DVD Review: Man on Fire

A black cop killing brown men for a rich little white girl, Man on Fire is a red state's wet dream. But considering that major Bush supporter Tri Star made the film, it's really no big surprise.

On top of the obscenely racist undertones, the acting is horrible and the plot fails miserably. No one cares to explain why the little girl mysteriously disappears half way through the film. Instead, Wesley Snipes goes on a nine-state orgy of blood and violence choreographed to Linda Ronstadt ditties. In the space of 90 minutes, he gleefully kills more Mexicans than Sam Houston. One disturbing scene involving a catheter and a wad of C4 even sucker-punches the gay community. I don't know how Ridley Scott can look himself in the mirror after making this turd, especially in the wake of his jingoist propaganda epic, Blackhawk Down. But one thing's for sure - I won't be looking at any more of his films.

Three thumbs down. WAY down, for Man on Fire. Buy the soundtrack, skip the DVD.

Comments

[cube]

Larry,

you have gone to far you liberal.

That moive was one of the best guy-gets-mad-and-then-whips-butt-moives i have seen in awhile.

it was much better than borne supremcy.

[Bubblehead]

In addition to one thumb down (I had an unfortunate organic crop harvesting/self-abuse accident recently) I also gave this movie "the finger".

[Liberal Larry]

I disagree, Cube. The best vengeance thriller I've seen in a long time would have to be The Punisher. When Vinnie Barbarino murdered his entire family, The Punisher didn't go on a mindless killing spree of his own. A man who believed in justice, he was determined to keep it a level playing field and give the bad guys a chance. He could have kept to the shadows and wore disguises like Creasy, but instead he walked right into town and announced to everyone that he's still alive, tells them where he's living, and what he'll be wearing for the whole movie. He's also a man of compassion. While Creasy tortured his victims, got the information out of them, and then killed them anyway, The Punisher simply tickled them with a popsicle and let them go. In the end, it wasn't the Punisher, but their own stupidity that doomed Barbarino's gang.

I can't wait for the sequel.

[Friend of USA]

Larry

I liked your DVD review , but now could you help me figure out how to do a DVD rewind .

I have to return that DVD to blockbuster !

[Liberal Larry]

Apparently you haven't heard - Blockbuster got rid of their late fees. You don't have to "return" anything. It's just like the public library.

[spd rdr]

Thanks for saving me the trouble of watching that movie, Lar. Does he die in the end?

[Cricket]

Friend of USA, I have those same questions...along with who will give Klingons sensitivity training (my money is on the Betazeds, aided by the Vulcans) and why the Borg assimiliated Pooh.

[Susan Sontag]

Larry,
I'm communicating to you from the big Gulag-uh- Commune in the sky. Unlce Joe said it was okay just this once.

Do I need to remind you that thumbs are obvious phallic symbols? Shame, shame! And three thumbs to boot.

Make it three doughnuts down. And don't even think about making those cream-filled doughnuts or I swear..!

[aelfheld]

If my activities were accompanied by Linda Ronstadt ditties I'd probably go on a killing spree too. That stuff can seriously damage your brain.

[Liberal Larry]

Personally, I enjoy the celtic song stylings of Enya when I go on my killing sprees. But that's just me.

[Liberal Larry]

Personally, I enjoy the celtic song stylings of Enya when I go on my killing sprees. But that's just me.

[Friend of USA]

Oh a two for one post from Larry !

- - -

And who was it that said thumbs were phalic symbols ?

I suspect that Larry's third thumb is his phalic , er.. his phalician , phalistic , phalictonic , phalitionate , phalicious ,
er... his dick !

[Mac]

yeah, so that was Denzel Washington, not Wesley Snipes...check your names at least, sheesh

[Cricket]

Larry just crawls out from under his sink to get blow-em-up touchy feelies and here you all go and insult his third member. He knows that he spent time near Grand Coulee Dam. He KNOWS about the mutation. He KNOWS that it is Bush's fault, but he is trying to deal with it.

[JLo's Butt]

The only problem with that movie was that it didn't star me. If you want a kick butt action flick, see me and my partner JLo in Enough. For a sure score with your date movie, see me in Maid in Manhattan.

Don't blame me for Gigli. I did not even want to do that movie. I may not let JLo make any more decisions for us after that.

[Friend of USA]

I never said "it" was the size of a thumb .

I never meant to insult Larry's third member .

Don't send me to Guantanamo Bay torture camps !

Please don't !

( looking frantically for the Canadian Embassy phone number...)

[Cricket]

I wonder if JLo has noticed that her butt is AWOL and getting the kind of attention it deserves: A good spanking!

Friend of USA, we won't send you to Gitmo to suck Spam juice out of a can. Unlike the Phrench, we don't do that to our allies.

I hope Larry took note of the outbreak at AbuGhraib prison. Those ungrateful porn star wannabes!

[Gil Solesdale-Whately]

Does it matter who the NativeAfrican actor was in this film? Obviously, he was a pawn, used by Halliburton Fims Inc. to lure the redstateneckkks away from a Democracy Now broadcast, so the Bushies could steal the election and siphon the oil from their gas tanks whilst they were watching this, this... hegenomonious "movie". The sooner we free our NativeAfrican actors from their zionist overlords and elect Danny Glover as our supreme leader, the better off we'll all be.

[Red Loser]

Al Sharpton for President!

[Blue stater]

Aw, go pick yer noses, ya mouth breathers. Ya might get some oxygen to that badly starved brain.

[Liberal Larry]

No mouth breathers here. We all breathe oxygen-enriched, sandalwood-scented air through neon cannulus just like everyone else.

[andrena]

it is denzel washington...

[Cheney W. Halliburton]

Larry, you're wrong. "Man on Fire" is one of the most important movies of our time, destined to surpass "Gone With the Wind" and "Reefer Madness" in affecting how generations of movie-going Americans see the world.

And Gil, not only does Halliburton World Conquest, Inc., not have a film subsidiary, we had nothing whatsoever to do with the making of "Man on Fire." You can watch through the closing credits and never once see the name "Halliburton" anywhere on the screen.

And even if we had been involved, and I'm not saying we were, but even if we had, divulging our participation would have violated the "Absolute Utmost Don't Be a Tattle-Tale Secrecy Clause" we put in all our contracts. It'd be hard to maintain a diabolical secret conspiracy for world conquest without that clause (a lesson we learned the hard way, I don't mind telling you).

Besides, if the studio, producers, and director of the movie had known we were involved, they would have walked off the set and we would have had to replace them with remote control Animatronic replicas like the one we provided to replace Ted Kennedy when he's comatose from alcohol over-consumption.

I may have said too much. I was never here.

[Gil Solesdale-Whately]

Lies! Facist!

I was in my side-room oxygen tent, editing the New Port Huron Statement, when the HELLliburton para-nazi jack-boot squad crashed in with their 80 caliber bazookas and demanded I recant my earlier statement. I was able to summon lawyers from the ACLU, A.N.S.W.E.R., and N.A.M.B.L.A. to my aid.
The thugs were repelled with threats of lawsuits, nasty plaquards, and uncomfortable touching.

[Cricket]

Gil, that is oogie. We will autoclave the bong after you take your hit.