Skyrocketing health care costs. Out-of-control living expenses. Constant right-wing attacks on same-sex marriage and reproductive rights. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any tougher for America’s seniors to survive in this country, the Shrub launches another assault on Social Security.
This week, Bush unveiled his sinister plot to eliminate the coveted $255 prize paid to the surviving spouses of deceased seniors. He also called for slashing monthly cash bonuses for unemployed high school dropouts, thus breaking the sacred covenant working Americans have made to support the drug habits of teenage washouts. It seems that Dumbya won’t be happy until he’s squeezed every last ounce of blood out of our precious living treasures.
It was with heavy heart that I called my Repugnikkkan Nazi of a grandmother this morning to give her the horrible news that she won’t be getting her 255 smackeroos when Grampa finally shuffles off his mortal recliner.
“So how’s it feel to be screwed by your own Chimp, you crazy ol’ bat?” I laughed when Grandma answered the phone. “I bet you’re sorry you took that $300 tax refund now, aren’t ya?”
“What in the hell are you talking about?” Grandma asked. “And how did you get this number?”
“In your selfishness and greed, you sacrificed a lifetime of security for a moment of instant gratification,” I chided her. “What did you do with that bribe money, anyway? Blow it on BINGO? A new sweater for your obnoxious little poodle?”
“I don’t have a poodle and you know it.”
“That’s a shame,” I replied. “You’ll be wishing you did when the food runs out.”
“Alright," Grandma snapped. "This conversation is over.”
“And bugged, too, no doubt," I added. "HELLO BUSH! YES, YOU! I KNOW YOU’RE LISTENING, YOU MURDERING FASCIST!!! I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY!! I HOPE YOU’RE TICKLED PINK THAT THEY’LL BE FINDING MY BELOVED GRANDMOTHER’S LIFELESS, SHRIVELLED CORPSE FROZEN TO HER KITCHEN FLOOR THIS WINTER BECAUSE YOU AND YOUR RICH OIL BUDDIES COULDN’T SPARE $255 MEASLY BUCKS! WELL, I WON'T STILL WHILE YOU CONTINUE TO ROB THE POOR TO FIGHT YOUR WAR! I WON'T BE SILENCED LIKE CINDY SHEEHAN OR GEORGE CLOONEY! I WILL FIGHT YOU, DO YOU HEAR ME, BUSH? I WILL FIGHT YOU!”
“Goodbye, Larry,” Grandma sighed.
Can you believe that senile old bitty hung up on me? It just goes to prove what I’ve been saying all along about how Freedom of Speech no longer exists in this country.