The city that gave the world Corky Gonzales, Henry Deutschendorf, and the 1976 Winter Olympics has blessed us all once again. This time, Denver is taking the inititative in saving the planet by encouraging its citizens to lead more carbon-neutral lives, and by punishing those who choose to disobey.
Oh, and you know damn well they will. Average Americans are too selfish to make the kind of sacrifices our progressive leaders would make themselves if they were "average" Americans. So in order to catch transgressors in the act of disobedience, it will be necessary to monitor how much trash they dispose of, monitor how much they recycling, and monitor what kind of car they drive, how many miles they drive it, and where the hell they think they’re driving to when they have two perfectly good feet to walk with.
These measures, while necessary in order to Save the Planet, may seem to some like a draconian Government invasion of our privacy - but Denver officials have already implemented safeguards to insure that George Bush doesn't use any of the information to kill or capture terrorists.
When all is said and done, Denver's bold steps to curb global warming will be the equivalent of taking 500,000 cars off the road, which will make it a hell of a lot easier for Governor Ritter to get around in his limo. Who could ask for anything more?