Uganda: "Give Us Condoms, or Give Us Death!"

Drought. Famine. AIDS. Just a few of the many plagues Bush has forced upon Africa, if not the entire world. Now, thanks to his primitive views against casual sex and abortion-on-demand, Bush is withholding millions of life-saving prophylactics from the peaceful, yet incredibly horny people of Uganda. According to the United Nations, Uganda is 30 million latex condoms short of the 150 million it needs to survive, and is experiencing a frightening shortage of french ticklers as well. Indeed, the entire African continent is on the brink of a "condom crisis" unseen since the middle ages, and Bush's puritan religious idealogy is to blame.

Although he claims it isn't an "abstinence only" policy, Bush's African AIDS-prevention program preaches "Abstinence, Be Faithful, and Use Condoms". As research shows, the mere mention of "abstinence" is the leading cause of teen pregnancy - perhaps why our founding fathers never included the ghastly word in the Constitution- and anything short of "Put this on and get busy" could pose serious health risks. With sexual attacks against women and children on the rise, this is no time for Bush to duck out on his responsibility to keep Uganda supplied with rubbers, either.

I, for one, will not sit idly by while Bush recklessly destroys another peaceful nation in the name of his extremist religion. I encourage all my readers to send their new or slightly worn condoms to the United Nations, so that they may be distributed equitably among the suffering people of Uganda in a variety of sizes and, if possible, ribbed for her pleasure.

Comments

[camojack]

Death by condom!!!

[Menstrual Rainbow]

So Bush hates blacks in Africa as well as America, no surprises there. Every good anti-racist progressive knows that Sun People, despite their tremendous natural rythym, cannot possibly abstain from sex, so chimpy practically signed their death warrants when he invented Aids. Its like Florida 2000 all over again!

[Bubblehead]

"Strangers in the ni-ight... exchanging rubbers" was always one of my favorite songs.

[Moonchild]

During his War on Poverty, Lyndon Johnson recognized the dangers of unprotected sex. Then, the CIA bio-weapons program was in its infancy; so, they had only come up with gonorrhea and syphillis, but despite this relatively mild threat, Johnson demanded something be done.

The result is before us so often that we don't notice. Visit any gas station bathroom, and hanging on the wall is a condom dispenser with a selection of styles and colors which dizzy the senses, and written upon these dispensers are invitations to the sex you would have had without the condom (Call 867-5309 for a good time. Meet me out back at 11:30 for hot man-love. etc., etc.) These condoms have saved countless lives and the messages upon the dispenser have saved the lonely American male billions of dollars on hand cream.

But, the chimp has only a smirk, not a vision. So, there will be no condom dispsensers for our third-world brethren, and the deaths which result will fall on Bush's low, sloping brow.

[merkin patriot]

You democommies blame evrything on bush. men and women love bush.

[Bob Jones]

Didn't Twice-Elected President George W. Bush give $15B for AIDS relief in Africa? Maybe if the lessons of no pre-marital sex, monogamy and no adultery were taught, and learned, the AIDS epidemic would die.

[Wilderness Fox]

I'm organizing a drive to collect used condoms and/or sandwich bags for shipment to the poor individuals who so desire (and so richly deserve) an opportunity to engage in wonton sex acts with complete strangers, only to be repressed by a lack of prophillactic protection.

"Maybe if the lessons of no pre-marital sex, monogamy and no adultery were taught, and learned, the AIDS epidemic would die."

Ah, typical White Slavemaster Response: Control the Negro through thought indoctorination in order to maintain his servitude toward his White Devil Master. You say these things would solve the AIDS epidemic, but you neglect to mention that this takes effort and self-control, which, as we all know, are tools invented by Whitey to control the "inferior" populations of the Earth.

[Cr'Q'T]

I will send 19 boxes of Saran Wrap.

[DancesWithBullets]

You democommies blame evrything on bush. men and women love bush.
Democommies? Spoken like a true Limbaughish Smirking Chimpinator Nazi Fascist slut muffin.

There's really no need for name calling here. If you have sound advice like how to get Bushsatan out of office or your mouth breathing simpleton mind is capable of developing an idea of how to Blame Bush for something else than please speak up.
This is a free speech forumn. I reccomend that you be banned immediatley for insulting the fine progressyms that dwell among the flaura and fauna here. And next time try a little less name calling and a little more tolerance. You Asshat.

[Independentgirl]

I am not a Bush supporter, but there is a certain amount of respect one should show for there president and country. With that said, I agree with the fact Bush should help with the aids epedimic that is affecting Africa and the rest of the world. He also needs to start thinking about the United States economy. With the war in Iraq and his need for their oil refinery's I don't see that happening any time soon. I'm starting to miss Bill!

[Sarge]

Uganda? Are you talking about the famous Ubangi tribe?

Yes, in my fond memories of high school, I recall following girls down the hallway whispering "Ubangi? Ubangi?"

And, no, they didn't.

[Cr'Q'T]

'slut muffin?'

Don't ever do that again. I laughed so hard I coughed up a lung.

[bluestateredneck]

Lightning shoots out of my ass when I use Reynolds wrap for a condom. Don't those ubangis have those powder horns over their clam-diggers to prevent a stubbed warhead?

[Dr. E. Scientist, phD]

Well, as a fellow member of the Brotherhood of Evil Geniuses (Local 413), I must say that I admire Dubya, even though we had to substantially lower the genius bar in order for him to join.

We’ve made out like kissing bandits on the deal; we pay 50 cents a gallon for petrol, and we can dump all the toxic waste we want into the school lunch program at no cost!

Under that bastard Clinton I could only afford to pass off less than 80% of my accumulated medical waste as school lunch pizza toppings.

[Bob Jones]

Hola amigos!! I am a member of The Mad Scientists Union AND...The League Of Evil Geniuses. BWA-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!!!

[aelfheld]

[...] unseen since the middle ages [...]

Considering that the condom was invented in the Renaissance, I can see why.

Unless you're referring to your own middle age?

[aelfheld]

Wilderness Fox,

Those "wonton sex acts" - are you talking fried or soup?

[Cr'Q'T]

wonton sex acts? I will never have that soup again.

[Cr'Q't]

Or one-ton sex acts? You know, like what Michael Moore is really doing at the Pritikin Clinic?

[Dr. E. Scientist, phD]

"Or one-ton sex acts? You know, like what Michael Moore is really doing at the Pritikin Clinic?"

So that's what that was!

I thought it was a frighteningly realistic interperative dance troupe doing the "Hippo dance" from Fantasia.

I now feel damn sorry for the fellow playing the crocodile, unless that was Al Franken.

[Menstrual Rainbow]

Please note- A very important article in Wikipedia has appeared-

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Larry_Chomstein

[Menstrual Rainbow]

It's been deleted already.

[brainsample]

Larry,
could you post your wikipedia article since the bastards deleted it?

Also, why have you stopped entering the time along side the date of your faithful posters?

I could understand if you had stopped for your unfaithful posters.

[Menstrual Rainbow]

I wrote the wikipedia article and just went through the basics, midget studies, Rovian mind control, site parodied by Atrios and Kos, friendship with Scott Ritter who he meets at TeenChat.com, admiration for Oliver Willis erc.

Strangly the reason given for deletion is 'Patent Nonsense'.

[Wilderness Fox]

aelfheld:

Those "wonton sex acts" - are you talking fried or soup?

I'm referring to the soup. We all know that fried anything was invented by The Evil White Man to make Innocent Poor People And Minorities overweight. Down with Whitey!