Separated at Birth?

"I never left the democrat party..."
- Ronald Reagan

I've always had deep respect and admiration for President Ronald Reagan, perhaps the greatest, bestest, most wonderfully liberal president that ever was. Indeed, I consider him to be sort of a mentor, a father figure who has shaped my political thinking and made me the progressively minded, patriotic American that I am today. John Kerry, too, was amazed at the worldwide outpouring of love an affection shown towards Reagan when he passed away last July, and suddenly realized how much alike they were. That's why it pains us to see what has become of the Gipper's beloved Republican Party. The GOP has swung so far to the right since Reagan was in the White House, I doubt he'd even recognize it. The Fundamentalist Christian Evangelicals and Neocon Warhawks have turned the Party of Lincoln into the party of special interests, uncontrolled military spending, sweeping budget cuts, and back-alley abortions.

Bush has attempted in vain to capitalize on Reagan's popularity by constantly comparing himself to the great man. However, as history shows, John Kerry is more fitting to carry on the Gipper's legacy than anyone in the Republican party today. Ronald Reagan believed that the government's money, when pried from the greedy hands of the masses, was best invested in social programs for the People, not wasted on bombs and tanks. Although a deeply religious man, Reagan never let it interfere with his judgement, and was perfectly willing to support anything that contradicted his moral beliefs if it got him in good with the homos. Most of all, Reagan was loved the world over not for bombing the crap out of third world countries, but for embracing our allies and trusting their wisdom.

In fact, Reagan earned the title "The Great Communicator" for his keen ability to rally the International Community behind him. When our German allies invited him to their country to celebrate the Allied victory over Hitler, Reagan healed the wounds of WW2 and won the hearts of liberals everywhere by laying flowers on a German military cemetary.

When Libyan agents made an utter nuisance of themselves and bombed a West Berlin nightclub, killing two G.I.'s, Reagan didn't rush off to war without a plan to Win the Peace. Instead, he turned to our European friends for guidance. When it was suggested that U.S. bombers should immediately fly around both France and Italy and attack Tripoli, Reagan wholeheartedly agreed.

When Iran took 45 Americans hostage in 1982, the Ayatollah Khomeni was trembling in his turban for fear that Reagan would lose his temper and conduct a "Global Test". The hostages were released and Khomeni enjoyed his final years as a nobel laureate and tenured professor at Columbia.

When Palestinian freedom fighters hijacked the a cruise ship and executed a handicapped American, Ol' Dutch wasted no time in demanding a tersely written UN resolution condemning the horrible crime. Once again, our European allies stood by our side and brought those responsible to justice. Ten minutes later, those responsible were released and enjoyed a life of quiet religious reflection until U.S. troops rudely dragged them out of Iraq last year. Alas, the contrast between Bush and Reagan couldn't be clearer.

But out of all Reagan's successes, it is perhaps his cooperation with Mikhail Gorbachev that we admire him the most for. Despite their great philosophical differences, the Gipper was willing to sit down with the wise Russian leader and obediently assist him in his quest to end the Cold War. Because of Reagan's willingness to capitulate and compromise, the threat of global nuclear annihilation has been lifted and Gorbachev has taken his rightful place as Savior of the World. Think of how much potential Saddam could have had if Bush worked with him, rather than simply killed his sons and chased him down a spider hole!

That's the lesson that our European friends have taught us, one Reagan learned well, and the one that his true successor, John Wilson Kerry, will hone to a fine art.

* * *

Tonight, on CSI: Mobile, Alabama: Det. Cleatus Bodine (Gary Busey) investigates a human tooth he finds behind his Uncle Jethro's trailer. Is it his mother's? His sister's? Or both?

Comments

[aelfheld]

Apparently the drugs you took in the 60's had a long, long half-life.

Though I must admit more than a bit of amusement to hear a self-professed liberal hymning the praises of Ronald Reagan, however inaccurate those paeans may be.

[aelfheld]

Just a little something to brighten your evening: http://www.nbc4.tv/politics/3822070/detail.html

[Pile On®]

It is rare that one finds a clear headed sober assesment of recent history and the men who shaped said history.

Very rare.

[Cheney W. Halliburton]

If Kerry is really an unacknowledged Reagan twin, it would explain why he can't remember from one moment to the next where he stands on anything. After all, Alzheimer's is hereditary...

[ThaSickness]

Yep.. that's the biography of Reagan alright.......... according to the DU.

[Vishnu Troll Daddy Earth Goddess]

Here Liberal Larry and I must respectfully disagree.

Ronald Wilson Reagan. Six letters in each name.

SIX SIX SIX.

666

Yeah, that's right--he was the anti-Christ alright.

Reagan bankrupted us with his "star wars," creating a huge debt that has never gone away--except for those couple of terms that Clinton was in charge. He created AIDS and unleashed it on our gay brothers and sisters. He invented crack and had the CIA sell it in black neighborhoods trying to kill off all the black people. And global warming started the day he took office--the same day his concigliere King George Bush I flew to Iran in a special two seat SR-71 to broker a special deal to release the hostages and make the great statesman Carter look bad. And is it any coincidence that while RayGun was sleeping in the White House, Dick Cheney was in Congress voting to allow terrorists to smuggle plastic guns through airport security? Just how far back does the Cheney-Saudi-Halliburton-911 terror connection go?

If John F. Kerry is anything like Ronald Reagan, I'll eat my hat. It's safe. It's made from hemp.

[Moonchild]

Something about this isn't quite right. I'm a little hazy on most events from 1969 thru 1991, but I remember the ceremony where Reagan tapped Kerry as his successor in '88. There was some controversy, and *poof* Bush was President. Now, Bush is President again. Isn't being President twice as illegal as Lebanese Hash? Larry, do me a solid and help me out here.

[Swiftie 4 Kerry]

The relationship between Reagan and Kerry was always very intimate, but they didn't really become blood brothers until the assassination attempt in 1981.

Remember that? It was when Kerry heard the Hinckley's gunshots, and his exquisitely honed military training took him back to the jungles of Cambodia on that fateful Christmas Eve. In a second, he hurled himself in front of the barrage of bullets, firing as he rolled, killing Hinckley with a single shot to the forehead. He did not escape unscathed, however, as two rounds found themselves to Kerry's ass, where they remain to this day and provides him little relief in the post-9/11 airport X-ray systems.

And Reagan knew all this, when he prayed, "Father, in your grace, I have escaped with my life. Whatever time I have remaining on this earth, I give to John F. Kerry."

[Skidmark]

Let's not forget that, even though Kerry and Reagan had a deep friendship and professional relationship that went back to the early 50's, Kerry was primarily a mentor to Reagan -- the yin to Reagan's yang -- who strove in a fatherly way to lead his young apprentice to embrace proper progressive values. Kerry's success was significant, but not complete, as the impetuous Reagan would sometimes stray off the progressive plantation, occasionally spewing vile hate speech and alienating our brothers and sisters in the World Family. Nobody mourned Reagan's passing more grievously than did JFK. To him, it was like losing a troubled child.

I was smoking a huge amount of weed during that era, but that's my recollection.

[La Femme Crickita]

I thought the hostages were taken in 1979, the Year of Mr. Peanut?

[ThaSickness]

I would think that Carter was a MUCH better president than that evil Reagan. MALAISE FOREVER! :)p

[Liberal Larry]

Crickita - if the hostages were taken in 1979, it might imply that Carter - a nobel laureate - was somehow responsible.

[Jimminie Crickarter]

I saved those hostages as a young boy and I will save them again as president. again. MWAAHHAH Crickarter 08!!

[bahabuddha™]

Vishnu - I remember reading that Ronald Reagan/666 thing in MAD magazine back in the 80's.

And by mentioning "flying around France", I finally have an excuse to include an audio link (click name - warning! strong language)

[JannyMae]

Larry, where has your liberal mindset gone? Of course Jimminy Carter was not responsible for the hostages, any more than he was responsible for all those homeless people that crawled out of the wordwork as soon as Reagan took office. And of course there were no homeless under the Clinton administration, and now there are again MILLIONS under the Bush administration. Come on, Larry, get with the liberal program, willya? **somebody please pass the nacho doritos**