Bush's Lust for Oil Claims 24,000 More Lives

Overcome with emotion, I watched the TV images of the horrible death and destruction in South Asia in stunned silence. Just when I thought I wouldn't have anything to blog about upon returning from my vacation, VOILA! Bush steps in and wipes out 23,000 innocent lives.

Now before any of my reich-wing readers start emailing me snotty remarks asking how a simpleton like Bush could possibly manipulate the earth's tectonic plates, let me assure you that it's EXACTLY the question I asked myself. It's the question we all should be asking - no matter how terrifying the answer might be. Lucky for all of us, I was gifted with a logical and analytical mind, and have embarked on a lifelong journey to uncover the Truth, even if it means coming off like a paranoid lunatic who exploits human suffering for political gain.

As any free-thinking Democratic Underground member would, I naturally suspected Bush's refusal to sign Kyoto was the root cause of yesterday's cataclysm. But as I dug deeper and began linking completely unrelated events together with unsubstantiated rumors, urban legends, and drug-induced fantasies, I soon realized that there was something far more sinister at work here. By the end of the day, I had compiled and printed hundreds of DU articles and alt.sex newsgroup threads proving Shrub's complicity in the disaster. After subtracting any right-wing lies that conflicted with my hypothesis, I would send everything to truthout or the New York Times, so that future generations of progressives would be informed and hopefully spared another reichpublican-caused catastrophe. Then, in a moment of euphoria, I accidentally knocked over my bong and ruined all my carefully-crafted documented evidence. So you'll just have to take my word for it.

April 12, 2001. After the Indonesian government condemns Bush's Iraq policy, The World Bank (at which George H. W. Bush once had a savings account) cancels a $300 million loan to Indonesia, destroying the tiny nation's fragile economy and condemning millions to a slow death by starvation.

October 30, 2001: In an act reminiscent of the Boston Tea Party, a group of romantic freedom fighters known as the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE) attack and sink an oil tanker off the coast of Sri Lanka. Millions of gallons of petrol are dumped into the sea. Enron CEO Jeff skilling resigns as stocks plummet 89%. Halliburton stock drops 67%. A federal investigation is launched into the financial activities of both companies.

July 24, 2002: Sri Lankan Prime Minister Ranil Wickremesinghe meets with U.S. peeResident George W. Bush in Washington to apologize for the loss of the oil, and to seek his support in the eradication of the peaceloving Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam.

October 22, 2003. Bush visits Indonesia, home of the world's largest Muslim population, under the guise of offering the nation education funding in return for support in his War on Terror. In secret, he strikes a deal with President Megawati to construct a pipeline from his oil rich country to refineries in Sri Lanka. In return, the World Bank would secure a loan for the developing country in the amount of $300 million.

July 17, 2004. Halliburton Indonesia is awarded a three year contract to provide temperature setting technology for oil pipelines.

November 2, 2004: Prime Minister Wickremesinghe of Sri Lanka meets with Bush and consents to the plan, but worries that the peaceloving Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam might try to sabotage the pipeline. Bush assures him that the Tigers will cease to be a problem as soon as Sri Lanka endorses his unholy "War on Terror".

November 5, 2004: The Sri Lankan Prime Minister issues gushing praise of Bush, declaring, "You have given hope to many countries in the world that are saddled with the menace of terrorism."

December 17, 2004: Indonesia, a wholly owned and operated subsidiary of Halliburton, Inc., receives a World Bank loan in the sum of $300 million.

Now all of Dumbya's ducks are in a row. Only one thing stands in his way of gaining complete control of South Asia's oil - the Nicobar Islands. If one draws a straight line from Indonesia to Sri Lanka, they'll find it dissects the southernmost tip of the Nicobar Archipelago, specifically Great Nicobar Island. India claims dominion of the Islands, yet the superior Chinese Navy has exerted influence on the surrounding waters for years. Bush may be an imperialist aggressor bent on world domination, but he won't bully someone who can fight back. So in order for his pipe-dream to be fulfilled, he'd have to either build it around the Nicobars or move the entire island of Sumatra southwest 100 feet.

December 25, 2004. An earthquake measuring 9.0 on the richter scale strikes deep in the Indian ocean, moving the entire island of Sumatra 100 feet southwest and sending 50' tidal waves crashing into Indonesia and Sri Lanka. Thousands of muslims die in Indonesia alone, saving Bush the trouble of bombing them. Thousands more perish as waves hit the poor fishing villages of Tamil, where dwell the peaceloving Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam. In the wake of the disaster, thousands of Christian missionaries posing as "relief workers" descend upon South Asia to convert the survivors. Bush and his cronies, in a thinly-veiled effort to hide their involvement in the catastrophe, pledge over $15,000,000 in aid.

We must not let them succeed. For every dollar the reich-wing digital brownshirts give to so-called "disaster relief funds", we'll donate two to cancel it out. For every proselytizing Jesusfreak the U.S. sends to bible-thump the brown-skinned heathens, we'll send two more godless liberals to officiate at gay Indonesian weddings. Together, we'll send the Shrub a clear message that his plans for global conquest through controlled earthquakes will not succeed without a collective hissy fit of biblical proportions.

Comments

[aelfheld]

"[...] I was gifted with a logical and analytical mind [...]"

So, what did you do with it?

[Eastside]

Hey, Larry

The message you linked

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=104x2868464

wasn’t posted by Peaceblossom, was it?

Not all of you readers are blessed with your gift of logic, so I’ll lay it out for the others.

First, notice the picture that accompanies the post. Doesn’t look overly male, now does it? But go to the link for the “user’s profile” and the gender is listed as “male.” It’s tough to reconcile the picture with the listed gender. (If this is Peaceblossom, I now understand your qualifiers about “may or may not be a member of the transgendered community.”)

One thing doesn’t fit, though. Layfayette, LA is long way from BC, where she and Benny Borkowski were last headed. Even allowing for Benny’s poor navigation skills, it’s hard to believe he would get this deep in to Red Territory.

Could it be that Peaceblossom has posted a bogus address, to keep the ReichPugliKlans from tracking her. (him?) Could everything be faked? Yeah, but I’m thinking it’s more likely that you were overcome by temptation to taunt Ashcrofts stormtroopers. Be careful, my friend. The next four years—in the wilderness—will require discipline. You should stay away from grandstanding, and limit your messages to Peaceblossom on legitimate sites, like DU.

[Jones]

Larry:

Any of your readers who doubt the complicity of the President of Indonesia as a tool of the Energy Cartel need look no further than his name--"Megawatti"--no doubt derived from an "energy" motif. What a pathetic attempt to ingratiate himself with his Halliburton masters by trying to create an association between himself and the source of their blood-money.

You got one thing wrong, though. Perhaps you were under the spell of the "temperature setting technology" of your bong when you stated: "Halliburton Indonesia is awarded a three year contract to provide temperature setting technology for oil pipelines." More like they continued their stranglehold to provide temperature setting technology for the PLANET.

We can handle the truth, Larry. The fact-checking strategem that you laid out would make Dan Rather envious. You'll get no complaints about "transparency" from me. You owe it to your faithful readers to take us wherever the truth leads you.

[Jaemes]

Don't you think a little historical perspective is in order here? Alaska. 1964. A huge earthquake/tsunami originates in Prince William Sound. No one sees through the "natural disaster" explanation to the real objective: improving the shipping channel, so that oil doesn't have to travel by pipeline through the politically unstable "nation" of Canada. Unfortunately for Captain Hazelton, who in 1989 was lulled into a state of complacency by Pappy Shrub's recent inauguration, it became apparent that the "navigational improvements" of 1964 didn't match the pillaging standards of the late 80's. (This lack of planning deprived Captain Hazelton of his chance to become an indicted Halliburton officer.)

The Nicobar Archipelago, like the Prince William Archipelago, is most dangerous in the complexity it presents to inebriated tanker pilots, not problems in surveying pipelines. With the current price of oil, no precautions can be overlooked in preventing the loss of the millions of dollars of crude oil that are lost in a tanker accident. Don't be too sure that the "red herring" of moving Sumatra wasn't a clever distractions to keep everyone from noticing a few strategic alterations to the ocean's floor.

[spd rdr]

Aren't tigers a protected species?

[Bad Commie]

Please, lets not loose sight of the fact that the first black cowboy of torture w is killing 1000 pleasingly brown people EACH DAY to make his morning BBQ! HE STUFFS THE CHICKEN WITH THEM!!!

EACH MORNING!!!

[Fuzzy Bunny]

You stated that Bush negotiated a deal with President Megawati to build a pipeline from "his oil rich country to refineries in Sri Lanka."

It is not HIS oil rich country. The president of Indonesia, Megawati Sukarnoputri, is a womyn.

[Corporations=Terrorism]

What concerns me most about this event was that Shrub knew in advance about the dangers of tsunamis to low-lying coastal areas (http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=tsunami), but in a cocaine-induced stupor, he neglected to advise the brown-skinned untermenschen of the hazards, so they were not able to relocate their towns and villages farther inland, where they would have been safe from the waves. And we have equipment to detect these things in advance with absolute precision. So we have 1) an illegitimate pretender to the throne (who stole the last election by refusing to count the exit polls) who had advance knowledge of the threat, and 2) a drug-addled Herman Goering clone who refused to save the lives of countless scores when the earthquake was imminent and all he had to do was make a simple phone call to the people so they could move inland. gawd, I hate him!

[Gaia's voice]

Were they testing the temperature setting equipment and that was what set off the earthquake? Gaia, the Earth Mother could have also had a bad case of flatulence too, yah know. All the smog and pollution in LA had to find an exit somehow, so why not at Krakatoa, west Sumatra?

[Sardonicus]

Thanks to you, Larry, I see it all so clearly now. I am awed.

[Stalin Lives In Boston]

it's all a distraction to keep our focus away from the spontaneous human combustion problem that is plaguing the peace-loving country of iraq.

[Earnest Progressive]

I've been fact-checking some of the things in your post, and it looks pretty good, but I see one thing that has me in a bit of a tizzy. I double-checked your calculations, and I'm seeing that Sumatra has to move 112 feet, not 100, in order for the pipeline project to go ahead. In other words, there may be a second quake in store, to get that extra 12 feet or so (another option would be using flexible pipe, but it would probably have to be lead pipe, since lead is soft). But knowing what I do about Herr BusHitler, I would bet he goes for the second-quake option.

[Red Loser]

So how did Bushitler cause the earthquake? One word: Godzilla. He awakened that terrible beast which the Fourth Reich (by which I mean the US) had created through nuclear testing in the Pacific. The only thing keeping it asleep beneath the ocean was the ABM treaty, and now that Dumbya has blown that to bits, his pet lizard is now free to roam the oceans, terrorizing minorities across the globe and disenfranchising them of their voting rights.

[Confederate Yankee]

You know, another sad turn of events that the RepubliKKKan media hasn't covered so far is just how many freedom-fighters of the Relgion of Peace gave their lives trying to stop Halliburton in this tragedy.

Perhaps we should have a moment of silence for these brave souls...

[Evil Conservative]

Thank you Larry the Loony Liberal for giving this proud Evil Conservative a chuckle.

Although... You seem to have figured out the master plan. I shall have to inform my masters that you KNOW. Thankfully what you have believed to be regular tinfoil is in reality a special tinfoil. One embedded with nanotechology that strengthen the mind control waves broadcast from cell phone towers. You are under our control HAHAHAHA!!!

Back to reality, go stick your head in an oven.

[Vishnu Troll Daddy Earth Goddess]

Liberal Larry:

Bless the Goddess for your wisdom in seeing the root cause of this tragedy. I am so relieved to learn that this is yet another Bu$Hitler debacle, for up until this very moment I thought that GaiaEarthMother was trying to kill me!

I am currently submitting this post via satellite modem from a shelter in Thailand. You had probably noticed that I hadn't posted anything for a few days--that is because I felt a need for spiritual clensing, a sojourn of the spirit. So I flew to Thailand, planning a pilgrimage to the Temple of Angor Wat to soothe and align my chakras, and perhaps to visit with my good friend Angelina Jolie. What better time that the week of the solstice, when the celestial harmonies converge such that GaiaEarthMother may begin the slow awakening of the New Year and the dawn of the new growth. When what should happen, but this earthquake! And then the wall of water came crashing down upon my prayer circle, putting out the sacred fire and tossing me into a palm tree, where I clung for life. My only thought from that moment, until reading your blog in the safety of a newly erected Red Cross emergency triage and Starbucks, was that somehow I had really pissed of the Mother. Why else would that tsunami have come directly at me? What had I, Her most Faithful Servant, have done? Did I not try hard enough to defeat the nefarious plans of the evil Shrub and his HALLIBURTON minions? Had I not expressed enough outrage at the failure of the chimp to sign the Kyoto protocols? Wasn't I wearing enough hemp-manufactured clothing? (I was naked at the time, except for my hemp prayer bracelets). Surely, this tsunami was a sign that I, Vishnu Troll Daddy Earth Goddess, was being targeted for termination by none other than GaiaEarthMother herself. Horror of horrors!

But now it all comes together, and sure enough, as LL has surmised, it must be Bu$Hitler's fault. And I can only assume that part of King George II's grand scheme was his goal of eliminating me, his arch nemesis. After all, thanks to the PATRIOT ACT, my every move is monitored by Asscross and his Junta, so naturally, when I arrived in Southeast Asia, the timing was perfect for the application of this disaster. But you failed, Chump! I am still alive and participating in the blogosphere! Haha! Although I do feel guilty for what now amounts to over 100,000 dead--collateral damage, innocent civilians killed by Bu$Hitler in his illegal war against me. If only I had been vacationing in Jesusland, where collateral damage might tip the scales of a red state turning it blue. I mean, 100,000 dead in Ohio might have given the election, if not the popular vote, to John Kerry. Sigh, if only. Anyway, I need to wrap this up and go, they need to use this space I am sitting in for more refugees. I am going to help with the relief effort in the best way I can--brewing herbal tea and performing relaxing meditation music on my bongo drums, to help ease the tensions of the thousands of people who have lost loved ones, homes, and property. After all, no harm is too great that it can't be soothed by Vishnu on drums. Peace out, Gaia bless, and I'll report back in a few days.

[Cricket]

Vishnu, I am so glad you were spared. The GEM spared you, don't you see? She wasn't trying to kill you! That tree was placed in your path so that you may still contintue to Spread The Word! What could be more aligning of your Charkas than
a near death experience like that! Vishnu, YOUR LIFE now belongs to the Goddess
forever. By sparing you, She has placed Her Seal upon you.

Go forth and deal with Shrub, one of her unfaithful children.

[StateOfJefferson]

Cricket,

You have missed an important point,
Not only was the GaiaEarthMother trying to save you, she was also combatting the forces of the evil KKKristian "God" who the republikkkans obviously used in order to set off this so called "act of God."

But we see it, we can see how the "church" has used the priest "pedophile" scandals to make itself more appealing to the uneducated masses, and to try to make them choose KKKristian degeneration as opposed to the Gaia earth mother.

. . . huge puff on the bong . . .

[UncarvedBlock]

Perhaps you've covered this in other posts, but you failed to mention that Bush managed this masterful plan despite his well-documented lack of mental acuity, making the outcome even more remarkable.

[UncarvedBlock]

In my haste to chime in on this remarkable work of investigative reporting, I overlooked the following passage: "how a simpleton like Bush could possibly manipulate the earth's tectonic plates". It appears that you did cover all of your bases. Dan Rather would be proud.

[StateOfJefferson]

Wow, someone pass "Block" the bong.

Just like "GungaDan," he did not have nearly big enough a hit. Fortunatly, I have a solution, the plastic that those baby "KKKristian Jesus" statues are made of, when burned in a small space (like the inside of a fuel efficient car) is almost as good as a bong, and it returns the materials to the GaiaEarthMother.

. . . Oh, no, I can't find a lighter . . .

[JannyMae]

No matter what we do or how much we give to the relief efforts, it will be deemed, "not enough," because we have a, "greedy, rich, capitalist," as the leader of our country (read: Republican). Truly ironic, sometimes....

[Al Franken]

dudes, y'all need to get back on your meds!

[Martin]

Information in this site is aimed toward foreigners on the Internet and expatriates in Thailand, having the loved ones visiting the areas during the disaster, to get the information about their friends, relatives or colleagues. For Thai nationals, we recommend that you start at the Government official website website and jump from there.

[Ron Spectre]

HA HA.. I read here that you thought that Bush was responsible for the Tsunami..!! HA HA.. good one. Are you sure you dont write for the The Onion? This was the funniest fakery I have seen in a long time. Thanks guys! I was so freaking amused!

Ron