Kudos to a Seattle couple for taking steps to help their daughter realize the dream of eternal youth. Little Ashley was born with irreversible brain damage that has left her both paralyzed and severely retarded. Sure, it's kind of cute now, but as she matures she'll acquire a sort of Schiavoesque creepiness that will prove both embarrassing and inconvenient to her loving parents. While her mind will forever remain that of a nine year old, someday their little Pillow Angel is gonna grow up.
But thanks to breathtaking medical advances, she doesn't have to. With the removal of her uterus and breasts, and a rigorous regimen of hormone therapy, Little Ashley can remain forever frozen at that adorable age just before a young girl becomes a whiny, annoying teen.
Her parents have taken some heat from the Moral Majority, but they insist their decision was made purely in Nancy's best interest. A full-grown mentally retarded woman would be harder to care for, a pain in the ass to lug around, and a real damper at cocktail parties. But with this hopeful new procedure at least they can prop her up in the living room and tell people she's a Cabbage Patch Kid.
As advancements continue, this procedure could perhaps one day be used to help puppies retain their cuddliness, and kittens their cuteness. In the not-so-distant future, doctors will be able to chemically stunt the adopted children of beautiful Hollywood celebrities who enjoy the social status of having a collection of little brown babies, but dread the thought being seen with a sulking, zit-faced teenager.
The possibilities are endless, and shouldn't be hampered by superstitious evangelicals who fear science and see Nazi Germany behind every medical advancement. As much as I despise Hitler for his similarities to Bush, the fact that he supported the practice of eugenics doesn't mean eugenics are evil. Hitler liked Wagner, too, but who among us doesn't enjoy the sound of a fat woman strangling a cat? As long as eugenics are used to make children more appealing and not to create some sort of master race, then it's a science whose time is due.