Rules Schmules

The Blog Awards are over and I barely made it past 3%. No surprise. It's all one big popularity contest, if you ask me.

Besides, I knew it was over when the judges suddenly started enforcing their draconian set of "rules". That's how Republicans steal elections, boys and girls. Whenever people are forced to vote a certain way, at a certain place, at a certain time, it's the democrats who get the short end of the stick.

We saw it in Florida four years ago, when the GOP exploited "election laws" to invalidate thousands of "improperly or vaguely punched" ballots. Many ballots which would have otherwise been counted were thrown out simply because they weren't punched at all. We're seeing the same sort of shenannigans here in my own state, where the Reichpublicans are invoking bizarre, archaic voting regulations to disenfranchise honest Americans who didn't "follow instructions" and vote "correctly". We may live in a big Melting Pot, but if your vote doesn't fit in with their WASP, Aryan, Master Race idea of perfection, it gets shipped off to the furnaces with the rest of the undesirables.

It never used to be that way. The founding fathers were intentionally vague when writing election laws into the Constitution, for fear that that strict adherence to a concrete set of rules would lead to a fascist dictatorship. Election laws were merely meant to be "suggestions", like the Ten Commandments or traffic signals. In order to insure that Every Vote is Counted, it would be necessary to "bend the rules", and speed through a red light every once in a while, t-boning a Ford Mustang and killing everyone inside for the sake of democracy. It wasn't until white slaveholders concocted a "Poll Tax" to supress the Black vote that Republicans learned to manipulate elections through the strict interpretation of election laws.

Anyway, I'd like to thank everyone who voted for me, and those brave, progressive Americans who defied the Ashcroft junta and nominated me in the first place. I have no hard feelings for the winners, and would be heartbroken if Scott Ott or Frank J. broke out in festering, pus-filled sores after eating those congratulatory fruit baskets I sent them.

"I dont know the future, I didnt come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how its going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world wthout you. A world without rules and controls without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you." - Alexis de Tocqueville (tip o' the tam to Ry)

Comments

[aelfheld]

"[...] it's the democrats who get the short end of the stick."

And you complain that there's no justice.

[Ry]

I always thought that Alexis de Tocqueville was the one who said that thing about, "I'm going to hang up this phone and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see etc. . ."

[JannyMae]

Well, Larry, I voted for you, but....

"Election laws were merely meant to be "suggestions", like the Ten Commandments or traffic signals." Actually, it seems to be STOP signs. At least in my neighborhood, "STOP," seems to be code for, "slow down a little and then go like a bat out of hell if anyone else hesitates." I guess that just wouldn't all fit on the sign, huh? Everybody seems to know that's what, "STOP," means, though!

[Friend of USA]

What is a stop sign but another way for our government to control us , I ask you ???

It gives the Bush gestapo an excuse to stop you and ask for your papers and ask questions , take notes on you , all this to instill fear in you , to control your mind !!!

And the supplemental amount of gas we must use every time to regain our speed forces us to go back to the pump more often , thus making the BusHalliburtonian richer !!!

It's all a conspiracy ...

Don't you see ?

And what about driving to the right of the road ???

If this were really a free country we would be able to drive on the left side or in the middle or on the sidewalk ...

There has to be a book about that somewhere

GO BUY IT NOW ! ! !

[spd rdr]

Come on, Lar, look at the bright side of this thing.
You may have received only 3 percent of the total vote, but you got 100% of the Kucinich vote! Fight the power!

[Maria in Iowa]

I am offended by your invocation of the Ten so-called Commandments. How dare you impose your archaic Judao-Christian ethics system on me?

We midwesterners know how to deal with such as you.

http://www.ffrf.org/legal/LCDecision.html

[Confederate Yankee]

So you are the one who did this:

http://www.mountaineermusing.com/2004/12/hmm-tiger-balm.html

to Frank J. And all the time, we thought it was the Tiger Balm...

[Cheney W. Halliburton]

Oops, Larry -- I think I may have misread your instructions and sent the fruit baskets to Yushchenko.

[Starbucks=Terror]

Larry, don't be so quick to give this thing up. In any election, there is a tiny percentage of vote "spoilage" -- votes that weren't cast according to The Man's "instructions", votes left blank for specific races, etc. No doubt, in this internet "election", there was a similar tiny amount of spoilage (probably people who turned off their computer before sending their vote, stuff like that). There's your goldmine, right there. People who didn't follow the "rules" are the natural constituency of Progressives. The fascists who organized this stupid popularity contest need to be forced to COUNT THOSE VOTES!!

[spacemonkey]

Liberal Larry, I nominated you for a Koufax award.
Follow my link to nominate him yourself, fellow BlameBushers!

[Blind Progressive Driver ignoring "The Man's" rules of the road]

"What is a stop sign but another way for our government to control us , I ask you ???" - Friend of USA

What is this "stop sign" of which you speak?

[d00d]

Sorry Larry, I voted early & often, and got my friends & deceased relatives to vote early & often as well, but accidentally voted for Pat Buchanan each time! Oops! I don't know about you, but that ballot was confusing!
JWe all know you're the real winner, they just didn't count the votes correctly, and I all think we know who to blame for that!

[Cassandra]

I really think you need to demand a recount.

With a 97% margin of error, there is a significant chance there could have been voter fraud involved.

I DEMAND JUSTICE!

[Red Loser]

I couldn't agree more. Leave it to the RepugniKKKans to come up with all these shady "rules" to keep Democrats and other intelligent people from being elected!

We all know that it is evil to vote for a RepugniKKKan, but you can't legislate morality, so there shouldn't be any laws restricting voting at all! So it's important that we begin registering our dead relatives to vote against all the RepugniKKKan *cough*FASCIST*cough* candidates. We should register pre-aborted fetuses to vote, too. It may be the only way to drive out the Nazi Chimp! (The RepugniKKKans are going to amend the Constitution so he can run for a third term.)

[siklilpig]

I hear that those Fascists are working an ammendment that will put the V.P. in charge for an equal number of terms for which he served under the Dictator (in the "interest of being fair to the poor, underpriveliged V.P"), which would solidify Haliburton's (and the joooos) supreme power over the world. And I also hear that Haliburton (with it's evil sidekick the joooos) is donating its lawyers to write the bill.
It all fits together now, don't you see?

[Mark]

This is hilarious - what a crybaby. I always laugh when people say that Dems get the shaft when "rules" are imposed. Are you saying that Dems aren't "smart" enough to follow rules? How embarrassing for you. Perhaps it's because no one likes your propaganda? Just a thought.

Keep up the fight though - your crying only makes our side stronger.

[spd rdr]

Thanks for stopping in, Mark.
Don't forget to drop by the gift shop on your way out.

[Bug's Butt]

Well, you didn't win the Blog thingy, but maybe you could be the next embassador to Chad.

[Mark]

You got it - if it helps fund your negative propaganda, I'm in. Hey - you guys helped us win last time with that kind of rhetoric. I love it!

[Red Loser]

*Passes the bong to Mark*

[Mark]

I apologize Larry.

I am just an ignorant right wing retard that can't take a joke. I didn't realize that this is satirical. I'm just running my mouth like some dumb elitist prick with no sense of humor.

You truly deserved to win Best Humor Blog by the way.

Has anyone here been to my lame blog yet? It totally sucks, I have no sense of humor and all the points I make are derivative, stale, uninteresting, and unentertaining. Someone should report me to the proper authorities and shut my website down so my dumb ideas can't harm anyone else anymore.

If I was a woman, or if we were in jail, Larry, I would be your bitch.

[Stalin Lives In Boston]

don't worry mark, we'll ignore your scathingly ignorant remarks. after having visited your blog i can confirm that you have no sense of humor.

and as for the prison bitch comment, we'll just start calling you "tiffany" from now on.

grab our belt loop tiffany; we're gonna turn you out.

[Friend of USA]

Janny Mae what did you put in the bong ?

I've just realised that I have been waiting all that time for the stop sign to turn green !!!

Good stuff...Nice buzz...

Woah...Take back the bong...

What's the topic again ?

[Mark]

I appreciate the pub.

Keep up the fight! Go Dems!

Mark

[Stalin Lives In Boston]

Don't talk with your mouthful tiffany.