The Rebirth of Democracy!

I headed over to Rachel Corry Elementary School to cast my ballot this evening when my path was blocked by what resembled a human Clydesdale, with the body odor to match.

“Who the hell are you?” I demanded. “What is the meaning of this? And what smells like horseshit?”

“My name is Jimmy Clydesdale,” he introduced himself. “I’m with Operation: Restore Democracy Now!, a grassroots, non-partisan, interfaith organization devoted to protecting the integrity of the electoral process from Republican voters. We’re here to monitor today’s elections and keep an eye out for any GOP operatives that might try to horse around with the system, if you know what I mean.”

“Splendid!” I chirped. “It’s reassuring to know that someone is looking out for the little guy, girl, or proud member of the transgendered community.”

“Thank you, sir,” he replied, “but I’m afraid I can’t let you inside with THAT on!” He poked a furry hoof at my flag lapel pin in disgust. “Any outward displays of patriotism might adversely effect how people vote tonight. We have to keep everything fair and balanced you know. I’m sorry to be a nag, but I'm sure you understand.”

“Ah, but the flag is upside down,” I corrected him. “And I peed on it before coming here.”

“Oh, my mistake!” he quickly apologized. “Please go on in. I’ll just follow along to make sure you aren’t threatened or coerced by any Republicans.”

We proceeded together to the registration table where an elderly woman asked for my name and I.D. in three different languages before settling on English. I dismounted Jimmy and handed her my Hot Topic Preferred Customer card while she fumbled around for my ballot. Moments later I was in a private booth exercising my civic duty to throw the Republican usurpers out of office so we can finally surrender with honor in Iraq. Jimmy stood protectively behind me as I voted, whinnying loudly if my pen drew perilously close to a GOP candidate, or angrily stomping one of his feet if I appeared to be voting in favor of an anti-tax initiative, but otherwise everything went smoothly and I wasn’t pressured or intimidated by any right-wing election thieves. When I finally finished voting, I left the booth and proudly marched to the ballot box for the fifth time in as many hours.

“Not so fast, sir,” Jimmy snorted, roughly blocking my way again. “I noticed that in the senatorial race, where you meant to check “Maria Cantwell”, you accidentally wrote in “Hugo Chavez”. Care to explain yourself?”

“KKKantwell voted for the Iraq War and then never bothered to vote against it,” I bluntly informed him. “She’s nothing but the Shrub's lapdog and I’LL BE DAMNED IF I EVER GIVE HER EITHER MY VOTE OR A WILD NIGHT OF CRAZY MONKEY SEX EVER AGAIN!!!”

Jimmy trotted me out to my Segway and we party company. I hope that in other cities across America, progressive voters were blessed by the protection of courageous election monitors such as he. I enjoyed the experience so much that I went back two more times before the polls finally closed.

Comments

[Menstrual Rainbow]

Today I know how the inmates of Auschwitz must have felt when the nazis left. Despite inadvertantly placing my vote in the drive thru window at McDonalds, I feel privileged to have taken part in the liberation.

[brainsample]

"Today I know how the inmates of Auschwitz must have felt when the nazis left".
--Menstrual Rainbow

I think you meant how the inmates of Auschwitz would have felt had they actually existed, recalling of course that Auschwitz was a mere fiction created by the JOOOOOOOS, I mean Zionists, to continue their dominance of the motion picture industry.

Perhaps a more appropriate simile would be, "Today I know how Rachel Corrie must have felt once the 15 ton Caterpillar bulldozer was no longer parked on her torso".

[Che]

I just thank Gaia that we'll finally be rid of Newt in the Senate.

[Kiki Bee]

*sigh*

I'm in Heaven. If the latest information is correct, the Democrats have gloriously ousted the Repugs out of power in the House, and have claimed victory for Democracy once again.

In light of this victory, the new House Shrieker, Nance LePussy will make sure we surrender in Iraq, Afghanistan, and to man-man and girl-girl love in San Francisco.

Gaia bless America!!

[Kiki Bee]

Leave it to Che to be the most Progressyve and most informed of us all.

[al-Bundy Martyr Brigades]

Allah has answered our prayers, and given us a Democratic-controlled House of Infidel Representatives. Allahu Ahkbar!

I could almost kiss abu Pelosi on the mouth, but, recoiling at the prospect, kissed my camel's private parts instead.

/ululating

[Fist of Etiquette]

As someone who personally witnessed the inner working of a local election bureau (I post results to the web for my county), I can tell you all that this election was the first one in years to be totally on the up and up. No fraud at all. All the corpses went to their correct polling place, and all the illegals were very orderly at each and every precinct where they voted.

I think we can all agree that the coming recession is going to be well worth our vote(s). And also, that recession will be Bush's fault.

[Bush4Ever]

How soon can the Chimpeachment begin?

[Starchild Dingbatticus.]

Does this mean that Nixon isn't President anymore?

[DonkeyDick]

Although I followed the political arguments closely, I could find very few Democrats who actually came out in favor of collective ownership of the means of production. Most HINTED that they were all for it, but not many said it out loud.

So, I wrote in "Daniel Ortega" and "Hugo Chavez".

I understand that these guys are ahead in Seattle, Berkeley, Hollywood and Noo Yawk.

[jainphx]

Oh well who wanted prosperity any way,We finally got the government we deserve.

[scrubs and shines]

Congrats neighbor! I'm Canadian , and I'm in heaven!, Way to Go America, Boy when it comes to the electorate in America, you guys don't mess around!, The world has a chance being a safer place...

[camojack]

One word: veto.
(Get used to it)

[Che]

So the Rethugs had the "Repugnican Revolt-ution". What are we going to call our glorious victory over the infidels? And when do we start rounding up the revolutionaries and hanging them for crimes against humynity?

My slogan ideas so far are:
The Rethuglican Refutiation
The Democratic Demarcation
The Progressyve Jihad
Commencement of Capitulation
Surrendering for our Safety
Fighting the Axis of Evangelicals

[Bush4Ever]

"The world has a chance being a safer place..."

And some places will probably wind up glowing in the dark, saving energy.

[libmeister]

I bet Muslim freedom fighters will want to make peace with America now that we progressyves are back in power. They'll have to, we're the best friends they have here in America.

I feel a Moronic ... er, Harmonic Convergance coming on!

[UN Doctor]

I was at the polling place yestiddy, helping with the exorcism, and certified that each corpse was over eighteen and a registered Democrat. It really helped that it was cool outside, since trying to keep them life like was difficult at best. But now, we can all RIP and know that gridlock is more than an adjective.

[Dave]

I would have posted sooner but I stopped to watch the dancing in the streets. I know that some of the races were tighter than pelosi's face but I knew we would win.

I walked around my city this morning and capitalists were jumping from tall buildings and bursting on sidewalks like flesh and hair covered water balloons. (I'm glad I had my rain slicker on!)

I saw my repuke brother at his huge house (that he got from not paying his workers a living wage), this morning and sneered at him "so what's it like to be in the minority now?" He didn't say anything. He was too busy griping the kitchen table with his teeth!

Ah victory!

[libmeister]

I wonder if our progressyve Nancy Pelosi will extend invitations to Usama bin Laden and the leaders of Hamas and Hezbollah to have them address the Congressional chamber in the coming year? What a show of fraternal friendship that would be!

We must be sure to show our Islamic overlords that we really mean them no harm and that it was all a big Bush mistake.

[Dodger]

So, uh, I'm guessing we will be surrendering in Iraq sometime today. As late as it is now, I hope they wait until after lunch so I can listen to it on Air America. That Randi Rhodes, I just love him.

[The Den Mother]

A new day has dawned! We have been released from bondage! (Not that bondage is a bad thing for sexually liberated non-KKKhristian anti-hypocritical progressives.) The only thing that tempers my glee is knowing that some of the so-called "Democrats" who overthrew fascist Rethug incumbents are actually against a Woman's Constitutional Responsibility to Choose to Have as Many Abortions as the Local Compassionate Abortion Provider Wants Her to Have Because, Hey, He Wants a New Mercedes. But I'm not worried. Queen Nancy will straighten them out.

This morning I enjoyed a celebratory "breakfast of champions" consisting of organically grown, sustainably harvested, fair trade granola covered in cruelty-free vegan soy milk and seasoned with a dash or 30 of homegrown pesticide-free herb. Good times.

[LiberalLoudandProud]

I look forward to seeing Republicans in ball gags, with underwear on their heads, dog piled naked, like they deserve.

[meluckycharms]

Now that we finally have the govmunt we deserve, Nanny Pewlussy can start executing kkkrishtuns and jooos. Once the mooooslims see that we're serious enough to rid the world of the axis of evil, they'll give us the peace and prosperity to heal Mother Gaaawia. Ever since Gawd supposedly gave Izzzzzrule that little strip of land, there has been nothing but trouble. Well that is all over with now. Dick Chainme and his lesbian daughter, who loves other lesbians, will soon get their just reward at the hands of our mooooslim freedom fighting brothers. Oh happy day for us all.

[UN Doctor]

Dear LLAP,
If all Republicans were to wear ball gags, that would mean the women have undergone sex change surgery
and they can no longer reproduce. What you need to do is get in touch with your inner progressyve and realize that since they will be Log Cabin Lovers, they will wither and die off, them and their foul
politics, unless progressives like Nancy and Rosie O'Donnell allow them to adopt.

Tiddle Poop!

[BlueBerry_Who_Couldnt_Find_His_Ass_With_both_Hands]

Now that the Dhimmicrats have taken over, it won't be long before all those harmful firearms are no longer in the hands of such dangerous Americans. Yes, now that your glorious 3rd in Command, Vichy Pelosi, has assumed her throne, we can dispense with that pesky 2nd Amendment so that our beloved disUnited Nations can finally get AmeriKKKa to sign on to the Small Arms Ban. All is going according to the master plan set down by Gaia to demolish the violent, patriarchal institution, known as the United States, that has oppressed millions since its inception.

All Hail Gaia and her Right Hand Woman, Nancy Pelosi!