Bush Vacations While Susan Sontag Dies

Can't sleep? Is your hair falling out in clumps? Are your evenings spent naked in the basement, jabbing yourself in the thigh with a plastic fork?

You are not alone. There isn't a self-respecting progressive in the world who hasn't suffered horribly the past few days, wracked with paroxysms of grief over the loss of our beloved Susan Sontag. The rainbow flags at Berkeley are flying at half mast. Elbow-patch university professors have been strangely silent at Manhattan wine and cheese parties. The entire nation of France is being flooded by a tsunami of tears. Yet that so-called "compassionate conservative" in the White House can't seem to pry himself off the golf course and comfort us in our time of sorrow.

It's typical for an administration that sends three measly cents to those hurricane victims in Taiwan - or wherever it is - and has a robot sign condolence letters to the families of dead troops, of all things! Bill Clinton was a caring, sensitive man who would go out of his way to send a personally autographed copy of Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass to the wives, sisters, and daughters of every troop who died on his watch. He'd even invite the cuter ones back to the Oval Office for a private mono y mono, so he could really feel their pain up close. He was a hands-on kind of guy. Not the Shrub. We'll be lucky if he stops "clearing brush" long enough to even acknowledge our torment, let alone bite his lip and speak to us in the soft, dulcite tones of a nurturing mother.

And does he think he's fooling anyone with this whole "clearing brush in Crawford" charade, anyway? Every time an important world figure mysteriously dies, Dumbya is conventiently off "clearing brush". I don't know whether it's a clever alibi, or a euphemism for something else entirely.

"Georgie! You've been in the bathroom for two hours! What are you DOING in there?"

"I'm clearing brush, Ma!"

"Don't you lie to me! I saw you take a copy of that Susan Sontag book in with you!"

"Nuh uh...it was Camille Paglia!"

"YOU'LL GO BLIND!"

Oh well. Don't expect much from me for the next few days. If the Shrub can't at least pretend he cares about our pain and suffering in the wake of Boom Boom's death, I'm not coming out from under the sink until after New Years.

Comments

[spd rdr]

Have a miserable, morose, and thoroughly depressing New Year, Lar. It's only going to get worse.

[Red Loser]

If Michael Moore had been elected president, like I wanted, then he would have comforted us with big, fat, blubbering tears.

Instead, like all good liberals, he is probably participating in Larry's recurring fork/thigh fetish.

[aelfheld]

"[...] I'm not coming out from under the sink until after New Years."

If New Years wasn't less than 48 hours away, I'd be jazzed.

[Stalin Lives In Boston]

im going to need hospitaliziation, after this new year.s i dont kno why bush mkes me drink so much for the 72 howurs before the n esw yar. lal i knwo is that i hate him for mkaing beer taste so good.

whjat a fucking prick.

[Ry]

Wow! Three blogs in a row on the death of our beloved Boom Boom. Not even such luminaries as Ringo Starr got such treatment in the dark days following his death.

This clearly hit you pretty hard, Lar. Well, we all grieve in our own ways.

Now that I've accepted the fact that she's gone, truly gone, I find myself having trouble remembering the little things about her: the tilt of her head when she's angry, the sound of her voice when she's thoughtful, and her laughter . . . her laughter . . . I can't even remember her laughter.

But the thing that really bothers me is that I can't even remember if she's the one who played "Thelma" or if she played "Louise." And who was the other chick in that movie who played opposite her? I wanna say it was Barbara Hershey, but everyone I talk to about it seems to think it was Geena Davis.

[Friend of USA]

Don't use matches near Stalin or the alcohol vapors might ...WOUSHHHHHH !

Too late...

Well it had to end eventually...

At least he won't need a haircut for a while !

[Cheney W. Halliburton]

Okay, I've got boards and nails. Who wants to help me make Larry absolutely safe and happy in his secure, disclosed location under the sink?

[Stalin Lives In Boston]

cheres larry!! cheers posters!!

itsa barfy new yaer. hoopfultl bushy wjll raise taxes and sotp his illgelwar in iraq and start a bigger better more illegal war in iran and nohr korea all ati once!

i need moredrinks or im gobna be sober through the new yae, someone grab the fnunel!!!!!!

[JannyMae]

Wow, poor Stalin is going to have quite a headache tomorrow. Oh, well, glad I don't have to be in the room with him right now! Cheney, I'm up for that idea, and Friend of USA, we can put that hat with the flaps to good use in the process, as well, as insulation around the pipes so Larry doesn't bonk his head to hard! Although, come to think of it, Cheney, remember what those bonks on the head did for me???

[Cheney W. Halliburton]

Hmmmm...

<swings board at Stalin's head>

Er, I don't think that helped.

[Rotwang]

I'm glad to see someone in the "blogosphere" brave enough to call out Smirky on this one. I mean, for Christ's sake, he never lived on a ranch until 2000, and this one is a practically brand-new, built-to-order campaign prop -- so a) Why does it constantly require brush-clearing, and b) What does this Connecticut-born, Yale and Harvard grad know about brush and/or manual labor?

In defense of the Chimp-in-Chief, however, I think Sontag's death took a back seat to the Indonesian tsunami as an overriding reason to maintain a low profile and refuse to deal with "actual" events in the "real" world. Either that, or he has recently received a CIA intel brief titled "Osama Guaranteed to Nuke Major American Port City in January 2005." THAT sort of news ALWAYS keeps him hunkered down on ranch, with his fingers stuck firmly in his ears...where we assume a large amount of brush resides.

(PS: I know this is a gag site. But I consider it a sacred duty to jag you simple-minded jingos in every forum I can!)

[TEH DINJ]

I hope you did that "mono y mono" thing on purpose, because if you did, it's a gas!

[Friend of USA]

Rotwang ,

I checked " jag " in my electronic
Thesaurus and it said ;

no definition found

[Friend of USA]

I know this is a funny / satirical site but sometimes serious stuff is just as hilarious.

If you think Bush is dumber than Kerry

Go to ;

www.vdare.com/sailor/kerry_iq_lower.htm

Military service documents when they don't come from CBS / Dan Rather are a reliable source.

Go read the whole thing !

[Friend of USA]

Rotwang ,

I checked the Mirriam - Webster for " jag " and it said ;

PRICK

Funny how Bush hater and prick end up beeing connected...

[JannyMae]

Cheney, wait till he regains consciousess before you bonk him!!!

[JannyMae]

Oops! That would be consciousNess! Maybe I should have just said, "Wait till he comes to!"

[Rotwang]

Obviously, yunz guys never been to Pittsburgh. "Jag" is a colloquial expression meaning "to annoy with extreme prejudice." The noun-form is "Jag-off"...which DOES roughly translate as "Prick."

Oh, and I checked the "Merriam-Webster" Dictionary for "Mirriam-Webster" which it defined as: "A common typographical error usually made by the banjo-playing retard in 'Deliverance.'"

[JannyMae]

"Oh, and I checked the "Merriam-Webster" Dictionary for "Mirriam-Webster" which it defined as: "A common typographical error usually made by the banjo-playing retard in 'Deliverance.'"

Golly Sergeant Carter, I didn't know, "Deliverance," was shot in Canada!

Friend of USA, looks like we may have another, "troll," to ignore....

[Friend of USA]

Jannie May , according to interpol , Canada's crime rate is twice that of the US .
I got that from the documentary " Michael Moore hates America " and I googled it ; It's a fact.

So our jagging - troll - Rotwangerthingamajig - fella who likes " to annoy with extreme prejudice "
, if we factor in the cold weather and if we take into account that Canadian Mountain Dew has zero caffein , wouldn't last long in my country ...

In my vast Canadian forests , he could find his deliverance...

And ain't it weird that I like Rottenweiner's country and his president more than he does ?

Rotwang , you bad american , your name should be RONGWING .

Rotwimp , let me jag you a little ;

Bush , who WON the elections , is the president of the most successful country in the history
of the world and he will be for four more years !

Ratwang , sorry for the typos...

NOT !

[Beaverette]

Rotwang...

bushes need constant clearing because they grow back ...and carbon emissions , just like the ones coming out the tail pipe of your car , accelerate growth .

Yes , trees and bushes grow faster with pollution

Dont believe me ?

Google it

[Stalin Lives In Boston]

rongwing: bush has to keep clearing brush because he refuses, to ratify kyoto.

larry: the tsunamis were a manifestation of bush to drone out susan sontags funeral procession.

cheney: thanks for the bonk on the head, i was gonna drown in my own vomit if you hadn't woken me up with a concussion.

[Jerry Lewis]

Rotwang

Stop it your killing me!!! You're the funniest guy I know!!!

LOL

[Friend of USA]

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LIBERAL LARRY VACATIONS WHILE MILLIONS OF BLOGGERS ARE LOOSING THEIR LIVES.

*****************************************

[Friend of USA]

Janny Mae

Oops ! I've just noticed that I misspelled your name... I'm really sorry.

* * *

I was bored so I read a few " old " post / comments and I found this one I particularly like ;

" Excuse me, my cat's hocking up a furball! Eeeeeuw! What's that in it? Nope, not a cricket, it's one of Vishnu's posts! "

Yep it's genuine Janny Mae circa sept. 2003

You are truly bong-worthy Janny !