Camp Larry Update #2

Mother returned to Camp Larry this morning, surfing on a veritible tsusami of Grief Mojo. With her head held high and her bong even higher, she looked more the conquering heroine than a woman who has lost both a son and a brother to Bush's pointless "war on terror".

Shortly after getting kicked out of Jersey's Sports Bar for "Giving everyone the creeps", the whole hootenanny moved up the block to the Gold Star Tavern, bringing mother 50 yards closer to the Coward in Crawford and even harder for him to ignore. With hundreds of supporters arriving each day to bask in Mother's aura of Absolute Moral Authority, Bush will soon have no choice but to end this immoral war and legalize marijuana. On Sunday, we were even treated to a visit by the great Neil Young, who staggered into the tavern and performed an impromptu rendition of his timeless anti-war ballad, I'm Not Neil Young, You Stupid Hippies before passing out atop the Huggy Bears for Peace display.

Brilliantly conceived by mother herself, Huggy Bears for Peace was originally intended to honor each one of our fallen heroes with a teddy bear in his/her name, as a poignant reminder of their brave sacrifice for a just and noble cause. But with the number of Iraqi Freedom Fighters killed in action climbing into the tens of thousands, we decided it would be more feasible to simply honor our murderous troops with the instead. In essence, the huge pile of over 1,800 teddy bears would convey to the American sheeple that our troops are not valiant warriors marching off to defend our country, but rather innocent babes torn from the arms of their loving mothers by fascist military recruiters. Plus, it'd be great for photo-ops.

The right-wing cromags, of course, would have nothing of this beautiful symbol of love and respect for our genital-mocking, Quran-mishandling troops. Huggy Bears for Peace was up for less than two days before the hateful neocons started flooding in and stealing the stuffed bears right from the pile. 'MY SON WAS NOT A HUGGY BEAR!" one firebreathing jingoist growled at my poor, grieving mother. "HE WAS A UNITED STATES MARINE, AND DAMN PROUD OF IT!" We never laughed so hard in our entire lives.

It never ceases to amaze me how these chickhawks will force their own toddlers to help Bush steal Iraq's oil but won't sign up themselves. Even the Shrub refuses to send his daughters over to fight, a tradition that great war presidents have honored for over two hundred years. Who can forget the awe-inspiring images of Chelsea Clinton flying bombing missions over Sarajevo? Apparently the right-wing media can, because they never bothered to report it.

Anyway, I'm probably going to stay away from Camp Larry for a while, so don't expect any more updates. With Mom now the media darling, the place is beginning to fill with some real nutjob radicals. A heated argument broke out this afternoon as to whether we were entitled to the 79 free virgins when we died. Certainly we've done our part to end this silly war and rid the muslim holy land of kufr once and for all, but I'm pretty sure that we have to actually die in the process of killing infidels to qualify for the 79 virgins package in the afterlife. I can already hear the right-wingers questioning our patriotism should we begin Martyrdom Operations for Peace!

No, best leave that up to the professionals. Besides, I doubt you could find 17 Seattle-area women who died as virgins, let alone 79 - and they were probably virgins for a reason. My Great Aunt Hilda died a virgin because she looked like Abe Vigoda. Call me superficial, but I'm not sure I want to spend eternity with a harem of 79 naked Vigodas. Susan Sontags, perhaps...but they'd have to shave their backs.

Comments

[Bubblehead]

I'm confused... are they Antonio Fargas-type Huggy Bears or Snoop Dogg style?

[Cr'Q'T]

First! And Chelsea Clinton flew bombing missions over Sarajevo? Was she the one who took out the Chinese Embassy?

[Bubblehead]

Not! No, Chelsea would never make a mistake like that; she and her co-pilot Karenna Gore did drop a bunch of propaganda leaflets though...

[Mother Rainbow]

Those who doubt the divine nature of Mother Sheehan ought to read this- http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=45903
- Praise Gaia!

[god_mmama]

Maybe that 79 virgins deal is, like. porportional, ya know? You get the whole shebang for offing an infidel, but for like pissing in the gas tank of a Texan you get like 4 virgins. Let me tell you, I'll take that action any day!

[camojack]

I rode in on a veritable Seuss-nami;
I am the pride of my dear Mommy.

OK, it really was my Harley;
You got a problem wit dat Charlie?!

[Moonchild]

The battle is been re-joined and the troops are back on the front line.

When Cindy Sheehan put her hand into a pile of goo which a minute ago was her PR rep's banana pudding with a bourbon creme anglaise, she knew what to do. It was time to thank George Soros for a lovely dinner, get back to Crawford, grab the chimp by the nose and kick him in the a--!

Rested and battle-hardened, she will accept nothing less than total victory: Sharia law for Iraq, end of the Zionist tyranny in Palestine, nuclear weapons in Iran, a smoldering crater where the Empire State Building used to be, and the letter 'q' being stricken from the English language. Cry 'Havoc', and let slip the dogs of war!

[Moonchild]

'The Battle *has* been rejoined'

Bush's slash-and-burn policy with regard to school budgets has affected me badly. Curse him and his hememonic brain!

[Che Guevarito]

You get virgins in paradise if you legalize marijuana? That's a win-win situation! How are you supposed to count 79 of them if marijuana is legal?

I haven't had the chance to visit Camp Larry, since I was down in New Mexico giving support and voter registration cards to undocumented workers trying to cross the border. The tricky part of the operation was when Bill Richardson, as svelte, ethical, and classy as ever, declared a state of emergency and asked us to "Stop helping those &*%$@@! people."

We knew it was a tongue-in-cheek request, and the "state of emergency" was just a way to secure federal funds for the weak economy he presides over. So we hammered out a compromise where we help the illegals over the border, count them (for funding purposes only) relocate them to California, Texas, or some other state with a Repug. governor, and release them into the wild. We mark each of them with an identifying number and a radio collar so we can monitor their migration habits (And to ensure they don't stray from their designated preserves). Every few years, using helicopters and tranquilizer darts, we count them and ensure they are voting the correct way. Those who are not are tagged "sell-outs" and returned to their homes.

We expect this compromise to be wildly successful. Just as wolves were erradicated from the Mountain West, only to be re-introduced by people who don't live there, Latinos, driven from their rightful habitat by an oppressive Anglo-centric policies, are being reintroduced. With several mating pairs, we expect their numbers to increase exponentially in the next few years.

But not in New Mexico.

[Down with Bush]

What about when the Johnson daughters founght in the Mekong delta in Vietnam? They use to scare the V.C. away simply by showing their faces. Unfortunately, this did lead to many shattered mirrors and blind GIs though....

[aelfheld]

I can suggest one way for you to satisfy your curiousity regarding the allocation of 'virgins' in Paradise, but it probably wouldn't settle the question for others.

[Crouton]

This War for Bloody Oil can never be legitimate until Barb and Jenna Bush are in combat boots, on the ground in Iraq.

http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0081375/

Once that happens (and France gets on board, and Bush tells us why we're there), maybe I'll consider supporting the war.

[Che Guevarito]

And who can forget the images of 12-year-old Amy Carter running across the Iranian desert, knife in her teeth, after her aborted attempt to rescue the hostages?

[Son of the South (c)]

Yikes! 79 Sontags?!?! That's Hell, Lar.

[al-Bundy Martyr Brigades]

A heated argument broke out this afternoon as to whether we were entitled to the 79 free virgins when we died. Certainly we've done our part to end this silly war and rid the muslim holy land of kufr once and for all, but I'm pretty sure that we have to actually die in the process of killing infidels to qualify for the 79 virgins package in the afterlife.

Wait – 79? 79??? We only get 72! Why did the infidel Bush cheat us out of the extra seven virgins? That's more than a Berkeley's worth!

(Um…(glances over shoulder)…ah…how would one go about joining your Brigade? Just askin', is all.)

[al-Bundy Martyr Brigades]

Maybe that 79 virgins deal is, like. porportional, ya know? You get the whole shebang for offing an infidel, but for like pissing in the gas tank of a Texan you get like 4 virgins. Let me tell you, I'll take that action any day!

I see the wise god mmama has answered the Brigades' earlier question by issuing a lowfatwa.

[Vishnu Troll Daddy Earth Goddess]

I'd like to part of an Abe Vigoda/Susan Sontag sandwich!

[Joatmoaf]

THANK you Al Bundy!!!
72.
And Larry? What`s this about legalizing marijuana? Didn`t you mention something about heroine?
I mean...why settle for crumbs when you can have a feast?

[Cr'Q't]

You are forgetting Andrea Dworkin and Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem and Dr. Ruth.
What other progressyve womyn would be in paradise as part of the 79? I am sure we can come up with some, since Hillary is a dom and deplores the mocking of Iraqi male genitals when done by the military to their prisoners, but all right when done by female Senators to their male collegues here.

And 'q' would not be striken, just 'k' and 'c.' Please note the jihadi spelling of my handle, in use for some time, as a point of solidarity with the Pink Turbaned, unisex burka Systerhood.

[Joatmoaf]

Oh and by the way...not that I`m for Bush stealing all that oil 'n stuff, but I kinda wish he would steal it a little faster.

I'm gonna have to park the 1/2 MPG Dodge if he don`t start stealing it faster.

It takes a tank of gas and 3 quarts of oil just to get to Publix and back, and that`s only 3 miles away.

I was all for the war in the beginning, I mean, who can pass up a chance at almost free gas?

I just figured they would have exploited Iraq completely by now.
It didn`t happen :(
Darned Jooooos!

[al-Bundy Martyr Brigades]

for like pissing in the gas tank of a Texan you get like 4 virgins

The mullah has just issued a low-carb fatwa, saying that for pissing in the gas tank of a New Englander you only get to feel up a blue-haired grandma, or get an autographed photo of Hillary Clinton in a thong. Your choice.

[Joatmoaf]

...Or Michael Moore in Speedos

[Joatmoaf]

Helen Thomas in a sheer see through negligee.

ACK!!!

[JannyMae]

Vishnu! Eeeeeuw!!!

[DancesWithBullets]

Michael Moore in speedos? hmmm

I know what I'm putting on my winter holiday gift list this year.