No "Right to Life" for Alaskan Caribou

W.W.J.S.? Who Would Jesus Starve?

The Alaskan Caribou, apparently.

It's been a banner day indeed for the radical Right-to-Lifers. Death in Iraq, death in California, death in the Congo...about the only person spared Bush's "compassionate conservatism" was Robert "I Went Back for My Gun" Blake, a staunch reichpugniKKKan with ties to militant street gangs and subversive anti-feminist rights groups.

But the icing on the carpet cookie is ANWR. With the pristine Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge now opened up to oil exploration, Bush has condemned millions of our most endangered wild animals to a slow, excruciatingly painful death by starvation. Caribou, polar bears, fluffy bunnies, the six-titted tree frog...precious, living beings destroyed in the most inhumane way imaginable: by purposely depriving them of nutritional sustenence. Yet where are all the so-called "Right to Lifers"? Choking on their hypocrisy, no doubt.

Hopefully, the democrats will fight this thing tooth and nail, and not quietly acquiesce as they usually do. Even if the insane right-wing lies about caribou "thriving" near warm oil pipelines were true, then it would likely lead to overpopulation and ultimately starvation - a brutal, barbaric form of death that I wouldn't even wish on my republican Grandma. No, we must not be led astray by the siren's call of facts. We must stand up to Bush's big oil buddies and preserve ANWR exactly as it looks in the Greenpeace leaflets - lush, tropical, and unspoiled by the stench of humans.

Bush, however, should spend less time looking for new places to drill for oil and start worrying about how he's going to bring gasoline prices down. THREE BUCKS A GALLON! What's up with that, Shrub?

Comments

[spd rdr]

THREE BUCKS A GALLON?
You mean the price at Starbucks has dropped?

[brainsample]

Yeah. First they want to rape pristine Alaskan subtropical rainforest that's home to uncountable endangered species that could be proven to be near extinction if we could just convince a biologist to actually travel to ANWR.

Next they'll want to start refining what they've ripped from Gaiya's womb so they can drive their SUVs to their Klan rallies to receive their instructions from Robert Blake.

I mean, Rush Limbaugh.

[StateOfJefferson]

I have to ask you this:

I have been notably absent from the proceedings from the past several months as I was in jail for selling bongs at a school boutique. So I was subjected to inhumane treatment because I was trying to free youngsters from the evil ReichpugliKKKan plans to poison their minds.

Now, Robert Blake is set free after he brutally murdered his wife who was only trying to free the mind of his 4 year old daughter by involving her in a pornagraphy scam before the evil, nazi controlled teachers union could corrupt her with their evil KKKonservative views.

What's going to happen next? We are going to be jailed just for slaughtering the obviously evil and corrupt oil workers, instead of being hailed as heros for saving the animals?

_______________________________

Somebodey, please pass me a bong . . . all of mine are in "police custody."

[Chris]

You guys are STUPID! Absolute retards.

[sorecarphagus]

Larry, I didn’t get the paper this morning. What’s all this about starving the fuzzy bunnies and Santa’s Reindeer. They aren’t going up there to remove the feeding tube are they? That would be an unspeakable horror. I hear the only way the helpless critters on the frozen tundra survive is via the Alaskan feeding Tube. Once that thing was installed the little fellas started to thrive. What kind of heartless bastards could remove the feeding tube from a living breathing creature?
Where is John Kerry? He’d better get his crew together and take that gunship north. If he doesn’t spend this Christmas protecting Rudolph there probably won’t be another Christmas.
John! You’ve got to stop those Genghis RepubliKhans!

[Shroomhead]

I can't believe the right-wing is getting away with this.I've visited ANWR many times to see the last pristeen area on Gods'(oops)the evolutionary ones green earth. Polls show the public want cars that run on water.So lets stop bothering the wildlife in Alaska and start draining the oceans.For the oceans hold more water than Alaska holds oil.

[Menstrual Rainbow]

This Alaskan drilling is not about energy, it is about penises. The Repugs are exercising their deranged rape fantasy of a big hard drill/penis thrusting into the virgin soil of Alaska. Honestly they've got a one track mind.

No doubt the forests where Baked Alaska grows will be the first to be destroyed.

[CrappieFlop]

Not fluffy bunnies!Whats next,baby ducks?

[Cheney W. Halliburton]

MUHUHUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!

[Maria in Iowa]

No, we must not be led astray by the siren's call of facts.

I think I've just found my signature file for the week.

[edog von winter]

The Repugs are exercising their deranged rape fantasy of a big hard drill/penis thrusting into the virgin soil of Alaska.

Even worse, the method of drilling they've talked about sends the drill in at a shallow angle. In essence, they're performing rear entry on ANWR. Sure, the feeling might be more intense, but how humiliating.

[bluestateredneck]

The rethugdugs are inserting their metal phalluses into the glory hole of North America. The Alaskan wilderness is the last real home of the endangered Whooping Llama and several Yetis.

[Che Guevarito]

I have to disagree with all of you here. ANWR is a wonderful place to drill, caribou and penguins notwithstanding. It is quiet, secluded, and nobody is there to interfere with Nature's course.

I fondly remember taking my scout troop to ANWR for a night to remember. Those tykes crawled around on their hands and knees, experiencing the bush as they'd never known it before. The virgin landscapes verilly oozed with oil when we were done drilling them, sending geyser after geyser spewing frothilly into the arctic sky, just as nature intended. Oh, sure, a little sod can be tough to penetrate, but only until a Big Derrick is erected.

The caribou were OK, but they were a little too tall. And they kick.

[Starbux=Terror]

Halliburton gets a "tow-fer" in this deal, because in addition to the oil they steal today, they also despoil and devastate millions of square miles of lush vegetation, thereby creating oil fields for future Halliburtonazi thugs (they look after their own). When will the KKKorporate media report this angle?

I can draw some encouragement from the fact that those mountains are tall (they will be drilling into 15,000' tall peaks, not barren tundra, as some have fascistically claimed), so the drills will have to be really long, and they will have less chance of finding the oil. This may make drilling unprofitable, after all. This is what I'm hoping for.

[brainsample]

Did you hear about the two Irish homosexuals?

gerald fitzpatrick and patrick fitzgerald

I understand they're catholic priests, too.

[Friend of USA]

From the Congo link ;

" The report said: "In one corner, there was already cooked flesh from bodies and two bodies being grilled on a barbecue and at the same time they prepared her two little girls, putting them alive in two big pots filled with boiling water and oil."
Her youngest child was saved, apparently because at six months old it didn't have much flesh.
The woman was gang-raped by the rebels and mutilated. "

The same goes on at the Bush ranch every sunday.

[Liberal Larry]

brainsample, you need to read this PDF immediately:

http://www.safeschoolscoalition.org/whatisageappropriate.pdf

[Gil Moonbat]

Fearless Leader:

I salute the intent of that safe schools coalition document, but it doesn't go far enough. We will never fully acheive true diversity and acceptance until all school children are required to be gay and 35% of the population are to have forced gender reassignment surgery. Those who do not assimialate will be gathered and reprocessed for the greater good (i.e. pulped and rendered into an edible paste.)

Has Bush no shame?

[Che Guevarito]

I thought all lumps of fetal goo were born gay and transgendered, and only learn heterodeviant behavior by watching NASCAR, Jerry Fallwell, and Baywatch reruns, and by listening to talk radio.

[brainsample]

Larry,

thank you for your concern about my ongoing education regarding diversity and age-appropriateness. As you may be unaware, much of my life's work has inderectly (and directly too, quite possibly) contributed to the wonderful guidelines you referred to us all.

My previous post was not intended to stereotype Irish, gays or catholics. On the contrary, I wish to illustrate that on the day in which the KKKatholic Church celebrates another one of its patriarchal, phallic-oriented enslavers of womyn and children, there are bright lights within that horrible institution like Geoghan and Shanley who have tried repeatedly to reform the Church from within. Indeed, if anyone could instruct us on "age-appropriateness", it would be these fine clergy of Irish ancestry.

You'd think the Vatican would give up its effort to bestow Sainthood on terrorists like Junipero Serra and Mother Theresa and refocus their efforts to beatify Geoghan, who was martyred in prison for being a true adherent to his faith, and Shanley as well, who will more than likely meet the same fate.

Unfortunately, the Church is too blind and senile to reform. It will be a blessed day, indeed, when the Pope abdicates and all assets of the Church are seized and turned over to the Scientologists.

[Che Guevarito]

I remember the first time I visited ANWR. It was Christmas day, 1989. Nixon was president,
and the memories are seared -SEARED- into my brain forever.

I was aboard the Rainbow Warrier, making 35knots into a nasty headwind that threatened to shear our mainsail mast and extinguish my bong.

We were just leaving an overwhelming victory at a nucyular test site in the south Pacific where we forced half the French navy to surrender. Victory is a subjective term, but I digress.

We were looking to drop off our French Prisoners of Peace (POPs) in Cuba, where they would spend their remaining days mastering the intracacies of social empathy and compassion under the tutlage of Danny Glover or be executed, when we received a message on the NPR bat-phone that seal clubbing and penguin poaching were running rampant in ANWR. We took a left turn at Alberquerque, sacrificed one of our POPs (who wouldn't quit watching Jerry Lewis) to a friendly orca, and set sail for Alaska.

When we arrived, we immediately set to work, sneering at the brutal seal clubbers and shrilly chanting really catchy slogans at Dick Cheney, who was making Buffalo Wings out of penguins. One of the POPs had defected and was tormenting a neanderthalic hunter -who had the gall to wear a fur coat- with a silent but lambastic tribute to Marcel Marceau. The neanderthal turned out to be a polar bear who ate the POP. Nobody tried to stop the bear since he had obviously acquired a taste for French cuisine. Plus, come on, it was a mime.

Anyway, this went on for a good two minutes until Martin Sheen, who had been blowing a particularly wet raspberry at a confused Eskimo, froze his tongue to the man's harpoon.

We declared victory and set sail. In celebration, we each cut a good sized length of rope from the sail rigging and smoked it. In retrospect, this may have been an error because we found ourselves adrift in Prince William Sound with only enough provisions to cover a really bad case of the munchies.

To make a long story short, we ended up trading several bottles of cognac to a passing ship, the Exxon Valdez, who in turn gave us a scratched "Diver Down" LP, a Betamax tape of Bladerunner, and a bag of used toilet paper for repairs. They even bathed our crew with a firehose just to let us know they appreciated our work. They were surprisingly nice for capitalist pigs, some of them even verbally reminisced about their fondness for my mother! Valdez's captain even
tossed us several now empty cognac bottles to recycle, but he obviously didn't know his own strength because some of them really hurt when they hit me.

And now King George II wants to deface the pristine Alaskan wilderness that we worked so hard to protect! If only people saw how Mother Earth must pay the consequences for their actions.

[Cheney W. Halliburton]

MUHUHUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!

[Menstrual Rainbow]

Give Alaska back to Canada!

[Friend of USA]

No please don't !

My Canada can not even handle itself...

[nerdwallet]

I'm so damn angry I could smash a fertilized condor egg over the head of a sea manatee.
Has he no shame.
After Menstrual Rainbows post, I now see why the thugs are always out to cut down trees; they're really just "shaving" the landscape before oily penetration.

Che, great post!! If the HELLiburton scouts haven't shot and killed "chilly-willy" by now, you can rest assure he'll be dead before the sun comes up in ANWR this November!!!!

Not to mention various studies showing this oil "Expoitation" is already taking a toll on the wildlife. Some bears are already showing signs of Bi-polar disorder.

I was planning on taking a vacation there based on sierra clubs pamphlets
but now it's ruined forever!!!