George Bush Sends Death Wish to Injured Troop

Specialist Joshua Sparling received only one greeting card this holiday season, which is more than any of the Muslim freedom fighters he killed ever will. But when he tore open the envelope and read the note inside, he was't treated to warm words of gratitude or friendly yuletide well-wishes. Instead, Sparling was sucker-punched by a sick, twisted scumbag and a horrible waste of human flesh.

Dear Soldier, the crudely handwritten card began. Have a great time in the war and have a great time dieing [sic] in the war. From Miguel. P.S. DIE!

Bush obviously went to great lengths to make the letter seem as if an anti-war progressive crafted it. I wouldn’t be surprised if the chimp scrawled the message himself. Whether he did so to falsely portray the anti-war movement as a bunch of drooling moonbats, or to incite hatred against Hispanic youths, only a dyed-in-the-wool conservative moron is capable of such deplorable spelling and grammer.

The dead giveaway, however, is the postscript: P.S. Die!. Nice try, “Miguel”, but everyone knows it’s the chickenhawk neocons in the White House who are gleefully sending our tots off to die, not peace-loving progressives. Liberals have been fighting since day one to bring them home quickly and safely. Shamed, defeated, and with their tails tucked between their legs, but otherwise alive and ready to campaign against those who forced them to fight a losing war based on doctored intelligence. Writing vile hate mail to the men and women in uniform will just put a bee in their collective helmets and make them want to go on fighting, if only out of pure redneck spite. Instead, progressives must help them open their eyes and realize that they're victims of the Bush War Machine just as much as the innocent Iraqi children they were ordered to murder.

If the greeting card Sparling received had been written by an actual liberal peace activist instead of George Dumbya Bush, it would have said something like, “Dear Quran-Mishandling Babykiller: While you’ve been off slaughtering Iraqi women and children so Halliburton CEO’s can buy new Ferraris for their kids this Christmas, the unscrupulous recruiter that tricked you into joining up is banging your wife/girlfriend/partner and forcing her to carry the pregnancy to term. Give up and come home soon. Your pal, Lawrence B. Chomstein. P.S. Where’s Osama?”

That’s exactly how I worded the cards I mailed off to Wally Reed this afternoon, after blowing the last of my paycheck on crayons and postage stamps. I also included a 120-minute calling card so our genital-mocking soldiers can phone John Kerry for the truth about what barbaric monsters they’ve all become. I encourage all my readers to do the same. Together, we can show Pvt. Spooball, or whatever his name, that progressives are the ones who truly "support the troops".

Comments

[Amber]

I felt sucker-punched myself... I suspect it is not a child that dreamed up that kind of malice and mailed it off, but I canoot imagine how chilling it must have been to receive regardless.

[Amber]

Oops, eh. PIMF, eh?

[Justa Joe]

I don't know Lar. That letter to the G.I. seems to mesh in both small and big ways with a lot of the stuff that you write.

[Sen. Durbin]

The misspellings and child-like handwriting give it away as the work of the chimp. Nice try, Rove, but you cannot impugn the patriotism of the Democratic party, the party of John Kerry, who won three Purple Hearts in only four months. Not to mention Max Cleland, who lost three limbs on the battlefields of Vietnam and for decades has resisted the calls of fellow progressives that he let himself die with dignity. The neoKKKons are the ones who hate our troops. Bush lied Bush lied Halliburton Bush lied.

[camojack]

P.P.S. Oh yeah, eat Shi'ite too, while you're at it...

[Dork]

I recieved a similar ambiguous-holiday card (though with the delightful mispelling on it reading: Christmas) from my dad. The blood scrawled "DIE" and enclosed photographs of myself throughout previous days led me to one conclusion: I had somehow been tricked into the military.

[Carol]

You know how it goes...the Republicans lied (aggressors), and the Democrats were tricked (victims).

[Moonchild]

A Chimp operation: demoralize the troops and the people back home so that they're too depressed to resist. Sitting in his tin-foil armored Hummer, manufactured by GM to suck down the oil we're stealing and convert it to greenhouse emissions, this poor sap waited to hear back from Sen. Durbin for tips on how to atone for his war atrocities before he heads back to the supply depot for a fresh machete, pork rinds, and condoms so that he's equipped for tonight's raping, blasphemy, and pillaging, and when he tears into the envelope and sees Sen. Durbin's elegant script, his heart lifts. Then, he's crushed under the oppression of yet another Army re-enlistment drive.

[Bush4Ever]

You mean to tell me that they programmed actual emotions into the Murdering Military Cyborgs who are fighting SCOTUS-Selected ChimpFace Smirky Dumbya Bu$Hitler's War For His Oil Masters?

[Bilgeman]

Lib Larry;

"Together, we can show Pvt. Spooball, or whatever his name, that progressives are the ones who truly "support the troops"."

Sorry, Chom-Steen, but I spent all my dough on a tire iron for "Miguel"... it's my "Winter Holiday" gift.

Now...if I only had hys name and address so I could send my gift to hym.

I have several progressyve "negotiators" from the waterfront lined up and willing to be deliverymyn

Please...help me to help "Miguel".

Together, we CAN make a brighter "Winter Holiday".

Regards;

[Bush4Ever]

"Miguel" is Spanish for "Michael" as in...MICHAEL "3 CHEESEBURGERS" MOORE!?!?

[Pat'sRick©]

That's it. Of course! Miguel Mas was the sender.

[libmeister]

Is Bu$Hitler so stupid as to think that people actually sign up for the military if they think they might run the risk of dying in a war? What a moron!

Bu$Hitler has broken faith with the military by putting it in harm's way. Kerry, Murtha, Pelosi, and Reid are right, we must withdraw our baby-murdering stormtroopers before they get themselves killed by peace-loving freedom fighters.

Oh, and unless there be any misunderstanding, I SUPPORT THE TROOPS!

[libmeister]

Moonchild .... buwhahahaha!

But you should know tinfoiled HUMMERS and Bradley Fighting Machines don't really protect its occupants very well BECAUSE THE OCCUPANTS ARE TYPICALLY RED-NECK, WOMEN RAPING, BABY-KILLING MURDERERS.

Tinfoil only works for the progressyve soldier - you know, the Alan Alda M.A.S.H. variety.

I SUPPORT THE TROOPS!

[Che]

Thankfully, the soldyer in question was an underprivileged, inner-city minority like Bubblehead. Thanks to Dumbya's slashing of public education, the poor drafted babykiller probably couldn't read the holiday card, anyway.
I just hope (s)he didn't think (s)he was reading a Christmas card during work hours or I'll have to alert the ACLU of a violation of the separation between church and State.
Surely his/her union would frown on such behavior.

[PTPFP]

It was the misspelling of 'dieing' that alerted me that this chylde had seryous yssues of being a vyctym of the chymp's 'No Snot Nosed Punks Need Apply' act.

Sadly, Miguelit(o)a has fallen through the cracks of a bong-water socyety that neither cares nor wants to know
about hys yll attempts to be cogniyzed. Lyke Peace Mother banSheehan, he too, wanted hys 15 minutes.

[PTPFP]

And the phone card was a nice touch. You just know he'll waste it on 1-900-Mock-you phone sex.

[Bu$hCausedMyGout]

We are the ones who truly support our troops by sending them holiday cards that say "die". The Reich-wing RethugliKKKans have a word for it: it's called, "tough love". By wishing death upon you, we just mean the best for you. I would have added, "Hope Y'all get raped while you're there!" and possibly, "May Saddam resume power and electrocute YOUR balls!" "2 Bad 4 U that Uday is dead because he would have bent you over doggie style and poured drano into your regions! Die AmeriKKKan SKKUm!" ... it's how we show our love. I'm organizing my own group to go to Wally Reed. We're calling it, "Code Coconut Cream Pie" and we're going to gain access inside the hospital and throw pies at ailing soldiers!

[Bu$hCausedMyGout]

Oh wait a minute. You're right. Chimpy did it. Oops. Oh well, we're going ahead with the "Code Coconut Pie" deal.

[PTPFP]

I'll buy a cake that says "Happy Pearl Harbor Day To You." The card will be a diatribe on how Pappy Bush got us into Iraq by bailing out over the Pacific and the present will be Dr. Kervorkian to end Kerry's pain.

[DAVE]

This has to be a lie. ( we all know that no army -rethug -jock-jew loving-hatefilled-fasist-KKKmember- can read)

[Sen. Durbin]

I just realized that this letter had to go through the post office before reaching the babykiller in the hospital. The post office is run by the federal government. The federal government is run by Chimpy McAWOL and his Halliburton overlords. So, my question is, what did $hrubya know and when did he know it? I call for Patrick Fitzgerald to take the case.

[Fist of Etiquette]

So the post office no longer checks our mail for typos and anthrax? Then where is my 37 cents going? I also call on Gerald Fitzpatrick to take the case!

[TLA]

This is the funniest blog on the web, bar none. Keep up the great work!

come visit: http://dicklist.blogspot.com
"The Abu Graib of the Culture War"

[Kiki B.]

I heard that as of January 8th, our postage rates are going up AGAIN! Must be to pay for their fancy multimillion dollar offices, because it's not paying to fix the NO levees. I call on F. Scott Fitzgerald to take the case!