SOCIALISM IS YOUR FRIEND

Look at it this way:

You go to the pie shop and realize that you only have enough money for one slice of pie. Then in walks Bill Gates who proceeds to buy all the pies and leaves you standing there completely pieless. Is that fair? Why does he get all the pies? Shouldn't he be made to share some of his pies instead of hording them all? Socialism says "YES, everyone is entitled to a piece of the pie! For now on, all pie shops will be under the control of The People, and The People will decide how to distribute the pies fairly and equitably."

Imagine a world where, instead of walking into a pie shop and hoping, PRAYING you have enough money for one itty bitty little piece of pie, you simply put your name on a waiting list for the priviledge to go before a special commitee, who will carefully determine how deserving you are of pie, and will then give you a slice of pie FOR FREE!!!!! Never again will anyone have to pay for pie, and never again will one man be able to horde ALL the pie. No more will people compete to get more pie than their neighbor. Everyone will be entitled to exactly the same amount of pie, with the exception of the People on the Pie Committee, who will get extra pie because they wear party pins.

How do you get a party pin? Well, you have to join the Party, and that will cost you a fee of 100 pies. Then you have to be approved by the party leader, MOI, and I don't like the shape of your nose. In fact, I think you're being greedy by coming around and asking for pie all the time when the People are starving in the streets. "I want pie! I want pie! ME ME ME ME ME!!!!" You are putting your needs above the needs of The People, and that just won't do. Your selfish attitude is harmful to The People, and you're the reason everyone is starving. It's because of YOU that there aren't enough pies to go around. The only way we're going to make this a perfect Socialist Utopia is if we put a stop to big-nosed, pie-stealing scum like you sabotaging the system! THE PEOPLE MUST BE CLEANSED OF YOUR DISEASE!!!! GET ON THE BOXCAR!!!! NOW!!!!

So the next time some right-wing extemist asks if you're a socialist, just smile and say, "I like pie".

Comments

[MeTooThen]

Are there pie re-education camps?

[J at TAotB]

You forgot that only rhubarb, mincemeat, and soylent green pies will be available since fruit pies are the root of all evil.

Just like the gray uni-sex jumpsuits, only gray uni-taste pies will be allowed.

[ThaSickness]

There might even be gulags set up for those who want MORE than 1 piece of pie. Selfish bastards.

[Xzilenifo]

You jerk, your overly simplified version of socialism is disgraceful. Socialism isn't about 'commities,' it's about sharing. Didn't your mother ever teach you to share???

[foghorn]

Xzilenifo, you missed it.

Socialism is not about sharing. It's about slavery. Didn't your socialist mother teach you how to whip your slaves???

[Mr. WTF]

I would like to see socialism taken a step further:

Take what little pie the poor have (since they obvisously can't manage pie on their own, or they would have more) house by house. Put all of that pie into a big tub in the middle of each town and force ugly people who have shown up to watch - to pie-wrestle. Then trade the stomped pie to the newly created corporation, the "American Food Fetish Pornographers, LLC" in exchange for free movies and pictures produced with the pies.

[cerebus]

Great, have you ever tasted government cheese, just imagine what a bunch of socialist bakers will do to something as wonderful as pie!

[DaDougster]

Your piece is wrong from the get-go, a more realistic scenerio would go:
You can afford a couple pieces of pie but you only want one, you notice a homeless guy outside who can't afford any.

Do you buy him one?

No, you demand Bill Gates, who makes the pies, buy one for himself, the homeless guy, you, and everyone else...

[Andy]

what if I don't want pie...what if I want cake???

[DaDougster]

Then you better find a way to make some for everyone!

[mike]

cake is for the bourgeous elite. you're not the bourgeous elite are you?! a good red blooded socialist is perfectly fine with pie and does not need western capitalist devil cake.

[GZUZSAVZ]

A good socialist may have pie for a season. A party member may have more pie for a season. A God loving anti-socialist will be denied pie for a season, but they will have heaps of pie in Heaven for all eternity. Praise Jesus! Whom the Son gives pie, has pie indeed. \./

[Dean Douthat]

Under Socialism, the most highly rewarded talent is the ability to demonstrate need. The second most highly rewarded talent is the ability to hide means.

[papijoe]

Dean Douthat

That's brilliance.

Don't you ever post at...well you know the place I mean.

[Boner]

SOCIALISM SUCKS U FUCKING CAPITALIST WHORE

[godisdead]

This discussion always brings out 2 types and 2 types only: 90% are severely uninformed about mainstream discourse and love their Limbaugh, the other 10% are like Ayn Randers (I prefer the ignoramuses). Actually I guess it's 3 types of people cause listen up:

Europeans work less than us, and many of them live better (less crime, work less, equal purchasing power, far less income to servicing debt both public and private, WAY better schools, less pollution more trust no homeless people and about 1/6th the annual healthcare expenditure with about 1/7th as much of that expenditure going to beureacracy as does here) at least according to the UN (which, yes, I know is a favored target for that 1st 90% of you). The 2 most heavily taxed countries are the 2 that live best. Look at Sweden, 2nd highest tax rate 2nd highest living standard. Why do they live so well? No political clout, no resources and they even exceed the UN request for foreign aid contributions! How do they do it? well if our GINI coefficient, the measure of income inequality were the same as theirs the median family of four would have an income of about $100,000. As it is that number is more like $45,000, TADA! Don't let people be unreasonably uselessly greedy! What a sweet idea. Sure the richest guy in Sweden probably doesn't even have as many houses as Kerry, but on the plus side ALOT fewer people die because they can't afford healthcare or freeze on the street, so maybe that stunning sacrifice of the wealth needed for summer properties did some good after all... imagine. Laissez-Faire capitalism envisions a winner take all society based on the notion that we have NO obligations to fellow members of society besides not killing or robbing them (and the rich have alot of ways of getting around the second obligation anyway, even a few for getting around the first!). So, yes rich people of America, you owe me, and even more you owe that single mom working 2 jobs to support 2 kids. Why do you owe her? You didn't get her pregnant... Why then? Because every hour she is laboring away from her kids, a goodly portion of the profits from her hard work goes into your pocket. So, since the same is true of me you owe me too(and I WANT my reasonably priced healthcare), but you really owe her and you better hope Americans don't realize that en masse. Soak the rich. And please no replies based on Reaganomics or "trickle-down you can live off the juices from my rich ass-thory", I am well aware of their contentions and things just don't work that way in real life... anywhere... ever... for any reason ever to have arisen.

[Mario]

But who's going to make the pies? The people who make the pies will stop making them because they will no longer have the incentive to make them. We'll have to put a gun to all the pie makers' heads and force them to make us pie. They'll be a pie revolution. Blood and apple sauce will flood the streets!!

[J. S.]

To the morons who keep insisting europe is some kind of crimeless paradise: What bizzaro world do you live in? You are proof that the American education system and the media has failed tremendously to do their jobs. If they hadn't, you would know that europe is not a theme park, but a society made up of real people--not characters out of a fairy tale book--but real people who get diarreah and have headaches just like us real folks. You would also know that europe currently is experiencing higher crime rates than the United States. In fact, the United States is the ONLY industrialized nation on earth who has seen its crime rate drop over the past 10 years. In some parts of europe, crime has increased over the last 10 years by as much as 500%! Jolly olde England currently holds the title of having the highest crime rate of the western world, including violent crime. Toronto is more a dangerous city than New York City. Moscow has as much crime as NYC, Chicago and LA combined. Australia comes second to Britain in terms of crime, including violent crime. I suppose the old saying no news is good news applies here since America's media rarely informs Americans what takes place in the rest of the world. If it did, you would know that we in America have it damn good. You europhiles are everything that's wrong with the world today. You have never suffered for anything in your entire life. You have no appreciation for the things you have, and no appreciation for those before you who made those things possible. You are a selfish, whiney, ignorant parasite on society.

[Stalin Lives In Boston]

ya, J.S., godisdead is just full of fun information. its kind of cute really that such an eloquent speaker could spew such baseless nonsense.

A+ for the grammar, godisdead; D- for the relevance and accuracy. you can't believe everything michael moore emails you.

[Doug]

This is pure entertainment!

Now pass the pie.

[Stolypin]

I've been to Europe many times. There are homeless drunks panhandling in every town squre and train station.

[PhoenixHack]

The horrendous crime rate in Europe is not the only thing that ain't so rosy about the continent godisdead apparently knows only by visits to EuroDisney.

I live in Germany, widely regarded as one of the more prosperous members of the EU. Let me tell you, the allegation that Europeans have so much more purchasing power just isn't true, not here certainly. As a member of the USAF, I receive more than twice the same money for rent in my paycheck that I would if I were stationed in the States. Also, they throw in an extra $700/month as a "cost of living adjustment."

What's more, unemployment in Germany is easily twice what it is in the States. And the glorified socialized medicine? Try waiting for at least six months for a root canal like my friend living in the UK did. And can someone explain why they pay three times as much for gasoline as we do in the States?

godisdead, get back in line for the rollercoaster rides. Don't eat too much pie while you're waiting, though. What's that? Not to worry? Ah right, it'll be at least six months before you get your next slice.

[Michael Hiteshew]

Regarding Europe, I read the ex-pat reports on the BBC once in while. It's interesting, you should try it.

One, in particular, that I remember was written by a Brit who'd moved to Greece. It's not quite like taking a holiday here, he said. Guess what? Jobs are scarce, especially well paying jobs. Most young married couples live with their parents into their thirties because they can't afford an apartment. Prices are astronomical compared to what people are paid.

By contrast, Brits moving to Amerikkka are astounded by how far their money goes and how much their standard of living has improved.

Here's another mind bender. Europeans who actually live here love the healthcare system. I've read comments to the effect that they feel experienced modern, on demand healthcare for the very first time. Your local doctor's office has better equipment than many Euro hospitals, and you don't have to wait six months to use it.

As for the Swiss, it's amazing how well you can live when you fund your country by taxing a banking system set up to hide the funds stolen by the worlds most viscious tyrants, kleptocrats and gangsters.

Finally, the Euro-children have been funding their socialist playgrounds on the backs of American taxpayers for 60 years. We pay their defense bills. Europe couldn't protect itself from a band of angry girl scouts.

[commies]

What a bunch of commies.

[jules]

I Have lived in Paris, France most of my life and I vouch for the comments above.
In France, we have the world’s highest consumption of tranquilisers and anti-depressants, a pessimism index, rising crime, arab and black ghettos where people are destroying themselves, with no hope due to French inflexibility and high unemployement (50 % in the ghettoes) 10 % overall.

People and companies are mentally and physically stunted, miserable, pessimistic, outer-directed, even depressed.
Yeah this is the European dream !

Job security ? because it’s so hard to sack people and wage tax is 40% on top of your salary, people avoid hiring, and its hard to find a job, and those in one often do the work of 2 people (thanks to high wage tax) . Hence they are stressed, even terrified of loosing their job, even if their boss treats them like shit, they stay on, and have nervous breakdowns (as I witnessed in a company of 30 people).
(hence the tranquillisers). Social relations are feudal and stuffy.

Education ? the universities have shit facilities – it looks like the soviet union here (ther’s no such thing as a free lunch – they need private funding)
Real job security = finding a job quickly/being able to sell services as a freelance easily
Ie a free economy..

Socialism is a big lie made by people who want power or fools who do not understand how wealth is CREATED (ie there is NOT a limited amount of pies). Example: Instead of watching TV with a govmt handout, a young guy makes pies in his kitchen and sells them in his area (this is impossible in france due to the complexity of being freelance). Hence increasing the amount of pies available.
It seems to offer advantages such as handouts when unemployed etc, but you pay for this massively in your taxes, and worse, it grinds everything to an almost standstill with taxes and regulations, creating despair, frustration, resentment. (as we have in France). Lives of quiet desperation for most.

There is much more REAL non-forced solidarity in the US, and unlike the state kind, it helps you improve your life instead of sinking into apathy. I’m talking generous individuals, and institutions. If Socialism helps the poor get ahead, then the USA is the world champion for this.

I have made money with tips in the tourist industry in the past, so I know the joy of earning good money and working hard for it. It’s so much more healthy and natural than this socialist invention. You only have to visit third world countries – Nepal etc, - everyone is an entrepreur – yes even you godisdead. I’d like to send you to Nepal so you can guide tourists, sell fruit and earn an honest buck like these people do. Free enterprise is not a system – it’s the natural way of things.

If people earn megabucks compared to me by working 100 hours a week, good for them !! It’s no loss to me. It’s actually a gain to me, cos I can admire their fancy cars, get tips from them , sell them goods and go Trek in Nepal while they swelter in the boardroom.

Re crime – it is rising here, and is vicious in the UK, where I witnessed several crimes in my 1 year over there. (I have witnessed few in France, but I don’t live in a ghetto).
The judicial are girl guides over there, and criminals have the upper hand, thou this will change. Criminals are disadvantaged people, not really responsible for smashing the shit out of pensionners and robbing homes in broad daylight, as we know (unless it happens to us of course).

When I come back from the US, I feel as if I am in the third world here – dirty streets, tired sullen faces, few smiles, grey airport buildings, rundown universities, angry, resentful people.

I miss the bright Borders bookstores, the cheerful greyhound bus drivers, people who feel they can get ahead in life no matter where they come from, how poor they are, and display it in their manner.

God bless the USA we’re dead without you. Up yours Saddam, Chirac you aristocratic cock, Petain , Hitler, Milosevic, Taliban, Yasser Arafat.

Average income is 30% more in the US, Godisdead. You are dead ! get a life and a job where you thrive !