Bush Using Sinister New Technique to Torture Gitmo Prisoners

"The attractive woman strutted into the room wearing a revealing miniskirt, a bra, and a skimpy thong. The man was tied to a chair and helpless to defend himself. As she removed her bra and tossed it at him, he closed his eyes and began to pray. She touched her breasts, rubbing them against the man's back, commenting on his apparent erection. He lurched forward and cursed at her. With a smile, she pulled down her thong and sat on his lap, grinding her exposed behind against his crotch. The man screamed and began to cry like a baby."

Such was the scene at my brother's bachelor party last year. I still bear the emotional scars, still wake up in pools of sweat from the horrible nightmares. Still have the bra hanging from my ear. So I can understand the psychological torment the detainees at Gitmo must have went through according to an upcoming book by a former Army officer stationed inside the prison.

Apparently, the military has been using civilian contractors from Deja Vu to torture prisoners with lapdances and wet t-shirt contests. The Muslim religion strictly forbids a man to gaze upon the skin of a woman other than his wife, and he must undergo a strict purification ritual prior to flying a plane into a building and killing 3000 infidels. Just one slip up, one little peek at a tempting ta-ta, and you'll be lucky to get a friendly sheep let alone 75 horny virgins in the afterlife. So it's no wonder that the 9/11 hijackers spent so much time at Vegas strip clubs. They were trying to prepare themselves for such horrors should they be captured.

Thankfully, Amnesty International and democrat leaders are nipping this thing in the butt. Both Bill Clinton and Ted Kennedy have already volunteered to personally travel to Camp X-Ray and witness these grisly interrogation techniques first hand. It's a tough job, but if they can prevent any more innocent Muslims from being tormented by hot babes, or hot babes from being exploited by the Pentagon, it's a sacrifice both patriots are willing to perform for their country.

Comments

[Sergeant Russ]

BOOOOOYAAAAAA!

Damn! I should have taken that transfer offer to Gitmo.

[Reichpublican Stormtrooper]

I am constantly having these same kind of nightmares and waking up in puddles of ... um.. sweat. Could these nightmares be triggered by some kind of Halliburton-spawned implant device?

[aelfheld]

Something's wrong when prisoners get for free what costs me $20.00 plus a cover charge.

[c gardner]

your error - there was a minor translation error - it's ONE 75 year-old virgin, not 75 virgins.

[Really Cranky right now]

Except that Ted will have an urge to drive them somewhere. Clinton will just give them a wet willie.

[Red Loser]

A "skimpy thing"? What sort of skimpy thing? Did you mean "thong"?

Waaaaaaait a minute. This has the fingerprints of Karl Rove all over it. Not the thong, mind you--the typo. I don't think Karl Rove wears a thong.

[Liberal Larry]

One of the downsides of blogging is that no matter how much you proof read a post, Bush will always pepper it with typos when you aren't looking.

[Gullyborg]

What do I have to do to get shipped off to Gitmo for torture?

[Friend of USA]

So that's where Monica lewinsky is working now !

[phinsup]

I'm gonna be sick. Why would anybody want to even thing about Monica Lewinski an a thong?

[DANEgerus]

What is this? 72 Virgins in advance appeasement?

Where can I sign up?

[MaDwoman]

So, basically, they got rid of their 'urges' and were purified before they offed themselves?

I have urges too...and want to purge them! I have the urge to get Osama the Sheethead and Al Jerkoffowie into custody.

[giuliano]

"Unable to defend himself against an attractive woman in a miniskirt and thong..." That sounds more like a sophomore's fantasy!

She should have walked in eating a BLT or some pulled pork and offered him a bite.

I know! Send Barbara Boxer down to Camp X-ray to help with the interrogations. Tape their eyelids open so they have to look at her while she's giving them the same treatment she gave Condi Rice, er, Madame Secretary.

[lauraw]

I'm shocked by the complete disregard for cultural sensitivity. What good are culturally-appropriate foods, opportunities for prayer, or copies of the Koran?

Nothing,if these innocent, peace-loving prisoners are going to be haunted by these images- seared, SEARED into their brains- for the rest of their lives.

Just another day in Chimpy McBulshitler's evil regime.
Who's got the weed?

[Bush Ate My Soul...]

Is there no end to the perfidy of those crazed neo-corns in the Testosterone Palace?

Carmen Diaz was right - I knew if the Stub was elected, rape would become legal. Now Stubby has forcing Womynkynd into prostitution for the Man. This is just another humiliating penetration of the Sisterhood.

AS IF anyone needed proof, thongs are torture...have you ever tried to sit down in one of those things???

[Bush Ate My Soul..]

Now Stubby IS forcing Womynkynd into prostitution...

Proof, then post.

[Menstrual Rainbow]

Damn right Sister! Free all Lesbians from Guantanamo Bay!

[Bush Ate My Soul...]

Now you're talking. What right does the adMENistration have to keep all those luscious lesbian sisters to themselves???

How can we go about our daily lives, when everywhere, Womyn are in chains? Poor KJ can hardly get his job done for thinking about it at times.

SET THEM FREE!

[Cricket]

I am sure that patriotic women everywhere are lining up for the tax free pittance
they will earn as 'special interrogators.'

'nip this thing in the butt?' Too funny.

[JannyMae]

Well, considering myself a "patriotic womyn," I'm certainly ready to, "do my part," for my country. Haven't asked the hubby about this idea, though, so I'll have to get back to you. (damn, I feel so OPPRESSED right now--NOT)

[Sergeant Russ]

Keep it up ladies. I just looooove women in prison movies.

The guys at P.E.N.I.S. get together each Friday night, smoke a swisher sweet or two with some cheap old crow and take in a broads behind bars flick.

Mmmmmm...nothing but the finest.....As you were!

[Cricket]

Janny, I asked my dh about being a 'working girl' and he just laughed his head off. After I picked it up and screwed it back on his neck, he continued that maniacal bray. I was hurt! I told him that if he could dash off to the ME and do his bit, I should be able to do mine! He is oppressing my freedom of choice in the right to work arena! His reason for laughing was that I was past the age of
'throbbing sex kitten' and therefore would give them heart attacks.

What a party pooper. Here is the bong and the Doritos and Dr. Pepper. I will leave the romping to the professionals and just dispense sound wisdom and advice.

[Bush Ate My Soul....]

Don't listen to Sergeant Russ. He's just trying that negative psychology on you. Fortunately, we Womyn are far too liberated to let those tricky dicks from the adMENistration play their mind games on us.

Cricket, take a lesson from Our Heroin [sic], SUSAN SONTAG, who proved that WOMYN can be sexy at any age. We know she must have been a Sexual Being because she talked about it all the time. If you FEEL like a throbbing sex kitten, then you are one. Let your mind go free, and your body will follow... or you'll wind up in jail with an overly friendly 300-lb. Chicana named Estrellita, a collection of unusual Mexican nicknames, and an obsessive need for privacy.

Pass the Cheetos... I have an appointment with a bottle of Boone's Farm Apple wine and my favorite battery-operated Male Impersonator.

[Cricket]

Laary's blog is so liberating. I feel, therefore I am. I will practice on dh.

Heh. THAT'll give him a heart attack!

[Bush Ate My Soul....]

"I will practice on dh..."

I am laughing hysterectomyically [hic!] hysterically, GirlFiend.

Give him what-for, you torrid, throbbing sex kitten you :D