As I stared blankly at the headstone of one Lt. Joseph Chomstein, my feigned reverence barely concealing my indifference, I was struck less by what the marker said than by what it didn't. His date of birth and death were clearly printed on the white marble surface, as was his rank and branch of service. But where was the mention of all the innocent women and children Uncle Joe slaughtered in the fashion of Jingus Khan? Where are the names of the nineteen "Jap Bastards" he often bragged of gunning down for no reason other than they were sitting on a tiny little island he wanted for his very own? The military, it seems, has gone to great lengths to glorify their fallen comrades at the expense of the truth.
Despite what the Pentagon wants you to believe, Uncle Joe was a murdering, jackbooted fascist - but I honor and respect his service to our county. Thank Goddess I stumbled upon his grave as I was hunting for mushrooms at the National Cemetary last Monday, or I never would have known the crazy old geezer had croaked. It was all I could do to keep from posting about how Bush took my beloved Uncle from me and then concealed his death in order to draw attention away from his pre-planned and headlong rush to war, but Memorial Day is not the time for partisan bickering. If only for one day out of the year, Americans must put aside their political differences and pay respect to those who died on the altar of U.S. imperialism - mostly poor, inner-city black kids who were pressed into service by wealthy chickenhawks; human cannon fodder for illegal and immoral wars waged for the express purpose of advancing U.S. hegemony abroad. No, we must resist the temptation to expose the solemn holiday for what the necons have turned it into: one great big, flag-waving jingopalooza, exclusive to people with yellow ribbons on the back of their SUV's and respect for the armed forces.
Even after over 1,650 genital-mocking wife-beaters have died in Iraq, the right continues to perpetuate the myth that they alone support the military. The fact is that with the exception of military recruiters, military leadership, military policy, military bases, military parades, military bands, military ships, military weapons, military uniforms, military haircuts, and all forms of military symbolism, it is the left that truly loves the troops, for we alone want to bring them home. Not tomorrow, not next month or next year, but NOW - preferably defeated, demoralized, unwilling to participate in any more acts of U.S. aggression, and ready to enjoy a plethora of bloated veterans affairs programs that don't do anything to help anyone but democrats alone have fought so hard to create.
Indeed, terrorism is not the greatest threat to world peace, but rather the American will to fight. Grandiose displays of honor for fallen "heroes" only glorifies war and encourages further acts of U.S. aggression. Perhaps, with the help of progressive thinkers in the media and institutions of higher learning, Americans will one day realize that Memorial Day is not a time for reflection in remembrance of those who lost their lives fighting for our freedom, but a National Day of Guilt and self-loathing for sending them off to fight in the first place.
Then we ought to shut down those fight centers on college campuses across the nation. Nothing like an early withdrawal to discourage spending, teaching and ROTC.
Posted by: Cricket | June 01, 2005 at 09:47 PM
So, did you find any of those mushrooms?
Posted by: camojack | June 01, 2005 at 10:56 PM
As the founding member of F.E.T.A. (Fungus for the Excremental Tastings of Animals) I find your post highly objectionable.
Fungus is a very scarce resource that is being harvested in mass by filthy hippies such as yourself.
Now that you have brought to the attention of the five readers of this site the availability of the sacred fungus in their local boneyards, I fear that my fellow fungi will be in grave danger of being devoured by your smelly, unbathed plebians whom worship your every word.
How would you like it if mushrooms grew in your armpits and crotch area, feeding upon your bad hygeine?
Stop the hate.
Posted by: Dr. Fungi | June 01, 2005 at 11:36 PM
Goodness Larry, it's far worse than you thought! Military records indicate Lt. J. K. Chomstein was award the Silver Star with the coveted an Viagra eyeball cluster. Lt. J. K. Chomstein mowed down "Jap Bastards" who where picnicking on a small island and slaughtered innocent women and children - worse - when he ran low on ammunition he use poor black inner-city kids as human cannon balls to shoot at the enemy.
Further, you forgot to add that he had personally raped, cut off ears, cut off heads, taped wires from portable telephones to human genitals and turned up the power, cut off limbs, blown up bodies, randomly shot at civilians, razed villages exactly like George Bush is doing, shot cattle and dogs for fun, poisoned food stocks, and generally ravaged innocent countries like Japan and Germany who just need more real estate to occupy.
It's true that Memorial Day should be that one day where partisan politics set aside but, forcing military recruiters, military leadership, military policy, military bases, military parades, military bands, military ships, military weapons, military uniforms, military haircuts, down the throats of progressive academics such as Michael Moore and Ward Churchill is just too much.
Let us remember, as Zell Miller said, it was the ACLU not the military at brought us liberty! I suggest that there be a separation of Military and State. Hence, all Memorial days will no longer be allowed to display any Military symbols of any type (such a law should be drafted by the ACLU and the Constitution amended). Bush should immediately allow his defeated and demoralized baby killers to return home to well deserved parade of heckling and jeers.
Posted by: Ledger | June 01, 2005 at 11:46 PM
Larry, Larry, Larry,
This may translate as nothing more than a lame offer of rather backhanded comfort, but your uncle Joe was somewhere around #456,987,321,018, 527 in the loooooooong line of Bush Puppets.
As you'll recall, it was KKKarl Rove who punched the whole in the heavens so Shrubya could lasso lucifer right out of his lofty place....which occured some time before Dumbya shoved that *apple* into Eve's hand mere seconds before
Rove used his remote control to then force Eves fruit filled hand right smack into Adams face....blah, blah, blah.
No disprespect to your warmongrelling uncle, but really--is there any surprise?
BTW--since you've been ignoring us, your loyal subjects, so long--will you make us some cream of mushroom soup and invites us all under the sink for lunch or dinner?
Posted by: CKCat | June 01, 2005 at 11:53 PM
(ROFL)Mad PROPS, whistles, applause, cheers to ya, Ledger. That was classic....NO--Brilliant!
Posted by: CKCat | June 02, 2005 at 12:01 AM
You stinking hippy commie pinkos make me sick!
I own a big Ford Expedition, and I love gasoline. If we gotta invade a few countries so that I can fill up the tank, what the fuck? The world needs a bunch of lame towel heads? We’ve already got as many camel jockeys driving cabs in Manhattan as we’ll ever need.
Fuck, my Expedition only gets 10 m.p.g. when I tow the Harley in my trailer. I’m ready to fucking invade Canada if necessary in order to mainline some crude into my veins. I use diesel fuel as cologne. The prostitutes in Bangkok love it. I love the smell of napalm in the morning!
What you low-life hippie scum need is some military discipline! I mean, getting up at 5 a.m. to do your pushups, instead of going to bed at 5 a.m. after some all night orgy with members of the same sex. I know why you’re smoking that stink weed and eating those shrooms. I’ll bet you scum have to take Viagra just to get it up.
Memorial Day was meant to honor big, hairy white men who gave their lives on the beach of Normandy after a night of binge drinking and sleeping with French whores. This was the way God meant it to be, and I don’t mean no motherfucking Gaia.
Do you hear me, wackos! Down on the floor and give me 20.
Posted by: Sarge | June 02, 2005 at 05:57 AM
Got the latter, missing the former.
Sorry I missed the jingopalooza - it sounds like fun.
Posted by: aelfheld | June 02, 2005 at 06:11 AM
Hey, Sarge? Down on this: ♂
Posted by: camojack | June 02, 2005 at 06:18 AM
Don't forget that the only reason people enlist is for the benefits. The G.I Bill alone is like winning Powerball, not to mention the fine dining, the luxurious barracks complete with scented bubblebath and complimentary fluffy bathrobes, and the medical care! Those Corpsmen never miss the vein when drawing blood, and they can clear up a case of gonnorhea with a gentle touch and a softly whispered word.
It's time the U.S. stops coddling these freeloaders and makes them earn their bloated paychecks. Maybe forcing them to pick up trash on the side of the road or teach in inner-city schools would be a good start.
Posted by: Che Guevarito | June 02, 2005 at 06:34 AM
Hey camojack,
I been over to your so-called "weblog."
It's just a bunch of scooter trash riding some kinda sissy Ultra Glide. Fraid a hurtin yourself or what? And what's that shit around your head... a towel or a rag or something?
I ride a real bike, a Road King. Don't wear no frilly underwear like you probably do.
And, yes, those whores in Bangkok really know how to take five cowboys for a ride. The case of the clap is just about worth it, if you know what I mean.
Sinking hippies, there ought to be a law.
Posted by: Sarge | June 02, 2005 at 06:51 AM
Road King? Isn't that made by Yamaha? It probably has an electric starter, suspension and a place for your latte, too.
Real men (and lesbians) ride kick-start hardtails. Preferably with right-side gear shifters.
Posted by: Che Guevarito | June 02, 2005 at 06:56 AM
War is not the answer. Communicaiton and compromise are the answer. America must change it's imperialistic ways. She must sit down at the table with her adversaries and talk things over. America's leaders must be smart enough to admit they are wrong. Then follow through and deliver. It is time to right the wrong that G.W.Bush caused, then Anerica must re join the world.
Posted by: howie | June 02, 2005 at 07:34 AM
War is the answer to most things, you commie symp. Killing things is the American way.
And, Che, you pathetic fellow traveller, I'll bet you get some kinda sick thrill out of watching those Manhattan lezzies getting down with their Golden Retrievers. I've met your kind before.
In fact, I remember tracking a few through the jungles of Nam. We was on a lezzie hunt, yes sir, Bob. This was back in the time of Hanoi Jane, when all the lezzies was over there sitting on the barrels of anti-aircraft guns. You get the phallic symbolism here, don't you punk?
Just cause you lezzie freaks never get any real action don't mean you got to be snide. I'll ride my Road King right up your ass, which is probably widened out considerably by all that somody you've been engaging in.
I'm gonna have a beer.
Posted by: Sarge | June 02, 2005 at 07:47 AM
No need to get snippy, Serge. Breathe, sip a nice imported hefeweizen with a sprig of lemon zest, and enjoy your 14000 lb GVW Evo. A 350cc Enfield made by Indian peasants is more globally conscientious, but if you feel you need to compensate for something, by all means do.
Killing is never the answer, unless the question is "What do you do to unexplainable fetuses?" Howie is right. He also has a website, a very progressive one, and he'll be the first to tell you so. Go visit it and glean some educational vignettes.
And sodomy is a beautiful, caring act enjoyed by most Americans, including Antonin Scalia's wife, and the mayor of Spokane. So don't act like you've never experimented. We know how homoerotic the hot, steamy jungles of the 'Nam were.
Posted by: Che Guevarito | June 02, 2005 at 08:07 AM
It's not so much writing what you know as not writing what you don't know beans about.
Posted by: aelfheld | June 02, 2005 at 08:43 AM
OMG! You guys are a hoot! Still have tears rolling down my cheeks! Wait till Cricket sees this exchange!
Posted by: JannyMae | June 02, 2005 at 08:47 AM
Damn, I was hoping nobody would catch that.
Posted by: Che Guevarito | June 02, 2005 at 08:51 AM
I take that back. Perhaps "skosh" would have been a better choice of words, but "sprig" is also appropriate.
2 a : HEIR b : YOUTH c : a small specimen
3 : an ornament resembling a sprig, stemmed flower, or leaf
Posted by: Che Guevarito | June 02, 2005 at 09:07 AM
Che, "splitting heirs," again?
*ducking under computer desk*
Sorry, couldn't resist!
Posted by: JannyMae | June 02, 2005 at 09:11 AM
Yeah, and how do you like this chicken-hawk neo-kkkons conspiracy which is altering the media imagery of Afghanistan and Iraq by focusing only on the redneck white crackers doing the fighting. We all know the military is 80% black. Therefore, it must be that right-wing media outlets like CBS/ABC/NBC are apparently only showing tape of whities doing the fighting - to make them look more heroic in "defending America". Unless we can get the media to show more African-Americans dying for their country, it makes our job to bring peace to the world that much more difficult.
And to tell the truth any soldier fighting for Bu$Hitler/Haliburton/Rumm$feld regime are nothing more than ignorant pawns. See, if there were no soldiers pulling the trigger there wouldn't be any war. It's as simple as that. And if there is no war then we could better see how truly peace-loving Muslims are when they aren't being provoked my Amerikan militarism. Bible-thumping KKKristians are far more dangerous than Koran-thumping Muslims, look at how many abortion clinics have been blown up by Christains as compared to faithful Muslims blowing up their own mosques. At least the Muslims are blowing up their own property.
If it was my book to write, I believe the neo-kkkon military planners in the Pentagon are faking all those beheading tapes as well as the Zarqawi and bin Laden tapes. Notice how bad the video quality is? No self-respecting Muslim would use such crappy video equipment, not when you can buy high-quality digital stuff for less than four hundred bucks at evil multi-national kkkapitalist outlet stores like Wal-Mart. Clearly someone is trying to hide fakery behind all that lousy video quality. I wouldn't be surprised if its a bunch of Joooooosss dressed up as Arabs who are helping deceive the Amerikan people.
Posted by: Hankmeister | June 02, 2005 at 10:08 AM
Sarge is symptomatic of the repressed homosexual longings shared by George W. Bush, Osama and that dreamy Sadam Hussein. I often ran into Sarge's type when I mistakenly enlisted in the Marine Corps, thinking it was the Peace Corps (an honest mistake after a two week psylocybin and oven cleaner binge).
Sodomy is the answer, Sarge. Glorious, unrestrained, continuously promoted sodomy between world leaders, military, and the clergy.
Only then! only then, will it be right for Hillary to relinquish custody of Max Cleland's severed limbs so that they can be rightfully mounted at the top of the Washington Monument.
And only then will you no longer be compelled to suppress your true proclivities through abusing innocent Asian women and riding tiny-penis compensating motorcycles instead of electric-powered scooters.
LONG LIVE KID BASTARD!
Posted by: brainsample | June 02, 2005 at 10:12 AM
Dang, howie, you were doing so well on your spelling until you got to your last sentence. I still think you're a Repug mole, but I do enjoy your blogsite anyway.
Posted by: Hankmeister | June 02, 2005 at 10:12 AM
I think brainsample is onto something (or is that "on something"?)
Be progressyve:
Make sodomy, not war!
Make abortions, not war!
You see, if we had the medical technology which could assure us that we can abort all the fetal warmongers in utero, then we wouldn't have to worry about war even if we are victims of a future sneak attack!
My nickel's worth: I think Sarge is an overcompensating homo-erotic warmonger. I bet the most exciting thing he experiences in a war zone is when he gets to shower with all those other hunky soldiers of his. I won't ask because I know you won't tell, Sarge.
Posted by: Hankmeister | June 02, 2005 at 10:22 AM
I’ll have you know that I am a fine example of all-American, red blooded manhood. And I can prove it, because my buddies and I went to the brothels in Saigon as a group. If you're gang banging some slut with a group of friends, how can you be a homo?
You commies are all alike, aren’t you? Like sodomy is the answer for everything. You know, you can tell if a guy's been playing the skin flute. His mouth gets kinda wrinkly and rounded out of shape.
I’ll tell you an old joke that me and my buddies used to tell.
Two homos are walking down the street and one says to the other:
“I was out with this really beautiful young guy the other night, and we made love over and over again all night,” the first homo said.
“No shit?” the second homo asked.
“Well, maybe just a little,” says the first.
You see the problem. It’s one of hygiene. No, I’d rather stick my Johnny B. Good in the gas tank of my Road King before I’d be dipping my pole in a dingleberry bush. You never knew what might come out.
Commies have always been ruthless about this homo propaganda. It’s part of the master plan to convince us all to give up our cojones. Keep smoking that weed, hippies! We know where you are!
Posted by: Sarge | June 02, 2005 at 11:11 AM