Kenny-Boy Cheats the Hangman

"...The President has described Ken Lay as an acquaintance, and many of the President's acquaintances have passed on during his time in office,” Reich Propaganda Minister Tony Snow confessed to reporters yesterday.

Gosh, Tony. Thanks for telling us what we’ve all known for six long years: Dumbya’s friendship is hazardous to your health. Even serving as the best man at the Shrub's wedding wasn't enough to keep Kenny-Boy's corpse off Bush's ever-growing mountain of dead "acquaintances". Now lawmakers fear that Lay’s death may be a “Get Out of Jail Free” card, and that he’ll never serve a single day of his sentence. The millions of Americans he bilked out of their retirement savings won’t have it so lucky. Their golden years will be spent eating dog food right out of the can and accidentally voting for Pat Buchanan. Dammit, they deserve better!

As compassionate as it sounds, granting Death With Dignity to every one of Lay’s victims would only be a temporary fix. While the actions of Stalin and Pol Pot were merely unfortunate perversions of Karl Marx’s great utopian dream, Lay’s crimes were typical of capitalism as a whole. It will require tougher, more permanent measures to protect hard-working Americans from another Enron.

The Estate Tax was created to prevent greedy rich people from using the Death Loophole to avoid Giving Back to the Community their ill-gotten wealth. The same principle could be used to insure that corporate fat cats don’t kick the bucket before they can pay for their white-collar crimes against humanity. By law, every new CEO should be required to serve 15 years in a maximum security prison prior to beginning their lucrative career. The sentence could be offset by donating a large portion of their profits to progressive causes, labor unions, or directly to the Democrat Party.

Kenny-Boy Lay may have weaseled out of paying for his crimes, but with a little preventative medicine we can insure that no more CEOs use death as an escape. Once the scourge of capitalism can no longer sap away our precious bodily fluids, our great, great grandchildren will never again worry about how they're ever going to pay for that abortion

Comments

[Rocky Mtn. Lioness]

"By law, every new CEO should be required to serve 15 years in a maximum security prison prior to beginning their lucrative career. The sentence could be offset by donating a large portion of their profits to progressive causes, labor unions, or directly to the Democrat Party."

WHEW....I nearly missed that "sentence could be offset" part and was worried progressyve Progressive Insurances Peter Lewis would have to do a retroactive leaving his lucrative business to do the prison time. Thank Gaia, even though his efforts couldn't stop the Shrub's Selection, he did generously give $10 million of his welfare check into trying to stop the Shrub from stealing the Whitehouse...AGAIN!

I DEMAND REPARATIONS!

[Bush4Ever]

Yeah. Sure. Like Ken Lay (and wouldn't THAT last name make HIM popular in prison) hasn't gotten a plastic surgery makeover and isn't currently enjoying the good life under a new identity in a chalet in Switzerland using money from his many illgeal offshore bank akkkounts!!

[Fist of Etiquette]

Now I (Ken) Lay me down to sleep,
I pray a Bush pardon my freedom to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the lawyers my (bamboozled) fortune to take.

[camojack]

Yeah, "Kenny-Boy" awaits sentencing in Aspen.

If it was me, I'd be awaiting it in the "gray bar hotel".

There is no justice...there's just this.

[Moonchild]

I hope this is the brick to the head which the country needs to snap out of its mass delusion when it comes to 'free' enterprise. The blight of Wal-Marts hasn't done it. Leaving Gaia face-down in the gutter like the prostitutes outside DNC headquarters on Sunday mornings continues. Take-a-penny, leave-a-penny cups in convienience stores run at stagering deficits with no government oversight or subsidies. But, Ken Lay is dead. Perhaps the spontaneous celebrations/protests orchestrated by MoveOn.org will wake up the nation, and I'm looking forward to the catharsis of dancing on Ken's grave.

[Bulletbob]

I suspected and now I know, Lay was knee-deep in bringing down the towers and now the Scrub has offed him to keep him from singing. When will we see the Second Coming of Algore to save us from it all?????

[Bilgeman]

Ehhh;

Ken Lay probably was going to be sentenced to go hunting with Dick Cheney, so what's the difference?

He'd have been "late-term aborted" either way.

And it saved the taxpayers the price of the shotgun shell.

Regards;

[Arbiter]

Are we all sure he's dead? The DailyKos thinks he's still alive on one of Cheney's sinister "Dr. Evil" islands, basking in the sun. I'd really like for the Lay family to produce the corpse.

[DAVE]

Ken Lay was going to be a truth teller about Bu$h and his crime family. Belive me, Ken knew where the bodies are hidden. ( even more so now )

Cheney, (who has gay child) took some time off from ploting to start a war of empire with the peacefull nation of North Korea to place a plastic bag over his head and choke the life out of this man.

When will it end? you could be next!!!!

[The Exorcist]

Does anyone else find it suspicious that right smack dab in the middle of North Korean president Herve Villachaize's fireworks display, WHAMMO, Lay fakes a heart attack?

I'm not entirely sure what that means either, but very suspicious nonetheless. We'll have to turn to domestic/foreign-policy expert KOSfucius for the real answers.

[Menstrual Rainbow]

Ken Lay was going to reveal that a senior member of the Bush junta has a daughter who is a lesbian, that is why he was killed. If only we knew who it was.

[Rocky Mtn. Lioness]

Boy, I can't agree enough with the adoration and reverence paid here to DailyKos. Outside of LibLar's lair, it's the only other sound and sane safe haven in a Category 5 KOnSpiracy theory cyber-storm!!

Gaia bee praized!

ALLAH AKBARKatTheMoon!!!!!

[RWing Nut]

Friends, don't be fooled by reports of Ken Lay's "death." It's all a product of, in rightful President Al Gore's words, "powerful forces keeping us down." We may not know the facts. But, when has this stopped us speaking truth to power before? This whole sham to escape justice is brought to you by one or more of these groups
Skull & Bones
PNAC
Tri-Lateral Commission
Bert of Sesame Street (see Bert is evil websites)
RNC
G8
Lex Luther
Cato Institute
Rush Limbaugh
The neighbor's black dog that barks out messages late at night
World Monetary Fund
CIA
NSA
ABCDEFG (so secret you have never heard of them, thanks to no child left behind, you never will)
Ann KKKoulter
Haliburton! Haliburton! Haliburton!
Walmart
Jooos of course.

[The Exorcist]

I now have the evidence I earlier only suspected to be true. It turns out that nobody that I've talked to today has ever seen Kim Jong Ill and Herve Villechaize in the same place at the same time. Especially in the last 10 years or so.

Also, it doesn't take a national defense expert like Michael Moore or Janeene Garafalafalafalowlife to figure out that Kim Jong didn't even fully change his last name from (V)ILL(echaize). THAT'S what I'm talkin bout!

http://theexorcist.typepad.com/my_weblog/

[Arbiter]

Excorist, you're really on something! I mean, you're really on TO something! I also have found Dan Rather certifiable unimpeachable proof that 9/11 was an inside job! Charlie Sheen was right! Not just about Denise Richards (she's no beautiful Helen Thomas ! He was right about the horrible conspiracy all along...

[Arbiter]

Sorry, bad link for my sweetie Helen

[The Exorcist]

Arbinator,

Thank you sooooo much for the Helen visual. I was suffering from a severe case of Priapism (you know, that side effect of Cialis that causes ERECTIONS TO LAST FOR OVER 4 FREAKIN HOURS!!!) but the montage of Mount Saint Helen ceased my eruptions, erections and desire to live.

And, girlfriends Kiki Dee and Daisy Mae Duke, did I hear it's y'alls BIRTHDAYS!? That is such FAB news. My birthday is tomorrow as well. You know us lady-folk, we're always doing things in 3's. Shopping for purses and pink hats, having birthdays and who can forget all those massage-my-tois.

Let's meet up at Chippendale's later for some real fun, shall we? Okay, go ahead, you can invite Rocky Mountain Redstate too.

[Rocky Mtn. Lioness]

Arbiter,
I am so hurt! Since Pol Potheads fascist brother probably off'd poor Pol, I thought maybe you and I had somethin' going on. (I'm pretty sure I wasn't confusing you with your Marine [hubba hubba]brother)..but then how on earth can I expect to compete with the likes of Mt. St. Helen of Troy! It was terribly presumptuous of me I know, but that's part of the curse of being wholly hetero. I feel so foolish--which is also not very progressyve of me to be accountable to, or even recognize or own up to any possible flaws.

If only Gaia had seen fit to bless me to be a Daughter of Cheney! *sniff*

[Rocky Mtn. Lioness]

OOPS!!....wrong link of me!, Arbiter. Sorry, but it's STILL not enough to compete w/Helen of Troy, Michigan...*sniff* I need to go curl up in my hemp comforter with a cup of mate' tea and a carob bar and pint of tofutti and watch Opera..err..Oprah.

[Arbiter]

RML, actually, I like the second pic of you better!

I'm just finishing my third tent city stint with Sherf Joe here in Phoenix... He won't let me keep my glaucoma meds and denies me conjugal visits. There's hope for you and I yet though, 'cause I've got 3 (count'em 3) GED's now my luv.

[PTPFP]

*rubs hands together*
He'll need air conditioning where he is going...unless hell is suffering from rolling blackouts...

[Rocky Mtn. Lioness]

PTPFP,
The ONLY "hell" is a red state and he lived in one of those: Houmidston. UGH!

And isn't "blackout" a rather racist word? We really need to change that, don't we? How about "rolling lightlessnesses"?

"'....cause I've got 3 (count'em 3) GED's now...."==Arbiter

*swoon* Oh baby, oh baby, oh baby!

[david quijano]

best thing i read all day

[Senor Cheeseburger]

Pictures of Kim Jong Il sniffing dog poop:
www.supersexypictures.blogspot.com

best
blog EVER

You should all probably link to it, you'll be famous by association

[libmeister]

By my calculations, if I were to add up the reparations that are due me from all the evil multi-national corporations that have financially raped me last forty years, I should be getting around 42.3 BILLION DOLLARS! And that's before the annual compound interest! Yet I haven't seen a damn dime. IS THERE NO JUSTICE!

Obviously we're all victims of Bu$Hitler's immoral corporate hegemony!