I hope you all did your part to stick it to Bush’s Big Oil Buddies today by holding off on filling your tanks until tomorrow, when gas prices will be three cents a gallon higher. That’ll show ‘em! Today’s boycott will be a lesson to all greedy corporations that we will no longer allow them to profit at the expense of the consumer!
But the people paying $3.50 per gallon at the pump aren’t the only victims of corprate greed. Big Oil keeps a dime out of every gallon of gasoline they force us to buy. Compare that to an 18 cents per gallon federal gas tax, plus your state gas tax (34 cents per gallon in WA), plus any local city or county gas taxes, and you’ll come to the realization that the greedy oil companies aren’t only stealing from you, but from our Democrat leaders as well. After all, the ten cents Exxon or Conoco profits on every gallon is ten cents that our benevolent Democrat leaders won’t be able to take from us as punishment for buying gas. Furthermore, the higher gas prices rise, the less likely the American sheeple will vote for gas tax increases, forcing Democrats to raise gas taxes anyway and look like heels for doing so. Thanks to the selfish public’s primitive lust for lower taxes, noble Democrats will be supplanted by idiot Repugs who have absolutely no appreciation for the art of social engineering by way of confiscatory taxation. Without progressives to nurture and guide us as they have throughout history, the human race will essentially be left to wander alone in the wilderness – only they won’t be wandering: they’ll be driving big, smog-belching Hummers with “W” stickers on the windows and a Black man chained to the rear bumper.
In order to end the destructive cycle of corporate greed and save the planet for any children we haven’t got around to aborting, Congress must act now to raise gas taxes to such a degree that the oil companies will be afraid to raise prices at the pump - instead of it happening the other way around. A $9 per gallon federal gas tax would not only put money back into our pockets, but would relieve traffic congestion and the strain on our environment by making it too expensive for anyone other than celebrities, politicians, and newspaper editors to drive a car. It’s a practical and courageous solution, so frankly I’m not surprised a liberal paper came up with it.