Despite having trained for the Olympics all their lives, hundreds of our best athletes won't be welcomed in Athens this summer - thanks to BUSH. Oympics spokesman Mike Moran has warned the U.S. Olympic team to avoid showing any national pride, for fear of exacerbating the already seething hatred Europeans have for Americans.
"Whatever you do, don't run over and grab a flag and take it round the track with you," Moran cautioned American athletes. "Don't pump your fists, don't smile, - don't even move your lips to the national anthem."
Moran was especially worried that jingoistic displays during the opening ceremonies might provoke angry outbursts from the largely European crowd. The highlight of the ceremonies - a musical tribute to the 1945 surrender of Nazi Germany to Greece - will culminate with the traditional parade of teams from all participating nations. While other athletes are encouraged to show their national pride, the U.S. team will be pulled naked around the track with dog leashes, while the crowd pelts them with rancid tomatoes.
"If a Kenyan or a Russian grabs their national flag and runs round the track, it might not be viewed as confrontational," Moran explains. "But then again, they aren't exactly nations known for the sort of human rights abuses America proudly engages in."
Even more proof of how severely Bush has squandered the golden showers of international goodwill we received after 9/11.
Unfortunately, Shrub hasn't merely spoiled the Olympics for Americans. Despite plans to celebrate Europe's victory over Soviet tyranny by burning Ronald Reagan in effigy, the event had to be scratched over fears that the U.S. might bomb Greece in retaliation. There was also some concern that the Iraqi soccer team, making its first Olympic appearance in 16 years, might perform poorly without the guidance of their former coaches, the beloved Uday and Qusay Hussein. Both brothers were murdered by Bush last year so he could have complete control over Iraq's oil.