Florida Woman is Brain Dead, Autopsy Confirms

An autopsy performed on the Brain Damaged Florida Woman, or "Terri Schiavo" as her ignorant parents call her, confirms that she is in fact brain dead, and chances of a full recovery are slim at best. This must be tragic news for the right-wing cons who have maintained all along that she was a living human being, and thus deserving of the same rights to life and liberty typically reserved for cop killers and terrorists. Science trumps superstition once again. Progressives: 9,974, Religious Zealots: 0.

But it's still to early to spike Schiavo's frito-sized brain into the end zone. The struggle to preserve the fundamental right of all Americans to Die with Dignity is far from over. Republicans claim to be against government interference in our lives, but even as progressives form a conga line around Terri Schiavo's grave, heartless repugs are working diligently to undermine all of our deaths. Religious voodoo rhetoric from right-wing polemicists like the Pope has done serious damage to the Right to Die crusade, but there's still a glimmer of hope for those longing for death - either their own, or of a loved-one whose continuing existence has become an inconvenience to everyone. Courageous Democrats in congress have taken up the battle flag of our forefathers, who valiantly gave their lives so that future generations could snuff their spouses with impunity, free from the prying hands of republican politicians, meddlesome parents, and unscrupulous doctors who seek only to prolong life. But they cannot win the war against the coming Bush Theocracy alone.

The choice our generation faces will decide the future of America: Do we want to live in a Republican dystopia of moral absolutes, where men are men, womyn are women, and our children curse us for forcing them to be born? Or a Progressive Utopia where they thank us for allowing them to die?

UPDATE: The Seattle P-I must read my blog.

Comments

[Jeremy]

"heartless repugs are working diligently to undermine all of our deaths."

LOL

"The question our generation faces will decide the future of America: Do we want to live in a Republican dystopia of moral absolutes, where men are men, women are women, and our children curse us for forcing them to be born? "

Thank you Larry for speaking the minds of lyberyl prygryssyves.

[Damian G.]

But what is "dead," anyway?
Is it the state in which one ceases to "live," or is it when one votes for the oppressors of prygryssyve thought?
By that logic, we could very well "kill" any Republican we wanted, pre- or post-birth!!!
We could call it "preventative death penalty" or (GASP!) very, very, very, very, very late-term abortions.
We shall continue to defend the right of the unborn and sick to die!!!

[JannyMaeTSK]

Are Andrea Dworkin and Susan Sontag still dead?

[Hankmeister]

All the Rethuglikkkans are brain-dead. I vote we deny them all food and water and let them die an euphoric death. I'm sure Howie Dean would approve.

[al-Bundy Martyr Brigades]

I, for one, am deeply offended by your insensitive characterization of this womyn as "dead."

Having consulted with her and others via my ouija board, I can tell you that they prefer to be referred to as "physiologically challenged."

[camojack]

Her mother could have avoided the whole sordid business to begin with, by simply having an abortion.

What was she thinking?!

[CKCat]

Actually, Camojack--
Don't you think the blame lies straight with grandma. Look what she made her own daughter and granddaughter go through. She's the one who chose to set he fetus of Mary Schindler on this road!!

DAMN! We Progressyves are Masters of logic & reason, ay! Once again, I am forever endebted to The contigency of Rhodes Scholars who inhabit DUnderground for my education and enlightenment.

[camojack]

CKCat:
Well...I presume that Terri's mother was born prior to Roe v. Wade, so she didn't really have much "choice" in the matter.

To quote Joan Crawford: "No wire hangers!!!"

[CKCat]

"Well...I presume that Terri's mother was born prior to Roe v. Wade, so she didn't really have much "choice" in the matter."

So what! it's ALWAYS been a womans own body, and her right to call the shots re: her body! Obviously no progressyves in their lineage that would embrace "if it feels good, do it". To WHOM did they owe any explanation or account??... How lame. Just cowardice if you ask me....and even if you don't!

[Che Guevarito]

When I read the title of the post, I naturally assumed you were writing metaphorically about the Florida courts (i.e. Lady Justice, who is also blind as long as you're a rich, white male).

When I realized you were talking about Terry Schiavo, I searched my brain for a reference. Nothing found, I Googled her. Then it all came back to me. The dignified death womyn who wanted nothing more than to be starved and dehydrated while her husband nailed some other broad. That evil little woman who organized the Eichmans with Ice Chips movement.

It's almost anticlimactic for us (Except Michael, who never denies himself the opportunity to climax.) that she was too brain dead to feel the euphoria flow through her as her kidneys crystalized and her liver cracked from thirst.

Hopefully Michael's next wife will be slightly more cognizant when he pulls the plug on her.

[Sarge]

You goddamn commies!

I remember when I was shot in the head in Nam. Or, was it in the Bronx? Hell, what difference does it make?

All I remember is waking up in the VA hospital with a hose up my John Henry. My mom was standing over me, the old bat, and I can remember clearly hearing what she had to say.

“I always thought that son-of-a-bitch would end up in prison. Just like his no good father.”

Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah…

Well, they welded a steel plate into my forehead and sewed the cojones back to my crotch. I’ve always been a lucky bastard. I walked out of that hospital good as new.

If it had been up to you screwball hippies, my mother would have pulled the plug and left me there to die.

So, the next time you low-life, death worshipping, stink weed smoking commies want to yank the plug on some poor jackass, think of me. If it had been up to you, I wouldn’t even be here.

Semper Fi!

[DancesWithBullets]

Sarge is an excellent example of pulling plugs should be mandatory in all cases except that in which a progressyve might be involved. Hopefully our savior Nancy Pelosi Will create a "good policy" and allow all sick people the right to die with dignity. I'd suggest withdrawing Bush's "feeding tube" or "dinner" first. Then we can "move on" and allow Dick Haliburton Cheney the right to a euphoric end by starving that racked old codger. I would suggest maybe practicing "starvation Therepy" on Michael Moore or Rosy O'donnel to see if its really as Euphoric as they say but honestly people we haven't got that long. Bush will only be in power for a few more years.

[RWing Nut]

Thank Gaia for the high-minded judiciary. Without them, poor Michael Schiavo would have had to wait for another 10 years or so for closure. Remember, we have an inalienable right to closure under the "if it feels good, do it" clause of the Constitution. Not the US Constitution written by rich, white, slave holding phalluses; the evolved Constitution interpreted by the penumbral musing of the black-robed oracles er justices.

Hmm, I wonder if I could get closure by having my ex-wife starved to death. She dumped me so she is obviously brain dead, using the international standard of course.

[DancesWithBullets]

Hmm, I wonder if I could get closure by having my ex-wife starved to death. She dumped me so she is obviously brain dead, using the international standard of course.
I have a similer problem. I'll have to write a letter to my congressmyn asking that he support Pelosi's new legislation to allow anyone I want to get rid of to die with dignity. For Gaia's sake I can't make those child support payments for 18 years. How will I be able to afford pot and bong upgrades?
This is really harshing my mellow.

[Che Guevarito]

I'm curious Sarge. What were you doing when you were shot in the head that caused your cojones to become detached? Don't worry, doing that doesn't make you gay (unless you swallow, of course).

[Sarge]

Che, you heap a shit commie, why you always thinking about playing that skin flute? You're gonna end up like that Wacko Jacko if you don't stop. Notice those funny lines around his mouth and chin? That's what happens if you keep up that kind of stuff.

I'm a man's man. Now, I know that you don't have a clue in hell what that means. Let me tell you a little about it.

I was riding my scooter when I was shot in the head. I think it was in Saigon, but it could have been up on 195th Street, too. You know what happens when the bike and you decide to go their separate ways? Nads blasted against the gas tank and handle bars. Some whore had to wrap them up in a Kleenex. The bike kept going and made a perfect circle. Damned thing ran over me, and my bitch went straight up in the air and landed on top of me. Road rash over 95% of my body.

But, as I say, I've always been lucky. Few pins in the ankle... hell, the old lady kind a likes the scars from the stitches on my scrotum. Had a tatoo done a few years ago looks just like a baseball. Used the stitches for the seams. (Ha! I bet you'd like to see that. Fat chance!)

What I want to know is this... If you damned hippies like to watch things die so much, what the hell you got against a guy owning a few guns? I got a Remington side-by-side shotgun, a .357 magnum, a 9 mm. automatic and a few pea shooters, and hell where I live that's barely enough.

Think I'll take a few hippies off life support pretty soon, if you catch my drift.

[mkultra]

Huzaa. I feel my mellow was harshed as well.
I nearly tripped over my glass bong while I read this. I really shouldn't walk around with my laptop while I am reading Larry's blog.

When I heard the news that the afore mentioned brain dead person went to a euphoric and heroic death. I too thought of a few brain dead people that need to experience some of this wonderful and brave new world that has been opened up by our holy black robed fathers in Washington D.C.

I say get rid of everybody that isn't of any fun anymore and turn them into Soylent Green like they did with Edward G. Robinson.
Then we can give the Biscuits to Bono and he will give them to starving Africans. Waste not want not!

Here are some Bono Biscuits, they only sell them in Japan right now. Well they have to do something with all of those Suicide heroes. The Japanese practically invented the right to die back in WWII. Their culture could teach us much about the right to die and why people want to strapon bombs and kill us. By the way George bush gave me IBS.

[Che Guevarito]

9mm? That's metric. Why would you shoot something with a metric weapon instead of, say, a .45 caliber? Doesn't France use the metric system?

It all makes sense now: You're a Legionaire sergeant! I have new-found respect for you. I'm a bit baffled that the Foreign Legion has weapons, but I guess you have to drop something when you're retreating.

[mkultra]

Strapon Dildos not BOMBS!

[Ditzy Chick]

mkultra,

I like the idea of strap on BONGS!...well....anatomically relocated from where your strap-on preference would be, of course.

[LB]

Why didn't we feed Sarge's biscuits to the starving hordes? What do we call a scrotum with a baseball tattoo on it? Double header comes to mind but isn't quite the picture I had in mind. A hole in one? Nah...a single hitter? Hm...now we are getting somewhere. Of course, Sarge, being the deep thinker he is, would 'know' about the lines around WJ's mouth and what they are purportedly from...but I digress.

Why Sarge's mother didn't pull the plug was that he had no life insurance and had to get to work as a Midnight Cowboy to pay the bills.

I am sure we will see him in Larry's 'Midgets and the Kama Sutra' class, taking notes on how to deal with
'loss.'

[Cricket]

I like the Soylent Green aspect of allowing them to die.
This means less to pollute Gaia and we not only have zero population, but a negative growth where more are dying than are springing up to take the place of the global slaves in tsunami land, Kyoto World, and Bush's Joint.

Then soon we will see that only one persyn will be left alyve to do all the work in shutting off life support for everyone.

[Hankmeister]

I bet all the intelligent, progressyve people are having their lawyers draw up right-to-die papers that explicitly spell out that if they are found in similar circumstances like Terri Schiavo, they too want to be starved or dehydrated to death.

And since it's so euphoric and humane, why doesn't Bu$haitan use it on the detainees at Gitmo.....? See, witholding such humane treatment from terrorists and convicted murderers on death roll just because of a mere Constitutional technicality is just what you expect from this mean-spirited neo-kkkon kkkabalists! At least there wouldn't be anymore prisoners to worry about and those poor misunderstood Muslim fundies would get what they've always wished for, their 72 Virginians.

Say, isn't progressyve Democrat Robert Byrd a Virginian and a former KKK member? Hmmmmm, maybe he has a solution based on experience regarding the innocent Gitmo prisoners.

[Hankmeister]

Please, forgive, fellow progressyves. I was on a roll myself. It's "death row".

[JannyMaeTSK]

Hankmeister, I thought you were referring to a cyanide-laced dinner roll! Gotta watch those carbs, ya know!