Although it's been an incredibly busy week for me, with nary a free minute to even update my blog, I at least made an effort to sit down and watch the Oscars last Sunday night. That’s more than I can say for the rest of America, though. The ratings for this year’s Academy Award ceremonies were the lowest in recorded history, second only to the pilot episode of the Discovery Channel’s Magical Journey Through Phil Donahue’s Digestive Tract. Donahue, of course, insists that the series was sabotaged by right-wing network execs at the behest of the Bush administration. Perhaps so. But with box office numbers continuing to tank as well, one can’t help but wonder if America has somehow lost touch with Hollywood, and how future generations will ever find their way without talented actors and actresses to guide them.
There was a time when the American film industry was little more than an instrument for spewing jingoist propaganda. Fascists like John Wayne and Henry Fonda poisoned millions of young minds with their pro-American cowboy filth. But since the 1960’s, Hollywood has become our moral compass. More than just performing monkeys, actors have become the better angels of our nature, leading us along the path of social progress in ways that people with less perfect hair never could. Schindler’s List taught us about the horrors of death camps years before Abu Ghraib and Gitmo. Eddie Murphy’s wonderful performance in Coming to America brought the civil rights movement out of the Alabama swamps and into the American mainstream. Jane Fonda’s brilliant work in Barbarella dared us to question the pointless futility of the Vietnam War. Through the medium of film, Hollywood has been a force for positive change in America - an evil nation with a bloody past, but a promising future if it would simply follow the loving guidance of the Beautiful People. I’m sure Martin, Coretta, Rosa, and the rest of the cast of The Jeffersons would agree.
That’s what George Clooney tried to tell us when he accepted Heath Ledger’s Oscar the other night, and you could hear the anguish in his voice even as he reminded us of how wonderful he is. America owes so much to our actors and actresses. They fill our sand bags. They serve food at our homeless shelters. They march in our abortion parades. They get drunk, crash their cars, and do informative public service announcements so that we won’t have to. They even fly all the way to Africa to adopt children for a lack of any suitable orphans here at home. Actors give us everything, yet ask for so little in return - save for our unconditional love and political obedience.
If they would simply open their hearts and minds, the useless idiots in Middle America could learn a thing or two from the useful ones in Hollywood.
Anyway, I should be back on a regular posting schedule on Monday. Have a nice weekend, and go see a movie.
What did the American Society of Colon and Rectal Surgeons find in Phil Donahue's Digestive Tract? A colon polyp? A raw rectum? A bag of hemp? An x-ray of a fractured back? What happened?
Posted by: Talking Toaster | March 10, 2006 at 08:53 PM
I already rented a movie to watch for tonight ("Handjob Hunnies IV: The Final Stroke") but I'll make sure to support our selfless superiors tomorrow when I see "Glory Hole" at my local cinema!
Posted by: Bubblehead | March 10, 2006 at 08:58 PM
oooohh Goodie,,movies...
Posted by: csason | March 10, 2006 at 09:09 PM
"Hollywood...poisoned millions of young minds with their...cowboy filth."
I think you're onto somebody, er, something here!
You're talking about Bareback Mountin', right?
Posted by: camojack | March 10, 2006 at 10:07 PM
Well, Hollowood is keepin' it Truth to Power REAL--- about the fact that outdated fasacist heteronormative (so called) relationships just don't WORK.
Three cheers for Brokeback Mutton setting the standard for Homo-Norm!!
Posted by: RoCkY mTn LiOnEsS | March 10, 2006 at 10:28 PM
Ummm... professym? "Back on a regular posting schedule"? When were you ever on this alleged regular posting schedule?
Ahh.. I see... I understand the Bushitler cabal would probably like us to use some definition of "regular" like that appearing in Webster's, the OED, or other white male oppressyve tracts... and I applaud your defiance...
Strength to your bong arm.
Posted by: aurelius | March 10, 2006 at 11:24 PM
I am told that movies really have to be seen on the "big screen". That's why I'm heading out to the Best Buy this weekend to buy me a big screen teevee. Then I'll be able to watch those feature films that I've downloaded just as Hollywood meant me to see them.
Look, all I'm saying is, if these big stars didn't want people going through their garbage and saying they're gay, then they shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively. -H.J.S.
Posted by: Fist of Etiquette | March 10, 2006 at 11:35 PM
That's why I'm heading out to the Best Buy this weekend to buy me a big screen teevee.
Too bad you don't live down here along the coast. As soon as the Rita winds hit 25 mph, I heaaded down to BestBuy with a cinder block credit card.
Posted by: Dodger | March 11, 2006 at 01:09 AM
I stopped going to see movies in the theater because there was always some Reich-Wing Re-Thug-li-KKKan Nazi who would yell at me just because I was expressing my First Amendment Right To Free Speech by calling freynds on my cell phone during the movie to tell them what I thought of it. They would also get on my case for giving a running commntary to my LyfePartner during the movie leading to a further deterioration of my First Amendment Right To Free Speech. And, when I would bring my nyeces and/or nephews, and let them exercise theyr Right To The Pursuit Of Happiness by running around during the movie, well, you guessed it, Reich-Wing Oppression of youthful behavior. So now I just wait for the DVD to...HEY!! WILL YOU KIDS SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! I'M WRITITNG WORDS OF WISDOM HERE!!! Sorry. My LyfePartner's syster dropped her kyds off so she could go somewhere with her third new boyfreynd this week.
Posted by: Bush4Ever | March 11, 2006 at 05:32 AM
America is Hollywood's abusive husband. No matter what drunken rage in Iraq, racist oppression, economic injustices, or savage brutality the nation inflicts on Hollywood and the world, Hollywood washes America's stained clothes, mends its self-inflicted wounds, provides well-reasoned advice, and offers a quiet prayer that it won't happen again.
It's a good thing that therapeutic groups and facilities are available for Hollywood. I don't believe they'd have the endurance to support us otherwise. They just don't know how to quit us, I suppose.
Posted by: Moonchild | March 11, 2006 at 05:44 AM
I think Hollywood came into its own back when Bogie told off Senator Whatshisname during the MacArthur hearings. You know, when he coined the phrase "McCarthyism" that we use so often these days.
Posted by: Che | March 11, 2006 at 06:46 AM
McCarthy was my second favorite brat-packer, until those awful "Weekend at Bernie's" films. Of course, I never really went for zombie movies. Too scary.
Speaking of Hollywood's greatness, my friend and his current life pardner and I just watched a bootleg copy of Brokeback (those of us hip enough know to drop the 'Mountain' when referencing that movie) and I have to say I didn't get any of it.
Why were they all asian, and how were they flying from treetop to treetop? I mean, I get the sword-crossing metaphors, but the rest of it was just perplexing. I don't think Ang Lee knows the first thing about cowboys, much less about the love that dare not speak its name.
Posted by: Fist of Etiquette | March 11, 2006 at 07:06 AM
1) All people that voted/support for bu$h are slack-jawed hillbillys.
2) God does not exist. ( he/she came to us in the name of Clinton, Carter, Kerry, Gore, but we rejected him/her so he's pissed)
3) White people ( NOT WHITE PROGRESSIVES) are evil by nature, and the world would be a much better place without them.
4) Capitalism is the most evil thing on the earth other than white people.
4)AmeriKKKa got what it had coming to it on 9/11
These are just some of the brave messages coming out of hollywood today. I'm glad that Cloony has the fearlessness to speak truth to power.
I don't go to the movies... Those Fascists charge Way to much for popcorn.
Posted by: dave | March 11, 2006 at 07:17 AM
How can you be sure that the Oscar George Clooney accepted was actually Heath Ledger's? Did it come with KY?
Posted by: aelfheld | March 11, 2006 at 07:51 AM
Hollywood is truly the new chosen nation where the world's only decent Jews are now exiled. As global warming destroys the rest of the planet, Gaiya is presently blessing southern cal with a soothing blanket of snow.
We should all learn from Cloooney's brilliant use of irony at the Oscars.
Out of touch, indeed.
Posted by: brainsample | March 11, 2006 at 08:30 AM
I was soooo touched when George Clooney pointed out how progressyve Hollywood is by highlighting the fact that, 60+ years ago, they gave Hattie McDaniel, a black womyn, an Oscar for playing an out-of-character role, Mammy, a maid, in the movie Gone With The Wind. Back 60+ years ago, non-whites were executives and true power players in Hollywood. I'm just wondering why he didn't also point out that Hollywood continued to shower non-whites with Oscars after that?
Posted by: Bush4Ever | March 11, 2006 at 08:40 AM
Hey! I have a whole blog dedicated to celebrity heroes like the Cloonster:
www.celebrityheroes.blogspot.com
I started it actually the day before the Oscars. I had to do something to honor those brilliant Hollywood heroes we worship. Hollywood is the only honest, real and true American entity out there anymore. So I have dedicated my blog exclusively to these true American Patriot-heroes.
Posted by: Bu$hCausedMyGout | March 11, 2006 at 08:48 AM
Why did the Shrub kill Slobodan Milosevic?
He didn't like the (war crimes) competition?? ..or did Dick Cheney (father of a lesbian daughter) just "happen" to be hunting w/Milosevic's attorney in The Hague)?
Since Shrub is supposedly a byble thumper, perhaps Milosevics 66 war crime charges number comes too close to the number of The Shrub: 666!!
Boy, I hope Mikael "Truthier Truth" Mooooore and George C.Looney get together QUICK on this thing for a movie! NOW!
Posted by: RoCkY mTn LiOnEsS | March 11, 2006 at 09:56 AM
Brokeback Mountin'... Heck, damn near killed him.
Posted by: ponytailed guy | March 11, 2006 at 11:43 AM
Hey! I have a whole blog dedicated to celebrity heroes like the Cloonster:
www.celebrityheroes.blogspot.com
I started it actually the day before the Oscars. I had to do something to honor those brilliant Hollywood heroes we worship. Hollywood is the only honest, real and true American entity out there anymore. So I have dedicated my blog exclusively to these true American Patriot-heroes.
WHO EVER YOU ARE WHO WROTE THIS, YOU HAVE A GOOD BLOG. BUT YOU NEED TO OPEN IT UP TO ANONYMOUS COMMENTS. PLUS YOU MAY WANT TO PROVIDE LINKS BACK TO YOUR SOURCES. LIKE LIBERAL LARRY DOES. AM I SHOUTING AT YOU? NO, I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO FORMAT THIS THING SO IT USES ITALICS. IF I TOOK THE TIME TO LEARN HTML, I'M SURE I COULD FIGURE IT OUT. BUT I HAVE HEMP FESTS TO GO TO AND I JUST DON'T HAVE THE TIME.
Continue to "Speak Truth to Power". God bless you Sir. You are a true patriot yourself.
Posted by: Earl | March 11, 2006 at 11:52 AM
George C Looney is the George C Scott of our day. And as you know George C Scott was in spirit General George Patton.
We should be honored to have such a highly intelligent Hollywood progressyve sharing his bong and his tinfoil hat with us in opposing der Chimperor's illegal and immoral war in Iraq.
Posted by: libmeister | March 11, 2006 at 01:12 PM
Speaking of Milosevic. I bet if the truth be told and the veil of secrecy ripped away, we'd find DicKKK Cheney flew in an SR-71 to pay Slobo's a little visit and shot him with his 20 guage quail gun. Cheney then flew back to attend his next fundraiser this weekend. I have it on good information from a friend of mine who know a Boston globe reporter who got it from a highly-placed White House source that Slobo was all set to reveal that it was Bu$Hitler who brainstormed Milosevic's ethnic cleansing of the Kosovars. It all fits.
The ICC is probably too embarassed by this breach of security and that's why they'll stay mum about this whole debacle. That's also why the funeral will be closed casket, so no one would be the wiser after seeing all the pellets in Slobo's face. I'm sure the NSA knows the real truth, too, but won't be ratting out the Bu$Hitler/Halliburton/Cheney/RoveHimmler/CIA/NSA regime any time soon. Will just have to let the DailyKos handle this one down the road.
Remember, you heard it here first!
Posted by: libmeister | March 11, 2006 at 01:23 PM
"America has somehow lost touch with Hollywood, and how future generations will ever find their way without talented actors and actresses to guide them."
are you stoned? yeah bush should be blamed for many, many things but your apparent worship of hollywood leaves me wondering about you.
Posted by: lou | March 11, 2006 at 01:31 PM
It's too bad that Hollywood's lead is not always followed.
Sterling Hayden in Dr. Strangelove tried to inspire various officers in the Air Force, into leading us into the Big One - - but NO, the guys wimped out!
Woody Allen tried to demonstrate how to deal with a fetching stepdaughter - once again an enlightened attitude was ignored.
Hollywood's inspired leadership has been rejected in a host of other cases.
Posted by: LarryH | March 11, 2006 at 01:59 PM
I can't help but agree with lou. I only counted 243 slurs against the Shrub during the whole ceremony. Just plain perfunctory tokenism. I bet they all have bought stock in Haliburton's subsidiary manufacturing barbed wire for the concentration camps.
Posted by: nk | March 11, 2006 at 03:13 PM