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It's a well known fact that Halliburton is not only Big Oil, but Big TP as well.

Personally, I like to poop in the woods, and then scrape it off on a turpentine-soaked pine tree trunk.

It's the least I can do for Gaia.


I found this post so...moving.


You don't have to take that crap...or leave it, either.


Sheryl is a rude little pig... I don't care if she's 50 or 60..Her Mother was/is a thoughtless pain in the ass, she makes ME feel like shit, and she's done it for the last time !

One ass..

no doubt she uses bleached paper too..My Gaia !! How many trees have to suffer the horrors of saw mutilation just so Sherry has clean's sickening...bitch.

“My wife left me,” he went on, ignoring my sarcasm. “My kids hate me. Even the dog won’t come near me." yeah..well I don't like you either any relation to a guy named Cho ? Even if you are his stepdad, that doesn't give YOU the right to his unused sheets..We are using those for the Cho memorial fund.

I KNEW Cheryl was fake.

Fist of Etiquette

Tell Steve from Accounting that the entire population of Tijuana is a very tender and caring sexual partner.

Che Gaiavera

If you buy carbon offset credits, are you allowed to wipe your ass with the certificates? I bought "Earth in the Balance." Can I use that?

And all those toilet paper commercials that show little kittens and puppies, can I just use a kitten instead? They lick themselves clean, so you can use them over and over. Isn't that what recycling is all about?

Maria in Iowa

Dangleberries? Umm... uhhh....

Jacqueline Bidet

You crazy Americans. I am feeling fresher than an Irish spring zis morning!



Che wrote: "And all those toilet paper commercials that show little kittens and puppies, can I just use a kitten instead?"

Che, I have it on good authority that hamsters are the animal of choice.

Menstrual Rainbow

On the advice of one of my political comades I began wiping my butt using the pages of right wing hate sheets like National Review and the Weekly Standard. Unfortunately they didn't tell me until it was too late that you're supposed to use the paper editions not the web version.

So if anyone wants to buy a slightly shitty computer monitor to help me pay for the glass to be removed from my rectum then drop me a line.


Are you sure those dingleberries aren't anal cysts?

Fist of Etiquette

I used to think the French were kilometers ahead of us in personal hygiene, but leave it to the Japanese to improve on perfection. You're not truly clean unless you're flame-licked clean.


WWJD. What would Joooos do? The Joooos have been strangly silent on this issue as I suspected they would since they are the primary users of TP. Oh yeah, their Gawd will rain manna paper on them when they run out and at what cost to mother Gaia...rotting TP everywhere. I am so collywobbbled over this that I propose only to wipe with kossssher leaves from miss Robitowitz's flower garden.


As always Lar, you always hit the eco-marxist nail right on the head. Can you imagine the phone call that Sheryl Crow got from Alex Baldwin after this hit the MSN?

I have to go poop truth to power!


LMAO! Great idea, but I think parents may have more trouble potty training their kids if they know their little keisters are gonna get singed.


If we simply embrace the "religion of peace" of our Islamic overlords, we would be using only water and our left hands to clean ourselves. Now that's what I call progressyve! Allah Ahkbar!

BTW, did Sheryl consult Rosie before going public with this? The woman probably uses fifty sheets at a time!


Rosie is gone. She was probably asking for more "sh!t tickets" than she was allocated.


I heard she wanted to rename the show "Rosie O'Macdaddy's Pie-hole" and they refused... serves em right ! I think she just figured out the rest of the
set wasn't 100 % lesbian , like Dick Cheney's she no longer believes
the show exists.


A tish-free zone, eh? I wonder what sort of security measures the company has in place to prevent a wild-eyed, sweaty-toothed maniac from sneaking in with half a dozen rolls hidden under hyr overcoat for the express purpose of trapping a bunch of employees in a small room and wiping them all willy-nilly.

Lar, it's time for the Seattle Hemp Products police to do some reconoittering in the homes of its employees. You probably also need to find out if any of them are enrolled in any creative writing classes. Chuck Heston is probably in cahoots with the big tissue companies, giving tp to our children and making it available to criminals on the streets.



Does the turboflame bidet have any warning stickers about consuming large amounts of Mexican food and then using their product?

The Exorcist

Rosie would have been fine if she just would have stuck to bad-mouthing the Commander-In-Thief while at war, exposing 9/11 as the inside job it was, and defending our nation's most prized treasures and fellow foreign-policy experts, like Alec Baldwin.

Butt, her outburst the other day against Shitryl Crow's reduced carbon fecalprint in which she yelled: "Have you seen my ass" was apparently too much even for ABC.

It's one thing to encourage the terrorists on a daily basis while we're at war against them. That's completely admirable and courageous. Butt questioning any asspect of the worthy causes of our spokespersyn's from the arts and entertainment field will get you tossed out on your fat, crusty ass every time.


America continues its insanity in converting food products like corn into fuel substitutes for evil, Gaia-polluting SUVs. No wonder the wetbacks Mexicans are protesting the rising cost of corn tortillas. IT'S BU$HITLER'S FAULT!

But in a mental flahs last night, when I removed my tinfoil hat for just two minutes to wash my hair with jojoba rejuvenating shampoo, a thought popped into my head. Now either this comes from Gaia hyrself or from the Rovian Mind Control Machine (you decided for yourself) but there does appear to be a valid use for even the corncob after all. I guess persyns like Ms. Crow might prefer its efficacy to that of just one square of tree mulch by-product.


I guess The View needed more than one square of toilet tissue to clean up Rosie's mess.

Fist of Etiquette

Does the turboflame bidet have any warning stickers about consuming large amounts of Mexican food and then using their product?

Everything's in those funny little pictures the Japanese call a language, but if I'm reading this babelfish translation correctly, it says something about the resultant explosion having the potential of burning off the Earth's entire atmosphere. I say, if it will get rid of those pesky greenhouse gases, then I'm on my way to Chi-Chi's right now.


Ms Crow limits it to one square per sitting. So, if you wanna use more, just sit back down for a sec and get another one. Simple. Unless the government regulates you on how long a sitting is...

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