Seattle-Area "2000 KIA" Ceremony Postponed Due to Insufficient Number of Dead Troops

I regretfully announce that tomorrow's "2000 KIA" celebration has been postponed due to lack of troop participation.

I know, I know. I'm just as disappointed as you are. We've all waited patiently for the number of U.S. casualties in Iraq to reach a nice, round number that would sound good in anti-war slogans. I spent a fortune on a giant order of custom-made "Bush Lied, 2000 Died!" party hats, each emblazoned in gold leaf with the name of a soldier who died for Bush's lies. Our own Congressman Jim McDermott hoped to get naked and chain himself to the Hammering Man, and the passing of this grim milestone would have given him a perfect excuse. But thanks to a few stubborn holdouts, the official body count is hovering at an awkward 1,996. It doesn't even rhyme with anything! It's almost as if the troops are purposely staying alive just to spoil our efforts to throw Bush out of office.

Don't put your peace hookahs and pink dashikis back in hock yet, though. If our luck holds out, there will be a major Iraqi offensive this week that will put us over the top. A roadside explosive device or a suicide bomber and we're back in business. It's an opportunity that won't come again until we hit 3000, and the number of casualties in Iraq exceeds those from 9/11, thus rendering the entire War on Terror a pointless exercise in futility.

So keep your fingers crossed.

Comments

[spd rdr]

Bush ruined my weekend.

[Joseph]

It does seem that way sometimes. commie leftist don't help the war out much do they?

You get real bored, there is a neat system by northrop comming out (if not already) using low level UCAVs to help find and destroy members of the religion of peace

[Che]

Can't we inflate the numbers a bit like we did with KKKatrina? Come on, just this once... It's like the day before KKKristmas, and I just can't contain myself.

[Semanticleo]

The Bush Leaguers display their fine taste in art on the walls of their offices. "Scooter" Libby has a beautiful painting depicting one of nature's wonders,
A buzzard feasting on road kill. Cheney leans toward the contemporary artists, like a Jackson Pollock influenced canvas with blood, teeth and bone sprayed over the surface, just like real paint!

Yes these guys are real Americana! They are tough guys alright. They like to starve and abuse their pit bulls before a fight, to insure their guests have the most exciting entertainment. Unfortunately, their long stretch of unhampered fun is coming to a close

The pickle they find themselves in is heavy on the vinegar and resembles the shape of their sodden souls.

There is a double edged sword to the entire mess that bears some examination. Although it would be the height of expectation that several in the White House could be indicted for their war crimes, there is a steep downside.

If Bush and Cheney go then you have Dennis Hastert as the stuffed-suit stand-in.

Although he is of elephantine proportions he is the comedic relief in the unholy grist of succession that awaits the unwary.

If Hastert is implicated, then the Pres Pro Tem is next. Ted Stevens, of the Alaskan Bridge to Nowhere cult, is perhaps the most egregious of the criminals who have infected that former swamp, known as Washington D.C.

Last, but not least is the final nail in the coffin known as the Presdiency. Secretary of State Condi Rice would step in as the Prez, if she can keep from gettin' Plamegate shit on her Ferrogamos. Failing that. What comes next? I don't know, but this whole scenario starts to make pecker tracks on a dress seem like small poatatoes, don't it?

[spd rdr]

Are you into potatoes too?

[Cindy Sheehan]

Speaking of pecker tracks on dresses, I sure would welcome Mr. Clinton's about now. Reverand Al and Davey Duke have been wearing my ass out!

And when you get right down to it, they're inconsiderate pigs. Not even so much as a reach-around.

Oh well. Anything to defeat the greasy JOO... uh, the Zionist murderers.

[Damian G.]

Well, 1996 was the re-election of progressyve Bill Clinton.

Perhaps we could celebrate that?

We could turn it into a Hillary '08 rally! Oh, joy!

[Bubblehead]

Uh, Larry, we need to be careful... the BlameBush wannabes over at Daily Kos are saying we shouldn't actually be calling our parties "parties"...

[Liberal Larry]

"Uh, Larry, we need to be careful... the BlameBush wannabes over at Daily Kos are saying we shouldn't actually be calling our parties "parties"..."

I prefer "shindig", "hootenanny", or "clambake" myself. "Party" is too morbid. It makes it sound like we'll be having a good time. Did Cindy Sheehan look like she was enjoying herself when the gestapo dragged her off a few weeks ago? To the untrained eye, perhaps. But those were giggles of grief, folks. And with the death toll approaching 2000, there are bound to be plenty more giggles where those came from.

[libmeister]

Semanticleo

Haven't you received your latest update from Howard Dean and the DNC? All those indictments and investigations are simply to discredit Rethuglikkkans so we progressyves can accomplish our political coup in 2006 and 2008. Their innocent or guilt doesn't matter, it's all about creating doubt in the Amerikkkan people's minds. Remember, it's all about reacquiring political power anyway we can. That's why we keep calling for special investigations and have our progressyve prosecutors like Ronnie Earle indict DeLay even when he doesn't have the right dates nailed down and actual documents that he bases his indictment upon. So mums the word.

And when we do own the White House and Congress we'll outlaw the Rethuglikkkan Party and the ideology of conservatism. And what makes this all so sweeeeeet is we're probably even more crooked than they are but we have the media on our side to run interference. We can keep on killing the unborn with impunity, appoint activist judges and torch wacko religionists like we did in Waco! It will be Camelot all over again!

Besides, the real corruption is all those damned neo-kkkon Jooooooooooooos! Like Mother Sheehan said, it's that kkkabal of Jews who influenced Bu$Hitler to fight a war in Iraq ... and all for Israel.

Hold it, a call from the mother ship is coming in ...it's Louis Farrahkan! I better go polish my tinfoil hat before they beam me up for my next debriefing.

Courage!

[Kiki B.]

"the official body count is hovering at an awkward 1,996. It doesn't even rhyme with anything!"

How about, Monica Licks, Casualties at 1996!

[President Clinton]

Pecker tracks on a dress?!!

Son, that was two-- count 'em, two!-- pints of high grade sweet Arkansas crude!!

She-it!! Pecker tracks was what I left on Al Gore's chin after our daily intel briefing.

Damn, I miss those days.

[Semanticleo]

You all really know how to hurt a guy's feelings.

I would have to work in the porn industry to meet people of your quality and breeding. The brainpower here is eminently displayed by your command of the language and original thought!

And when you get right down to it, they're inconsiderate pigs. Not even so much as a reach-around.

Are you into potatoes too?

And with the death toll approaching 2000, there are bound to be plenty more giggles where those came from.

Hold it, a call from the mother ship is coming in ...it's Louis Farrahkan! I better go polish my tinfoil hat before they beam me up for my next debriefing.

Damn!

How can anyone compete with such erudition, such verve?

You are worthy of knighthood in the Bush realm.
May you suffer the same good fortune as those who have cornholed you with your consent.

[brainsample]

Hey guys, Semanticleo is right.

We need to start referring to Jackson Pollack paintings and Ferragamo shoes. Only then will we be truly high-brow progressives.

[Che]

Must...not...feed...the...trolls... I know the urge will pass after a few good stabs in the thigh.

[Semanticleo]

Che;

Considering the quantity/quality of the cuisine here, it would be uncharacteristically compassionate of you to withhold what little you have to spare.

[Dork]

I'll call and cancel the genderly-ambiguous stripper.

[camojack]

KIA...that's an automobile, right?

[Moonchild]

On the plus side, there are 1996 Mother Sheehan's waiting with the stillness which death imparts. They wait in shadow, needing only blood, only the blood of four more to animate them once again.

It reminds of the movie which was an early advocate of the Americans with Disabilities Act - Freaks. The voices of Mother Sheehan and other progressives wait to echo from shadow and through the souls of the four unknown mothers who will give Sheehan mortal quickening once again: "One of us, One of us...." O' Happy Day when those 4 mothers become "One of us..."

[Mr. Baldo]

Announcing new Baldo's Halloween Packet™! Now, decorate your Bald like a pumpkin as you shine it up. With my wax. It leaves a blinding brilliance.
Now with Phlogiston®!!
Baldo's Shiny Wax™ for Balds. Available at your friendly neighborhood drugstore.

[Bush4Ever]

Perhaps we can use this time to sharpen up our rallying chants. Feel free to contribute. Let's start with this one:

HEY HEY, HO HO
(SOMETHING THAT RHYMES WITH 'O')
HO HO, HEY HEY
(SOMETHING THAT RHYMES WITH 'A')

and now let's concentrate on this one:

2-4-6-8
(SOMETHING HERE THAT RHYMES WITH '8')

and finally:

BUSH LIED, PEOPLE DIED
(SOMETHNG HERE THAT RHYMES WITH 'IED' OR 'IDE')

A mean and nasty and evil (are there any other kkkind) Reich-Wing KKKonservative told me we should chant:
BUSH LIED, PEOPLE DIED
LYBERALS (I MEAN PROGRSSYVES) SHOULD ALL COMMIT SUICIDE

Is there no end to their depravity?

[DancesWithBullets]

Bush administration charged for war crimes?
Ooh.. That makes my loins tingle with anticipation. Once that racist war mongerer is run out of town on a rail we can finely get back to a foreign policy that makes sence. Truly the worlds issues can only be solved by ignoring them as our only real ally, the French, have always known.

Hey Bush4ever Progressyms don't commit suicide. That implies an action to change our situation. We prefer to call it death with dignity by waiting for FEMA to feed us.
Mouth breather.

[Wilderness Fox]

At the 1996 rally:

Hey, Hey, Ho, Ho
Only 4 more deaths to go!
Ho, Ho, Hey, Hey
Impeach Bush and Cheney (pronounce the latter as Chay-Nay to make it rhyme)

2-4-6-8
Islam is for peace and not for hate!

Bush lied, people died
Osama's really on our side!

[I am the ponytailed guy]

Ah.... the idictment, It reminds me of the good old days when we libs indicted Admiral Poindexter and Colonel North they both walked, but who cares. My favorite was by far the election-eve indictment of Sec. of Defence Caspar Weinberger that one pushed Clinton over the top to achieve his mind boggling 47% plurality in his glorious victory. Those partisan indictments are great political tools how I long for them.

[I am the ponytailed guy]

Ah.... the idictment, It reminds me of the good old days when we libs indicted Admiral Poindexter and Colonel North they both walked, but who cares. My favorite was by far the election-eve indictment of Sec. of Defence Caspar Weinberger that one pushed Clinton over the top to achieve his mind boggling 47% plurality in his glorious victory. Those partisan indictments are great political tools. Oh... how I long for them.