The house is a rockin' here at Seattle Hemp Products! In honor of 06/06/06, we've cranked up the jukebox with an iTunes playlist guaranteed to run all the intolerant, biblethumping evangelicals out of the office - had we not fired the last of them months ago.
Begone, Xians, with your family values, your opposite-sex marriages, and your charity bake sales! Go back to the Dark Ages from whence you came!
Anyway, I gotta run a coworker to the hospital. Sheldon in Human Relations jabbed his finger into his eye attempting to perform the Dio salute.
Damn you, Bush!
Country Music has been Satanic for years! "Brokenheartsville" talks about Satan driving a Coup Deville, but Lucifer really drives an SUV and looks surprisingly like Dick Cheney! (Whose daughter Mary, by the way, is a devout Lesbian).
Posted by: Arbiter | June 06, 2006 at 12:30 PM
Amen to THAT, Larry!
Just to show these Xtian hillbilies, I've painted a pentagram on my forehead and covered my naked body in goat's blood and I've been reading Latin witchcraft incantations since this ridiculous superstitious idiotfest of 06/06/06 started. See? Your ridiculous religious fantasies are just that! These stupid Xtian fools! I will eat their children's entrails! I will cover their churches in blood and sulphur! I AM LEGION AND I WILL HOLD MY DOMINION OVER THEIR SOULS! LOOK UPON ME AND DISPAIR! I WILL GRIND THE WORLD OF MAN UNDER MY HEEL AND BRING THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN CRASHING DOWN UPON IT. BOW TO ME AND BECOME MY SERVANTS! GIVE YOUR HEARTS OVER TO THE BLACK PIT AND SERVE ME, OR I SHALL ROAST YOUR SOULS IN THE FIRES OF GOMMORAH!
Posted by: Neocon-pincher | June 06, 2006 at 01:21 PM
Wow, that's pretty deep NeoconPincher... I think I'll start playing "God of War" again on my PS2...
Posted by: Arbiter | June 06, 2006 at 01:26 PM
"SHALL ROAST YOUR SOULS IN THE FIRES OF GOMMORAH!"==NeoCon Pincher
Pardon my lysdexia, but did you just say: "...SHALL ROAST THEIR GHOULS IN THE FIRES OF S'MORES!"
Larry,
It looks like your i-tunes jukebox list isn't complete! Where's the stuff like "Seasons In The Sun", "Feelings", "McArther Park", "Bang Shangalang", "Don't Worry Be Happy", and "Killing Me Softly", etc.?
It's not like the Xtians aren't all audio forcefeeding their fetally expelled flesh blobs loops of Strypers "To Hell With The Devil", today!!
Oh, And NOBODY light any matches today, either! In Dutch their called "lucifers" [LOO-see-fairrrrs]. We progressyves don't want to give off the impression we're like the witch burning TheoKKKons!
Posted by: RoCkY mTn LiOnEsS | June 06, 2006 at 01:58 PM
Neocon-pincher,
Your girdle too tight or the bondage chaps chafing?
You know, Larry, that the vote for straight marriage is taking place in the Senate today. Brilliant way to get the supporters of such a definition of the law to foam at the mouth and their heads to do a 360.
Other than that, nothing to see here.
Posted by: PTPFP | June 06, 2006 at 02:00 PM
I've traveled to the Real Capital of the world San Francisco so Gavin Newsome could officiate a wonderful marriage between my wonderful lyfe partner Mohammad the Baboon (Peace be upon his sweet, tight, rashy ass). He and I are doing famously thank you very much.
Posted by: Arbiter | June 06, 2006 at 02:27 PM
Ha!
Some demon thinks he can possess me? Bah!
I had six straight bowls of good red-haired Columbian glaucoma medication and watched taped episodes of Ren&Stimpy one after the other. After a while, he left.
Mmmmm.... melty DingDongs.
*smack* *lick*
Posted by: Neocon-pincher | June 06, 2006 at 02:40 PM
In honor today's devilous date, I'm going to do something so completely vile, it chills me to the bone:
I am Satan Incarnate!!!!!!
Posted by: Arbiter | June 06, 2006 at 03:11 PM
Look I'll be honest, I don't fully understand why we are all worshipping Santa now, after all Christmas is a tacky celebration of commercialism and christianity and Santa represents patriarchal authority over womynkind. However I will be sacrificing a lentil to him anyway because if the god botherers are upset by this it can't be bad.
Posted by: Menstrual Rainbow | June 06, 2006 at 03:40 PM
" However I will be sacrificing a lentil to him anyway"
DUMBYA MOLE ALERT! ROVE MOLE ALERT!!...
#1: When referring to Santa, MR didn't capitalize "Him"
#2: The Multi-colored Mensus is threatening to burn at the stake our Goddess Superior: NoseToDamn-us!!
Oh...Lentil--not Yentl...Never mind.
Posted by: RoCkY mTn LiOnEsS Latilla | June 06, 2006 at 04:01 PM
Well, Hell's Bells, all you AC/DC fans...so to speak.
Posted by: camojack | June 06, 2006 at 04:26 PM
OR I SHALL ROAST YOUR SOULS IN THE FIRES OF GRANDMA???
Eeeeewwwwww.
Posted by: Bush Eats Iraqi Infants | June 06, 2006 at 04:39 PM
BuShaitan Prepares For The Future
Posted by: Bush4Ever | June 06, 2006 at 04:44 PM
Speaking of the lucky number 666, I hope and pray to Gaia that Hillary Clinton wins in 2008 and Bill Clinton becomes the Secretary General of the United Nations. This will be the start of the great harmonic convergence and the Age of Aquarius and peace will reign through out the planet.
And the bright and morning star will light our way to global harmony and peace as the angel Lucifer consummates his heavenly marriage with Gaia, the giver of all life and wisdom.
I think I see the mothership arriving now...or maybe it's the black helicopters. Now where did I put that tinfoil hat....?
Posted by: libmeister | June 06, 2006 at 07:43 PM
The remake of 'The Omen' opens today. In honor of that, I am watching 'True Grit.'
Posted by: PTPFP | June 06, 2006 at 08:09 PM
"The remake of 'The Omen' opens today. In honor of that, I am watching 'True Grit.'"==PTPFP
OOPS! My lysdexia seems to be exacerbated by the hot weather: In honor of this day, I watched Nemo!
Posted by: RoCkY mTn LiOnEsS Latilla | June 06, 2006 at 09:24 PM
Oh, I get it now--your jukebox at work...
That's some crazy Seattle Hemp I-Tunes
Posted by: RoCkY mTn LiOnEsS | June 06, 2006 at 10:43 PM
[I'll try this once more]
My owner set the dial to 6 expecting his brand muffins to be cooked to tasty golden brown.
Unfortunately, the muffin in left slot got jammed in my heating coils. There was a lot of smoke and a small fire - ha ha ha!
Never use 6 on your toaster.
My owner got so angry he exorcised some guy bending over on a prayer rug with a #2 pencil. Sadly, the pencil broke (splinters and all).
He told the cops that the guy was a constipated mathematician and he was helping him work it out with a pencil.
The paramedics gave the rug guy a pillow to hold between his legs on the way to the hospital.
But, on happy note my owner is out on bail.
Posted by: Talking Toaster | June 06, 2006 at 11:34 PM
Where's Helter Skelter?
Posted by: Charlie Manson | June 14, 2006 at 10:34 AM