Tax Hikes, or Fiscal Responsibility?

The Republican ursurpers have held this nation in their iron grip for six long years, but now the Democrats are poised to assume absolute control of Congress just as the Founding Fathers had intended. Watching helplessly as his stolen throne slips from his blood-stained hands, a desperate Shrub is back to doing what he does best - using lies to mislead and frighten the American People who, like typical sheep, are easily misled and frightened.

“Democrats will raise taxes! Democrats will raise taxes!” the lying liar lies at every whistlestop on his Lies Across America Tour. The Repugs have pulled this same tired con job for years, and it really boils my bongwater. Repealing unfair tax cuts handed out by an illegitmate peeResident is not “raising taxes”, but restoring the price we pay for enjoying America’s bountiful cornucopia of welfare programs.

Suppose for the sake of argument that you see an ad in the paper for $50 off an authentic Native American dreamcatcher made from Russell Means’ pubes. Life is suddenly worth living again. But when you arrive at the store, you discover that the sale is over and the dreamcatcher has reverted back to it’s original price. Do you throw a hissy fit and accuse the store of “stealing” fifty bucks from you? Of course not. That money was never yours to begin with.

Try to think of Bush’s tax cuts the same way. Americans have been enjoying a bargain at the expense of the working poor for six long years. But in a few weeks, the sale will finally come to an end. You may have become used to getting a few extra pennies in your paychecks every week, but the time has come for you selfish freeloaders to pony up the loot and return to our benevolent Democrat leaders what is rightfully theirs. They will in turn redistribute the wealth equitibly amongst those they wisely deem most deserving of it, thus erasing the chasm between rich and poor so all Americans can exist on a level playing field of poverty and stagnation. The Latin term for this is Fiscali Responsibiliae, or "I can spend your money better than you can, you greedy bastards."

Too bad they don't teach Latin at community colleges, or conservatives might actually have a clue about economics.

Comments

[The Exorcist]

This brother is a Gawd amongst myn

[Speaks Truth to Chimps]

It's about time the richest 1% of AmeriKKKans stopped having their "sale". The "sale" was only done by stealing from the poorest 99.9%.

My new motto is, "Stop the sale! Stop the sale!"

P.S. Where can I get that authentic Native American dreamcatcher made from Russell Means’ pubes?

[Speaks Truth to Chimps]

Maybe when we stop the "sale", we can finally get the federal government to pay for our abortions, as the Founding Caregivers intended.

[The Exorcist]

Russell Means can probably do a Katrina-level rain dance after only half a hit from the peace pipe. However, if I'm dropping major-league greenbacks (with pictures of Native American mass murderers on the face of them) on a dreamcatcher made of pubes, I want 100% GENUINE Native-American pubes. They not only have to be braided but they can only come from one Chief: Wigwam Ward Churchill hymself.

Cue it up fellas!

"On the bank
Of the river
Running Bear
Chased the white girl"

[Che]

I for one am appalled by the DNC's platform of raising taxes. The very word "tax" is repulsive as in implies some sort of primitive right to personal property.

By raising taxes, even though it's a step in the right direction, Pelosi and company are giving the green light to people to metaphorically lift their leg on an consumer product simply by working hard and earning money to pay for it. Oh sure, they'll have to strain a bit harder when the leg comes up under progressyve leadershyp, in fact, they may be tempted to go get a prostate exam, but eventually they'll accept the warm, tingly glow that comes from living their lives to serve other myn.

Go visit Pyongyang sometime; They know how to live! You'll never hear those good people bitching twice about the tax code.

[The Exorcist]

"You'll never hear those good people bitching twice about the tax code."-Chy

That's a good one.

A tax code implies a paycheck from which to take taxes from. Of course, some people might argue that two grains of rice are a paycheck (particularly real hungry ones), but the rest of the North Korean's fat and happy population will tell you that paychecks are an unfortunate side effect of capitalism.

That's something the North Koreans will never be burdened with anymore than they'll ever be burdened with THREE grains of rice to decide from which one of their baby's must starve under TRUE Democratic Rule.

[Politics of Peace]

Money is just an evil Rethuglican conspiracy. Imagine a world without money - everything would be free, and you wouldn't need to work any more! Paradise! When the Democrats are restored to their rightful place in government they should confiscate all money and burn it. This would be a great symbol to the American people, similar to the Boston Tea Party, when the heroic Bostonians protested against the evil English tea conspiracy by destroying tea.

[Starchild Dingbatticus.]

Did you know that JEWS invented money? It's true! I read it on KOS!
Did you know that all the JEWS stayed home on Yom Kippur? Well, at least all of the ones who didn't go to work that day.

The JEWS call Yom Kippur, the Day Of Atonment. See? They know how guilty they really are!

Did you know that Yom Kippur is Ruppik Moy, spelled backward?

Do I have to draw a map for you people?

Wake up Amerikkka!

[camojack]

Nolo contendere...

[da foosa]

Do you guys wanna hear a joke?

...womens rights.

[Speaks Truth to Chimps]

Somebody asked for a joke? Oh no you di'n't!

I told my chiropractor, "Once a year on prom night,
I line-dance into an outhouse and I feel like throwing
up. What's wrong with me?" And the chiropractor said,
"I don't know, but your Barbie-doll collection is
perfect!"

Goodnight everybody! You've been a great bunch of pontiffs!

[csason]

Personally, I am sick of the whole paycheck/IRA/Cadillac thing anyway. It's about time someone with real lies take the helm. It will be so refreshing to see the market level out a bit, at least until we can let our global neighbors catch UP !!

That my friends is how we can really 'build a bridge' between US and Hugo AND Fidel AND Pelosi...simply scrape back enough hide to expose the soft underbelly
of the American financial markets, slice off just enough to cover Citgo's *free*
heating oil/Jerry's kids contributions, and then just like the hole Uncle June
left in Tony Soprano's belly...we'll leave it open to the elements for the homeless and undergraduates to divide.

[Bush4Ever]

You want to hear a joek?

The Re-Thug-li-KKKans actually believe they will keep a majority in the House & Senate after 7 November...BWA-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!!!

[Fist of Etiquette]

The Right has to slap a label on everything. Don't fall into their trap. I no longer use the word "tax" because it's meant to convey a sense of burden. Obvious manipulation.

I haven't come up with a term to make it more palatable to the "working stiffs" yet. Paycheck penance? No. Income whittling? Don't think so. Uncompensation? Not even a real word.

I'll think of something. I have to. We all have to do our part to get the Left elected and finally turn this economy around!

[DonkeyDick]

Great idea, Fist! We've been able to turn "abortion" into "choice", homo-secks-uality into "gay", so there's no reason we can't turn "tax" into something more palatablle.

I suggest "tithe". I KNOW it means 10% but I'm certain we can stretch that word all out of shape too and redistribute some of that yucky wealth to those of us more deserving. B. C. bud ain't cheap, you know.

When all those overpaid CEOs bitch about being in the 90% "tithe bracket" we will have won.

Plus, that particular word might suck in a few religious types.

[DonkeyDick]

Now that the college of the cardinals have won the world series, maybe they can persuade the Pope to beatify Nancy Pelosi, starting her on the path to sainthood.

I've been in favour of beating Nancy for ages...

[Pol Pothead]

Dudes, I totally agree that we need to, like, find a less-biased term than 'tax increase'. Let me just, like, throw this one out and sh*t: 'economic democracy'.

See, that way progressyve candydates could say to the voting sheeple, "I support economic democracy" instead of, "I'm going to give your paycheck to crack addicts and then dare you to complain about it".

[Scrotal Inflator]

You can get the authentic Dream Catchers from any organyc food store, or you can order them online from Ward Churchill's website.

[Che]

You all are so close. DonkeyDyk, I especially like the idea of using "tithe".

How about we tweak "tithe" to mean that the Government pays the people 10% (If it can do so without incurring unnecessary financial burden). Your employer will send everything you earn to Washington, and you will receive a tithing from Pelosi.

[Speaks Truth to Chimps]

I think our best bet is:

"We support Economic Justice through raising the Contribution Rate on the top 1%."

Although I really like Che's idea of the reverse tithe.

[Fist of Etiquette]

I had actually considered the "reverse tithe" option, but I'm not entirely comfortable telling the government what to do with its money.

[A-10]

Ahhh, shouldn't it be "tythe".

We don't want the right-wing, radical, KKKristians to think they are giving moeny from their ill-gotten gains to the church.

[Che]

I'm not entirely comfortable telling the government what to do with its money.

Nancy, John F, Barney and Howard will have full dicretion how much of a tithe to give their constituents. For example, Hollywoodians, trial lawyers, and blue staters (registered to vote the correct way) could receive a larger gift from their government than red staters, church-goers, or those registered to vote the wrong way.

[Pol Pothead]

Actually, now that I think about it, this whole discussion should be moot and sh*t. The whole idea of working for [i]compensation[/i], even if it's all taxed, just serves to facilitate capitalism. Once we take over, everyone will just receive ration cards instead. And we won't link the amount of ration cards received to work or accomplishment or anything fascist like that, but to how socially enlightened a person is. That way we can encourage the right sorts of behavior. And we can measure social enlightenment through use of simple yardsticks such as, say, party membership...

[Politics of Peace]

What if we redefine "tax" to mean the government giving money to the people? We can then implement a comprehensive scheme of *negative* taxation, which the Rethugs have never managed to do. And we will also be able to promise ever higher tax *reductions*, while the Rethugs will be forced to try to advocate for tax increases, which polls show are very unpopular with the people.