Liberal Larry's Big Bag O' Hate Mail

I was certain that after weeks with nary a single hate mail, my recent critique of Halo 2 would bring the mailbag back to life. However, while a few 30 year old virgins were angry enough to crawl away from their XBoxes and pound the Twinkie crumbs out of their keyboards, they kept their clearasil-scented rage confined to the comments section. Things were pretty quiet for a while, then in a space of a few short hours I got five or sex screaming tirades from drooling anti-choicers outraged by my posts on Scott Peterson and the Magical Miracle Fetus.

SLMCDOWELL took the time to write me three blistering letters. Here are the best two:

Why are you so full of hate toward unborn children? I can understand those who are concerned about what desperate pregnant women will do if it isn't so easy to walk into an abortion clinic and "get rid" of the "problem" they created but I don't see any compassion on your web site - only hate and anger. Toward whom? Truly innocent children? What is your problem with news media calling the child, who was fortunate enough to survive that horrific attack on her mother, a "baby"? What is she then? A fetus, born alive, is what if not a baby - because the definition of fetus includes the mother's womb and she certainly is not there anymore. I don't mean to argue - I'm sure you are much better at that than I am. I only mean for you to stop for a moment and consider - Why are you so angry and are you sure you are directing that bile in the correct direction? Thank you for your time and Merry Christmas.

Thanks for your email, SLMCDOWELL. I appreciate your letter and I am sure you're sincere in your opinions, however misguided they are. As I've said a hundred times before, a Woman's Right to Choose outweighs the fetus' right to a life. Since a "child" has already been "born", the phrase "unborn child" is a contradiction in terms. A fetus is "unborn" and is therefore "unalive." All this hooey about the "sanctity of human life" might sound fine on an episode of Touched By An Angel, but the fact is that women are better off without fetuses squirming around inside them. Think of all the mothers who have had to give up their careers to raise children. Think of all the women who can't march in anti-Bush protests because they're too pregnant to walk ten feet. Think of the poor helpless teenage girl who has to refrain from casual sex with complete strangers for NINE WHOLE MONTHS because of one little mistake. So many lives wasted and ruined because of a inanimate lump of goo. - Liberal Larry

SLMMCDOWELL responds:

I was wrong in my first assumption that you were just an angry soul - the truth is you are a very sick individual who's own mother perhaps made the biggest "mistake" of them all by not getting rid of you when you were just a "lump of goo". You truly need help - I hope you can afford to get some - maybe you don't have any "fetuses" of your own to support - little wonder why no woman would want to give birth to any piece of your genetic makeup. I do not believe that you feel hurt, rather it is obvious that you enjoy upsetting people. Maybe without female companionship, it is the only way you get off.  I feel sorry for you, you poor, sick, overgrown "fetus" (mistake).

After I recovered from that electronic butt-whooping, in came another one from Mr.Michael:

you are a load that your mother should have swallowed.

Laci Peterson murdered because abortion isn't safe, legal and madatory? and her baby you refer to is as "goo" because she was programmed to want to get pregnant ???

You need to seriously check yourself into the nearest mental hospital and get heavily medicated.  because you seriously are a twisted f*ck. and your stupid comment about a woman't reproductive right?  you ass.......Laci was expecting to DELIVER her child, which was her right to reproduce. Who said anything about anyone's right to reproduce was ever questioned ? The Republican side of abortion isn't to outlaw or overturn Roe v Wade, they are trying to stop partial birth abortions from happening, NOT all woman's right to choose. I would think if you were wanting to terminate a pregnancy you wouldnt' wait for the day of delivery to do it. I am all for abortion actually, because that means all the decent people like the Right will adore life, and respect it for the most part, and all the Liberal f*cks like you will be aborting children,  because we don't need anymore stupid f*cks like you polluting this country with your stupid twisted perception on the world. Merry CHRISTMAS ! ! !

Notice how the reich-wingers have taken up the phrase "Merry Christmas" as some sort of battle cry? They say it as if we're going to freak out and throw a tantrum because they're so callous as to utter those insensitive words. I went to a town meeting a year or so ago and couldn't help but chuckle at the morons who shouted "under God" during the Pledge of Obedience. A word to the wingnuts of the right: We already know you're religious fascists! You don't need to convince us!

David Waits quotes from the Bible:

How did you get so screwed up?  What a genuine piece of cultural dung.  Case closed.

Ok, now that one cut pretty deep. I would respond, but Joe Friday closed the case. I hate it when he does that.

Finally, Jeff Lanser of North Carolina found offense in a reply I made to another hate mail:

Below is an excerpt from your web site - a reponse you had made to Kevin Crawford.  I find your point of view quite fanatical and maladjusted:

"Glad you're happy. I doubt you'll be so jolly, though, when your daughter finds herself horribly stricken with pregnancy and can't get an abortion anywhere because Bush has eliminated a Woman's Right to Choose. Stop regurgitating Rush Limbaugh and go to college. - Liberal Larry"

It is interesting that you consider a pregnant woman as "horribly stricken".  Is this an attribute you affix to all pregnant women?  I believe that pregnancy is an amazingly beautiful part of human life and not something that should be "terminated".  Those people with ideologies similar to yours are what cause people to seek abortions and cheapen the meaning of life.  Perhaps we would not need abortions if people of your demeanor were more compassionate, caring, and less ignorant.

I wonder if your mother felt "horribly stricken" when she nurtured you in her womb?  Perhaps she now looks at what you have become and has determined she truly is "horribly stricken".

Well, Jeff, perhaps if you went to college and learned to think for yourself rather than regurgitate everything that fatty pill popper Rush Limbaugh says, you'd be able to go toe-to-toe with liberal intellectuals such as myself. However, since you're obviously too dumb to grasp cognitive thought, I'm not going to waste my time responding to your warped logic. Write back when you grow a brain.

With that, I close the Big Bag O' Hate Mail, as well as this blog, until after the holiday. Here's wishing you and your FETUSES a very Happy Kwanzaa and a Merry Mandatory Staff Meeting.

Comments

[Stijn]

Yes, good going there, Larry, telling the fascistoid evildoers how it is. BTW, The reference to the casual sex was quite arousing, thank you for that. I'm still wondering though if those teenagers you mentioned were of legal age to consent.

[Red Loser]

I admit it, Larry...I was the one who brought in that late rush of Halo 2 fanboys.

http://halo.bungie.org/oldnews.html?item=11675

On the bright side, you got linked from the front page of a site which receives several hundred thousand visitors a day. If only ten of them followed that link, your audience would double in size!

[Cassandra]

What am I doing wrong?

Aside from a spate of demented screeds from an outraged! Kerry supporter one weekend right before the election, I'm still not getting any hate mail.

This is getting depressing.

Back to the drawing board....

[Bongo]

I personally appreciated your "Happy Kwanzaa" wishes, but keep in mind that a lot of people don't like being commanded by authority figures to be happy. There are many bright-minded intellectual Progressives in the world who can't manage to be happy about the fact that Bu$Hitler is squandering the lives of so many persons (representing a rainbow of sexual orientations and proclivities) in his mad scheme to steal all of Iraq's oil so he and his Oil Buddies can have all that oil, while he's killing the Planet by not signing Kyoto (and belching tons of pollutants into the air and water), and raping the Little People economically by denying them affordable health care, and making the People of the World hate us with his mumbly mouth and cowboy attitude, manufacturing a cynical and overblown "War on Terror" so he can smash our precious right to patriotic dissent. Those are just some of the reasons why people would be justified in *not* being happy.

Perhaps a more thoughtful gesture would be, "Have a Kwanzaa that seems appropriate to your own tastes" or something along those lines.

[Sobek]

Heh, way to take down those fascist Reich-puke-lickans, Larry. Have a progressive and orderly Mandatory Staff Meeting, yourself.

[Stalin Lives In Boston]

a quote came to mind after reading the letters that poor shmuck wrote larry. it comes from a prominent hate mongerer with a deceitfully eloquent speaking style...

"fool me once, shame on you. (long "thoughtful" pause) f-..f-..fool me twice, can't get fooled again."

[Moonchild]

I can't believe the level of hate festering from Rethug pustules during Mandatory Staff Meeting Season. If I weren't so centered, this'd harsh my buzz.

[Ry]

Hello, Bedford Falls! Merry Mandatory Staff Meeting!

Merry Mandatory Staff Meeting, movie house! Merry Mandatory Staff Meeting, emporium! Merry Mandatory Staff Meeting, you wonderful old Building and Loan! Merry Mandatory Staff Meeting, Mr. Potter!

[spd rdr]

Never give a sucker an even break.
Happy Winter Solstice, Lar.

[aelfheld]

"[...] as if we're going to freak out and throw a tantrum because they're so callous as to utter those insensitive words [Merry Christmas]."

cf. http://blamebush.typepad.com/blamebush/2004/12/christians_ruin.html

[Joe]

Since a "child" has already been "born", the phrase "unborn child" is a contradiction in terms. A fetus is "unborn" and is therefore "unalive."

I just thought I'd address this claim real quick as it's not always true that a fetus is "unalive," or atleast "not a person." There was a recent case in CA where a man shot and killed his ex-girlfriend, after the autopsy it was found that she was pregnant (11-12 weeks along). While nobody knew she was pregnant, and she could have had an abortion at that time the man, Harold Taylor, was tried and convicted on two counts of murder. One for his ex-girlfriend and one for the fetus she carried inside her. It seems rather hypocritical for the law to sometimes consider a fetus "not a person," as in the case of abortion, yet in other instances the fetus is considered a living person, as in this case.

Recently this case was appealed to the CA supreme court and they maintained the initial court's ruling that Harold Taylor could be convicted for murdering the fetus inside his ex-girlfriend. So it would be more proper for you to claim that, "A fetus is sometimes considered 'unalive' or atleast 'not a person' but on some occasions it is considered 'a person' and 'alive."

Here are some relevant links I found about this case:
http://writ.news.findlaw.com/colb/20040128.html
http://caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/data2/californiastatecases/s112443.pdf

The .pdf file is the actual court opinion. While the case was not tried on the grounds of violating the 14th Amendment, it seems clear that this standard of allowing a woman to kill fetus but not a man is a case of unequal protection.

Merry Christmas,
-Joe

[Dougster]

Larry, when David Waits referred to you as a "genuine piece of cultural dung", that was a compliment not an insult!
As Chris Ofili taught us in his masterpiece The Holy Virgin Mary, poo is a symbol of fertility in parts of Africa, and has many important uses in African culture that pertain to survival it is used for plastering houses (their walls, roofs, and floors) and used worldwide as a fertilizer.
What Mr. Waits was trying to imply is that you are the fertilizer providing the nutrients to cause us little liberal bean sprouts to grow forth from the ground but you just didn't get it. Jeez, you just don't know good satire when it's presented to you, what a shame, your like one of those lunatics who go from blog to blog responding to posts and not getting the full meaning!!!

[CavalierX]

Way to go, Larry... you're the best! I hope you survive the ChrismaHannuRamaKwanzaaBushfest thing without suffering too much nerve damage from the insane religious shriekings of the eye-rolling gibbering ReichWing red-state lunatics, with their "Merry this" and "Holy that."

[Friend of USA]

Joe ,
I agree , and at the risk of my own life
( some women are prone to violence !...)I will dare say that some women are worst than men when it comes to inequality ...

An example from my zany Canada ;
If a man kills his own child it is murder with the corresponding time in jail.
But if a woman kills her own child , in 99.9 % of cases it is called " infanticide " wich means she is not accused of murder , but is rather treated as a victim...
A few months ago, in quebec , after a woman murdered her child , the court said her doctor was to blame, for not prescribing the right anti-depressant ...
She had to go to counseling for six month but got NO jail time...

Some of those women want privileges but don't want to be accountable for anything and , as much as possible , make the man accountable instead...

I said SOME women not ALL women ...

- - -

And Dougster ,

" ...you are the fertilizer providing the nutrients to cause us little liberal bean sprouts to grow forth from the ground..."

What an homage to Larry !

[Stalin Lives In Boston]

Dung is a good sign of fertility???

Dammit, that means I need to find something new to smear on this picture of the "Virgin" Mary.

BTW: does anal sex still make you a virgin? just curious because my old health teacher said you could get pregnant from anal sex if the semen dripped out and down and was not cleaned promptly and properly...

[Red Loser]

Stalin: talk about an image I didn't need...

[Bad Commie]

Happy ABORTED AND CLONED Jesus day everyone! That's right, jesus the communist was aborted and cloned!

[Friend of USA]

Young girl wants car

Fuel is too expensive

Goes out with boy who has car instead

Boyfriend makes girl smoke pot

Girl so stoned that consents to anal sex

Semen overspills in other body cavity

Girl becomes pregnant

Fights with boyfriend about abortion

Boyfriend hits her and goes to jail

Girl gets abortion and cries her eyes out and eventually becomes a left-wing , tree hugger , america hating extremist...

- - -

Bush and Halliburton and their $$$petrol$$$ are causing ;

female submission to male , drug addiction , deviant sexual behavior , unwanted pregnancy , domestic violence , criminality , abortion and last but not least ; broken hearts ? ...

But what about the "left-wing , tree hugger , america hating extremists" created indirectly by Bush you ask ?

I'd tell you , but then I'd have to kill you...

[Dana]

*sigh*

[Skidmore]

It's rather amusing that "Liberal Larry" can actually refer to himself as an intellectual. Are you so intellectual that you can't see how the more you liberals abort your fetuses, the less liberals there will be in a few generations? Hmmm, planned obsolescence as a political tool? Yeah, there's some real intellect involved there... Keep it up, you idiots will soon be outbred by those that are more deserving of the life granted them.