Another Special Message from Sen. Ted Kennedy

I don't do "guest bloggers", but in light of the recent confirmation of Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court, I've reluctantly agreed to Sen. Kennedy's request to submit one final article on the subject. - Lar.

This morning, after gorging myself upon the flesh of your young, I phoned Justice Alito personally to congratulate him on his appointment to the Supreme Court of the United States, and to invite him out for leisurely drive around a pretty little pond near Martha’s Vineyard. If he accepts, we may still be able to continue the long March of Progress that my brothers Jack and Bobby began when they freed the slaves. Unlike Bush’s FEMA, however, I believe it is best to prepare for the worst.

Anticipating a conservative push to reinstate slavery, or a Katrina-style ethnic-cleansing attack on our own fair city, Sen. Kerry and I are establishing a sort of “underground railroad” to smuggle our precious African-American citizens safely out of Boston. We’ll begin with the upper-income, gated communities first and then work our way down to the ghettos. Until such a time that they can be evacuated, all men and women of color are advised to stay out of Boston’s country clubs, finer dining establishments, and any other areas where they could easily be spotted by Alito’s racist stormtroopers.

In addition, I will also be welcoming as many of Boston’s nubile young women of childbearing age into my home, where I can more adequately defend them against anti-choice religious fanatics. Safely inside the confines of the Kennedy compound, women will be free to frolic in the nude and have wild, unprotected sex with 400 pounds of choice Irish beefcake. They will not be treated like second-class citizens, but respected, embraced, and fondled as equals. Space is limited, so please: no fat chicks.

As I was trying to explain to my fellow congresspersons Monday evening before I was shot with tranquilizer darts, fitted with a radio collar, and released back into the wild, the Founding Fathers botched the Constitution when they wrote slavery into the original document. Don’t bother looking; progressive Supreme Court justices handpicked by wise and noble leaders like my brother have since removed it. It was my sincerest hope that in the wake of Justices Rehnquist and O’Connor’s untimely deaths, George Bush would have appointed replacements that were unafraid to make a few corrections to the Bill of Rights in the name of social progress. Preferably someone like Ruth Bader Ginsberg, only with nicer breasts. Instead, we got Heinrich Bleeping Himmler.

Weep, my friends, for the summer of love is over, and the long, dark winter of our discontent has begun.

Sen. Edward Kennedy

Comments

[D. Ox]

You are such a phoney, no way Kenmbedy wrote dat. Who yu kidin?

Seriously now, you and your readers might appreciate my analysis of the Bush program and the speech.

http://thomistic.blogspot.com/2006/02/bushs-strategy-and-sotus-in-retrospect.html#links

My analysis explains more of the Bush anomalies than you'll see anywhere else.

All the best, you freakin' fascist.
D. Ox

[brainsample]

The "racist" Alito, in his first act as a Supreme Court Justice, has voted to stay the execution of a black man in Missouri.

If it wasn't for Ted's drunken rambling and stall tactics, Alito would have been on the Court months ago and Tookie would still be writing children's books and bringing peace to the troubled Los Angeles youth.

It all makes sense now.

[camojack]

Those 2 pictures really are similar, huh?

[Fred Turguson -- Moon Bat Daredevil]

Long time lurker, first time poster -- long story, it turns out the "wireless antenna" I had for my keyboard actually had to be plugged into the computer. Anyway, I just wanted to share a story about how I showed up some Gestapo-loving RethugliKKKans at the place I work as a corporate slave. (Another long story -- Mom was really complaining that I needed to start paying rent for the basement...)

Anyway, I do my best to educate the sheeple at work about how Diebold is stealing the elections, the Department of Homeland Security has a plan to put all progressives in concentration camps, and how Bus-hitler is ruining the country to benefit his former employer, Major League Baseball. This one guy, who's always going around making all these heteronormative comments, told me I probably couldn't watch the State of the Union address without yelling out that Bush was a fascist Nazi every minute. No way I'm gonna let this guy think that progressives don't have self-control, so I took him up on his bet. I went over to his house, and it was tough, but I made our movement proud. I was sweating, and almost lost it a couple of times, but I got all the way to the end of the foreign policy section before I yelled out: "Why don't you just invade Bolivia now, Bu-shaitan". My co-worker was still impressed, though. He said that I looked like this "Bud Light Daredevil" guy in some commercial, but I've never seen it, since C-SPAN doesn't show commercials.

Next week, I plan on watching the Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies without yelling at the announcers to "Quit with all your jingoistic flag-heiling, already"... not even once.

[ponytailed guy]

Sounds like your co-worker was infringing on your right to free speech. You'd better contact the ACLU.

[Moonchild]

Sen. Kennedy's fecundity serves as an inspiration for us all. His devotion to all women of child-bearing age who face the awesome weight of lawmakers yet still open themselves to receive the lawmaker's living gift is to be commended.

[libmeister]

I bet Mary Jo Kopechne's grandchildren would have been extremely proud of this latest message from Senator Kennedy.

[Bush4Ever]

The Monarch of Massachusetts, Edward Kopechne-Kennedy, is, most likely, snickering with glee as he pours the first beer of the morning over his bowl of wheat flakes. He thinks that this first vote is an indication that MussAlito's fascist tendencies have been lyberalyzed, I mean, progressyvyzed with a secret injection by Ginsburg, Souter & breyer. Ha-freakin'-ha!! It's all a ploy. MussAlito will toss a few lyberal-, I mean, Progressyve-looking votes out and then, when the Roe vs Wade case comes up...BAM!!! Coathanger City!!! We true lyberals, I mean, progressyves, can see right through this.

[aelfheld]

Is that really Teddy Kennedy, or is it Tian Tian with a wax job? The background sure looks like a bamboo stand.

[Wilderness Fox]

In honor of of St. Theodore Kennedy, I've already impregnated 24 women since 5 am this morning- it's now 20 minutes until 8 in the morning. (Of course, all babies will be aborted before dinner this evening.)

Already the effects of the Alito nomination are being felt: my computer refuses to let me go to any site that calls for Shrubya's head; police busted down my door last night demanding to see all my cell phone records; my girlfriend was arrested for attempting to have her third abortion since the New Year; five masked men armed with tranquilizers and tattoo equipment subdued me and inked an AmeriKKKan flag on my chest, the words to the Star Spangled BaNNNer on my back, and "God Bless America" (sic) on my forehead; but perhaps most chilling of all, there is a mysteriously short supply of tinfoil and coathangers...

Okay, none of this has ACTUALLY happened- yet- but my powers of Lyberal, er, Progressyve Future Prediction have told me this is to pass very soon.

[OmarTheTentMaker]

Even Fat chicks need love!!! They probably give great "Monica."

[PTPFP]

Another spouting from the Good Senator's Stately Blowhole.

[PTPFP]

Rocky Mountain Lioness, those coathangers would pass the Rethugs Evil Eye as IUDs.

[Arbiter]

If "space is limited", how is the Senator going to explain his gigantic grostesque head taking up so much space?

[Dork]

"...400 pounds of choice Irish beefcake."
-The Esteemed Sir Sen. Ted Kennedy ,PhD, MD, DWI

TIt sounds like the ol' boy has slimmed down!

[dave]

I went out on our streets today and this is what I saw.

Noble black men were being led away in chains, progressives were being beaten in the gutter by retughican brownshirts, and the books of ted rall, mike moore, and many others were being burned after being tossed out of our schools. Then they said they were going to burn down the radio station that played the breath of fresh air, "air america". I can't repeat what they were doing to the arabs.

I fell to my knees and yelled " SAVE US, OH, PROGRESSIVE LION OF THE SENATE!!!"

[Dork]

olol i sed "tit"

[Bush4Ever]

"olol i sed "tit""

The Monarch of Massachusetts, Edward Kopechne-Kennedy

Someone heard you and started posting this picture EVERYWHERE, making fun of a man who has served this country all of his semi-quasi-adult life!! Will The Evil Re-Thug-li-KKKan Hate machine ever crash and burn?

[Dork]

I just popped a genderly-ambiguous boner.

[Vishnu Troll Daddy Earth Goddess]

I had my tubes untied just so I could get pregnant in time for my last minute abortion before the death of Roe v. Wade!

[RoCkY mTn. LiOnEsS]

"Rocky Mountain Lioness, those coathangers would pass the Rethugs Evil Eye as IUDs."

Thanks for your concern, Pink.
Let the Rethug Womyn Haters try and stop me!!
I'm not going this alone. I've already put together my Peace Protestor Posse'. These are some of the brave & noble Anti-War doves who still have a surplus of rocks, bricks, bottles and molotov cocktails left over from our protests of war and violence, in San Fransisco, Lib Larry's home state, etc.---places where we've taken our stand (but we support the troops) against the war mongrelling Shrubyanites and HEIL!-iburton jackbooted sheeple thugs.

We invited Peace Mother Cindy too, but she's completely booked up protesting the Presi..err....the war.

Nonetheless, we will do the extingu..err...distinguished Senator Kennequidick proud! (Isn't he just dreamy?)

[PTPFP]

Vishnu, did you also reverse your vasectomy so you could um, do it yourself?

[PTPFP]

Rocky Mountain Lioness,
About the Stately Blimp...I nearly choked when you referred to his puffy patrician looks as 'dreamy.'

[RoCkY mTn. LiOnEsS]

"when you referred to his puffy patrician looks as 'dreamy."

Pink,
Dream puff...
cream puff....
TK puff-n-stuff....
Drink-n-drive-n-SPLASH!-n-snuff....
It's all relative.

[MJK]

In that picture--background and all--it looks like Ted Kennedy is coming up, gasping for air!--except that his hair's not wet.