I can't help feeling a smidgeon of schadenfreude as the GOP reels over Ron Reagan Jr.'s sudden defection. I can just picture ol' man Cheney chewing the stuffing out of his sofa cushions in rage over this! The son of their conservative icon has shunned the dark side and become a Jedi Knight for the Democrat Party. What a coup!
While the GOP may never recover from this, we democrats were taken totally by surprise as well. It seems like just last month that we were all cracking jokes about his fascist father's illness and popping open champagne bottles in celebration of his death. Who would have thought that the spawn of a senile, drooling old geezer who didn't even recognize his own daughter would grow up to speak at a Democrat National Convention, of all things?
And what a fine speaker he is, too. For what seemed like hours, he moved us to tears with a brilliant, empassioned speech on the necessity for stem cell research, so that people like his father will never have to suffer a debilitating - yet incredibly hilarious - disease again.
An excerpt:
"Knowing she can donate tissue from her abortion to potentially lifesaving medical research may help a woman turn an unintended pregnancy about which she may feel a sense of loss into a social good. The choice to donate often gives solace to women who may need to end their pregnancies."
No wait...that was from the Planned Parenthood website's page on stem cell research.
Okay, here he is:
"...and dudes, they like take your cells and put 'em on embryos - kinda like caviar on crackers and shit - and then inject it into your brain where they like, totally replace the bogus cells that give you Alzheimers and stuff. In other words, you're cured, dude!"
Cured, indeed. While his old man was thicker than the layer of boogers under Michael Moore's seat at the convention, Junior is obviously an incredibly bright and emotionally deep man.
Laugh if you must, but any doubts over his intelligence are easily dispelled by that Mr. Spock Amok Time thing he kept doing with his hands. Men of wisdom make this gesture all the time. Doc Severinsen. Abe Vigoda. It's our way of saying, "Behold how thoughtful and deep I am, yet at the same time humbled and honored by the oppportunity to speak before you."
No, Junior, the honor was all ours.
The part where he spread the stem cells on Ritz crackers kind of creeped me out, though.
Would somebody please feed JR. immediately!!???
Posted by: JannyMae | July 28, 2004 at 09:53 PM
wow...
i am breathless....do you have any stem cells to help with that problem?
Posted by: cube | July 29, 2004 at 06:50 AM
I can just picture ol' man Cheney chewing the stuffing out of his sofa cushions in rage over this!
Joke's on you. Instead I chewed up my donut cushion.
Posted by: Cheney W. Halliburton & the Neo Conga Ball | July 29, 2004 at 08:32 AM
When are you @#$!ing going to enable italics!? Now I'm pissed off again and no donut cushion to chew up. Lynne, where's my Nixon plush doll?
Posted by: Cheney W. Halliburton & the Neo Conga Ball | July 29, 2004 at 08:34 AM
Don't be dissin' Abe Vigoda.
Posted by: Scott R | July 29, 2004 at 09:22 AM
Scott - I have a signed 8x10 of Honest Abe over my desk, and I'm a little sore that he wasn't asked to speak at the convention. Instead, John Edwards devoted the entire evening to that jingoist Bob Hope!
"Hope is on the way! Hope is on the way!"
Um, John - Hope died a year ago. In fact, July 27th was the one-year anniversary of Bob Hope's death. Despite Jesse Jackson's desperate attempts to keep Hope alive, he's GONE. Get over it!
Posted by: Liberal Larry | July 29, 2004 at 09:34 AM
Hey! Abe Vigoda is 83 years old and still making movies. The last movie John Kerry made was 30+ years ago, back in Viet Nam! Abe is the man!
Posted by: JannyMae | July 29, 2004 at 12:25 PM