Even after Al Gore received an Oscar for his sweeping environmental epic, An Inconvenient Truth, some still dared question his facts, as if he simply plucked them out of the asses of hand-picked scientists in order to advance his socialist agenda. But now, the time for debate really is over, for Al Gore has a Nobel Prize, and must therefore be worshiped as a God.
No one would have guessed that Europeans would give Gore a European award in Europe for his tireless efforts to turn America's economy over to a consortium of Europeans, but they did. The Nobel Peace Prize is imbued with special powers that transform terrorist leaders, flatulent blowhards, and bumbling idiots into beloved international statesmen above all reproach - as long as they openly show disdain for America. Al Gore can now count himself among those honored few. No longer will he be brushed off as a self-obsessed pinhead who airbrushes his crotch and pays lesbians to teach him how to be a man. He is now a Nobel Laureate, and all must surrender themselves completely to his will. Any hesitation or resistance will not only be considered an insult to the Nobel Commission, but a threat to the very existence of the human race and punishable as such.
The Earth's climate has remained relatively static and unchanging for millions of years, but thanks to Bush it is now spinning violently out of control. Global temperatures have risen 1.3 degrees Fahrenheit in the 20th Century alone, and there appears to be no relief in sight. Still, there is hope. Al Gore can save us from ourselves, but he'll need our complete, unquestioning obedience. With a Nobel Prize, he will certainly be entitled to it.
Plus, he can use the $1.5 million to pay his annual power bill.