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« Another Open Letter to Sen. John Kerry | Main | What are Morals? »



"In high school, I was the superstar of my Creative Writing Class," Larry, this is NOT news!


Magic Markers eh? I'm going to have to try that out. Thanks Lar.

Cheney W. Halliburton

"No cars, no trucks, no SUV's."

Not a single luxury!
Like Robinson Crusoe,
As primitive as can be.

So join us here each week my friends,
You're sure to get a smile
From 45 stranded castaways
On the wrong side of the aisle!


Why does it not surprise me to see that your poetry is as coherent as your politics?

Pile On®

You had me until no toilet paper. What pray tell will we use for that little task?

Vishnu Troll Daddy Earth Goddess

I haven't used toilet paper in 13 years, not since I became enlightened and adopted a 100% organic lifestyle. Thanks to my healthful diet of nothing but natural fruits which have fallen from the branches (I do not condone harming plants by pulling off their fruits before they are ready), I get all the fiber I need to guarantee that every movement (and they all occur at 10 AM PST, without fail) is clean and firm, with the aroma of a biscuit hot from the oven.

In the rare event of an emergency, such as the accidental ingestion of fruits that have been viciously contaminated with pesticides and other Halliburton products, I have washable reusable hemp fabric rags.

No one should ever use toilet paper, for anything. It is nothing more than a pestilence upon the face of HolyGaiaEarthMother. Think of the landfills! Think of the water tables! Think of the massive deforestation, the raping of arable land and exploitation of migrant workers to grow cotton, the pollution caused by the petrochemical industry in the creation of artifical fibers. And it all points back to Halliburton, Shrub, and the Kyoto protocols.

Toilet paper = global warming

Do yourself a favor. Do the world a favor. Stop wiping NOW.

Chimper Elite Stormtrooper

I took your advice to heart and stopped wiping. But oh GOD it really hurts to walk now, that buildup takes time to chafe away. Are you SURE this is the best way to save the world?

Cheney W. Halliburton

It's easy for rich New York bluebloods to do without wiping -- they use bidets.


There Was A noble Senator Kerry
Who Tried to make the land Merry
By Defeating the chimp
And Cheney, his pimp
But nothing rhymes with Haliburton.

Cheney W. Halliburton

They made an issue of Halliburton
Right up to the final curtain
The voters watched
But the media botched
And left the Democrats hurtin'


Kerry, Kerry, quite contrary,
How did your campaign go?
With Hollywood stars,
In big, fancy cars,
And Springsteen putting on a show!

Pile On®

Rewashable hemp fiber rags? You know hemp fibers are not the softest of all the natural fibers. I want to be a progressive, my mind says yes, but my tuckus says no no no.

Is it really that important that we save the earth?

Cheney W. Halliburton

"Is it really that important that we save the earth?"

If it were, would God have made the rest of the universe so damn big?


You are a true revolutionary and a champ.
Not to mention the shear magic of your poetry.


"Toilet paper = global warming"
"I took your advice to heart and stopped wiping. But oh GOD it really hurts to walk now, that buildup takes time to chafe away. Are you SURE this is the best way to save the world?"

Yes, its true. To save the planet, you have to stop giving a sh*t.


Use cleaned corn cobs for that backside build up. The communal outhouse or private mayonnaise jar might also be equipped with outdated Sears catalogs that haven't yet been sold on ebay. Even new modern catalogs can be 'softened' to cleanse while one is sitting and thinking and getting moved by this blog.


Save a tree. Wipe your ass with a spotted owl.


Good heavens, man--you are a great, golden god of verse!

And, um... go wash that marker off your nose and upper lip.

Impaled Professor

You know, before the racist, imperialist, zionists came to america, the natives had lived a peaceful, toilet paper free life for thousands of years. Now, however, just as their women were raped, their land stolen, and their universal healthcare system decimated, white people, with their insane quest for clean butts, are destoying their environment. It is time to repent of the harm we have done to the natives of this land and embrace their toilet paper free lifestyle. Only then can this land be truly healed.

Mr. Bear

If God had wanted us to wipe with toilet paper, he never would have invented rabbits.

Mourning dove

Why don't you all just dump while you're in flight? Take it from me, this eliminates the need for toilet paper altogether! Oh, that's right, you humans fly in 747's, don't you? I've heard about those tiny little lavatories they have in those planes. Never mind...


There once was a senator from Mass.
Whose wife was a pain in the ass!
She shot off her mouth,
In the North and the South,
Exhibiting that she had no class!

Cheney W. Halliburton

As America's voters got sleepy
And Kerry and Edwards got weepy
In the powder room
Teresa went BOOM!
'Cause someone had stolen her TP

Albert Jones



poetry is evil

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