After two purr-fect months in France, Emily the Stowaway kitty was returned safely to the states today, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, thank you very much!
When Emily slipped into a cargo container bound for Europe last September, her owners thought they'd never see her again. She somehow made her way to the small town of Nancy, France, where her cries awakened workers at a laminating factory. There was a tense moment when the French Nancies mistook her for an invading army and briefly gave her control of the local government, but once they realized that she was de-clawed and had an aversion to water they embraced her as a kindred spirit. They traced the number on her tags to a vet in Wisconsin, and after a few weeks soaking up the French culture, she was united with her family.
Aside from being a little fatter and a lot less tolerant of cowboy arrogance, Emily was given a clean bill of health - although her owners have expressed concern about the sassy pussycat's change in behavior. Apparently she's stopped bathing, wets herself when intimidated, is prone to long bouts of pointless mewling, and has established a collaborative relationship with several household mice instead of hunting them down like an imperialist aggressor bent on world domination.
So here's a big tip of the chapeau to Emilé, the furriest Frenchie in Wisconsin!
French Nancies
Buhahahahahahaha!!!
Posted by: Dodger | December 02, 2005 at 08:12 PM
I want to know whether Emily spent her time punishing Peugeots, roasting Renaults and cremating Citroens along with all the dissaffected Fwench yoofs recently, in protest over Dumbya's blight on the Fwench economy.
Posted by: Kaboom | December 02, 2005 at 08:27 PM
"There was a tense moment when the French Nancies mistook her for an invading army and briefly gave her control of the local government...." ---Liberal Larry
Pure genius.
Posted by: MMM'BILLY | December 02, 2005 at 09:03 PM
Ahhh this made my day. thanks!!
Posted by: Aisha | December 02, 2005 at 09:05 PM
Sacre bleu!! Mon chat n'est pas ici!! Merde!!
Posted by: Bush4Ever | December 02, 2005 at 09:08 PM
I'm so glad Emily is home. I always assumed that since their votes didn't help win John F. Kerry the election, they'd move to France like so many pussies threatened to do. Instead, they punish me by leaving mouse noses at the foot of my bed. I deserve it, I know.
But do you suppose Emily moved to France to escape the fundamentalist persecution she faced in her home?
Posted by: Che | December 02, 2005 at 09:12 PM
Crap. I should have previewed.
... since their votes didn't help win John F. Kerry the election, my cats would move to France ...
Posted by: Che | December 02, 2005 at 09:15 PM
Che,
Your cats have probably been listening to your daughter....
Posted by: JannyMae | December 02, 2005 at 09:20 PM
Do you really believe Emily SLIPPED into a cargo container of her own free will? The fact is that, as part of a vast right-wing conspiracy, Dubya put Emily into that cargo container with secret microchips implanted under her skin to gather intelligence on the French. Unfortunately, Emily failed to find any intelligence in France, the mission was scrapped and she was returned to the U.S. of A.
Posted by: Carol | December 02, 2005 at 09:28 PM
That's okay. We have plenty of pussies in AmeriKKKa.
"TURIN, ITALY "This is a horror story because most of the characters are Republicans," director Joe Dante announced before the November 13 world premiere of his latest movie, Homecoming, at the Turin Film Festival. Republicans, as it happens, will be the ones who find Homecoming's agitprop premise scariest: In an election year, dead veterans of the current conflict crawl out of their graves and stagger single-mindedly to voting booths so they can eject the president who sent them to fight a war sold on "horseshit and elbow grease.""
A horror movie brings out the zombie vote to protest Bush's war
Posted by: Bush4Ever | December 02, 2005 at 10:06 PM
Um, the deceased registering and voting Democrat? I can't imagine such a thing.
Posted by: Fist of Etiquette | December 02, 2005 at 11:40 PM
Zombie voters always vote Democrats...as well as pussy cats, dogs, felons, and illegal immigrants. And with the PR apparatus of Zarqawi and Osama bin Laden also running their hate-Bush ads, we progressyves might actually win in 2006 and 2008!
Posted by: libmeister | December 03, 2005 at 05:22 AM
Drop the "s", that's: "vote Democrat". Where's my java?
Posted by: libmeister | December 03, 2005 at 05:23 AM
Pure Genius.
Posted by: PTPFP | December 03, 2005 at 06:07 AM
Are her armpits hairy enough to fit into French society?
Posted by: Che | December 03, 2005 at 06:29 AM
See an ignorant Yankee Jesuslander Cat goes to France and members of the Religion of Peace start rioting! I'm not sure how Dumbya did this but he hasn't fooled me!
Posted by: Menstrual Rainbow | December 03, 2005 at 06:37 AM
Notice how the progressyve media doesn't describe the "Christian" hostages in Iraq as "members of the radical left-wing religious group...." If and when they are released, they might get more legitimacy by going to Phrance and burning some cars. Another minority group victimized by Bu$hitler's evil regime.
Posted by: libmeister | December 03, 2005 at 07:20 AM
Please don't let your guard down and think this is one of those 'cute' news stories which has no further meaning. Wisconsin is the heart of 'Big Dairy', and the hegemonists there have been trying to close the so-called fromage' gap.
I bet kitty has several genetically engineered pouches where she stored the saucers of milk offered to her in a gesture of goodwill, and at this moment, Kraft's labs are busy analyzing that milk to determine what makes French cheese so much more smelly and runny than inferior American products.
Don't be surprised if Otis from the Andy Griffith Show 'stumbles' into the Burgundy region of France in the next couple years. Big Alcohol is in on this too. It's all just a prelude to invasion so we can steal their cows and grapes, then attempt a daring hostage rescue of Jerry Lewis.
Posted by: Moonchild | December 03, 2005 at 08:45 AM
I've been trying to close the frottage gap for years. Ther reason being that when there's a gap, the frottage is pretty difficult to accomplish.
My point? Well, it's simply that there is no reason to sneak around France to get their secrets. It's been fairly well documented that all you need to do is give a Frenchman the slightest of shoves and he'll give it up.
Posted by: Fist of Etiquette | December 03, 2005 at 09:25 AM
the german cat across the street scares the piss out of her now.
Posted by: dave | December 03, 2005 at 09:38 AM
I have no comment, I'm laughing too hard. Larry - you make Jon Stewart look like Martha Stewart. Or more accurately - you make Jon Stewart look like Jeaneane Garofolo. Seriously, you are the funniest man alive.
Posted by: Bu$hCausedMyGout | December 03, 2005 at 11:38 AM
One less pussy in France? Who'd ever notice?!
Posted by: camojack | December 03, 2005 at 02:33 PM
I can't believe they let quality Wisconsin pussy stay in France that long!
Posted by: Crazy Politico | December 03, 2005 at 07:27 PM
It's too bad none of you had the opportunity to meet "Bob" the cat. Bob was the guardian of the shopette on Iraklion AS Crete Greece. My Brother Bush4Ever can back my story. Bob was even outfitted with a gold fang-supplied by the base Dentist when it was discovered bob had lost a fang to infection. Bob was/is a warrior.
Posted by: OmarTheTentMaker | December 04, 2005 at 12:17 AM
'Lewd rubbing' shuts Paris statue
From the article:
Officials concerned about damage to the icon's groin area have erected a fence around the grave, and a sign prohibiting indecent rubbing.
Blah, blah, blah...
It is said that a woman who kisses the lips of the prostrate statue and slips a flower into the upturned top hat will find a husband by the end of the year.
Unfortunately, that husband tends to be a Frenchman and just as lazy in the sack as the statue.
Posted by: Fist of Etiquette | December 04, 2005 at 05:13 PM