As Super Tuesday draws near, it appears that either Hillary or Obama will win the Democrat Party nomination and therefore the Presidency. I've been holding off an making an official endorsement because I love them both as if they were my own two lesbian mothers, with huge teats from which I shall suckle until I am fat and happy and can suckle no more. Having either one of them in the White House would make any Progressive as giddy as a freckled schoolgirl frolicking in a meadow on a bright summer morn.
But hold onto your bonnet, Half-Pint, because something is amiss in Walnut Grove. With their crops succumbing to the effects of global warming, Pa and Mr. Edwards have taken jobs delivering nitroglycerin to a nearby mining camp. Meanwhile, Nellie is up to her usual tricks, and a suprised Laura finds Albert smoking crack behind the schoolhouse with Willie Oleson.
For those of you who may be too conservative to understand the metaphor, what I am talking about is Obama's bizarre behavior of late, behavior that may cause many voters to wonder where his loyalties truly lie. First of all, his disrespect and mistreatment of the Clintons betrays a deep-rooted hatred for successful Black Americans. However, it's Obama's gushing praise of Ronald Raygun that alarms me the most.
"I think Ronald Reagan changed the trajectory of America in a way that Richard Nixon did not and in a way that Bill Clinton did not." Obama told the Las Vegas Review Journal. "He put us on a fundamentally different path because the country was ready for it."
Correction, Mr. Obama: Ronald Reagan was the most evil President in American history. Even the Shrub pales in comparison. How can any of us forget how that shriveled, old, B-movie actor banned labor unions, closed down the mental hospitals, raised taxes on the poor and put flowers on Hitler's grave? Let us also remember how his saber-rattling destroyed a perfect opportunity to forge an enduring friendship with the Soviet Union, an opportunity that sadly will never come again because the Soviet Union no longer exists. But Reagan's greatest crime of all, the one for which he shall never be forgiven, was that he restored a hope and enthusiasm for America'a future that Jimmy Carter worked four long years to crush. Reagan's jingoist rhetoric about a "Bright Shining City On a Hill" sparked a dangerous form of patriotism that lingers to this day. If Obama won't at least follow the Democrat Party by-laws and speak of Ronald Reagan only in the high-pitched whine of a liberal consumed with disgust for a man who personified everything we despise about this imperialist country, then he can expect no support from me come November.
Like I said, I'm not ready to officially endorse Hillary just yet. But I'm not going to waste my vote on someone who may only be pretending to be just to the left of Chairman Mao so he can get into office, and then tear away his progressive mask to reveal he's been the Gipper all along.