
Thankfully, the Nazi was too slow on the draw. The nimble-footed protester had already vanished in a cloud of marijuana smoke and patchouli, perhaps off to graffiti the Washington Monument in the hopes of beefing up his arrest record for a future teaching job at Berkeley. The right-wing media has been fixated on the story all week, using the incident to paint peace activists in a bad light and perpetuate the myth that we all hate the babykilling troops. However, it was Sparling’s vicious attack that betrayed a fundamental lack of respect for the millions of brave men, womyn, and transgendered progressives who fight every day to end the war and bring our tots home in shame and defeat before they can mishandle any more Qurans.
As for the valiant protester who supposedly spat at but not on Sparling (there’s a difference), he gave up a day of playing Gears of War on his Xbox 360 to take a stand against violence and aggression. Instead of whining about a little good-natured ribbing, Sparling should get down on his good knee and thank him for his noble sacrifice.
1st!
Posted by: Dodger | January 31, 2007 at 06:58 PM
Oh, good one Dodger. Bastard.
What the hell is wrong with Sparling? Spitting on a minority?! Don't they teach couth to high school dropouts any more? I'd send him to a mandatory Diversity Is Your Friend, You Are Bad lecture.
Poor Hakuna Matada.
Posted by: Che | January 31, 2007 at 07:30 PM
This whole story is going to blow up in your faces.
This dude is lying.
He will be exposed.
And I'm gonna laugh...
:0)
Posted by: Dude | January 31, 2007 at 07:32 PM
"Sparling actually returned fire."
That's not what he said on Faux News. Like I said, this dude is lying. That's why there's 5 versions of this story fling around.
Posted by: Dude | January 31, 2007 at 07:36 PM
The Dude remains a Douche with no life, no friends and no honor. That's why we place hym in such high esteem as a hero, a zero and a cunt with no spine. Ehren Watada would be proud of you, Douche. You have humbled us all with your talent. If you listen closely, you can hear your mother calling you home, homo.
Posted by: The Exorcist | January 31, 2007 at 07:44 PM
Oh, "Faux News."
How utterly unoriginal, Dude. Laugh it up, darlin'!
Posted by: JannyMae | January 31, 2007 at 08:26 PM
This whole story is going to blow up in your faces.
This dude is lying.
He will be exposed.
And I'm gonna laugh...
:0)
Posted by: Dude
I looked at Larry's links in the above article, and I'm laughin' at you, Dude.
Posted by: JannyMae | January 31, 2007 at 08:37 PM
"This whole story is going to blow up in your faces.
This dude is lying.
He will be exposed.
And I'm gonna laugh..."
We already know he's lying about the amputated leg. Who knows what else he's lying about? The whole thing is obviously a right-wing ploy to manufacture a phony icon for their pro-war cause and undermine Cindy Sheehan's absolute moral authority over all living things.
Posted by: Liberal Larry | January 31, 2007 at 08:43 PM
"a zero and a cunt with no spine"
Phew! Glad I have a spine, otherwise, Exey might discount me, too. I don't want to be discounted. I am expensive,and rightfully so. You don't get this kind of honey from your average Sue Bee.
Posted by: Kinky Bee | January 31, 2007 at 09:18 PM
I don't get why the peaceful protesters who oppose war have allowed such a nimrod to represent them. Can't they even get one that has good aim? I mean, a baby-killing troop can be a pretty big target that's hard to miss. All he could do is spit on the ground near the soldier. Geez, oh Pete! How pathetic! That idiot should be railroaded out of the peace movement for missing the soldier with his spit. I bet a cockroach like Dud(ette) could spit better than that.
Posted by: Kinky Bee | January 31, 2007 at 09:21 PM
A[n] "overflowing septic tank..."
Describes it well.
Posted by: camojack | January 31, 2007 at 09:38 PM
Fascist!
Posted by: Liberal Larry | January 31, 2007 at 10:32 PM
{This dude is lying.
He will be exposed.}
Of course he is lying, sometimes we progreesives say things which may not technically be true but reveal a deeper truth, this is called being 'fake but accurate'. However sometimes reich wing extremists like Sparling say things which in a narrow western empirical sense are correct but in a metaphysical sense are not. Josh Sparling is spreading lies which are "Accurate but Fake".
What happened was the Lesbian Tourettes Sufferers for Peace were just talking to the storm trooper and he viciously attacked them.
Posted by: Menstrual Rainbow | February 01, 2007 at 12:52 AM
This so-called "unidentified" peace activist was actually once a respected ambassador whose wife was once a respected (if ultra-secret) government operative, and he was on his way to cashing an advance check from Simon and Schuster (he had plans on using that money to buy a Prius for the local orphanage). He accidentally drooled near a large group of rabid pro-war protesters, and was immediately met with a barrage of saliva in his good eye (the cornea in the other eye having been scratched earlier that day by military medals that were flung from the other side of a fence he was standing near). The protesters then chased him down and made him stand in a naked pyramid of one (as was their training) while the jackbooted Capitol Police took pictures.
And there's a sixth version of the story to fling around.
Posted by: Fist of Etiquette | February 01, 2007 at 02:16 AM
Watada is indeed a real American hero who has distinguished himself in the same way that General Benedict Arnold did in America's illegal and immoral 1776 Revolutionary War. Does anyone know how heroic General Arnold was in his battlefield exploits, thus making him imminently qualified to speak truth to power and aid the British struggle against American terrorists?
Posted by: Hankmeister | February 01, 2007 at 04:24 AM
We've all been so blind...
Sparling is obviously the patsy in a much deeper conspiracy. If you slow-mo the video, you can clearly see that the loogie in question did not come from the baby killer, but from behind Matada. There was a second spitter.
I remember overhearing people discuss this exact scenario years ago when talking about Keith Hernandez. I think one of them was a Jooo, so the plot just got a whole lot more sinister.
Posted by: Che | February 01, 2007 at 04:24 AM
Has anyone started a fund for Ehren Watada's sex chnage operation or does the VA cover that for lily-livered, I mean, brave-hearted SPEAKERS OF TRUTH TO POWER?
Posted by: Bush4Ever | February 01, 2007 at 05:10 AM
"Has anyone started a fund for Ehren Watada's sex chnage operation or does the VA cover that for lily-livered, I mean, brave-hearted SPEAKERS OF TRUTH TO POWER?"
If the VA pays for boob jobs (sad but true) why not sex changes as well.
Posted by: Dude | February 01, 2007 at 05:25 AM
This site used to be somewhat funny, but now it's just lame.
Posted by: Jeffrey | February 01, 2007 at 06:37 AM
In light of this, I blame the jews.
In further news, has anyone noticed anything fishy about their computers lately? Mine....seems to be watching me........
I can feel it staring at me......judging me......every time I remove my traditonal african rain dance garb to tug on my baby maker.......I can't help but feel like its watching me. Since it always happens when I spank the wank, I feel this sensation several dozen times a day.
So, the most obvious question comes, is Bush watching me through my computer or is it merely aliens?
Posted by: MMM'BILLY | February 01, 2007 at 06:38 AM
"In further news, has anyone noticed anything fishy about their computers lately? Mine....seems to be watching me........"
Has it spit at you yet?
Posted by: Dude | February 01, 2007 at 07:07 AM
"This site used to be somewhat funny, but now it's just lame."
Blame Bush.
Posted by: Dude | February 01, 2007 at 07:08 AM
Sparling can get a job as a peg-leg pirate after he serves his time for this thought crime.
When will ameriKKKa learn that if we just surrender and don't put up any fight our islamic overlords will leave us alone.
BTW: Bu$h had Molly Ivins whacked. I loved the way she could turn anything that bu$h or anything any repukes did into a teaching tool about nazism. She was always fair,unlike that mean-spirted cunt Ann KKKoulter.
Posted by: Dave | February 01, 2007 at 07:18 AM
Watada for President! We need more lilly livered yellow bastards in the mold of Dude in the Whitehouse!
Posted by: Arbiter | February 01, 2007 at 07:22 AM
"Watada for President!"
Unfortunately, he's not 35 yet.
"We need more lilly livered yellow bastards in the mold of Dude in the Whitehouse!"
I'm not 35 either.
Hillary is though.
Posted by: Dude | February 01, 2007 at 07:38 AM