The Importance of a Living Will

I hate to keep euthanizing a dead horse, but there's one last issue concerning the Terri Schiavo case that I'd like to address before I yank the feeding tube on this whole subject.

Terri Schiavo was fortunate that her loving husband suddenly remembered a conversation they had years ago, in which she said, "If I ever have a heart attack and suffer severe brain damage, I'd like to be slowly starved to death. Pass the bacon, please." But what if Michael Schiavo was out of the room when she made such a request? Who would fight for Terri Schiavo's right to die then? Who would protect her from unscrupulous doctors who wrap themselves in the Hippocratic Oath, seeking only to prolong the life of the ill and infirm?

Compassionate caregivers must always err on the side of Death with Dignity when the patient's true wishes are uncertain, and they should be able to do so with a clear conscience. Once health care is nationalized and medical resources are strictly rationed, a progressive doctor-assisted suicide program such as Oregon's will become a vital tool for keeping hospital beds open for those who truly need it. Religious extremists who are still hung up on all that "sanctity of human life" crap will be encouraged to draft a "Living Will" - a notarized document specifying their sincere desire to inconvenience doctors, loved ones, and society itself by remaining alive for another 40 years. This "Living Will" could be printed on a wallet-sized card that one would present to their doctor or dentist, explicity stating "I'm a Quaker. Due to my antiquated religious beliefs, I politely request that I not be euthanized on this visit. Yes, I know I have hallitosis that can kill a bull moose at 50 yards, but I'd like to pointlessly linger on for a few more years anyway, if you don't mind."

Once we free caregivers from the constrictive binds of guesswork and legal roadblocks, we can look forward to a bright future where the euthanization of undesirables is as natural, beautiful, and merciful as terminating unwanted pregnancies.

Comments

[Amber]

Uh huh... will you make up a living will? Would you opt for Death With Dignity?

[Vernon Singleton]

CompletelyCalm.com can not deal with La Shawn Barber's extremism, but trackbacks to her site do not disturb our tranquility ... they strengthen it.

[Bilgeman]

"The Importance of a Living Will"?

I thought it was: "The Importance of Living WELL"!

"Living Will"? Isn't that the "Best Revenge"?

I'm so freakin' confused...

too high, must sleep.

Nighty-night;

[African Moonbat]

A friend of mine has a living Will. He feeds himself and everything. Apparantly he's hung like a horse.

[sarcarphagus]

When I was 7 years old and didn’t get the new toy fire truck I had previously demanded; I said “I wish I was dead.” I’m not sure if anyone heard me but I can’t take any chances.
One night I got drunk and decided to get a tattoo on my forehead that said Quaker, just to be safe, but the tattoo guy was drunk too. Now I’m afraid if I get sick and have to go see a black Dr. He will do me in just because it says CRACKER across the front of my skull.

[Antiquated Mike - Fugitive from Mercy]

Larry,

You might as well quit right now, because it just can't get any better than your last two posts. The image of Stephen Hawking, Fugitive from Mercy, will forever be seared, seared! into my memory.

And your anti-euthanasia card exactly characterizes the corner we have turned in this matter. Everyone should now make it perfectly clear the circumstances in which they do not want to be allowed to die.

[Muhammed Achmed Achmed Muhammed Muhammed Achmed Muhammed]

Praise Allah!
We issue a Fatwa siding with the white infidel Michael Schiavo.
In concordance with the holy Sharia; Mr. Schiavo has every right under the Qur’an to Kill his wife on any grounds. This is not only a great day for privacy advocates, but for Islam as well!!

Thank you Judicial system!

[Che Guevarito]

Update from CBS News Feed:

Terri Schiavo might just be the luckiest womyn in the world. Typically, it is the womyn who remembers the most minute details in a heterosexual relationship (or the bitch in a homosexual relationship), and can recall those details with stunning accuracy.

"The moment you first attended my 6th grade spelling class, I said to myself, 'There's the man I want to have my babies with.'" - Mary Kay Latouneau

"I told you to 'come to Mama', and you jumped off the monkey bars and straight into my heart." - Demi Moore

"Remember when you had too much to drink and wet the bed on our honeymoon?" - Rene "Bubbles" Guevarito

But in the Schiavo's relationship, it was Michael with the keen hindsight. CBS News caught up to Michael at a Tampa area Hooters:

"Who? Oh, her... It was Thanksgiving day, 1988. I asked Terri if she wanted some more green bean casserole. She said, 'Oh god, not more vegetables. I don't think I can eat another bite.' I remembered this after I lost the $12M lawsuit, when some hooker told me she couldn't continue because her jaw was getting sore."

But Schiavo's memory hasn't always been this keen. "When she collapsed and stopped breathing, I had this nagging voice in my head that kept telling me I was forgetting to do something. Only half an hour later, when the paramedics showed up did it occur on me; Oh silly me, CPR!" Michael recalls, an impish gleam in his eye.

Terri's prolonged euthanization has been hard on Michael. "It's been like the day before Christmas for the last 5 days." Michael told us over a plate of nachos. "I want to leave cookies and milk in her room for the Reaper when he comes. But What's-her-name might eat them."

But eventually, the joyous day will come when Terri will die, and Michael can finally nail other broads without the overwhelming guilt he has felt since the accident, when he tried to bang one of Terri's nurses.

But when his own day comes, we can all rest assured that Michael's actions during this crisis will have earned him a suitable, really warm place to spend eternity.

[Jerry Bogacz]

I define you as an undesirable. Please show up at the nearest starvation termination center today at noon. Of course this will be implimented with compasion and dignity as our desire is insure that the rest of us are no longer inconvienced by your obnoxious and fallacious posts. As a bonus you will participate in an NIH funded study to understand the impact of starvation and dehydration on the body. You will reamin fully conscious through the study so you can clearly communicate your "feelings". Payment for your participation will go to the local chapter of PETA. Enjoy!!

[Cricket]

Jerry, save yourself the street cred and the time. Read the transcripts of the Nuremburg trials and talk to the survivors of Auschwitz, Bergen Belson, Dachau, Treblinka
and other camps. You don't need a study. Just read history.

[Brutha]

My girlfriend (I mean my common law wife) has expressed her deathwish, on different occasions: "Oh no, the steaks are burnt, I'll hang myself".

Until now, I thought this was just a figure of speech, but thanks to Michael Schiavo and judge Greer, I realise these declarations are not to be dismissed of so easily.

Next time she says she doesn't want to eat dinner, i'll nod and mumble "duly noted, duly noted"

[Admiral Rusty Shackelford]

Brilliantly concieved and written stuff.

There are a couple of Pro Death Cult Of Evil members that are fun to harrass over at smokefilleddoom.blogspot.com

I could use some help in going after them.

[nerdwallet]

There are a couple of Pro Death Cult Of Evil members that are fun to harrass over at smokefilleddoom.blogspot.com
Why would we harrass another's religion (except christianity,of course)?
And could you please drop the war mongering moniker to your name...how about peace administrator Rusty Shackelford?

[sorecarphagus]

Starvation used to be a perfectly acceptable way of ending someone’s life, but it fell out of favor sometime in the mid forties over in Germany.

[Liberal Larry]

Let's not get carried away, folks. Starvation isn't as bad as it seems. Gandhi used to starve himself all the time, just for kicks. Besides, Schiavo is on a morphine drip. It will be a very peaceful, painless death. Does she deserve one after all she's put poor Micheal through? Well, I'm afraid that's a moot point. Unless Sally Struthers steps in at the the last moment to save her, Terri Schiavo's proverbial goose is cooked.

[Logic Monkey]

Hey, I just discovered your site- added it to the blogroll- you guys rock! Thanks for the laugh...

[Ux2]

My ex-girlfriend once told me while watching a movie, "If I ever get that fat,I want you to kill me"

I need to look her up.

[nerdwallet]

Ok, I've been checking out some medical websites and looking into the definition of Persistent vegetative state and I have really bad news...
By all accounts and definitions it looks like the Pope is in a PVS.

[Bilgeman]

nerdwallet:

"Ok, I've been checking out some medical websites and looking into the definition of Persistent vegetative state and I have really bad news..."

I could have saved you the effort. Come and visit my ship's engine control room at 0800 on a Monday morning.

If'n' we moved any slower, they'd be givin' us CPR.

Regards;

[Che Guevarito]

Larry,

I am tired of this topic, and I demand that you stop blogging about Terri Schiavo. The subject of her demise has grown stale, and no useful discussion has taken place in several days.

Although you originated this discussion, you do not have the right to prolong my suffering by continuing to contribute to it. I am not ashamed to say that I have dabbled a little outside this site by posting on other blogsites. I even created a thread or two on my own. But my ideology prohibits me from leaving this site altogether, thus allowing you to perpetuate the Schiavo discussion.

I asked the webmasters of typepad.com to pay me to continue to read your site. When they refused, I asked them to assist me in terminating this discussion.

The webmaster will henceforth be monitoring this site, and deleting any further entries regarding the Schiavo saga. The sooner this topic ceases to exist, the sooner I can get on with my life.

The subject would want it that way.

Sincerely,
Che

P.S. Limbaugh is a big, fat, pillpopping loser. And not the good kind.

[Crouton]

I been reading some stuff about how starvation isn't so bad because it gives you a euphoric rush, and I'm just wondering if starvation can be used as a "poor man's drug". Instead of going to the trouble, expense and risk of using controlled substances, can't we just accomplish the same thing by starving ourselves to near-death? We could be an army of blissed-out skeletons. Am I the first person to get this idea?

[Bush Ate My Soul...]

Che Guevarito:

You spineless hypocrite you...

You yourself are contributing to this subject's useless existence by feeding it with your comments. If it were not for people like you who keep it alive with your pointless ramblings, this subject would have died a beautiful and natural death long ago, the way Nature intended: by starvation.

If you were really committed to giving This Subject the Death With Dignity it so richly deserves, you would refrain from all further comments like I am...

AAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!!

[Cricket]

No. Nazi Germany was. All the inmates of Auschwitz and other 'camps' were so ecstatic they didn't even know they had been liberated. Their experience should show the world that starvation is a legitimate way to kill others in a humane manner. Che, are you asking Larry to pull the plug on this thread so you can go back to your shallow life of women and song?

If I were the new Mrs. Schiavo, I would be afraid. Very very afraid.

[Cricket]

Correction: All the party animals at the resorts like Auschwitz and Dachau and others were so high on starvation they didn't even know they had missed the war.

No, this is just like Nazi Germnay, but with the face of enlightened progressive democracy giving legitimacy to a state sanctioned murder. And the same people who are supporting that twit Michael Schiavo are the same ones who are against capital punishment. What was her crime?

[Che Guevarito]

I should have you both arrested for interfering with the eventual withering of this topic, you digital vigilantes.

Cricket, I'm not *asking* Larry to do anything. This is no longer his thread to nurture. He created it and cared for it when it was but a lump of cerebral goo. He set the font and the color, and he gave it meaningful place on the internet. But the readers are now its custodians.

Surely he has no emotional bonds or legal rights to it once we become its guardians.

And a few people at typepad.com agree with me. So there!