Hot Enough for Ya?

For months now, I've watched the thermometer on my patio slowly rise, each day slightly warmer than the one before it, while Bush does nothing. But with temperatures across the country now rivalling those of the Martian surface, it's becoming difficult for even the Chimp to ignore the wholesale destruction his environmental policies have done to our planet.

Take Death Valley, California, for instance. A lush, tropical paradise during the Clinton administration, a treasured national park is now little more than a barren desert wasteland. Acres of marshy wetlands have transformed into lifeless salt flats. Almost overnight, vibrant communities full of working families have become veritible ghost towns as thousands of residents flee in search of cooler climes.

Those unfortunate enough to live in my home town of Las Vegas are paying for their devotion to war hero John Kerry with the deadliest summer in recorded history. Ten have died so far, mostly homeless people, hookers, crack dealers - the working poor who traditionally vote democrat. They were hit hard with Bush's tax cuts for the rich, but now even the sun, it seems, has turned against them.

And if you think I'm lucky to have escaped Sin City, think again. A winter wonderland just six or seven months ago, the Pacific Northwest is now experiencing temperatures in the sweltering 80's. Our once booming ski industry has all but shut down. I can't even sit inside Starbuck's enjoying a refreshing iced mocha for two or three hours without my bratty right-wing neice screaming and crying to be let out of the car. I teach her a valuable lesson about Bush's Greenhouse Effect, and I'm the bad guy.

Thanks, Dubya.

Comments

[camojack]

This really burns me up...

[Friend of USA]

This heat wave could be partly caused by the hot steam coming out the ears of angry democrats who have learned this morning that Bush used his magic powers to apoint Bolton at the UN.

I'm sure some people at the UN are feeling the temperature rising,
like Kofi-oil for fraud-Annan...

[Joatmoaf]

Mars used to be a pristine Utopia when Clinton was president, now it`s just another barren wasteland.

Maybe Bush is actually reaching out to the Phrench in a gesture of good faith.

Maybe he`s trying to show that we too can let our elderly die in heatwaves like Phrance did to their elderly last year.

Survival of the fittest and all that, just like the Glorious and always Victorious Phrench.

He`s stretching out his hand in a truely Progressive act of Phriendship to Phrance and all the You`re-A-Peons.

[aelfheld]

I'm surprised your "bratty right-wing neice [sic]" hasn't figured out how to kick the windows out of your car. It's not like Yugos are that sturdy.

[Bilgeman]

LibLarry:

No way, Hoe-zay. I'm staying down in the engine room...where it's cooler.

If you could keep yer clothes on, we'd invite you down to splash and frolic in the bilges with us.

The sludge is fine!

(Knuckles does a hilarious imitation of an oil-slicked penguin...maybe it's the insights he gains from drinking his own urine).

Sometimes we co-ordinate a simultaneous mass toliet flush...

Surf's up, Chom-steen, I'm catchin' the wave.

Cowabunga!

[Bubblehead]

And the worst thing about Bu-shaitan is, he can't even screw up consistently. A long-range forecast from the United Nations Climatological Education And Revisionism (UNCLEAR) committee indicates that within the next six months we can expect to see temperatures in the Northern Hemisphere dropping to below freezing, while the Southern Hemisphere will see the horrendous heatwave now plaguing their northern oppressors. This report also condemned the Zionist entity, so there was some good news...

[Cricket]

And here I thought the Northwet was emissions and greenhouse gas free. Is your niece waiting to exhale? Have you put her in your car with the cleaning supplies?

[doolz]

Rove seems to have broken that last link of yours. The one labeled 'Dubya'. His leet haxx0ring skeelz put the ph33r into us all!

[Talking Toaster]

Larry is right! Ever since Bush crashed that so call "probe" into the proverbially celestial body the entire solar system has been thrown out of kilter. The sun now rises earlier in the morning and sets later at night! The moon is not in the seventh house. It's in the eight or ninth house - maybe even in outhouse for we know! Less moon means more sun! More sun means dried up liberals!

Not only has Death Valley, California died of dehydration, Barbara Boxer has shriveled like a raisin in the sun. Have you seen her lately - she looks horrible.

It's clearly a plot to destroy the last true blue state in union - California.

Just a few days ago liberal womyn in
Berkeley California were force to march through the streets with out clothes due to Bush heat rays. Even the famous
Giant Scrotum Boy's scrotum looked dehydrated [see 30% down].

What's next? Will Michael Moore's limousine overheating on the Hollywood Freeway clogging access to the Hollywood studios which speak truth to power? Will Bush's scheme cause more explosive clad Muslims to prematurely exploded? Will, Bush make more recess appointments of men who can eagle eye the UN into oblivion. Will more hard working crack dealers die without dignity in the streets of Los Angeles? Will all bong water evaporate? Will Bush slowly roast the remaining liberals to death like a pigs skewered through the rear on poles over the Big Bush Death Valley Barbecue pit to capture his third term? Build your shelter now (or hide under the sink) and buy plenty of tinfoil! Scrotal deflation is near!

See Breasts 5% down

Scrotal Inflation Kit

See: Little Green Turd Balls for more breasts and scrotal inflation

[Bubblehead]

Doolz, dood, that's some crazy phreaker stylin' ya spinnin', yo. Makes me want to catch some X-Games on the tube, and watch the thrashers catch some sick air on the half-pipe while they be representin', dreaming of the mad bling they'll haul in if they razzle-dazzle the gronks. Outasite, my main man!

[Mumblix Grumph]

This is what we get for spurning the Kyoto Accord.

G-d I love the sound of that! Kyoto Accord, it sounds like a sexy spy thriller...but instead of the typical horny male spy, it should feature a sexy lesbian spy!

Angelina Jolie is Agent Hillary Van Dyke in The Kyoto Accord!

Rosie O'Donell can play the wacky sidekick...always tossing out clever subtle double entendre's like "Hillary, I wanna munch on a box and lick some carpet!" And then Jolie responds with a rapier-sharp, "Huh?"

Ah, yes...Hepburn and Tracy-esque reparte'!

And with the money Jolie and O'donell make, they can each buy a new kid! Everybody wins!

I have to start writing the screenplay...this thing will practically write itself.

[adam & stever]

"Kyoto Accord" sounds more like a over-rated imported econo-box driven by such luminary libs as Vince Foster and Bill Maher.

[Hankmeister]

This is the fiftieth instance of global warming in my lifetime. IT'S BU$HAITAN'S FAULT!

At least Clinton confined the global warming under his watch to the Branch Davidians at Waco.

[Hankmeister]

Speaking of John Bolton *spit*, I heard an objective ABC progressyve newspersyn bravely intone in that objective newspersyn voice, "President Bush appointed John Bolton using his SO-CALLED recess appointment power..."

Now if that isn't objective news reporting, I don't know what is!

[nerdwallet]

Hey Larry,
When did you live in Vegas? I used to live in Jean in the 80's.
we had to move when Reagan won his second term, I started getting heat strokes and our grass withered away.

[Cricket]

Boobs not Bombs? Sherry Glaser scared me, as did Winken, Blinken and Nod.

I have a silk suicide bustier. Looks like Sherry could use the -ahem- support.

You know, this will just irritate the al bundy brigade. They can't put it up on their website because it is porn, and they can't use it or acknowledge the support of the people on the left, lest they be percieved as being as loopy as they are.

[Friend of USA]

Hank, Bush has used the so-called recess thing 106 times and Clinton 140 times.

I think Bush might have recess envy!

[Friend of USA]

Yeah, I guess if we threw those women with bare breast instead of bombs at terrorists, we would have peace before dinner time.

[al-Bundy Martyr Brigades]

Fatima Cricket,

I see your husband lets his wives out unescorted. The Brigades will be dropping by to "discuss" this with him.

As to your comment, the Brigades were born irritated, so nothing irritates us further.

(BTW, does that silk bustier come in goat sizes? Just askin'. Not for me, of course. A…a…friend of mine wants to know, you know, for research purposes.)

[JannyMae]

Actually, I feel quite a bit better having seen Sherry Glaser and her cronies. Other than the fact that my eyes will never be the same, I feel quite a bit better about myself. You see, apparently, I just THOUGHT I had sagging boobs! Compared to her, this throbbing sex kitten has one FINE LOOKING SET!

[waffen]

Speak truth to power,Larry.

I think that's this is payback for all the crimes that bush-satan/ nascar fans has done to the mother planet.. when we take back the power that was stolen from us (2000,2004)they will have a long time to think about their crimes in the camps in the cold,cold far north......if it's not 135 degrees up there by the time that the chimp's done..

always remember, when someone on the right put's someone in a work camp it's a crime that we will never let them forget.....

and when we do it, it's called progress.....

sound's like it's time for a little progess for that nazi of a niece that you have...Just smile and say, "shut the fuck up and get in the boxcar!!!!!"

Power to the people!!!!!!!

[onlineanalyst]

Hey Adam and Stever:
Are you kidding? Local Honda™ dealers are claiming that the Kyoto Accord is the hottest car on the lot...

[Friend of USA]

Good for you throbbing sex Janny! ( you know... about having a fine looking set of... anti-terrorist weapons...)

[Friend of USA]

Ok I know this is TOTALLY off topic, I'm sorry but it is just too damn funny ( and with facts like these, who can blame me for making fun of my country? )

" CANADA CUSTOMS officers say their fleet of two inflatable boats to patrol the world’s longest undefended border just doesn’t hold water when compared to the 100 aircraft and 75 vessels their U.S. counterparts have at their disposal.

“We have two boats for use from coast to coast,” says Ron Moran, president of the Customs Excise Union.

If a plane or helicopter is required, they have to turn to another Canadian government department or ask U.S. Customs to share one of theirs..."

You can read the rest at;

two li'l boats

[Moonchild]

"And lo, Gaia spake: When the day of the chimp dawns, I shall rain fire upon thee. For the chimp will have forsaken the wisdom of the green, and his shriveled paw will refuse to draw upon the sacred parchment. I say unto you that this will come to pass for the coucil in black will have emerged from the murk and made the day of the chimp come to pass, and so shall all suffer and lament at its coming." - Greenpeace 13:25-27

I'm not one to quote scripture very often, but wow. Rachel Carson's prophecies are being reveled before our eyes.