Bush Court Overturns Roe v. Wade

When I first read today's horrifying headline "SUPREME COURT BANS DEATH PENALTY FOR YOUTHS!" I nearly plotzed.

"OMIGODDESS! BUSH HAS DONE IT!" I screamed at my confused cat. "THAT FASCIST SHRUB HAS OVERTURNED ROE V. WADE!"

But after reading further, I breathed a deep sigh of relief. Thankfully, the court ruling only applies to youths who have committed horrible, ghastly crimes - usually through no fault of their own. Womyn can still purge their bodies of intestinal parasites without the Ashcroft Gestapo hauling them off to Gitmo.

For now, anyway.

As with the Terry Schiavo case, this may just be another Bush plot to slowly chip away at a Woman's Right to Choose. Now that his conservative-packed Supreme Court has ruled that executing teenagers is "cruel and usual punishment", it'll be all to easy for them to slowly lower the bar. Today, it's teenagers. Tomorrow they'll be insisting it's "cruel and unusual" to slowly drown your five kids in a bathtub - rather than merely a symptom of post-partum depression. Then before you know it, we'll be right back in the dark ages of the 1950's when abortion wasn't lauded as a noble feminist statement against male hegemony.

Still, I'm not quite ready to jump on the pro-death penalty bandwagon. At least, not for so-called "criminals". If Bush is going to undermine a Woman's Right to Choose by sparing the lives of "guilty" minors, then we must do the exact opposite to protect that right and demand the immediate execution of all "innocent" teens.

It shouldn't he too difficult. We'll begin with every minor who doesn't have a criminal record. Their "innocence" is merely a product of their complacency, so they're little more than itty-bitty Eichmanns in the prison/industrial complex. As soon as they're out of the way, we can start on the College Republicans, who've been itching for it for a long time. Oh, and we absolutely must do something about the Boy Scouts...except for the gay ones.

Now, I'm not advocating acts of violence against any of these people, but rather a kind, humane, form of euthanasia. Death is, after all, a release from the cruel suffering of life. It should be a beautiful experience, spent amongst loved ones, and administered by physicians with the government-granted authority to snuff us out.

Comments

[Amber]

Hah! I haven't been first since you got discovered by all those hilarious people!

[DancesWithBullets]

Its amazing to me how Bu$hhitler continues trying to pour life down peoples throats. What about all those suicidal teens that are afraid of killing themselves and instead are trying to have themselves euthanised by the state for simply murdering someone or two or three.

[brainsample]

Larry,
the first priority HAS to be home-schooled teens! The deviant bastards don't know sensamilla from oregano and they think condoms are jello molds.

To think that there is a growing population of youth in our country who have not received the benefit of an education from our teachers' unions. It's just a travesty.

They're not hard to identify. They typically come pouring out of 15 passenger vans with the back-up warning siren and the bumper stickers claiming "abortion stops a beating heart". That seems to be the vehicle-of-choice for these mutants.

[sorecarphagus]

We all have a right to die, and by God, sooner or later we're going to realize that right.
"Long live death!" We will insure that to each is appointed a time to die, and we will fight to guarantee that appointment, or die trying.
This is sooo good. I only wish Hunter were still here to watch.
Dean is right. Rethuglicans are evil.

[Che Guevarito]

Bu$h probably banned the postnatal abortions of these troubled kids because it costs too much for the government to buy the drugs with which to euthanize them. Under Hillary's (Or Saigon John's) universal health care plan, parents would be assured post-natal abortions for all those deemed worthy, with cheap Canadian or Mexican pharmaceuticals to boot.

But you know Bu$h just wanted these kids to live so that he could force them to participate in his privatized social security plan. "Make the check out to Halliburton, boys. Dick's coronary fund."

[Tom Daschle]

You are a really funny guy; this website is really funny and clever. Overturning Roe v. Wade is really the absolutely perfect misinterpretation (in your first few paragraphs) of this retarded Supreme Court Decision about not executing 16-17 year olds. (By the way, the juvenilization of youth is retarded too. 50-100 years ago 10 or 12 year olds would be harvesting with scythes on farms. The Court's actions are so depressing.) I'm surprised you came up with it, very clever. And you're always writing funny stuff.

[Cricket]

Don't forget those homeschooled mutants will have been brainwashed by a course in the Constitution of the United States and will know and understand what the right to keep and bear arms is about. That means they might have a few howitzers and rounds for use in progressive target practice.

Just in case.

[Red Loser]

Typical. The rootin'-tootin' redneck Rethuglicans are eager to shoot little Johnny for expressing himself with a steak knife, but try to euthanize a lifeless glob of pre- or post-natal fetal material, and they start throwing a fit. What a bunch of hypocrites.

[Vishnu Troll Daddy Earth Goddess]

This is going to be a serious blow to my personal crusade for retroactive abortion. Womyn should NOT be forced into 18 years of indentured servitude i.e. SLAVERY supporting a fetus all the way to majority just because they were duped by a male oppressor into "choosing" life. The greatest gift of Gaia Earth Mother to all her children is the gift of Free Will. That means the right to choose, and the right to change her mind. But thanks to Bu$Hitler, the right to change her mind is now "unconstitutional." It all makes sense, though. Demographically speaking, the type of people most likely to have been sentenced to death under the age of 18 are minority gang youth. But now, instead of being retroactively aborted, as they should have been, they can spend life in prison as slaves to the Man. After all, HALLIBURTON needs that workforce to continue making license plates, and license plates go on SUVs, and SUV's mean OIL. Oh the irony! They shed blood for oil when the blood is Iraqi, but when it comes to our own youth, blood is too precious to spill! ANd while they "claim" that they are supporting life, they are actually killing us all: the planet is overpopulating and straining Gaia Earth Mother to the point of no return, and all the oil burned in all those SUV's sporting all those license plates crafted by all those unaborted slave-labor youth will only lead to further global warming. But shrubya and his chimp brigade only think about the now, and for them the now is NOT the National Organization of Womyn, but the "now we can line our pockets with still more oil money." BAstards.

[Menstrual Rainbow]

Not only should minors who are forced to resist oppression not be executed but their so called victims should be posthumously charged with child abuse.

[Ryan]

I think Liberal Larry uses the word "hegemony" wayy too often.

[aelfheld]

Don't get too worked up. "Innocent teens", much like "hen's teeth" and "thoughtful liberals", are scarce - if they can be said to exist at all.

[BignJames]

"Hen's teeth"? Ever seen a chicken with lips?

Well I'm going to ski off the garage roof again. Now that the cast is off. I wonder if I should move that truck?

[nerdwallet]

Larry, Your Logic is impeccable. A true progressive.

[Cheney W. Halliburton]

Heh, "Jumpin' Hegemony!"

[Bugs Butt]

Genius. Pure genius. I know that word is over-used, but not in this case.

[sorecarphagus]

Hegemony, isn’t that sort of like gravitas? You use it for a while to impress your friends and intimidate the commoners then you toss it aside never to be thought of again. Just like that non-human blob of parasitic goo that invades a woman’s body and Planed Parenthood is so good at cleaning up.

[BobTheBuilder]

Once again, the Rechimplicans have STOLEN the so-called "election"!!! The henchmen of Karl Rove disenfranchised minority voters in Abu Ghraib!!!!!!!!! And their last-minute SCARE TACTICS of accusing John Kerry of being a space bunny, and trying to focus on gay marriage instead of REAL ISSUES like socialized medicine were calculated to frighten so-called "moderates" into VOTING!!!! If you're not DYSCALCIATE about this, then you're a BIG IDIOT!!!!!!

I'm too stoned to think of anything to write so I just used the Autorantic Virtual Moonbat

Now where the helk did I put that bong? Ahhh there it is...
(bubbles)

enchhh

enchhhhh

enchhhhhhh

Whoooooooooooooeeeeeeewwwwwwww

Wow thats some good bud tonight PROFESSYM! One heeet sheeet!
And I quit counting after three ... or was it four?
Anybody want this? I'm toasted!
(holds bong up for next toker)

[nerdwallet]

I'm really scared, Bush's cronies are letting out Martha Stewart at midnight tonight. We kind of had a thing going while she was in jail through
cellpals.com. But It started to get serious so I broke it off last week.
She told me she's not afraid to go to prison again. What's that supposed to mean????

[USMC_Vet]

I don't see what the conservatives don't get about the deal. I mean, they're always harping on the 'How cumz y'all is OK with killin' dem babies, butcha won't execute da blad-nasted killurs an' rapists?' There's no contradiction at all, genius.

Look, you damn Redneck Rockit Sighintists. Now sit down, sip your iced tea, take a deep breath and follow me, OK?

It's no different from Immigration. A woman's right to choose is just like when the illegals...ummmm...migrant workers try to sneak over the border to Texas. If you can whack 'em before they get here, cool. But once they're here, you're obligated to feed 'em.

Got that, Backwoods? Maybe if you guys would stop scroggin' your sisters, you'd have kids with a fully functioning brain instead of illiterate apes like your little Bushie.

Damn you people are thick.

[BobTheBuilder]

Hey nerdwallet, I warned you that Prof. Larry had some good stuff in that bong. Your linky was breaky. Here is the one with the fixey. You know what I always say, "Can we fix it?...Yes! we can!"

cellpals.com

Some cuties there, and in my state too!