Republicans in Congress took a brief time-out from their Major League Baseball Fanfest to force their religious beliefs on everyone today. Backed by conservative Christian fanatics, GOP lifemongers pulled out all the stops trying to prolong Schiavo's pain and suffering. Michael Schiavo's, I mean. The hell that poor man's been through since the cash from the malpractice suit ran out! But it looks like the last legal roadblack has been hurdled, and Mark McGwire ceremonially yanked out her feeding tube this afternoon to wild cheers from Death with Dignity advocates and Cardinals fans alike.
The term "hero" is used rather loosely nowadays, but Michael Schiavo is the living embodiment of heroism. The events of the past few years are not only a testament to his courage, but his loving devotion to one of the several women he's banged. When half the country and your wife's entire family insist that she must "live", it takes great courage to stand up for your convictions and shout, "No! The bitch must DIE!"
Now, at long last, she finally will.
But make no mistake: although Terri what's-her-name will soon be out of our hair, the battle to save the Great Wall Between Church and State is not over. Every minute that lifeless vegetable clings to "life" brings us closer to a fascist police state ruled by dehumanizing religious zealots. At this very moment, the Christian right continues their relentless assault on Roe v. Wade by praying and singing their little Jesus songs outside brave Michael's home. The line between Christian and Islamic Fundamentalism has never been more blurred than it is right now. Thankfully we have both the ACLU and democrats in congress dedicated to protecting our reproductive rights through the systematic euthanization of pesky invalids.
So-called Christians who proselytize about the "sanctity of life" should perhaps remove the mote from their own eye before casting any stones at glass houses. Was it not Jesus who ran the money changers out of the Temple? I'm not sure how that applies here, but it's the only Bible story I actually dig so I'm going to keep repeating it. That, and "Judge not lest ye be judged", which I like to whip out whenever the church nuts tell me to put my clothes on and get out of their yard.
In a shocking turn of events, Teri Schiavo woke from her semi dormant state long enough to say that she wants a divorce. Apparently she feels that there are irreconcilable differences between her, and Michael, and his fiancee, and the children he has with his fiancee.
Posted by: sorecarphagus | March 18, 2005 at 05:06 PM
Don't even joke about it! Can you imagine how impossible it would be to pull the plug if she started speaking? The right-to-lifers would go apeshit! Hell, she'd probably start voting next, and do you think she'd show one ounce of gratitude to the democrats in congress who tried to help her Die With Dignity these past few weeks? I doubt it.
Posted by: Liberal Larry | March 18, 2005 at 05:29 PM
Despicable! Matt Hasselbeck and the rest of the Trailblazers are freebasing Synovex and Ralgro on third base while the Jesus freaks waste my welfare dollars trying to extend a non-celebrity's trivial existence. When was the last time Terry was on E! or Oprah?
What kind of message are we sending other people's children about the value of life?
Posted by: Che Guevarito | March 18, 2005 at 06:19 PM
Now maybe we won't have to rape the ANWAR, since we are saving all the electricity from pumping pureed filet mignon thru the tube.
Posted by: Stoney | March 18, 2005 at 06:53 PM
Liberal Larry:
" That, and "Judge not lest ye be judged", which I like to whip out whenever the church nuts tell me to put my clothes on and get out of their yard."
That was you?
Regards;
Posted by: Bilgeman | March 18, 2005 at 09:01 PM
Bilgeman,
I just sprayed lemonaid all over my laptop. Thanks.
Posted by: BobTheBuilder | March 18, 2005 at 09:26 PM
Some more excellent analysis from Magnum Sepentine on the Shiavo case:
Friday, March 18, 2005
christian reconstructionist want to control all Americans like they want to control Terri Schiavo
When this matter with Terri Schiavo is finally over, the christian reconstructionist hope they will have gained new authority and powers over YOU!!!
The christian reconstructionist want to be able to tell you what to do with your own bodies.
The christian reconstructionist want to tell you what job to work
The christian reconstructionist want to control when you die. (I.E.Terri Schiavo)
The christian reconstructionist want to tell you what to read, watch and think.
The nazi congress has made their first move in controling you and what you do. Write the congress and tell them hands off Terri Schiavo and hands off we Americans.
We Americans can control our own lives... Get out christian right, Get out of our lives!!!
posted by Magnum Serpentine @ 3:34 PM 0 comments
I'm going to write a self addressed stamped letter to congress about this right now, and after it passes through the anthrax detector in six months I know I will have made a difference!!
Posted by: nerdwallet | March 18, 2005 at 09:57 PM
Bush wins both an electoral and popular majority in 2004.
Republicans increase their majorities in the house and senate in 2004.
The left is confused and angry and innefectual.
The mainstream media is out of touch and deflating like the Hindenburg.
All of this is supposedly based on the country's belief that Values are Important.
So, of course, in 2005, a lone judge in Florida defies both the legislative and executive branch in his state, as well as both houses of Congress, and orders the feeding tube removed from Teri Schiavo.
What have the Republicans gained, then?
NOT A FUCKING THING!!!!
BWA HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA!!!
We should be dancing in the streets tonight.
Obviously a very sweet victory.
Posted by: brainsample | March 18, 2005 at 10:18 PM
Brainsample: how many times do we have to tell you -- Bu-shaitan did not "win" a popular majority in 2004 -- Halliburton and Major League Baseball hacked the tabulators! In fact, I bet that Terry Schiavo's breathing machine is really the central tabulator-hacking computer, and that's why they want to keep her alive; so they can hack the vote again in 2006 and 2008! But the "left" here at Liberal Larry's isn't confused and angry and innef-whatever... oh, wait, it's Friday night, so actually we are... pass the cough syrup, please...
Posted by: Bubblehead | March 18, 2005 at 10:29 PM
Stoney,
Anwar is usually a good sport about that kind of thing, but it would be uncouth not to buy him dinner first.
We should pull our troops out of Alaska, though, and stop stealing their oil.
Posted by: Che Guevarito | March 19, 2005 at 06:15 AM
Whilst the decision to allow Mr Schiavo to terminate his wife is to be welcomed I can't help but notice how different it was when OJ Simpson did the same. This speaks volumes about the racist society in which we live.
Posted by: Menstrual Rainbow | March 19, 2005 at 05:14 PM
When half the country and your wife's entire family insist that she must "live", it takes great courage to stand up for your convictions and shout, "No! The bitch must DIE!"
If I could, I would stand up and applaud Mr. Schavoo for his liberal compassion.
Unfortunately, it appears that my butt has formed a heat seal with my bean bag chair. I knew I should have kept the curtains drawn shut before I passed out from overuse of the bong.
Posted by: Red Loser | March 19, 2005 at 06:59 PM
Save the trees, turtles, whales, birds, bugs,and murderers but kill the unborn and brain damaged.
Posted by: Roger Carl | March 20, 2005 at 12:21 AM
New reader here.
Brilliant stuff.
*linked*
Posted by: The Powers That Be | March 20, 2005 at 11:29 AM
Location: Citrus County, Florida
situation: 46 year old repeat sex offender, Murderer and child rapist, John Couey is under 24 hour suicide watch under the vigilant eye of the Florida law State enforcement.
Location: 2 counties over in Pinellas County, Florida
situation: 41 year old severely brain damaged Terri Schiavo is also under the watchful eye of Florida State law enforcement, protecting her from hooligans and miscreants trying to dubiously re-connect the life sustaining feeding tube.
Where is the justice? oh, that's right, He's at Michael Schiavo's house watching the Lakers...
The republicans are such hypocrites...I mean congressional sessions on SUNDAY.... The Sabbath!!!!!
Remember the sabbath day,
to keep it holy.
Six days you shall labor,
and do all your work;
but the seventh day is a sabbath
to the Lord your God;
in it you shall not do any work Genesis 20:8-11
so let me get this straight, It's OK to work on Sunday, if you're trying to save somebody's life. I think the Pharisees and Sadducees had it right. And don't come back at me with Luke chapter 6 bullcrap because I don't read parts of the Bible I disagree with...
And on Palm Sunday no less!!
Luke 6:9 Then Jesus said to them, “I ask you, which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to destroy it?”
I think it's pretty obvious were trying the best we can to keep that murdering pedophile from 'destroying' his life
Posted by: nerdwallet | March 20, 2005 at 08:41 PM
nerdwallet:
"Six days you shall labor,
and do all your work;
but the seventh day is a sabbath
to the Lord your God;
in it you shall not do any work"
Don't shove yer Bible down my throat you FundamentFascist!
You are operating under the assumption that what Congress does is "labor".
You got it all wrong, you chump.
WE do the "laboring", Congress does the "spending"
Show me the Scriptural injunction against "Spending" on the Sabbath...g'head, I dare ya!
God is not a Cawmnist, y'know.
Regards;
Posted by: Bilgeman | March 20, 2005 at 09:17 PM
When will Bush and his Rethuglicans stop trying to force sick people to live? Everyone knows that when people get sick, they automatically prefer death. How many times have you said "Oooh, I want to die," when you wake up the afternoon after a long night of mixing drinks, drugs and having sex with complete strangers? After all, her loving husband, who has been trying to starve her to death for years, knows that she really wanted to die -- it's just a pity it took him so many years to remember that she told him so. Maybe his common-law wife and the two children he had with her helped him remember. Does Halliburton own the company that makes the machines that keep the former human beings alive or something?
Posted by: CavalierX | March 21, 2005 at 04:04 AM
"A shout of joy was heard from the crowd outside the hospice when news of the House bill's passage came. Among those cheering was David Bayly, 45, of Toledo, Ohio: "I'm overjoyed to see the vote and see Terri's life extended by whatever amount God gives her.""
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20050321/D88VC01O2.html
Apparantley the Christian Rethuglicans think George Bu$h is God.
Posted by: DancesWithBullets | March 21, 2005 at 05:52 AM
nerdwallet, that just goes to show you what hopeless losers the Rethugs are.... Everyone knows WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO WORK ON SUNDAY - THAT'S THE DAY GAIA IN HER INFINITE WISDOM SET ASIDE FOR WOMYNKYND TO SHOP!!!
Why ELSE do all those glossy circulars come out in the SUNDAY paper?
Why ELSE do all the malls have those great specials on SUNDAY? Like the Lancome Printemps en Paris two-for-one special on lip and cheek colour in that great little tube that just glides on like MAGIC? Oooooh! And Nordstrom Rack has those DIVINE strappy sandals with the little jewelled flowers in all the latest colors! They're just to-die-for!
If all these sick people would just hurry up and croak instead of wasting my time with their appeals, and vigils, and whatnot, I could get over to the mall and stock up before they run out. As far as I'm concerned, all these Terry Sciavo stories are wasting valuable ad space.
A gal's gotta think of the important things in life, you know.
Posted by: Bush Ate My Soul... | March 21, 2005 at 05:53 AM
Fear not fellow progressives! All is not lost.
From CBS News feed:
In an appalling act of belligerence Monday, an activist, partisan congress overturned the benevolent will of circuit judge William Greer, in effect commuting the death sentence to life for Green Giant poster girl, Terri Schiavo.
Schiavo, who was found guilty of the crime of inconveniencing her devoted husband Michael by a one-man jury, was sentenced to be euthanized last Monday. Her feeding tube was kinked Friday, starting the lengthy process of starvation with dignity. She was entitled to no appeals.
"Personally, I would've been happy to just roll her out into the swamp and let the gators have their way with her. But starvin's just as good." Michael said Tuesday. "But these Jesus freaks in Warshinton just won't let me whack her. Sumptin' about sanctity of life, yadda yadda yadda."
Schiavo, a devout Catholic -but not the bad kind who takes that whole 'til death do us part' thing- has endured 15 years of inconvenience at the hands of his estranged wife. He said his faith contributed to his unwillingness to divorce Terri-Hitler. "What kind of example would that set for my adulteree girlfriend and our illegitimate children? Nope, them little bastards is gonna learn that 'daddy can snuff me out, too'."
Not one to be thwarted by the minutae of Federal law, Judge Greer is said to be writing a ruling nullifying congress' action. "I call it, 'I'm rubber you're glue." said Greer. His ruling is expected to re-impose Terri-Mussolini's death sentence, and require those in opposition to the original death warrant to go live on a farm upstate, where they can run and play with other Jesus freaks. It also finds Congress to be an Unconstitutional organization. The people named for relocation include Terri's biological family, including her parents Bob and Mary Schindler.
"I call it the 'Schindlers List.'" Chuckled Greer, "How can anyone argue with that?"
Blatantly missing the irony of the ruling, Mary Schindler wept as Sen. Robert Byrd loaded her aboard a boxcar.
DEVELOPING
Posted by: Che Guevarito | March 21, 2005 at 07:15 AM
Schindlers List.
Fantastic article I must say.
Posted by: DancesWithBullets | March 21, 2005 at 08:35 AM
My dear fellow progressives, I appeal to you to calm down. The point Nerdwallet is trying to get across is not that the Bible is anything more than a roll of sacred toilet paper, but rather that all Rethuglicans and KKKhristians are stupid lying hypocrites. He's using their own weapons against them! Let's see them writhe and squirm under the cruel iron grip of their antiquated morality while we run wild and free across the open fields, naked as jaybirds, to join a wild progressive orgy of free (but protected!) sex followed by abortions for any womyn who got pregnant and Death with Dignity for anyone who contracted an STD during the orgy.
Posted by: Red Loser | March 21, 2005 at 09:07 AM
CHOICE: THE PRO DEATH CULT OF EVIL
Nazis had the same arguments for killing the handicapped- they are suffering- who would want to live like that?
If she lingers on for 30 more years in a half-dead state, she is still only half dead. And 30 years is nothing compared to eternity. Socrates lived 70 years, but he has been dead for like 2500 years- and that last number goes up forever.
The "husband" has been living with another woman, and had children with her. He has denied her any attempts at therapy.
Lots of people are incapable of feeding themselves, or even making the decisions to feed themselves. Hmmmmm... like babys. Suck on that you DAMN....
The same PRO LIFE crowd is here- Operation Rescue- and so are the same LYING PRO CHOICERS- The statement "I am pro choice, not pro abortion"- is a lie. This situation is proof of the lie.
THE LIE EXPOSED
WHAT CHOICE COULD BE MADE BY MICHAEL SCHIAVO HERE??? IT IS NOT MICHAEL SCHIAVO'S BODY.
Now when it comes to people suffering under the rape and torture of a brutal dictator, not a single life is worth ending to ease the suffering of MILLIONS of people.
Micheal Schiavo, his attorney, and the judge that gave the disconnect should all be aressted for attempted murder.
And feed the poor woman.
-Admiral Rusty Shackelford
(all spelling and punctuation errors left intact to preserve my humanity)
Posted by: Admiral Rusty Shackelford | March 21, 2005 at 10:01 AM
Listen, "Admiral", since you're probably a skimmer-type target sailor, so I'll use small words to explain your errors. This isn't "The Princess Bride"! When she's "mostly dead" there isn't any chocolate-coated pill to bring her back. Michael Schiavo has made the choice that all true progressives have made -- getting by with only the solace of a non-church-sanctified relationship (it'd be better if it was same-sex, of course, but it'll have to do) while trying to perform the retroactive abortion that her parents should have done decades ago.
Posted by: Bubblehead | March 21, 2005 at 11:25 AM
That it is even LEGAL to deliberately starve someone to death, whatever the circumstances, is what is frightening to me. Retroactive abortion, indeed. Che's "CBS News" post (from March 21, 2005 07:15 AM), while outrageously funny, is also seething with truth:
(Terri)Schiavo, who was found guilty of the crime of inconveniencing her devoted husband Michael by a one-man jury, was sentenced to be euthanized last Monday. Her feeding tube was kinked Friday, starting the lengthy process of starvation with dignity. She was entitled to no appeals.
This is what it's all about, to me. One judge, who refused to consider anything but the husband's supposed, "rights." What about Terri's rights? With NOTHING IN WRITING about her wishes in this circumstance, all sides of the issue ought to be considered. This judge is incompetent for not doing so.
Posted by: JannyMae | March 21, 2005 at 11:56 AM