After weeks of skyrocketing gas prices, John Kerry, a decorated Vietnam Veteran, was "incensed and outraged" over the possibility that Bush will lower gas prices just in time for the elections.
"Fo' shizzle mah nizzle, I'm incensed and outraged," Kerry told a crowd of teenagers at a "Get Out the Vote" rave this week. "If Bush had any sense of fairness, he'd keep gas prices high until after November. Word!"
Kerry, who has been running on a "The economy's collapsing, and we're all gonna die!" platform, has good cause to be suspicuous. As most people know, the pricing signs at every gas station across the country are wired directly to a switch in the Oval Office. When Shrub wants to grease his rich oil buddies for more campaign contributions, he thrusts the switch forward and gas shoots up 50 cents a gallon. When he wants to score political points just in time for the election, he eases the switch back and prices go down. When gas prices don't change at all for a while, it's because Bush is so hungover that he can't lift his arms high enough to reach the switch. So, in effect, when gas prices are up, it's Bush's fault. When gas prices are down, it's Bush's fault. If gas prices remain the same: Bush's fault. From the damn of history, the Bush family has been in complete control of what we pay at the pumps.
Until now.
As future Pulitizer Prize winner, Bob Woodward, has revealed, that powerful gas-pricing mechanism may now be in the hands of Prince Bandahar bin Sultan, the Saudi ambassador to the U.S. and longtime friend of the Bush family. According to Woodward, Bush asked Bandahar to lower gas prices in the fall so everyone will run to the polls and vote for him in gratitude (the tendency of gas prices to decline after the summer travel season would serve to disguise their insidious scheme, as well).
Frankly, I find it very disconcerting that some meniacal Saudi shiek has control of the U.S. economy. But when I look at the whole picture, it makes perfect sense. All 12 of the 9/11 hijackers were from Saudi Arabia. Osama Bin Laden hails from a powerful Saudi oil family (also Bush Family pals). Obviously, Shrub gave the gas pricing switch to Bandahar in return for reverse-engineered alien technology that would allow him to remote control four commercial airliners, and simultaneously fly them into targets across the country.
I don't want to sound like a conspiracy nut, but that book Bush was pretending to read to those children may have been some sort of electronic device. That may explain why he sat there, continuing to read, for THREE WHOLE HOURS after being informed of the attacks; he had two more planes in the air!
How many more times, since 9/11, has Bush read to school kids? What terrorist attacks, natural disasters, or worse occured at the exact same time? Could it be that every time Bush picks up a book, people DIE?
If 9/11 taught us anything, it's that Bush should never be allowed near another children's book again. For our children, and for our children's children, should they choose to carry the pregnancy to term.
Truly a masterpiece of internal inconsistency. You crack me up.
Posted by: Amber | April 22, 2004 at 02:56 PM
Re: the sexual humiliations inflicted on the Iraqi subhumans:: Now you know what I had in mind with "don't ask, don't tell". GOD those women look butch!
Posted by: BillClinton | May 10, 2004 at 08:53 PM
Great Site!
Posted by: Official Black Resources | August 03, 2004 at 05:41 AM