Vote for Claire McCaskill or Marty McFly Dies

A Special Message from Emmy Award-Winning actor, Michael J. Fox

Fellow Americans,

Many of you have expressed reservations concerning embryonic stem cell research, fearful that it will lead us down a slippery slope towards a society where human embryos are worth only what you can get for them on the open market. You strongly believe that human life, even in its earliest stages, is sacrosanct. Well, that and three bucks might get you some brownie points with the Big Cheese in the afterlife, but if you ever want to see another Back to the Future sequel you’ll vote Claire McCaskill for United States Senate.

Claire’s strong support for embryonic stem cell research is the best hope that beautiful celebrities afflicted with embarassing diseases have of finding a cure - and the only chance you people have of ever seeing Marty McFly and Doc Brown back in action again.

Seriously, I’d love to do another movie. In fact, I’ve got the script for Back to the Future Part IV right here. It’s damn good, too. But I’m going to feed it into the shredder page by page unless you people start forking over some goddam stem cells! I don’t want any of those second-rate stem cells from some dead geezer’s spine, either! They better be embryonic stem cells, from human embryos, or the deal’s off.

Come on. Wouldn’t you like to see your ol’ pal Calvin Klein riding a modified stegosaurus through prehistoric Hill Valley? It’s right here on page 17. But it’s not going to happen as long as I’m shaking like an Indonesian heroin addict. LOOK AT ME, FOR CHRISTSAKE!!!! I'M A F***ING WRECK!! How am I going to bury Caveman Biff under a mountain of dinosaur poop when I can’t even hold a pencil without poking my f***ing eye out?

So I’m going to say it one last time: VOTE CLAIRE McCASKGILL, OR MARTY MCFLY DIES! I'll kill him, I really will. Alex P. Keaton, too. I'll take my medication, and stab him right in the neck with a screwdriver. There will be no Family Ties Reunion Special, no more Back to the Future flicks, and your own damn selfishness will be to blame. Just keep that in mind when you go to the polls in November.

Thank you, and God bless.

Michael J. Fox
Actor

Comments

[The Exorcist]

Sorry Michael, anyone dumb enough to drive a DeLorean and expect real acceleration has got to have a serious case of the shakes...

[Speaks Truth to Chimps]

Oh dear, I'm so conflicted. What in the name of the evolver am I supposed to think?

I don't remember whether Marty McFly was a Progressive or not. But Alex P. Keaton was a Greedy KKKorporate KKKapitali$t, so I would love to "see" (in the sense of "read about it in the NY Times) him stabbed in the neck with a screwdriver. But could we have him go to IraKKK first, so we could add him to the body count and have the media focus on his death in IraKKK due to the Bu$hHitler KKKrime Regime's failed policies, until we sashay into power?

Yes, that's what I want. And I'll hold my breath until I'm blue if I don't get it, because my every desire is a Civil Right!

[blatherbait]

Wow, that IS a terrible disease, which rendered him totally unable to recall or mention the name of the evil Rethuglican who did this terrible thing to him... George W. 'Die Mikey Die' Bush.

[camojack]

Marty McFly...R.I.P.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Maybe if we all promise not to create embryos for the sole purpose of selling them for the stem cells, the president will reverse his ruling that outlawed stem cell research. I know it's stupid, treating the embryos like their precious for anything other than their panaceaic value to real humans, but let the baby have his bottle so we can have our stem cells.

Oh wait, I don't like the use of "baby" there. Let me think up another saying.

[Moonchild]

While Chimp bears the blame for McFly's illness, let's be honest with ourselves. I, as a respecter of womyn and their ethereal, peace-enhancing, embodiment of the earth mother selves, understand that there's only one way to get enough of these embryos manufactured. I'm eager to do my part, but frankly, you gyrls need to get off the dime and head over to the Moonchild love shack for some sweet, lava-lamp-illuminated, patchoulli-incensed, hooka-pipe-imbiming, Barry-White-on-a-fake bear-skin-rug lovin'. There's even malt liquor on ice for those languid, blissful moments afterwards.

Salvation is on the way Marty, and it's wearing my purple velveteen robe. Also, I want all you progressyve sexys to know; Planned Parenthood is only two blocks away. So, other than some white bear fur in sexy places, they'll be no consequences or meaning for either of us.

[Bush4Ever]

Will it cure the Lesbianism of DicKKK Cheney's daughter, mary, who is a Lesbian who likes others Lesbians?

[Mike S]

Please vote for Claire McKaskill!! This is not just political rhetoric, McFly will really die if the Democrats don't control the house and senate.

They thought it was just hyperbole in the last election when we said that Superman would walk again if Kerry was elected. I thought that was a very fair prediction; it's not like we were saying that superman would fly again!! Well, Kerry lost, and what happens? Superman died of course.

[Mike S]

Can anyone here get a message to McFly? I want to see if he can go back in time and prevent George HW Bush from ever meeting Barbara.

[Chy]

This is terrible. I went to buy a bottle of fine wine the other day at the local Stop & Rob. Imagine my dismay when the cashier told me he could not sell me the wine, five lottery tickets, the latest copy of "Who's Your Daddy, Bitch" magazine, or cash my government assistance check because my license was expired.

So I headed my Prius toward the DMV five miles away and waited. And waited. And waited. Four hours later I arrived at the DMV.

After protesting to the jack-booted thug at the window that my Constitutional right to drive should not be harshed by some Big Brother requirement of licensing, the clerKKK asked, "You want give organ?"

"Sure. What time is your shift over?"

He stared at me blankly, then clarified, "You want donate organs?"

"WHAT!?" I shrieked. "You expect me to give my body parts to some big Pharmaceutical company like Halliburton so they can sell them to the highest bidder, or keep DicKKK Cheney alive, or grind them up into a bowl of Wendy's chili? This KKKountry has taken so much from me already! It's bad enough that Bush gave tax cuts to the richest 1%, now he wants to take my very flesh?!"

Again the blank look. "No. If die give organs sick people."

"Oh, like stem cell research so Christopher Reeve can walk again or Mike Flaherty can once again be mayor of New York?" I asked.

"OK..."

"Sure. I'll donate my embryos to science. Do you have a night drop box where I can donate fetuses? And do they validate parking?"

He handed me some forms to fill out. I was thoroughly disgusted to find that they only wanted my organs. How macabre! There was no checkbox anywhere for unwanted embryos, which was pretty typical behavior for a state that didn't even have Ralph Nader on the ballot. Like Nader, I wrote in my vote. Not that it'll make a difference.

[Dodger]

In light of this, I feel we should just surrender in Iraq and Hill Valley.

[Dave]

If only you voted for our true President Kerry, none of this would be happening. Christopher Reed would be winning this seasons "Dancing with the stars", And we could be looking forward to MJF staring in all sorts of hollywood blockbusters.

But no. you hate-filled-slack-jawed repukes put down your banjos and bibles long enough to come out of your caves and your trailer parks and had to vote for your precious Fuhrer. If you didn't we could now be living in a socialist utopia that ALL true americans long for.

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SEE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE! IT'S TIME TO TAKE MY PARKENSONS MEDS!!

[Arbiter]

Mr. Fox,

Your most beloved characters are Doc Hollywood and Teen age werewolf. Since you neglected to mention those two monster hits, I'm afraid I will not vote for you. May you rest in pieces.

[Lefty slaya]

F U Mr. Fox!

Suck my weiness, please, now!

P.S.
Your artical cured my cow's mad cow disease!

[?]

I am also gay thank you Mr. Narwhal!

[Doc Brown]

I always hated Marty, Alex and MJF. I can substitute bovine spinal cord tissue. I will get in touch with Dr. Frankenstein and have him assist.

[libmeister]

The last I heard Peace Mother Sheehan was going to get her hands on Marty McFly's DeLorean time machine and go back in time and personally perform a DNC on Shrubya while he's a disorganized protoplasmic blob in Barbara Bush' womb.

We must continue speaking truth to power.

[Doc Brown]

FOE, the substitute for 'baby' would be 'external parasite' or 'failed abortion.' Nice play on words.
We all need to have nookie so he can have his stem cells, and swallow them whole.

[libmeister]

P.S. I agree with Dave. I believe with the help of embryonic stem cells, which typically causes cancer in rats, Christopher Reeves would still be alive today and be beating the ever-living snot out of Jerry Springer on the dance floor. Hell, Mr. Reeves would be outdancing Vinny Barbarino in Saturday Night Fever. I mean, who are we kidding here? Would Hollywood stars ever lie to us?

[Alex' multiple personalities]

Yes, people, kill your unborn children so I, a Hollyweird insider, can live. Never mind the fact that I am wealthy and can afford alternative treatments to Parkinson's that work, I have been brainwashed by the FDA and the AMA and Planned Parenthood into thinking that my whole life depends on the funding of aborted fetuses. Folks, they are tissue. I wouldn't dream of asking my children to give up their stem cells for their old man...no, I want YOU to do it.

[Bush4Ever]

If Marty McFly has Parkinson's Disease why doesn't he just give it back to Parkinson? Is KKKarl Rove using his Evil Sith Lord Mind KKKontrol Powers on Marty just like he used them on Christopher Reeve to keep him from walking?

[Dave]

Mark my words, I worry for MJF's health. you watch, he'll have an "accident" or a "stroke", "heart attack"
or a "suicide" before the nov vote. ( which we progressives have in the bag). Bu$h already gave him parkinson's,why stop there?

(I'm glad my body stopped shaking and moving long enough to type this. thank you Gaia.)

[Dudess]

VOTE FOR PEACE, not the Shrubinators MF Fox hating Parkinsons!!!

[PONC MurthaFan]

Roadtrip!

I'll vote for McCaskill. Just point me to whichever State I need to go. I have made big money voting for Democrats in the past. We're talking ten's of dollars-plus booze!

So let me know.

Also, I'll need you to front me some gas money. just until I get my "voting paycheck".

Also, do you have anymore of that killer smoke? Dude, that was good!

[The Exorcist]

"I'll vote for McCaskill. Just point me to whichever State I need to go"--PONC MurthaFan

Careful there, Petty Officer No Class, the red state of Mazurah is literally land-locked by other red states.

Hitchhiking through the midwest to get to the St. Louie Crackhouse & Voter Regististration Center for Progreasives can be deadly. Especially if you cut through Kansas to get there. Bob Dole's standing on his front yard with a rifle in his good hand just waiting for our kind to zip up the I-35 on our way to Shakey McFly's.

I suggest you leave the camouflage Cracker Jacks with the "Bush Lied People Died" pins at the homeless shelter and opt instead for an Elvis suit.