Hawaii. With its lush marijuana plantations and vibrant gay community, many consider it a veritable “Garden of Eden”. Yet there’s nothing the Bible-thumping Bush regime would love more than to see the Island paradise sink into the sea like the Biblical utopias of Sodom and Gomorrah. Last weekend’s barrage of politically-motivated quakes were only the opening salvo it what threatens to be a full-scale war waged by the Christian Right against the brown-skinned Hawaiian peoples.
Thankfully, not as many people died without dignity as Bush had undoubtedly hoped in this, the latest of his ecological disasters. Nonetheless, he wrought economical destruction to Hawaii that only time and the repeal of his tax cuts for the wealthiest one percent will heal. The tremors that struck Hawaii knocked scores of ukeleles out of tune, and thousands of striking hula workers were forced to gyrate rhythmically at the hips without compensation for several agonizing minutes. Many a grass-skirted minx has already fled the Islands for the safety of the mainland, walking across the Pacific Ocean on the backs of undocumented Mexicans swimming to Hawaii for construction jobs. Defiant in the face of tragedy, a headstrong and resolute Mayor Ray Kakapipimediapaliki condemned the racist policies that lead to the quakes, and vowed that Honolulu would once again be a “Coconut City” - just as soon as they've ran off all the job-stealing Beaners.
As expected, the Repugs are in full denial mode, blaming the disaster on everything from "Mother Nature" to "Tectonic Plates". But no matter how they try to spin it, the blame for Hawaii lies solely on George Bush and his evangelical masters - not to be confused with Thomas Magnum and his Robin Masters, neither of whom were invited to the Luau.
<3 Larry
Posted by: MMM'BILLY | October 16, 2006 at 08:17 PM
The job-stealing beaners are temporarily out of the construction racket and are presently working with Diebold to ensure the Republicans will maintain their stolen majorities in Congress.
Will someone please explain to me when Mexicans stopped being progressives and sold out to Karl Rove?
Trust me, the wets didn't plant the e coli in organic spinach to wipe out NRA members. They're after us!
Mexicans- - the new Zionists of the 21st Century
Posted by: brainsample | October 16, 2006 at 08:40 PM
What next, shrub?!
Blizzards?! Oh, wait...
THEY'RE ALREADY HERE!!!
Posted by: Damian G. | October 16, 2006 at 08:51 PM
"the Repugs are in full denial mode, blaming the disaster on ... 'Tectonic Plates'".
More like Teutonic Plates, and you KNOW what I'm talkin' about.
Posted by: Speaks Truth to Chimps | October 16, 2006 at 08:58 PM
In light of this, I feel we should just surrender in Iraq.
Posted by: Dodger | October 16, 2006 at 09:20 PM
Those who know me are aware of my "Hawaiian connection".
Anyway, I wrote a post about it...
Posted by: camojack | October 16, 2006 at 09:40 PM
Dateline: Hawaii
Speaks Truth to Chimps here as unofficial reporter for BlameBush.com.
Inspired by Sean Penn, I stowed away on a plane bound for Hawaii disguised as a Muslim Freedom Fighter so nobody would even look at me for fear of an ACLU lawsuit. In solidarity with my progressive Hawaiian BrothSisters who are currently denied OVER 1000 RIGHTS(!) since Hawaii didn't pass Gay Marriage, I ate nothing but cubes of C&H sugar that I bought from a Hippie carrying both a "No Nukes" and a "We Support North Korea" sign outside the airport.
When I arrived, I was shocked and horrified at the devestation that I saw. Only one word can describe it, "Awake"! Locals and vacationers alike were all "Awake"!
It was far out! Then there are the colors, so bright that I can't keep my eyes open. Bush is trying to blind me! Aaaaaaah!
Posted by: Speaks Truth to Chimps | October 16, 2006 at 09:57 PM
Heck! That really sucks. I had a shipment of Maui Wowie scheduled.
On the bright side, my pineapple futures should pay off big-time.
Posted by: DonkeyDick | October 16, 2006 at 10:08 PM
This earthquake is just another example of the pitfalls America faces when trying to install a democracy in a place that's not ready for it.
America overthrew a perfectly good monarchy in 1893 and in over 110 years has not been able to find any weapons of mass destruction.
Except for mai tais, of course.
Posted by: DonkeyDick | October 16, 2006 at 10:26 PM
DonkeyPenis, you are so correct. Some places are just not ready for having Democracy imposed on them at the point of a gun.
60 years later, we're still embroiled in the quagmires of Germany and Japan.
It's time we pulled out of those places and shoot our wads on food for the homeless right here at home.
Posted by: Speaks Truth to Chimps | October 16, 2006 at 10:35 PM
And we all know who is going to get the multi-billion dollar contract to re-build Hawaii...don't we.
Posted by: Bush4Ever | October 17, 2006 at 03:25 AM
I absolutely love Hawai'i!!!! Kommonna'wanna'layya, U'like-alikk'maddikki and Lesgo-ho-manskrewee were favorite vacation spots. Too bad they were in a Blue State, I guess.
Posted by: Fist of Etiquette | October 17, 2006 at 04:45 AM
Everywhere I turn, more examples of how we are victims of the Bush administration. I can't continue to live like this. I need more help from the top 1%.
Posted by: LiberalLoudandProud | October 17, 2006 at 04:58 AM
So, if Chimp and his organ grinders knew enough about these these 'Tectonic Plates' to blame them for the 'earthquake', where is their initiative to negotiate with them? I recall Bill Clinton spearheaded a massive Tectonic Plate initiative, and for eight years, rogue plates neither obtained nuclear weapons nor caused earthquakes in Hawaii.
This is the truth of things; Chimp let the policy slip, and because of this lapse, we're now hearing reports of brave Hawaiians being forced to eat each other while the wealthiest 1% lodge in luxurious FEMA trailers and dine on government cheese.
Posted by: Moonchild | October 17, 2006 at 06:03 AM
"not to be confused with Thomas Magnum and his Robin Masters"
Straight womyn and gay myn LOOOOOOOVE Thomas Magnum! And the BDSM crowd loves anyone named "Masters".
Posted by: The Den Mother | October 17, 2006 at 06:31 AM
You just aren't getting the high quality of comments that you used to get here, are you? Where's the wit? It's as if you're readership has been replaced by liberals trying to pass themselves off as conservatives trying to pass themselves off as liberals....
Posted by: Maqua | October 17, 2006 at 06:52 AM
Let's see. Hawaii was the place the elder bu$h and carl rove's father staged pearl harbor so he could con ameriKKKa into a illegal, immoral war against the peaceful pepople of japan.
Now bu$h the evil son is placing this island paradise under his jackboot and the right wing MSM will not report the truth! This is so much like the time that the peaceful people of indonesia tried to register to vote in our elections to turn back the right-wing tide Not only did cheney now allow them to register, he also punished them for their insolence with a tsunami, killing billions.
What does the bu$h crime family have against brown-skinned people?
and don't get me started on the brown-skinned people forced to dine rooftop-al fresco on corpses after the rethugican hurricane KKKatrina!
Posted by: Dave | October 17, 2006 at 07:14 AM
forgive the type-o's my BDS is working overtime today. (the only thing working in this economy )
Posted by: Dave | October 17, 2006 at 07:24 AM
Who is Tectonic Plates? Is that the guy that shot Reagan?
Posted by: SpinningOlive | October 17, 2006 at 11:08 AM
Bush put snakes on Guam and now he's trying to send Hawaii to the bottom of the ocean just like he did to Atlantis. Daily Kos must rally the liberal ... I mean, Progressyves and DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!
*bong hit*
Posted by: Neocon-pincher | October 17, 2006 at 12:54 PM
Maqua,
Hrmm... "[email protected]?" "anon.fr?!"
No wonder you're so bitter. Even AOL users get more respect than you in the international online community, neh?
Posted by: stoorat | October 17, 2006 at 01:11 PM
Useful Hawaiian Translations:
Aloha - It can mean hello and goodbye, welcome or farewell.
Hula - A native Hawaiian dance where the rhythm of the islands is caputured in swaying hips and stories are told by lyrically moving the hands.
Kahuna - Priest, sorcerer, doctor or other highly skilled person.
Book 'em Dan'O - Take the Democrat to the police station, have the guards romance him with a sugar cane and then throw him in a cell next to John Mark Karr.
Posted by: Jack Lord | October 17, 2006 at 01:30 PM
Maqua, you just aren't giving the high quality of love that you used to get, are you? Where's the passion? It's as if you've been replaced by a liberal trying to pass themselves off as a prostitute, trying to pass themselves off as liberal....
Posted by: LiberalLoudandProud | October 17, 2006 at 02:59 PM
AlGore has been warning us for years that if we don't ratify Kyoto, earthquakes will increase in both magnitude and frequency. As Mother Gaia warms up, the icecaps melt, dumping more and more water into our oceans. The extra equatorial weight, plus the reduced weight on the polar icecaps, squeezes the earth like a ripe pustule and causes the tectonic plates to shift. Only by taxing the wealthiest 1% back into submyssion, outlawing SUVs, and legalizing marijuana, can this trend be reversed.
Posted by: Che | October 17, 2006 at 03:08 PM
"It's as if you're readership has been replaced by liberals trying to pass themselves off as conservatives trying to pass themselves off as liberals...."
I was gonna pass myself off as someone from France but I'm a man with a backbone who actually takes at least one shower a day.
Posted by: BillyJoeBob@TheGasStation | October 17, 2006 at 03:57 PM