Liberal Larry's Charity Round-Up

Charity, by its very nature, is best left to nurturing progressive leaders who are far better qualified to distribute our income than we are. Unfortunately, the government has been hijacked by stingy conservatives who think only of themselves. It's therefore up to us, as liberals, to show America that we can be just as "charitible" with our own money as we can with everyone else's. That being said, there are several noteworthy progressive causes that deserve our support.

In this time of unprecedented pain and suffering, it's important to have one's priorities straight. That's why Planned Parenthood of America will be distributing free contraceptives to survivors of Hurricane Katrina, along with a coupon for 30% off their next abortion. Seniors and girls under 15 will get an additional 15% discount, and an "I went to New Orleans and all I got was an Intact Dilation & Extraction" t-shirt.

Andrew Sullivan refuses to donate a single dime to a state that doesn't recognize same-sex marriage, but Oliver Willis is calling on his readers to help him rack up a few political brownie points over right-wing bloggers who give purely for selfish reasons. Perhaps they think "God" will forgive their years of anti-tax initiatives and SUV-driving with a few million dollars in blood money. Anyway, Ollie will be setting up a booth outside his home this weekend, and anyone who wants to drop by and pressure-wash his back for a good cause is more than welcome.

AFL-CIO president John Sweeney has announced a special fund for hurricane-stricken union members, and screw everyone else. Eligible recipients are encouraged to show their union credentials as they float past the AFL-CIO of Greater New Orleans headquarters. Donations can be sent to the AFL-CIO's Union Community and Screw Everyone Else Fund, or directly to the Democrat Party.

Jonesin' for some Corpse Porn? AmericaBlog has teamed up with the PEN American Center to offer 8 x 10 glossies of dead Katrina victims for five bucks a pop. With Bush's prohibition of Flag-Draped Coffin Parades on the evening news, and now FEMA's fascist refusal to allow journalists to take snapshots of bloated human carcasses, it's getting increasingly difficult for inquiring progressives to get their rocks off. Thanks to Americablog for providing this valuable community service.

On a more serious note, loyal reader and Right-Wing Extremist Bunker Mulligan passed away recently. He was a proud Texan, an avid golfer, and served his country in the United States Navy - but we won't hold any of those against him. Even though he left us last June and I just now got around to discovering it, I could always count on Bunker's sense of humor and he will be missed. His family has asked that memorials be sent to Homes for Our Troops.

Comments

[Cr'Q'T]

Larry, that was truly touching, after I wiped the spittle and lemonade off my monitor.

[spd rdr]

Salute, Bunker.
Rest easy.

[RWing Nut]

I have been trying to get my parents to give me a $10,000 advance on my allowance so I can hold a Katrina victims relief party and maybe get laid. I figure I can throw a good progressyve party for a cost of about $15,000. The party ought to bring in about $15,200. That'll leave $200 for the good work of helping people Bu$h forgot.

Anyone else want to help the refugees?

[libmeister]

Clearly the concept of abortion as a means to enhance ones socio-economic status was not taught enough down in New Orleans. Those Louisiana Democrats either aren't very progressyve in their thinking or they didn't do a good enough job of advancing the policies of Planned Abortionhood. Margaret Sanger must be spinning in her grave. An abortion is the greatest kind of charity a progressyve woman can give herself.

[libmeister]

To show you how progressyve our political agenda is, through redistributive taxation of the non-Democratic Amerikkkan bourgeois we can define our compassion by using THEIR ILL-GOTTEN MONEY to address the needs of the poor and downtrodden just as easily as we can with our hard-earned money.

And that being the case, why should we mainstream, patriotic progressyves use our own money for such governmental charity when the Amerikkkan bourgeois' money is made more available through progressyve governmental taxation policies?

A very elegant solution, I think, er...feel, which serves the purpose of our growing democratic socialist revolution. And see how I was able to make my cogent argument without using either the word "diversity" or "interconnectivity"?

It's just the simplicity of speaking truth (whatever that is from day to day) to power which makes our coming utopia possible. Thank Gaia!

[Menstrual Rainbow]

Andrew Sullivan is turning into a true progressyve as he is obliged to be as a gay man.

A KKKonservative Sully would have responded to claims that-

"More politically explosive, the Bush administration has slashed the budget for rebuilding the levees"

By bringing in "fakkkts" such as the levee that actually broke was not subject to budget cuts and had been upgraded less than ayear ago.

Andrew has also learnt to argue like a genuine progressyve, when faced with a story that local authorities kept the Red Cross out of the city he responds-

" Of course, the Bush team wouldn't let them into parts of Abu Ghraib"

http://www.andrewsullivan.com/index.php?dish_inc=archives/2005_09_04_dish_archive.html#112611924765766492

[Semanticleo]

I hate to state the obvious in reference to your sarcasm about charitable giving, but the definition of conservative is closer to 'stingy' than is the word liberal, which connotes generosity.

[Bilgeman]

Chom-steen;

Howyadoowin? I'm from the Yoo-Nyun, and I'm collectin' donations for the AFL-CIO Charity.

So, how much are you gonna cough up?

"We are working with the labor federations in the affected states and with relief organizations to target help to our working brothers
and sisters who need it most."

I should point out that many of my brothers and sisters have tire irons, but have lost their jobs.

Why don't you dig really deep, so my brothers and sisters won't have to take their tire irons and go to work on you?

Thank you very much, Chom-steen, I knew you wuz a compassionate fellow.

A smart one, too...

Gotta run, I have some other donors I have to "target".

Regards;

[CKCat, PhD Conspiracy Theorist]

Damn the warmongrels!! I know it's said that imitation is the highest form of flattery, but now they're trying to plagarize (in a totally bassackward way)--if you will--Oliver Willis' type of adipo...err...abundant charity on our misunderstood detainee friends
at Gitmo with fascist feeding tubes!!!!!

If these 12 Freedom Fighters want to, in a fashion reminiscent of Genghis Schiavo, experience the euphoria of 'starvation to assumed room temperature'
that Genghis fought so hard for, out of his deep abiding love for his wife
(not the chick he's been boinking for years)--then who are the
warmongrel fascists to impose THEIR will on the guests at Gitmo with our tax dollars??.....
ONCE AGAIN MISAPPROPRIATED by the BushReich Admenstruation!!

And as for Randall Robinsons well researched documentation about Katrina-New
Orleans Cannibalism (w/ cajun spices).....
#2: the (supposed.. coincidental??) much lower number of deaths in NO.
#3: how do we know what's REALLY in those Freedom Fighter feeding
tubes......??

.....well, I think..err...feel (thx Libmeister) that those three dots are
hardly difficult to connect!!! The conclusion, at least in part, is that
the "W" stands for Warmongrel admenstruation is pocketing the $$$'s for
what's REALLY suppose to be pumped through those fascist feeding tubes
(because they're using convenient "New Orleans Cajun
Cannibuisine").
Then of course they [pretend to] give that pocketed $$, in a fashion
reminiscent of Genghis Willis, to "charity"...Yeah, right.. Reich Cross????

This is NOT the kind of stuff you can just make up. If DU says it...or even so much as suspects it...I BELIEVE IT!!!...and you should too, dammit!

STOP THE FREEDOM FIGHTER CARNAGE!!

I don't think Lar will mind me saying this, but even the Roundness of Professym's personal "Charity Round Up" probably doesn't come anwyhere close to that of Oliver [Free] Willys'!!.

[RWing Nut]

Rainbow, fakkkts are a neocon construct to keep the people confused and fearful so they can be manipulated. Progryssives rely on truth, such as speaking truth to power. Years of devoted listening to Randi Rhodes has led to the development of the 2-bit (as in binary logic) progryssive truth test. For something to be true in the progressyve sense, it must satisfy both conditions:
- be critical of the Bu$h junta or Repulikkkans in general
and
- be published on the internet.
In an extraordinary circumstances, you can publish your own truth on the web. But, it's better to get it from an authoritative source like Moveon or Alternet. Any of the necon propaganda that doesn't pass the 2-bit progressyve truth test can be explained away by expanding the PNAC world domination by America conspiracy to account for it.

[libmeister]

It won't be too long before we find all the mass graves in New Orleans that the eviiiiil Rethuglikkkan kkkonservatives and BuShaitan secretly dug for the 10,000,000,000 black New Orleans residents who were victimized by RoveHimmler on Halliburton's behalf shortly after Shrubya stole the election in 2000.

Too many slave laborers and not enough food to go around wasn't giving Halliburton enough profit margin. Kanye Kane knows the real truth, and because of that I fear for his life. Shrubya will probably bribe P. I'm-Just-Diddy Diddy to knock off Kanye in a drive-by shooting.

AND THE HURRICANE WAS ALL BUSH'S FAULT!!! He was trying to cover up the mass graves under twelve feet of water hoping to get the Interior Department to declare New Orleans a new national wetlands.

Over and out, Kenneth. Now where's my tinfoil hat?

[libmeister]

Semanticleo,

As a logical, mainstream, I-love-America-but-hate-all-American-kkkonservatives progressyve I wouldn't go there. I had some reich-wing KKKhristian kkkonservative Rethuglikkkan use the same type of argument reminding me that the word "liberal" was closer to the word "lamebrain" than was the word "conservative". But I might have saved the day when I noted the word "conservative" was closer to "constipated."

Over and out, Kenneth.

[Liberal Larry]

"I hate to state the obvious in reference to your sarcasm about charitable giving, but the definition of conservative is closer to 'stingy' than is the word liberal, which connotes generosity."

Amen. As a child of single mother, I remember those lean years when local church-going conservatives would bring us food baskets, of all things. We'd have to walk all the way downtown to get our free condoms and clean needles from the generous liberals who REALLY care. I like to think of "conservatism" as "what's mine is mine", and liberalism as "what's yours is ours". Conservatives want us all to keep more of what we earn, but won't let me have any of what they earn unless I give them something in return - my labor. Dammit, whatever happened to Love Thy Neighbor?

[DAVE]

I saw something on tv that made me outraged! I saw some kkkrethug praying with a victim of bush's war on the poor...I will not stand for this! (I'd give them a pass if they were praying for shrub to die in his sleep) I love to see those black people singing songs about god (are they not cute!) but I will not stand for them to trust in something greater than bill clinton!

[Bu$hKKKausesAthletesFoot]

It's as if the Bu$Hitler regime purposely launched an attack on the people of New Orleans - as if they threw flammable tear gas at them burned them alive - then lied about it and covered it up! KKKonservative bastards!

[Bush kkkaused my impotence]

"# Frank_D Says:
September 1st, 2005 at 12:36 pm

Here’s some of what the money - hungry robber barons of corporate America have done so far (as reported in Newsday):
The U.S. Chamber of Commerce said initial corporate donations to the relief effort could total more than $100 million, including $5 million from Chevron Corp., $3 million each from JPMorgan Chase & Co. and Citigroup, $2 million from Pfizer Inc. and $1 million from insurer State Farm.

The Walt Disney Co. contributed $2.5 million, $1 million of which will go to the American Red Cross and the rest for rebuilding efforts and volunteer centers helping affected communities.

Nissan North America sent 50 trucks. Anheuser-Busch offered more than 825,000 cans of water. Sprint Nextel Corp. donated 3,000 walkie talkie-type phones for emergency personnel.
# scratch Says:
September 1st, 2005 at 12:45 pm

Frank_D…We all know they just want to get the oil flowing again.
"
This is from blogging diva's Oliver Willis' blog, Frank D (who is probably a KKKonservative troll) hasn't realized that Sprint and Nextel are all in it for the oil, but remember our chant, we will fight back and say "No blood for Mangoes."

[Bilgeman]

Chom-steen;

"Conservatives want us all to keep more of what we earn, but won't let me have any of what they earn unless I give them something in return - my labor."

That's right. So let's not get all Conservative about it.

Cough up another donation to the AFL-CIO Charity Fund...don't make me have to "work" you over for it.

"As a child of single mother, I remember those lean years when local church-going conservatives would bring us food baskets, of all things."

Yeah, she tried foisting 'em off on us, but after we explained to her that we were only accepting cash donations in small, non-sequential bills...and showed her our brass "money clip", she donated quite generously too.

Be a true Liberal, Larry...fork over the dough.

Regards,

[Pol Pothead]

Dudes, it totally pains me and sh*t to see fellow progressyves who have, like, forgotten what progressyvism is really about and sh*t. People are, like, hurting, people are totally starving (non-euphorically), and all you can think to do is send them, like, food and money and clothes and sh*t? Dudes, what does that accomplish? The only way to do anything meaningful to, like, help our fellow persyns and sh*t, is to raise awareness. What good is money and food and sh*t when so much awareness is totally unraised? Wasn't it, like, Michael Moore who said, "Awareness unraised is like a corndog without mustard, ketchup, a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, two Mars bars, and a 32 oz. Big Gulp of Pepsi: it won't help anyone get through those dark times between the 10:00 snack and lunch."

But, hey, us dudes down here at the Friedrich Engels Co-Operative Economics Institute and Smoking Accessories Emporium are totally doing our share. Instead of wasting time with food drives and all that useless red-state sh*t, to raise much-needed awareness for the tornado victims or whatever they are, we will be holding a Peace Vigil for Louisissippi tonight in the municipal pool, where we will float around for hours to show our solidarity with the aquatically-overcompensated persyns down there on the coast of Missibama, under a sign that says, 'Life in Bush's Amerikkka'. Let's see those fascists at the Red KKKross top that. It's a grueling task we've set ourselves, but a real progressyve isn't afraid of a little sacrifice to help those beneath us.

[Menstrual Rainbow]

Air America has raised so much 'charity' for flood victims in New Orleans that they are finally able to have sauna room 5 properly Feng Shui'ed. But keep giving, Randi Rhodes body waxer still needs a living wage.

[aelfheld]

M.R., I'd think Randi Rhodes body waxer needs hazard pay.

[CKCat]

" we will be holding a Peace Vigil for Louisissippi tonight in the municipal pool, where we will float around for hours to show our solidarity with the aquatically-overcompensated persyns down there on the coast..."

Pol Pothead, sweet thing:
You are a true hero. I don't wish to presume anything upon Bilgeman n-sh*t, but if you haven't already provided for such yourself--say from a municipal pol porta-pottyhead n-sh*t--Bilgedude might be more than happy to provide you with the various...uhm... *chemicals* n-sh*t needed to authenticate your solidarity swim & match your pol pool water (n-sh*t) more to that which is in NO. Bilgeman seems like he's real charitable n-sh*t..
Just a suggestion n-sh*t.

[Bilgeman]

CKCat;

"Bilgedude might be more than happy to provide you with the various...uhm... *chemicals* n-sh*t needed to authenticate your solidarity swim & match your pol pool water (n-sh*t) more to that which is in NO."

Why coitainly...In fact I have a few things in the back of the Lincoln Continental EarthFirstMobile...some of 'em even float.

I uhhh, hit a deer, see? On my travels in collecting for the AFL-CIO Charity Fund, and I just COULDN'T leave it out in the road, so I had to cut it up some to make it fit in the trunk.

And I wrapped some old lady's clothes, (that I was bringing to some old lady), around the deer's body parts so it wouldn't be cold.

I'd be happy to donate all those materials and supplies into Pol Pothead's Pool...saves me a lot of work down at the landfill.

" Bilgeman seems like he's real charitable n-sh*t.."

Why thank you very much, CKCat, I like to think of myself as yoo-man-itary-yan.

In fact, just yesterday I took out a life insurance policy on Liberal Larry's deer old Momma....

But, lissen you kids, mum's the word. If it gets out that I can make "Disaster Gumbo" in PP's swimming pool, well...you know how it is.
I wouldn't do this for just ANYBODY, y'know.

Regards;

[Bush4Ever]

I hate to state the obvious in reference to your sarcasm about charitable giving, but the definition of conservative is closer to 'stingy' than is the word liberal, which connotes generosity.

I was so happy to see generous Liberals, I mean, Progressives, like Ted Kennedy, down in New Orleans, pulling people out of the water...no...wait...Teddy has NEVER risked his own life pulling anybody out of the water.

[Bilgeman]

Bush kkkaused my impotence;

"The Walt Disney Co. contributed $2.5 million, $1 million of which will go to the American Red Cross and the rest for rebuilding efforts and volunteer centers helping affected communities"

That mouse was one tough cookie.

But you know what they say:

"You can get more with a tire iron and a smile, than you can with just a smile"

I didn't think he could write a check with those hands/paws/gloves, but he managed.

All a matter of proper motivation.

Regards;

[Red Loser]

"As a child of single mother, I remember those lean years when local church-going conservatives would bring us food baskets, of all things."

Larry, I too was forced to go through childhood with only a single mother. I have since longed for the doting care which only two mothers can provide. Perhaps Rosie O'Donnell will co-adopt me.

"The only way to do anything meaningful to, like, help our fellow persyns and sh*t, is to raise awareness. What good is money and food and sh*t when so much awareness is totally unraised?"

That's right! Progressives like Kanye West and Cindy Sheehan have led the charge in this awareness-raising. It's far more productive for us to throw our hands in the air in frustration and rage than to actually do something practical and helpful.