Future Fast-Food Managers Roar Against the War

All across the nation Wednesday, millions of high-school students took a day off from sulking and writing bad poetry to "Roar Against the War", and give America a glimpse of the bright young faces that will one day be staring back at us out of a drive-thru window.

The gathering in downtown Seattle numbered in the tens of thousands, the accompanying aroma of doobie and bryl cream being detected as far south as Tacoma. As an educator, I was especially honored to walk amongst these civic-minded youths, albeit somewhat surprised that my own progressive philosophy isn't much different from that of your average developmentally disabled teen. But thanks to the Washington State educational system, rampant use of psychotropic drugs, and the mind-expanding effects of autoerotic asphyxiation, the youth of today are far more liberal than they were when I was a kid.

"War is like, totally wrong," 15-year old Ryan Wisniewski told me, his voice cracking with the telltale signs of puberty. "We need to like, stop the killing or more people are gonna get killed, and stuff." One rarely finds such a level of profundity from someone who spent the morning popping zits in the mirror, but these kids aren't as dumb as the right-wing pundits would have us believe.

Young Kelly Wittkauer, 19, is in the top 10% of her freshman class at Seattle's Garfield High, and was recently permitted to use "grown-up scissors" in third period Commercial Art. After graduation, Kelly hopes to manage a local Arby's restaurant, a position of leadership that will empower her to make positive change in our violence-obsessed society, and because she's "too damn ugly to be a topless dancer".

"I made peace symbols for everyone," she said as she held a mangled wad of pink construction paper between her severely bandaged fingers, "cuz' a hand that holds a peace symbol can't hold a gun."

Simplistic, perhaps. Naive, maybe. But sometimes it takes the simple mind of a child to cut through the illusive veil of logic and get straight to the heart of the matter.

"It's all about love, dude," said Danny DiFranco, a Tacoma 10th grader whose faint suggestion of a mustache conjures up warm memories of Thanksgiving at Grandma's. "We need to like, stop killing each other and like, learn to love one another, that's all."

America doesn't deserve your love, Jimmy. But one day, hopefully, with the hard work of pubescent pacifists such as yourself, we'll look back on these dark times of death and destruction and say "Thanks, Jimmy, for saving us from ourselves. And yes, I'd like fries with that."

Comments

[Phil B]

First? Oh, and Larry, you could smell them in Centralia.

[Bush4Ever]

We don't know what we want but we want it now!!!

[Dork]

Is the age of consent 12 yet? No? This is what we get when Bush puts his facist wingnuts on the Supreme Court!!

[Scott Ritter]

Schoolkids in the antiwar movement...{drool}

[Dodger]

And a child shall lead them..

[JannyMae]

This is so unbelievably profound, I've got tears in my eyes...must breathe....

[Dodger]

And he shall also feed them...

[Justice Ginsburg]

And, if they are 12 or over, the child shall be seduced by them.

[libmeister]

"Would you like fries with that?," the young transgendered progressyve asked as he/she/it simultaneously lit the effigy of Bu$Hitler.

I'm so proud of such fine future Amerikan patriots.

[jwstox]

Larry, I couldn't have said it better myself... well, to be honest I could have if I didn't have my mouth full of Chicken McNugs. The fast food industry needs our brightest.

[StateOfJefferson]

Absolutely,

But I think that you misunderstand, the theater and literature departments at my own illustrious college are stuffed with lots of youths who realize that it is a sign of acquiescence to "THE MAN" and "HALIBURTON" to wash, wear non-hemp clothing, write using periods (that is like so umm KKKonformist), or smoke less than twenty joints a day.

We used to have an American Literature department, full of nicely turned out young people who rose early and turned in their neatly typed papers on time. However, as soon as it was discovered that these were all the children of haliburton employees, they were summarily executed, and the american english department was closed.

What is the message we can learn from this? Just because you are illiterate, alitterate, un-washed and slovenly doesn't mean that you cannot graduate from an Ivy League university, with a degree paid for by bequests from evil KKKapitalists, and have a great time egging the members of the KKKonservative KKKlub. (Unfotunatly, someone replaced by "Bush Lied, Millions Died" shirt with one that said "Guns don't kill people, Abortion kills people" and I was nearly egged myself)

[Damian G.]

As a young New York progressye, I must state how inspired I am by these patriots.

So inspired, in fact, that I feel nauseous.

Oh, and a Republican whore told me that the same thing happened in Minnesota to-day.

It spreads like a fungus...

[Kiki B.]

And to the not-so-fresh faced, gender non-specific fast food server wannabe, when you apply for the job, my question to you is, "Would you like a shower with that?".

[camojack]

As a matter o' fact, I would like fries with that...cooked in lard, to share with all my Islamyc brethryn.

[Bush4Ever]

These young, impressionable Lyberals, I mean, Progressyves, can learn some of life's most important lessons from their Elders in a new book:

"I don't own a single share of stock," Michael Moore declares. No, his tax returns show he has owned hundreds of thousands -- profiting from some of the very companies (like Halliburton and Boeing) he viciously denounces

The Nation editor Katrina vanden Heuvel: ultra-left class-warrior, defender of the inheritance tax -- and trust-fund heiress who fought the IRS all the way to the Supreme Court to avoid paying $2 million in estate taxes

During the 2004 campaign, John Kerry complained during that the "super-rich" don't pay their fair share in taxes. Care to guess what percentage of their income Kerry and his wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry -- who are worth over $700 million -- are paying in taxes?

Noam Chomsky opposes private property and calls the Pentagon "the most vile institution on the face of the earth" -- yet he has made millions in contract work for the Pentagon, owns two luxurious homes, and set up an irrevocable trust to protect his assets from Uncle Sam

Ted Kennedy favors racial set-asides on federal contracts -- but when it came to his own investment in an entire city block of Washington, DC, he got his political friends to help him waive an affirmative action set-aside

Al Franken habitually calls conservatives "liars" and "mean and nasty" -- yet as a writer for Saturday Night Live he penned jokes and skits so mean-spirited they appalled even his colleagues, and uses brazen lies for his bestselling books all the time

Hillary Clinton supports the right of thirteen-year-old girls to have abortions without parental consent -- yet she forbade thirteen-year-old Chelsea to pierce her ears and enrolled her in a school that would not distribute condoms to minors

Ralph Nader: how he speculates in the stocks of companies that might be influenced by his political activism. How he conceals enormous wealth and a lavish lifestyle behind a facade of pretended frugality

Nancy Pelosi has made supporting labor unions a cornerstone of her public career. Yet the vineyards and hotels that comprise her $35 million fortune have one thing in common: they don't use union labor

The books is: Do As I Say (Not As I Do): Profiles in Liberal Hypocrisy by Peter Schweizer

[Crazy Politico]

Wonderful prose. I wonder, will the Seattle schools also host a pro war rally, or aren't your tax dollars good enough for that one?

[Justa Joe]

They had a big hoot-nanny down Argentine way also. The locals showed there disgust with the Bush "policies" in a large protest. As we all know their lives were so demonstrably better pre-Bush and his sweeping changes in American policy towards South America.

[Pink Turbaned Progressyve for Peace.]

Oh. My. Gaia. I am full of emotion, tears pouring down my cheeks and suffering from non erotic asphyxiation.
Will comment on this later...

[libmeister]

Here is a wonderful photo-essay of a recent anti-war/progressyve/socialist rally in the fascist state of California - no thanks to that reich-wing thug of a governor, Ahnold Schwartzenegger. It's a wonder Governor Ahnold didn't send in his SS jackbooted stormtroopers to bash a few heads and deny these wonderful citizens their First Amendment right to hate-Amerikkka. Sorry, no burning effigies of Bu$Hitler.

Please note all the informative signs that these paragons of intellectual genius made. And it was well attended by the Revolutionary Communist Party. Such patriotic Americanism and support for the troops just brings tears to my eyes.

[libmeister]

Gee, everyone seems to be crying PTPP. We must be feeling a lot this morning. Such emotions are good, particularly if it results in the venomous hatred of all KKKhristian kkkonservatives and RethugliKKKans.

Also of note was the attendance of Mother Sheehan at this "we love the world but hate-America" rally. And that alone is enough to bring tears to any self-respecting Amerikkkan's eyes.

[Dodger]

Some new chants:

Hey Hey
Whadda ya say
Would like something to drink
With your order to-day

Hey Hey
Ho Ho
Is your order for here
Or is it to go

[madameX]

Good Song

[Libby Gone™]

Thank the Unknown God for the LEFT over hipsters from the 60's who became teachers in public pubic screwells! I could never inform my offspring in such rightousness! Hopefully they will learn sex ed and acoustic guitar from these brilliant super intellects!

[JannyMae]

Libmeister, I express my gratitude for that fine photo essay you provided for our enjoyment. How enlightening.

I'm ordering my, "Club Gitmo," t-shirt immediately!

[Bu$hCausedMyGout]

I saw a few of those kids at last year's local "Screw Absinence... Have More Abortions!!!" party that we sponsored for the local middle school there. Needless to say we had more than a few 40+ hippie male volunteers-including the world famous Peter Yarrow , (Peter, Paul & Mary)!! They seemed to really take to the 14-year old girls!!!