Uganda: "Give Us Condoms, or Give Us Death!"

Drought. Famine. AIDS. Just a few of the many plagues Bush has forced upon Africa, if not the entire world. Now, thanks to his primitive views against casual sex and abortion-on-demand, Bush is withholding millions of life-saving prophylactics from the peaceful, yet incredibly horny people of Uganda. According to the United Nations, Uganda is 30 million latex condoms short of the 150 million it needs to survive, and is experiencing a frightening shortage of french ticklers as well. Indeed, the entire African continent is on the brink of a "condom crisis" unseen since the middle ages, and Bush's puritan religious idealogy is to blame.

Although he claims it isn't an "abstinence only" policy, Bush's African AIDS-prevention program preaches "Abstinence, Be Faithful, and Use Condoms". As research shows, the mere mention of "abstinence" is the leading cause of teen pregnancy - perhaps why our founding fathers never included the ghastly word in the Constitution- and anything short of "Put this on and get busy" could pose serious health risks. With sexual attacks against women and children on the rise, this is no time for Bush to duck out on his responsibility to keep Uganda supplied with rubbers, either.

I, for one, will not sit idly by while Bush recklessly destroys another peaceful nation in the name of his extremist religion. I encourage all my readers to send their new or slightly worn condoms to the United Nations, so that they may be distributed equitably among the suffering people of Uganda in a variety of sizes and, if possible, ribbed for her pleasure.

Comments

[Che]

I've spent the last two days trying to write something about the Bush/Condom crisis.

I got really excited at first because I thought latex was made of petroleum distillates. The petroleum gelled in my mind as an opportunity to stick it to Halliburton, and I pursued it from several different angles with great enthusiasm for hours on end. But it was to no avail. There were no fireworks of inspiration, and no climactic explosions of literary genius.

Now my arrousal in this topic has wained. Try as I might, I just cannot feel enough about it to bring myself to a satisfying conclusion.

When I was younger, this wouldn't have been a problem.

[CKCat]

I would think with Bushes ownership of a lumber yard (I have it on good rightful President Kerry's authority!), you'd think he'd be more than willing to supply Uganda with at least a Condominimum or two.