Robertson Activates Christian Sleeper Cells

Except for few desperate individuals driven to violence by U.S. imperialism, Islam is a Religion of Peace. Christianity, on the other hand, has been the engine of world suffering for over 2000 years. It was Christianity that nearly eradicated the indigenous peoples of this continent, the survivors condemned to the perpetual humiliation of cartoon stereotypes and offensive sports mascots. It was Bush's Christian cousin, Adolf Hitler, who sent hundreds of homosexuals and midgets to the gas chambers even as great agnostics like Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. fought against racial injustice. And it is the Christians who constantly subvert our political process by allowing their "moral compass" to determine how they should vote, rather than NARAL or labor union leaders. Now, the man described by the New York Times as "The Unequivocal Voice of Christian Conservativism - Perhaps Even Christianity Itself" has called for the murder of a benevolent Latin American leader. Alas, the heartless evil of the American Taliban has been never been so palpably insidious.

With a red beret and a thick Latin accent that makes the panties of every progressive American glisten with dew, Hugo Chavez is much more than your typical Marxist revolutionary. Unlike Bush, he's a democratically elected leader who is greatly loved by his people. He's also one of the few Latin American leaders not installed and controlled by the CIA, which has made him the target of several Bush-ordered coups and failed assassination attempts. But in spite of U.S. imperialist plots to poison his Fruit Loops, Chavez has instituted widespread social and economic reforms. This year, he was honored by both Greenpeace and Amnesty International for disposing of the old corroded car batteries in his torture chambers and using cleaner, more efficient solar power to energize the nation's impoverished testicles. Furthermore, spontaneous human decapitations have dropped by 12 percent on Chavez's watch. Can Bush say as much? I don't think so.

Its no wonder, then, that Pat Robertson has issued a death warrant on Papa Chavez.

For the lack of a more gender neutral noun, our founding "fathers" never intended for one man to wield so much power over the mouth-breathing, biblethumping lemmings of Jesusland. That's why they constructed a wall between church and state - the only thing in the Living Breathing Constitution that isn't ethereal or anachronistic. It's for our protection, people! One word from this Osama Bin Laden of the Religious Right and Christian sleeper cells could be activated all across the nation, acting all Holier-Than-Thou and making gay couples feel like second class citizens. Before you know it, Robert Schuller would be sawing off the heads of fornicators on The Hour of Power.

Venezuelan Vice President Charles Rangel (D) had it right. Calls for the assassination of world leaders should be done only by the seasoned professionals on Air America, where they can be directed at members of the Bush administration in a humorous, light-hearted fashion. What Robertson did goes beyond the pale. In a free, democratic society like Venezuela, he'd never get away with it.

Comments

[CKCat]

Yeah, the tightie righties got their chastity belts all up in a wad with those harmless "Kill (peeResident) Bush" T-shirts....consequently persecuting & oppressing...AND CENSORING Cafe Press for printing & selling them--but of course, the same rules don't apply here. Osama Bin Robertson wasn't joking, whereas we who hate Bush were.

[Bubblehead]

An additional advantage of cleaner-flowing electricity applied to oppressive testicular units is a marked reduction in various fetus-generating activities. It's clear from his hateful comments that Robertson should never have been nominated for the Supreme Court.

[camojack]

Whatever happened to "love thy neighbor"?

[CKCat]

"Whatever happened to "love thy neighbor"?

Not a good idea, albeit wholly progressyve, if thy neighbor is the spouse of another!

And should you live on the end of the block, does that mean EVERYONE who stops at the stop sign or light at that interesection is then your "neighbor"...?

That could be like the (illegal, unjust) Iraq war and--in the words of rightful Presdident Jean Benedict Kerry-- turn into a 'colossal failure'...ESPECIALLY if your neighbor, (unlike all his wives) isn't ...uhmmm.....well *endowed* with the cha-ching & bling!

[Pat]

Larry,

When I said we should "take him out," I meant, you know, for a nice dinner, or a cruise around Virgina Beach, or something like that. God gave me this idea while I was watching the Sopranos on HBO (don't you just love cable?).

Anyway, I hope he's not upset about this little misunderstanding.

Pat

[Moonchild]

This is a tipping point. Before this outrage, patriots could call for Bush's head to be sawn off with a rusty, dull butter knife, and everyone recognized it for what it was. This is different. The Xians are organized, fanatical, and well-financed. The works of Michelangelo and DaVinci are rumored to be up for sale so the liquidated assets can be transformed into pointy sticks. I now fear walking in public with Trotsky: Ideological Lightweight by Noam Chomsky tucked under my arm. I've heard rumors of meetings being held under cover of darkness on Wednesday nights which the Xians call 'Prayer Meetings'. I shudder at what they do in there, and this is in addition to the usual Sunday '60 Minutes of Hate'.

"We have barred the gates but cannot hold them for long. The ground shakes, drums... drums in the deep. We cannot get out. A shadow lurks in the dark. We can not get out... They are coming." - Gandalf

[I am the pony-tailed guy]

The nerve of Robertson to say those nasty things about that brave communist dictator, Chavez. It's not like Chavez has ever said anything nasty about the USA or officials of the USA. At least none that CNN Int'l has seen fit to disclose.

[Sarge]

Sweet Jesus, this brings back memories!

Man, the Phoenix program in Nam was one of the highlights of my life. You have any idea how the human skull pops open when you blast it with an M-16 from 50 yards?

You liberals just don't know how to have any fun. Me and my buddies was just in Sturgis, and we was remembering the good old days in the Mekong Delta, picking off gooks right and left. Drinking hooch with some hoochie mama san after a long night of special ops. Goddamn!

I'd better read this issue of Soldier of Fortune to find out if they're farming out the job on this Chavez commie.

Killing R Us!

[Wilderness Fox]

An open letter to Pat Robertson:

Mr. Robertson, I am sensing some hostility towards me in your comments. These words, like a hacksaw sawing through the neck of a hapless hostage, really hurt. It's true what they say, Pat: Words can hit as hard as a fist.

Look, I know you don't agree with the methods I have used to get things done; that much is obvious. But like a wise man once said, judge not another until you have walked a mile in his shoes at gunpoint.

What have I ever done to you? Have I said anything to you, personally, that would cause you to call for such a harsh solution to the injustices that you claim my countrymen have suffered at my hands? I challenge you to ask ANYONE in my country if they are better off with me as a dicator, I mean elected official, or if they feel they would be better off with Jane Fonda as their leader. I can say, with 100% certainty, that all polled would cast their vote in my favor.

Here and now, in witness of the millions who read this blog, I am asking you to meet with me at any Cici's Pizza (you choose the locale-- heck, I'll even foot the bill), and let's talk this out.

After all, there's probably not much difference betwixt the two of us. We might even become buddies.

Peace,
Hugo Chavez

[cube]

So pat is a preacher. He either speaks for God or he does not.

If he speaks for God, then Hugo Chavez should die.

If he does not speak for God then he is speaking for the devil, and the devil never lies.

cube

[Bullet Bob]

Larry, I bow before your progressive wisdom (with one eye watching the back of my neck).

[rush]

Larry, why not go for a two-fer and hit Chavez & Castro at the same time?

[Bilgeman]

Like what is Robertson going to do..."Pray" Chavez to death?

Someone send Hugo "prayer armor

Regards;

[Friend of USA]

Well Pat Pobertson's way would save the US $200 billions and no american soldiers would die.

It's not such a bad idea.

[dave]

If had my way all of those christ-o-nazis would have a one way ticket to the gulag(I can hear them praying to their "god" as they are being pitched on a box-car)It is not funny in the least when the right wing shows their deep-seated hate.

I dislike them almost as much as I dislike the jews.

Great use of the word mouth-breather, lar

[Cr'Q'T]

CKC, as a progressyve persyn of estrogen enhancement, I am shocked that you would haul out that old chestnut in the Ten Suggestions.

In seeking to redefine the family, coveting one's spouse is a time honored tradition in man made law. I routinely covet all that my spouse has. Freud called it Fallacial Envy.

[Mike]

"For the lack of a more gender neutral noun, our founding "fathers" never intended for one man to wield so much power over the mouth-breathing, biblethumping lemmings of Jesusland."

Well, duh! There was no Jesusland when the Founding Persons "Founded."

If our country was still only the original 13 colonies, 14 if you count West Virginia, then we Progressives would control our country.

Incorporating Jesusland into our country was a plot by the Bush family to take over our country.

Check his family tree and you'll see scalawags like Daniel Boone there.

I don't think you understand all the nuances and penumbras in the Bush family plot to rule the world.

[aelfheld]

[...] Robert Schuller would be sawing off the heads of fornicators on The Hour of Power.

Do you think it'll be on pay-per-view?

[Crouton]

Robertson speaks for all Christians. Now that he's gone and issued a fatwa against Chavez' ass, expect US/Venezuelan relations to suffer. And why hasn't Schrub denounced Robertson? It can be said that perhaps Robertson was speaking on the Schrub's behalf...

[Down with Bush]

Of course they're going after Chavez. He's the leader of an oil-producing country! Just like attacking Saddam, the Bush administration wants oust any democratically-elected leader who stands up against them. This "blood for oil" policy of Bu$Hitler/Rove/Halliburton has to be stopped, before we lose a progressive-minded socialist like Hugo Chavez. With the collapse of the Soviet Union, this world is running out of marxist leaders. Let's not let them go the way of the do-do, which was also killed off by neo-con conspirators.

[Friend of USA]

Pat Robertson apologized today, and added that there are other options such as kidnaping...

[Scott Free]

Thank you Jesus!

http://www.milkandcookies.com/links/26599/

[Arthur Wneir]

Personal message for Pat Robertson :

why ask this crew of monkey of washington to do the job ?

For a reasonable amont in millions of dollars - cash only - in a conventional black suit - a team of professional can do the "Chavez naturale death operation"

Send us a white dove with your answer,

http://frenchlike.blogspot.com/

[al-Bundy Martyr Brigades]

The Brigades support murdering anyone and everyone who disagree with them, or might disagree at some point in the future, or who might be less than enthusiastic about any position the Brigades have now or may take in the future, or who looks like they might do something of the kind.

Killing everyone is the only way to fight extremism.

[god_mmama]

Personally, I think that Robertson was just pissed off that Chavez bought everyone in Valenzuela a copy of Don Quixote. What the hell was that all about? Don Quixote? What a friggin boring book! The nuns tried to make me read that crap back in... oh, I don't know, the 1970's of something. Shoulda bought em all a perscription to Maxim instead. Even Jimmy Catarrah would go for that, what with the lust and all.