Bush Kicks Pluto Out of Solar System

Bush’s big astronomy buddies announced this week that Pluto’s planetary status has been officially revoked, and it is no longer welcome in the solar system. Such is the price of dissent in this day and age.

On the bright side, three “dwarf planets” have been admitted into our celestial community – three new additions to Bush’s Galactic Coalition of the Coerced and the Bribed. One can only wonder what kind of deal he struck with all those poor, naive little dwarves. No doubt it involves stealing their oil.

However, I can’t help but question the timing of the whole thing. It’s just a little too coincidental that three whole planets appear out of their cosmic deep freeze now, simultaneously, without any sort of advance warning, and so close to the November elections.

I’m no astronomy expert. The planetarium at Berkeley was closed in violation of local indecency laws, and at Evergreen they simply fed us mushrooms and told us to write down what we saw. But I know enough about the subject to state with 99.9% certainty that heavenly bodies do not just materialize out of thin air for no reason, at least not for an Evangelical peeResident who favors superstition over science. With Bush conveniently off on another one of his alibi-establishing fishing trips, I doubt we’ll be getting any real answers either from him or the dwarves any time soon.

Comments

[Bubblehead]

I figured out a reason for Bu-shaitan's discriminatory behavior -- this reduces the number of planets to 8, which is like the symbol for infinity on its side, and Skull and Bones uses symbols like that! Either them, or the Masons...

[Bubblehead]

I'd just like to point out that this makes two (2) posts in a row where I got first comment. It pays to refresh 528 times a day! Winners comment, losers vomment!

[Bush4Ever]

I always thought that, if Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus, that Dogs must be from Pluto. What does Der ChimpenReichsFuhrer have against Canine-Americans?

[The Exorcist]

b4e,

Good point. If he's not pinning a murder rap on Snoop Dog, he's taking away Bow Wow's ability to purchase over the counter Plan B(ush) pills until he turns 18. And I shudder to think what he has in mind for all those bytches at Camp Casey.

Uranus can't be too far from having its right to exist thoroughly violated.

[Che]

Damn you B4E and Exorcyst! You made the easy jokes (the dog Pluto and Uranus (giggle)) before I got here. Now I'll have to think about it.

[Bush4Ever]

Why did Der ChimpenReichsFuhrer have KKKarl Rove use his Evil Sith Lord Mind KKKontrol Waves to have a bunch of Star Trek Conventions Geeks change the number of planets from 9 to 8?

I'm so glad you asked.

Let's look at the symbolic meaning of the number 9.

Hmmmm, "Nine People Stoned"

Now.

Let's look at the symbolic meaning of the number 8.

Hmmmm...Resurrection.

Need. I. Say. More?

[The Exorcist]

"Need. I. Say. More?"--B4+5E

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[DoubleU]

it is because chimpymcbushitler doesnt care about black holes

[libmeister]

Just like the Chimperor to make fun of dwarves, even if its the dwarf-planet Pluto. Anyway, like, I bet Pluto is where the Bu$Hitler/Halliburton/Cheney/RoveHimmler are keeping those 10,000 dead bloated black Democrat voters that drowned in New Orleans a year ago.

[Dodger]

...where the Bu$Hitler/Halliburton/Cheney/RoveHimmler are keeping those 10,000 dead bloated black Democrat voters that drowned in New Orleans a year ago.

That's ok actually, so long as they are still allowed to vote.

[Menstrual Rainbow]

The citizens of Pluto must be pretty pissed with Darth Bush right now. There is already an icrease in alien abductions, I went to the shops yesterday yet when I woke up this morning in a Hobo's cardboard box with no evidence of what had happened to me other than an empty bottle of Gin and a soreness where my anal probe had been conducted. Twelve hours of my life had vanished.

[Arbiter]

Why does the rest of the world have to suffer because Bu$Hitler keeps getting the Disney pooch and the planet mixed up?

[Bush4Ever]

"it is because chimpymcbushitler doesnt care about black holes"

I wouldn't say that. I think there is one Black Hole that Bu$Hitler cares about VERY much!!! If THIS doesn't bring about The Gaia-Blessed Call For Impeachment then we won't stop until we find something that does!!!!

[Bush4Ever]

In light of this new information, I think it best if we just surrender to the Klingons, Romulans & Cylons.

[Bubblehead]

I don't know if Plutonians are pissed at Bu-shaitan, but it seems that the astrologers are.

[Dave]

I'm sure that if you found life on pluto it would be a progessive utopia. That's the true reason Bu$hitlerhaliburton took this off of the list.

[RWing Nut]

Friends, normally I'd rather do something truely disgusting, like keep my pants on during the Star Spangled Banner, before I'd post something off the topic Prof. Chomstein has chosen for us. But the pending ecological "disaster in Alasker" as Sen. Teddy would say, compells me to disrupt the decorum of the forum.

Heat bleeding off the Alaskan oil pipeline creates a tropical warm zone in the immediate area. Caribou frolic in this warm zone, copulating freely like 10-year olds on the playground of a public school with a progryssive sex-education program. Bush's KKKonservative junta can't stand the idea of free love, so after repeated failed efforts to teach Caribou abstinence, they "find" a problem with the pipeline and cut off the flow of oil. It worked with terrorist plots, so why not?

I implore you as a progryssive person, mobilize the community, save the Caribou, pump the oil. Contact your local chapter of the Sierra Club or Earth First with this message, Take back the tundra!

[jainphx]

If Pluto is no longer a planet,does that mean that it's emissary Helen Thomas must go back,or can she be naturalized.Those rabies shots are painful.

[Arbiter]

First, Shrubya outlaws an entire planet. What's next? Medical Marijuana? A womyn's right to get rid of the little whiny brat inside her?

This reminds me of when the Grand Daddy of Evil, the Prince of Darkness, He Who Must Not Be Named,
This Monster, outlawed the Russians and was going to bomb them out of existence within 5 minutes, before the hero of our time, Jimmah Carter bravely saved them and Communism.

[Ronald W. Reagan]

“Whatever else history may say about me when I’m gone, I hope it will record that I appealed to your best hopes, not your worst fears; to your confidence rather than your doubts. My dream is that you will travel the road ahead with liberty’s lamp guiding your steps and opportunity’s arm steadying your way.”

(saluting)

[Arbiter]

Reagan!!! Our progessyve nemesis! Your words are like holy water on a vampire to us!! Begone!!

[skippy]

the worst thing about this is that now the last planet is uranus.

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[Mike S]

Of course he kicked Pluto out of the solar system. Pluto is named for a Disney character, and Disney is a notoriously gay-friendly corporation.

I fully expect our gay-bashing president to kick Uranus out of the solar system next.

[DoubleU]

they found out pluto had no oil.

[PTPFP]

Bush downsized Pluto to a dwarf? Did anyone bother to tell Roy Disney? Of course not. Where will this lead? Now that there are eight dwarves he has upset the balance of nature. Gaia's gonna be pissed.